Fallen - Chapter 003

Chapter Three:




“Why are you driving so fast?”



“I want us to be sitting there looking at the door when the soccer team comes in.”



“Why?”



“Hon, you can get them with your dazzling looks. I need to lay traps.”



When we pulled into the parking lot, I said, “Good, he's not here yet.”



“Who?”



“Your Dad.”



“No.”



We went in and I went to the locker room. I pulled by bag and asked, “Did you bring your suit?”



“Board shorts, right here.”



“You've definitely got to change that.”



“YOU'RE wearing that?!”



“Yeah, it's better than the thong.”



“Not much!”



“You'd be great in a thong. You can fill it. Me, I'm better in Speedos.”



“Why are we getting into our suits?”



“Bait for the trap.”



He laughed, “Ok, I love that color.”



“Neon magenta. By the end of Summer, it'll be faded.”



“Really?”



“Some colors aren't good. Others are great.”



“Your tan looks amazing in it.”



“Thanks.”



We went out and sat down about the time Skip came in. “Damn Rhette!”



“Did I brighten your day?!”



“At least a thousand watts.”



“Good.”



I saw Skip staring at Jaymes. “You like?”



“I like a lot but you seem to find the ones which are unnaturally thin due to the wrong reasons.”



“He'll be fine. I'm asking because his Dad and him look just alike. His Dad has brown hair which is their natural color.”



Skip smiled, “I can count every rib.”



I saw the college's mini bus pull up.



“Here comes his Dad.”



“He works at the college and isn't Baptist?”



“I think they make allowances when the candidate is right. He's more than capable of producing a winning team.”



Jaymes came over, “My Dad's here.”



“I'll go help him carry in the food.”



He laughed, “You just want to get a head start!”



I went out and guys ran past me. I aw a hunky Latin run by and turned to watch his ass. “What an ass!”



I was walking backwards and ran into someone. I turned around and saw it was the hot Latin I'd seen on numerous occasions. “And what a stud.”



He smiled, , “The view's not so bad from here.”



“Too young. There's a hot blond in the building with your name written all over him.”



“Oh really? Why would someone graffiti a blond?!” he asked smiling.



“So you could know which one was yours hot stuff, go get him before anyone else does.”


He laughed, “I've seen you here before.”



“And I could never see enough of you here anytime.”



Jeff said, “Rhette, reel your tongue in and help me here. Juarren, stop distracting him!”



“Oh sorry!”



He walked around me and I went over to Jeff, “Damn it!”



“It's cold out here. All that drool will make the pavement slick.”



“I handed him off to Jaymes.”



“How's he feeling?”



“Anxious for your approval.”



“Is the cop here?”



“Yes, his name is Skip and he's staring at the Speedo.”



“I can see why? Aren't you cold?”



“I was so anxious to get out here to stare at your team, I sort of forgot to put on a wrap. All that hotness, warmed me!”



He laughed, “I want you to play like your sister and put them through their paces.”



“Do you want them to be alive at the end?”



“Yes.”



“Ok, I'll get on a treadmill and make them keep up on my pace. They'll think they're dead and that's when I'll go lift weights with them. I expect you to be on a treadmill also.”



“Ok, but I'm not going to jog at a fast pace.”



I helped him carry in bags and saw Juarren over speaking with Jaymes. Jaymes was showing the teeth and really dazzling him. I nudged Juarren, “You like?”



He smiled, “I didn't see any grafitti at all.”



“Believe me, it's there, you've just not looked in the right spots.”



I turned to Jeff. “I'm going to go get them started. Lay everything out.”



“I thought you wanted me to be in there!”



“Not this one. We'll get you on the return trip.”



Juarren and I went into the cardio room. It's got lines of ellipticals, treadmills, stationary bikes, and seated bikes. There are some rowing machines, but up around the entire thing on the second floor is a running track where twenty laps is one mile.



I yelled, “Soccer guys, go upstairs, we're going to warm up.”



They got off the machines they were using and we went up. In a corner, I gathered them, “Guys, Jeff told me to train you and leave you alive at the end. He thinks I'll be too rough on you.”



I saw a lot of smiles and looks of doubt.



“He knows my sister is a professional trainer and her trademark is working her people hard. I can guarantee I'll dish out what she does and then some...all the while running circles around you. What we're going to do is we're going to run laps. When I have you on the pace I want, we're going to begin an indian run.

For those of you who don't know what it is, I'll tell you. It's running at a pace in single file and that last man is going to have to run to the front.

IF you do not keep the pace I set, I'll run up to the front and I'll pick up that pace so there's no slacking. Over here is a counter. It shows up on that digital lap counter there. It's the big red one.

I want one hundred laps fellas. That's five miles. At the end of the five miles, we're going to do a cool off of swimming ten laps. I'll give you time to get into your suits, but I'll do it all with you and have you wondering how someone my age can still out run, out swim, and out lift you.”



I lined them up and began running at the rear. When they were up to pace, I ran up to the front and picked up the pace. Soon, I had Juarren running up in front of me. He picked up the pace and I said, “Easy Juarren, we've got five miles. Some of them might stroke out on us.”



“They're tough.”



I pulled out of line and ran back, “IF you feel like you can't take it, fall out. Juarren wants this to be a survival challenge. He needs to see I'll outlast all of you.”



I ran back up to the front and picked up the pace again. At the seventh lap we were on the pace of a five minute mile. It's steady and real fast.



By the twelfth lap, guys were falling out. I got to the rear and went running up to the front and picked up the pace again.



At the sixteenth lap, I had nearly all of them but six which fell out. I ran up to the front and picked it up again. I heard plenty of wheezing and lots of mouth breathing. They were laboring.



Juarren came up and picked it up again. The next guy took a long time to get to the front and the next guy sprinted up to the front. By the time I'd gotten up to the front, I saw we were about to have another guy fall out. He was leaning more and more forward when he ran which is a good sign he's going out.



When we got down to three, I said, “Guys, it's now going to be a sprint to that finish.”



Juarren went full out and I charged ahead. I deliberately kept pace with him and drafted him. With two laps to go, the other guy fell out.



“It's you and me.”



“You still in it?”



“Watching your ass, you know I'd be here.”



He started to chuckle and down the back straight away, I went into full sprint. I passed him and went around the final turn. He was behind me because I could hear his breathing, but I couldn't tell how far.



When we came out of the final turn, I heard the guys, “Come on Juarren! Don't let him beat you!”



I hit full sprint and got to the counter before him.



I ran another lap and slowed to do a cool down.



“Ok, let's go swim. I'm not sure how warm the water is. If it's cold, don't cramp up.”



We went in and through the locker room. Jerry Atkins (the director) came into the pool area. “Rhette!”



“Yeah Jerry?!”



“I was wondering who was working them out. Don't be too rough on them!”



“We're going to the gym after this to do intermurals. I'll need some soccer balls and cones if you've got them.”



“Sure!”



I went to the side and kicked off the tennis shoes and socks. I went to the board and dove off and swam the length under water. It was cool, but not cold.



The problem with swimming under water is you've got to open your eyes in order to see the bottom and have an idea where it is. With my eye being messed up and unable to produce tears, water rushed into my sinus cavity. When I got out, I was running to the towels due to drainage.



“Guys, do ten laps. I need to go get my face drained.”



I saw a lot of curious glances, but with a full sinus cavity, the pressure under my eye was painful. Imagine being punched full bore in the eye and you've got a good inkling of how painful it is.



I went in to my locker and got the shringe. In no time, I had it up my nose and was suctioning.



Juarren came in, “Are you ok?”



“I opened my eye. All the bones in my face are fake. Water rushed in and now it's full.”



I was blowing and suctioning and then, it drained. About a cup of water gushed out and he said, “Man! That's a lot of water!”



“It all felt like it was under my eye pushing to get out. When they get their laps swam, I'll be out at the table. I'd swim, but after that, it'd be a bitch.”



“I'll show them. That's just weird.”



I went out and Jerry had the balls and cones.



Jeff smiled, “You look beat!”



“I swam a lap under water and the pool tried to put itself in my sinus cavity. I got it drained, but it was hell.”



“Where they at now?”



“Swimming ten laps. Then, we're going to have them dribble the balls through cones in an obstacle course. Then, it'll be back to jogging.”



Jerry said he saw you on the track. I thought you were using the treadmills.”



“I thought about it, but I saw how many of them there were.”



“You do realize Juarren has never been beaten in anything he does, don't you?”



“Yes he has! He just got beat.”



He laughed, “I was going to say 'Until you today'. You can run! Jerry put the closed circuit television on the monitors to show you guys through the building. I bet a lot of those trainers they've got in there were really worried you were showing them up!”



“That's a part of the boot camp training they've got here. If you'll allow, I'll take them through an intense version of that.”



“What's it entail?”



“Monica is over training a bunch of old women. She has the boot camp and does a lot of aerobics and Tai Bo moves in it. She's got a new routine which works everything and has you really feeling it. It works everything and makes you sorry you're alive afterwards.”



He smiled, “I'll work with you on it. IF it works, I'll have them doing it.”



“You'll have them wondering if these old women here couldn't kill them on the soccer field.”



I ate the southwest chicken salad and then, said, “Come on guys.”



Skip said, “I've got to go get back on patrols. I'll give you a call Jeff.”



Jeff smiled, “Thanks for your number.”



Skip said, “Use it.”



He left and Jaymes said, “There you go Dad!”



Jeff smiled, “I like him!”



Jaymes smiled, “Let's go get to working out.”



I said, “Jaymes, be careful. If you catch yourself doing anything which has you clenching your teeth, stop doing it right away. You need to let those bonds get acclimated to your teeth.”



He nodded and we went into the gym. I set out the cones and said, “Guys, sorry about the swimming. Usually, I wear goggles when I'm swimming or doing anything like water slides or surfing. I forgot I can NOT open my eyes under water.”



Jeff said, “Guys, Rhette's had a lot of extensive plastic surgery. Most of his face is either plastic or stainless steel. If you want to see the web pictures, I'll show them to you and I'm sure he'll be all too happy to speak with you about it.”



Juarren asked, “What happened?”



“Let's do this and I'll go get a conference room so I can show and tell.”



When the cones were out, I said, “Guys, dribble the balls through the cones like this. It's a left right pattern and they're spaced close and far apart so you can do it.”



Jeff said, “This isn't anything you've not done before except with cones spaced closer and further apart. There's no shooting drill at the end, so it should be a piece of cake.”



“Easy for you to say coach, he didn't try killing you on the track!” Someone yelled.



Jeff smiled, “And to think he's my age! I'll tell you now, his sister is a pro trainer. He brags she can out lift him, but she can't out run him. You think about that when you watch her show on television.”



“Which one is it?”



“It's not on ESPN jocks! It's on NBC.” Jeff yelled.



That comment got a lot of confused glances. He said, “She trains the overweight people on Tuesday nights.”



That got some surprised smiles. “She's your sister?!”



“Yeah, Jilli is my sister.”



“She's hot dude!”



Juarren smiled, “She looks like him. Are you saying he's hot?”



“No!”



He said, “I can see it. They've got the same body and she's little like him. You can tell she's buff, but look at him. He's fit and toned. That's from working out on the move like us and not on some weight equipment.”



I dribbled the ball through the course and said, “Guys, when you're through with the course, do it five times. That end there should make it so you're able to go right on into the course again. Everyone should be in it when the first one reenters it. The advantage is with this, what was your right is then going to be your left on the next trip through.”



Jeff ran up as I was dribbling. “This is a good course. I'm glad you're having them do it.”



“I need to go get the conference room set up so I can use it. Stay with them.”



He smiled, “Ok”



I went out and found Jerry. “I know I didn't request it, but they're wanting to see the presentation on my surgeries. Is it possible I can use it?”



“Sure, may I watch?”



“Yeah, but have some waste baskets handy in case they get sick.”



He looked momentarily stunned, “It's that bad?!”



“Hey, it got me the money I donated here! They don't give you money when it's a walk in the park!”



“Ok, what do you need?”



“A projector and screen. I've got my laptop in the truck. I can hook it into the projector.”



He nodded, “Ok, are brown paper bags ok instead of waste baskets?”



“Yeah, I'll demonstrate how to do it. It's like being on a plane.”



I ran out to my truck and got the laptop. I took it in and put it in the conference room. He was setting up the projector.



“I want to tell you I appreciate the donation.”



“I donated because everything else who does something for people in this town are discriminative towards gays. I hope you did it in memory of Mr Korf.”



“Yeah. Did you know him?”



“He saved my life.”



“Oh really?”



“Yeah, I was ready to throw myself in front os a semi down there when he caught me. He listened and then, took me under his wing.”



“He lived down at the old building.”



“I know. It shocked me that's where he lived.”



“It had everything he needed. He told me he could go work out when he got in and no one complained.”



“I wish he'd taught me how to work out. I had to learn later.”



“You're showing them something I don't think they realized.”



“I want them to see how intensive other forms of working out are. If you'd ask Monica to come find me when her group is done, I'd really appreciate it.”



“You putting them through the boot camp training?”



“Yeah, and then doing her other one. Jeff made me promise they'd still be alive after we got through.”



He laughed, “When are you doing this?”



“In about ten minutes. I want them to realize life throws them all sorts of obstacles but when you're through them, you're stronger.”



He nodded, “Are you back in the area for long?”



“No. I'm going to be in for a week and then will be out until before Easter. Then, I'll be in for a week and getting to New York as I hope to have a place bought up there.”



“Oh really?!”



“I heard Elke has a place up there. You might know her, Larry Logue's wife?”



“Oh! Yeah, I didn't know she had a place up there.”



“I figure if she had it, it's got to be super nice.”



“Yeah, I know someone's house she decorated. I know they spent a lot of money, but it's sure nice.”



We went out and I said, “I'll go get them and wait until you're there to begin. Until then, I'll give them some backgrounds.”



“I'll go find Monica and then get right back there.”



I went in and asked Jeff, “How many laps?”



“They're in four. Jaymes is the beginning of the lap.”



“Ok”



When Jaymes cleared the final lap, I asked, “What did you think?”



“It's got my brain concentrating on my feet!”



“Good.”



When the guys cleared, I said, “Let's go to the conference room.”





We went down there and when we went in, I said, “Guys, take a seat.”



They all sat and I said, “This presentation is not PG. It's not rated R. It's not G, but it's X. Not triple XXX like porns, but X. It's showing graphic shit and my language isn't going to be nice. When you see what happened, you'll understand why I don't mince words.

Before you are brown paper bags. It's a lunch bag and I guarantee you some of you will deposit your lunch in them.

What you need to do is you need to open in and have it so you can put it over your mouth like this. When you need to upchuck, barf, call Ralph, puke, or whatever, you grab it and then bend over in your seat and let her fly. DO NOT let 'er fly on your neighbor, on the floor and towards me!”



That comment brought a lot of laughs.



“Jeff saw these pictures last night. He made it through them a lot further than a lot of other people.

This wing here is known as the Allen Korf wing. I donated the money from the lawsuit I settled for what your about to see. You're sitting in four million dollars worth of addition and you ran on a track I built.

This city does not give money away because people stub their toes gentlemen, they give it away when one of theirs has knowingly been negligent in his job performance.

In this situation, I will tell you how it began and what happened. What I will tell you is I realize some of you will agree, disagree, or whatever, but you need to realize it takes all of us to make the world go around, not just some of you.”



Jerry came in and nodded, “She'll be here in about three minutes.”



“Ok”



I continued. “Monica is coming. She's going to have us working out to her routines after this. She's one of my dearest friends and I met her when I was her patient at the hospital. She showed me compassion and I gave her friendship. It's been a great friendship since.

What happened is this. I am gay and I don't care who knows it. I am rather opinionated and many of you will see that.

When my house got robbed four times in four years, I was pissed. I let everyone know how I felt and I put my opinion on a message board for those to see in this town.

What we had here was a police department in this town headed by a bigot. If you were gay, black, poor, or whatever which didn't conform with his white supremacist point of view, you got ostracized and justice did not get given to you.

IF YOU THINK OTHERWISE, realize I didn't stop suing when I got beaten. I continued another suit for actions resulting in racial profiling for speeding tickets, for unsolved crimes to those he chose not to investigate, and for those who were beaten in his cells, tasered due to unfortunate position of being out of his group, or attacked by that police dog.

Yes gentlemen, I live in this town and yet, the police chief ordered a hit upon me for my opinions on that message board and he hired the men to do it.

Some of you might be familiar with the business I owned. If you drive around this town, you'll see billboards I owned. You see the jumbotrons I owned, and you see them all the way from the Missouri River Northward and from Highway 63 at Columbia Northeastward. Our boundaries stopped at the Iowa line and at that Mississippi River.

Seven years ago, I owned nothing. I started it and I built it by hard work and sheer will to get ahead in life. I bought a house and I soon found coming home was something which caused anxiety because things I bought and paid for were disappearing.

The first time, the people walked past priceless antiques and went to my computer room. They stole all of the things in there, yet, they left a 32” television, vcr, dvd player, and stereo system in the living room.

The next robbery, had them taking tools, power tools, a washer and dryer, and yet, no one saw a thing.

The next one, I had an alarm system, but they bypassed it and cut the lines in my basement so it had no power, and no phone to dial out on.

I mention this because I messed up. I showed a police officer how someone could easily get past everything. One week later, they did exactly that.

The next one, they broke all the windows, came in and broke every piece of glass, mirror, china, televisions, if it was glass, they broke it. They also pulled the entertainment center over on it's face, overturned a lot of the furniture, and stole the vcr tapes out of the concrete box in the basement which was known to that cop. A lot of personal items were taken in that burglary, but what I want to tell you about that was they stole the mower in the front yard. Two weeks later, I saw the mower in front of a man's house and called the police. No investigation got made, but they did put it out over the police radios the man had it in his front yard. Suddenly, it disappeared.

The notable thing they did in that invasion was the shit in the middle of my bed.

I will tell you gentlemen, I saved the shit. I ran a dna from it and I got a man who does security for the White House in and from the foot prints, we got shoe readings and that the man was a left hander. How do I know this? More weight on the left hand when he was climbing up in the bed.

Did the police figure that out? No, the man from the security company did.

The last time my home was robbed, I caught the person. You see, I learned to not go cheap on the alarm systems. I spent over sixty thousand and got the White House security man in to do it.

All through this time, the police Barny Fifed their way through investigations. They giggled, winked at each other, and then told me to report it to my insurance company.

I was insured through the first robbery. The second robbery, they paid, but then cancelled the insurance. I had to get insurance on the house, but they would not insure the contents. They do this so someone can't get paid if they think you're stealing your own shit. OR, they do that if they know you've got a piss poor police department who aren't investigating the crimes.

Which means, you as citizens are paying for protection you're not getting and you're not getting insurance because of their inaction.”



I paused. “AND YET, if someone who lives out in Jeff's neighborhood calls the police, they'll rip up the streets getting there and they'll get action. Why? Because the Police Chief lives out there as does the Mayor. They sure wouldn't want to have to worry about that! Would they?!

SO, I complained. I found out a lot of people agreed with me. In five years, six hundred and thirty thefts, home invasions, and burglaries happened around this town and guess how many got solved?”



I held up eight fingers.



“EIGHT! And those were people who turned themselves in and confessed! That's some real crime work and detective skills there!”



“SO, I complained and then, my lover got to be a city councilman. Suddenly, he was asking questions. Suddenly, he was on the police board and calling in the FBI and state task force to get in here and get rid of the organized rackets they had going.

You see. They wanted to blame it on those groups. BUT, when Kevin pointed out I'd told one police officer how to bypass our alarm system and that's how it got skirted, I was OBVIOUSLY MISTAKEN.



AM I PISSED? You betcha! Was I speaking about it and letting everyone know what I thought? You better know it!

THEN, what happened is I found out some information. You see, the police had reports on them. They had beatings in that station house and they had reports of a man using his police dog to attack people who were reporting crimes....IN THEIR OWN HOMES!

IF you think that's bad, we then get to a man who was going to commit suicide. The police are called and in less than two hours, he's dead alright! They shot him! IN his own home sitting on his sofa without a pistol and yet, they say he drew upon them!



“Well, Kevin was on the board. He got on the internal review board and suddenly all those officer's information was at his disposal. ONE who was a Leutinent proudly listed his religion on his application as Aryan and managed to get hired. Another had assault charges and got handed a police dog. Another had a letter of recommendation from a previous employer which was mailed in. It stated, “In no good conscience can I recommend this person for any law position. He's stolen while working for me, he's bullied other employees, and he's made about every racial joke I think is known.”

AND YET Gentlemen, they were hired on that police force.



Monica walked in and nodded.



“On a Tuesday night in April three years ago, I left work. I had worked late and Kevin wasn't there because he had a city council meeting.”



I paused, “Would you hit those lights?”



Monica shut them off and I said, “I'm going to show you pictures. I want you to see me before and then, I want to show you as I tell you what happened.



I showed pictures. These are me all the way up until the beating. I'll flip through fast, but you will get to see Jilli when she was little in a few of them...for those of you who are hot for her bod.”



I went through at a pace of one every two seconds. When I got to the first picture of the beating, it was the windshield and top of the car.



“This is the car. I got in it and they pulled up behind me. They blocked me in and before I could get the door locked, they were throwing bricks, swinging baseball bats, and being real rough.

They hit that pillar there with such force with the baseball bat, it bent. It jammed the door so it wouldn't open, so they pried it open and ripped the top off with chains hooked to their truck to get in. By then, I was being pulled out and beaten on the ground.



I showed the next shot of the blood on the wall. It showed my body on the ground.



“Yes, that's my body on the ground.

You see, the police were so intent upon me dying, they kept that ambulance over there for forty minutes from the time of arrival while they took the death scene photographs hoping I would die. I didn't.

That stick there was shoved into the open wound on my face by a police officer. It's now evidence.”



I hear someone lurching.

“The next shots are of me close up. They're graphic, so be prepared.”



I went into them and the first one drew gasps of shock.



“Yes, that's my jaw laying broken with my teeth in it. Those white things there are my upper teeth.

The slashes on my face were from someone's boots. He had spurs on them which were removed. The things which held the spurs were sharpened and he stepped down on my face. The first step crunched my cheekbone and nose. The second sliced across my face and cut most of my ear. The third was more of a kick and I heard him yell, “I heard his eyeball pop!”



By now, I heard open sobbing and a lot of lurching.



“I'll fast forward through these as they're different angles of the same thing.”



I moved through and gave descriptions. Then, I said, “Here we are at the emergency room. The ambulance people who came saved my life.



I will tell you now, it took a bit of time because one of them was my cousin. She called her Mom and my other aunt who also worked the ambulances. They came and when they discovered it was indeed my car, they crossed the police lines and took their jobs into their own hands for doing so. When they found me alive, that's when word went out the police weren't letting me go and hell went into session because my Mom has a police scanner and heard my name go across the radio.

My Mom is a person of action. She knew her going there would pull the police off me and get them focused upon her. Instead, she began calling every person I knew from the governor down and got them into action.

By the time phone calls started raining down, nothing got done. You had a Police Chief intercepting the calls which had ordered the hit. He certainly didn't want them getting involved.

My aunt loaded me on the gurney while a police officer was trying arrest my other aunt. My cousin drove the ambulance in and got accused of disturbing a crime scene. She helped load me and they got me to the emergency room.

At the emergency room, my sister-in-law met me. She works at the hospital and she told my Mom. “Make that Cadillac fly because he's still alive.”



She got told by my aunts and cousin what the police were doing and they did something unethical but saved my life....they put an infectious disease barrier on the door which sealed it so no one could come in without credentials...that meant no police.

Monica back there worked the emergency room that night. She'll tell you I was conscious, but I don't remember it. She'll tell you I was trying to talk through that mouth and still breathing.

What I do remember is laying on that gravel and sand mixing into my blood, but I will tell you someone urinated upon my face. I do remember that because it stung like hell.

She'll tell you the swabs they took confirmed the gravel and sand being thrown into my wounds. My clothing I wore confirms the urine.

From that day on, surgeries happened. For six months, I was in the hospital. I've got pictures of the plastic and I've got a picture of my jaw they put in.

I went through the pictures and then said, “That's me before a lot of the surgeries. That's me after. That's me after they got the jaw unwired and that's me in rehab.

Besides the damage they did to my face, seven ribs were broken. My wrist was broken and my legs had damage from ball bats and chains beating them. It took a lot of rehab and it took me learning how to walk again, see again, and it took me overcoming pain.

These are pictures of me afterwards. You see me with a cane because I'm supposed to walk with a cane. Anyone in this room can tell you I not only learned how to walk, but I can run damned fast!



There was some laughter.



I said, “Monica, would you bring up the lights.”



She turned them on and a lot of guys weren't giving me eye contact.



I said, “Guys, I'm not supposed to divulge I was awarded a hundred and twenty million paid with interest over twenty five years. I'm not supposed to tell you the police chief is now in prison after confessing on a recorded telephone call that he not only was involved, but ordered it.

I'm not supposed to tell you three of the men are now in prison. I'm also supposed to not tell you I had one of them killed.

I'll tell you because that slide show there shouldn't have happened. It should've never been to a point where one man could feel that empowered to cause anyone that much misery.

What this slide show is about....”



I paused and said, “Guys, I want every single eyeball up here.”



When I got them looking at me, I said, “What this slide show is about is I beat the odds. I was supposed to die and didn't. I was supposed to never recover, and I did. I was supposed to stay down and I didn't. I was supposed to walk with a cane and I didn't.

THIS SLIDESHOW is about you as a team. You're not supposed to think as a group and you do. You're not supposed to go out and fight, but you do. You're not supposed to be ranked in this nation and you are. That's because you've got drive, determination, and power within each of you to be more than you can be alone.



I saw Jeff smiling and tears were rolling.



“If I kick your asses here today, it's because I can. Inside me is a desire to show you it can be done, and I'll do it because it's not supposed to be done.

Each of you are probably fifteen years younger than me. You're probably more fit in ways than me, because I'll tell you I load up on junk. I'll also tell you I take care of me, but I sometimes forget I've got disabilities.

Nowhere on my truck out there will you see a blue card. On no parking lot, will you ever see me parking where the handicapped park simply because I could have that card if I wanted it. That's for the people who need it, not me.

Monica here is my friend. She'll tell you how I worked in the hospital to get out. She'll tell you I found my lover fucking around on me in that hospital and yet, I didn't let it get me down.

She'll tell you in the middle of a lot of that, I had to have a testicle removed because they found cancer. She'll also tell you they froze the other and my prostate and what that cancer battle did to me.

I'll tell you it made me meaner. I'll tell you until then, I was a passive little shit who tended to let the world kick him, but I fought back.

What happened with the cancer was a genuine fear. That beating didn't give it to me because I'd been beaten before. My real Dad was an abusive motherfucker, BUT cancer took him down.

The way I saw the cancer was the foe I thought couldn't be beaten. It'd killed so many before me and I thought it'd kill me. She'll tell you she came in and gave me a pep talk which gave me the strength to kick it's ass.

From that pool of strength, I gather it when I need it. I fight when I think something is tough. I'll tell you that each of you've got it and I'll tell you to draw on it and use it to step back in line and run even when you think you can't.

A lot of you stepped out today. You didn't get back in. That's a loser's mentality men! It's not one which shows them you're tougher than that!

When life kicks you in the balls, you punch it in the guts. Then, you come up swinging and you beat it's ass! When you've shown it you've got no mercy for it, that loser's mentality isn't going to stick around. It's going to go to those other men on other teams because they're seeing you as invincible.

So, that's the presentation and now, let's go do some cardio aerobics which old women do.”



I went over to Jeff and said, “That's my gift to you. Use it.”



He smiled, “I will.”



He turned, “Men, give him a round of applause.”



They applauded and I went back to Jerry. “You're still with me I see!”



He shook his head, “It makes me ashamed I ever called them friends.”



“You didn't know. Now you know and you see what it was like on the flip side of that coin.”



He nodded, “I like how you turned it into an inspirational meeting for them.”



“It has to apply to them for them to get over some of the hurdles they face.”



Monica said, “Guys, let's go down to the training room. I know some of you don't dance, but there will be music and you'll think you're in a club.”



We went down and when we went in, Jaymes came over. “I'm sorry.”



“Nothing to be sorry for little dude.”



“When I think about giving in to it, I'll think about what you said. I know it will be tough but that's what everyone else is doing...they're giving in to it. That's what they're supposed to do. I'll make it know I know you and I'm not going to do what I'm supposed to do.”



“It starts here. To be fit, you've got to move. If you follow her, she'll have you doing a lot and not realizing you're doing it.”



Monica went up on her stand. She put on her headset. “Guys, I'm on a stand and the light is on me. I keep the lights down so you don't feel self conscious about doing something wrong. I can see you and I'll work with you. Do what I say and you'll realize this works all your muscles and yes, I will take it slow since you've not done this before.

I'll tell you by the end of this session, you'll probably see old women in here and yes, you will be up to speed.”



She went up and said, “Rhette, you can come up here and explain to them what we're doing and why.”



“Ok”



I went up and put on a headset. “Guys, this work out is for those of you who don't like doing sit ups, crunches, working out, and feeling like you have to do it. It's done standing up and it's done so you work those areas without realizing you're working them.

You'll feel it, but you'll also feel like you're having fun.”



She kicked on the music and the video screen behind her showed her doing it filtered with a lot of extra light. She began and as we went through the moves, I did them and told them what areas we were using when we were doing them.



After the first set, she said, “You guys did good. You understand the concept now and yes, it's that easy. What we do is we do repetitions of them and we kick up the volume so you think you're in a club.

Rhette over here is going to put on his gloves. In the gloves, there's weights. You're welcome to come up and get some, but I'll tell you it's for more advanced training.”



I put on the gloves and then put on the ankle weights. Juarren came up and put on the ankle weights and gloves.



The lights went down, the volume went up, and some other dance lighting began. She kicked it into gear doing the first set over again and the guys were soon in rhythm.



At the end of the set, the lights came up and she said, “That's the aerobics. You're welcome to come in when I've got a group going and you'll see I've got people of all ages in here.

The next work out is Tai Bo. It's going to teach you a lot more physically demanding moves. Again, we'll start out slow and then, we'll pick it up, but Rhette's told me to take it up to full speed on it. He wants you to see you can do it and a lot of the moves you can use on that soccer field.”



We went through the moves and again, I told them the groups they were using. With the gloves and weights on, I knew it'd be demanding to Juarren.



At the end of the first set, the lights came up and Monica laughed, “I see no one's run out the door yet, so we'll pick it up.



My Mom came in and came up and donned the weights. I hugged her and several of the guys eyes bulged out. I said, “Guys, this is my Mom. No, she's not Jilli, but you can see where we get our looks. My Dad had a hand in it also, but he was a babe when he was younger.”



The lights went down and my Mom kept up. At the end, she asked, “Are we going to do it faster?”



Monica laughed, “Yes, we're teaching all these jocks how to do it.”



“Oh!”



She turned and said, “Well, Hi Jeff!”



I said, “Mom, that's Jaymes. Jeff's over there.”



“Who's he?”



“Jeff's son.”



“Man! He looks like Jeff when he was young! Not that Jeff looks old, but...”



Jaymes laughed, and I said, “We know what you mean.”



Monica put on a different song and said, “Guys, we're going into it full speed. It's repetitive, so you'll catch on.”



We went into it and by the end, I knew they were labored. The lights came up and I said, “Guys, this class costs ten bucks a series. If you want to be in it, sign up for it and I'll cover the cost. It's worth it to you because it will keep you fit, active, and using all your muscles instead of a certain few.”



Mom came over and asked, “The latino kid over there is way into you.”



“That's Juarren. He's a babe, isn't he?”



“If I were forty years younger....ooh la la!”



“You'd not be his type. He goes for the fellas.”



“Really?!”



“Yeah, I'm trying to get he and Jaymes together.”



“What about Jeff?”



“I'm hooking him up with Skip Hearnes.”



“What about you?”



“I've got one at home.”



She scrunched her nose, “Yeah, I'm really seeing him here.”



“That's because I don't take them into raise. He's got a J.O.B. And that's the way it will stay.”



“You'll think different when Mr Right comes along.”



“If Mark Wright ever comes along, you best bet I'll think different!”



“Who's that?”



“A babe who told me he wasn't into anyone my age.”



“Fuck him.”



“I would!”



She laughed, “What's next for you?”



“I'm taking them back up on the track and running them another five miles.”



“Oh! Well, I'll go up and run with you then!”



“It's fast paced. You sure you want to?”



“Yeah, if I get winded, I'll pull out to the side and slow down.”



“Try to stay with us. I want them seeing you can do it, therefore they can.”



I said, “Guys, it's back up on the track for another five miles. This time, Jeff and Jaymes are going to be there as well as my Mom.”



Monica laughed, “I'll go run behind you guys.”



We went up and got into line. I said, “Mom, you, Jaymes, and Jeff set the pace.”



“You get yourself up here!”



I instantly heard groans. Mom turned, “Guys, he doesn't run THAT fast! I used to follow him in the car!”



A lot off guys laughed and Jeff said, “Now she runs with him. So you think about that when you get our ages.”



I said, “Wait a minute. I want to tell everyone what she's doing. Guys gather around.”



Everyone gathered around and I stood behind my Mom. “Guys, my Mom will tell you she's in her sixties. She'll even cough it out occasionally how far into her sixties she is.

A few years back, she saw on the old folks channel a story about the Senior Olympics. In the story, they did interviews and made reference to some of them winning because no one was there to compete against some of them.

She decided she wanted a medal. In order to do so, she realized she had to put down the cigarettes, eat healthier...”



Mom said, “That means no fried foods.”



“And, she had to get in shape.



When we started my lawsuit, we came out here to work out. This addition wasn't here. What you saw out here wasn't much. So, what we did was we bought some equipment and we began training at home.

We ended up here a lot of nights because of the pool, the sauna, and the jacuzzi.

Somewhere in there, we found out what I was going to receive if I won the lawsuit, so a plan formed where this became possible.

At that time, me saying the words four million dollars and having them words linked to my bank account were a huge joke. I'll tell you dust fell out of my billfold when it opened and Mom will tell you I'm so tight I squeak when I walk down the street, so a donation from me really means a lot.



Now that it's a reality, it's getting used by our family. I'll tell you that, but now you see it because she happened to be here...this wasn't a set up.”



Mom said, “No, I come out three or four times a week. You'll see his brothers in here at least that many times and you'll see his nephews in here also. We use it because it means we're not sitting at home being tempted by going to the kitchen to get something to eat.”



I said, “Ok, that's what happened and that's why she's here. Some day, she wants to be on television and earning her medals...not as Jilli's Mom, but because she's got it as a goal and will realize it.”



Mom said, “Ok, now you up front and you don't show us mercy. If I have to fall out, I'll take a slower pace and those who want can follow me.”



“Like that's going to happen!”



There were a lot of laughs.



We began the run and then, the guys started running up from behind. Mom asked, “Why are they passing?”



“It's an indian run. When you're the last person, you've got to run up to the front. It makes you run faster which works you because you've got to increase that pace.”



“Oh!”



When it came her turn, she ran up and then it was my turn. When I got up there, she said, “The running isn't wearing me out, but that run up to the front got to me.”



“They do it in the military. It helps improve stamina.”



“If it doesn't kill you.”



Jeff ran up and got in front. “Rhette, we've got to slow this down.”



“Mom's about to start a seniors lane over there.”



“You CAN be a horse's ass. You know that right?”



“Oh yeah.”



Jaymes ran up and then, Juarren.



Mom said, “Jeff, that boy of yours looks so much like you it's amazing.”



He laughed, “I can't deny him, that's for sure!”



When we were finished with our five miles,Mom had a lane open and nearly three quarters of the group were with her. Monica, Jaymes, Juarren, and myself were in the fast pack, but a bunch of them were with us who weren't there earlier. When we finished, I high fived everyone and then waited for the slower group. When they came in, I hugged Mom and high fived Jeff.



She smiled, “I'm going to the jacuzzi and sauna.”



“Let's get the guys there Rhette.” Jeff said. “I need to get them back to the school.”



“Ok”



I said, “Guys, what we're going to do is we're going to go to the jacuzzi and sauna area. We've got enough that if we split into two groups, we can alternate back and forth.

For those of you who do not know the benefits of the jacuzzi and sauna, I'll tell you how it works.

After a good work out or training, it's good to go in there. It relaxes your muscles and the heat of the sauna gets in and helps you relax more. Between the water jets hitting your sore spots, the deep heat of the sauna gets them better.

What we do is we relax for five minutes the first time and then, we do ten minutes and lastly, we do fifteen minutes. It's an hour, but it's usually the hour which relaxes me to the point of being drowsy.

In a lot of the expensive spas around the world, they'll do that and throw in massage. In Germany, they've got a spa which is a whole series of pools and saunas which are portioned off with massages in between. At the end, they have a huge pool which is refrigerated. You pay five grand for that experience and a lot of people who pay won't stay because they can't handle being naked in front of other people.”



Mom said, “He's telling you about that spa because my family own and operate it. He gets in free, so he goes. He'll pay the airfare to go there to get something free. That's a tight ass if you ask me!”



A lot of the guys laughed, “I go for the fishing Mom.”



“You say that! I never see no fish!”



Jeff said, “Come on Rhette, you're not going to win.”



“Guys decide which group you want to be in. I'll set the timers on the pool's buzzer to let us know when it's time to switch.”



We went down and our group got the jacuzzi first. As soon as my body hit the warmth of the water, I slumped into the jet pounding my lower back. “Oh man that feels good.”



I zoned out and when the buzzer sounded, we went into the sauna and those came out. Mom threw water on the rocks and I said, “Mom! It's supposed to be a dry heat in here! IF you put water on the rocks, the germs multiply!”



“You say that, but I know they bleach this nightly.”



Jeff came over and sat by me. I got up on the top bench and sat behind him massaging his shoulders. “Oh man, you've got a lifetime to stop that.”



Mom said, “You two still look good together. Now don't tell me you weren't together because I KNOW!”



Jeff smiled, “We were. Now we're settling into friendships.”



“Those make the best lovers.”Mom said with finality.



Jaymes was over sitting with Juarren. I leaned down and said, “That's one pretty couple.”



Jaymes apparently heard and smiled. Jeff turned and said, “His teeth are great. Thanks.”



Mom asked, “What were wrong with his teeth?!”



“I got them bonded and lasered Mom. We're talking about having photos taken for Jaymes and Jeff to do some modeling together. With some luck you could see them on that one show you like.”



“Which one?”



“Where they have those people where they're young and then when they're old...er”



Jeff nudged me and I added the “er” portion.



Mom said, “Like you two are old enough to be grandpas.”



“That makes you old enough to be a great grandma.”



“Ooh! You do know how to get your mouth washed out with soup.”



Everyone chuckled.



When it was time to go back out, the other group came to the door. We got out and I saw several take notice of Jaymes and Juarren's closeness.



In the jacuzzi, I said, “Juarren, be careful. They'll throw you out of that college for being gay.”



Jeff said, “They changed their policies.”



“You say that, but check to see if they reversed the reason I was told to leave and not come back.”



Mom glared over, “Is that why you stopped going there?”



“Yes Mom. I was called to the Dean's office and asked if I tended bar at a gay bar. I told them yes and they wanted to know who from school went there. I refused to fall into gestapo tactics and got told they would provide me a job at the college. I told them I made two fifty a night on the weekends and on Wednesdays and asked where at that college I'd make that much and got told I'd make minimum wage. I told them I'd keep the job up there and got told I was welcome to keep it while going to college somewhere else. When I asked if they were throwing me out, the man told me I was dismissed the moment I admitted I was gay.”



“Them assholes!”



“Yeah, now you know why I throw away their requests for money.”



Juarren said, “If they dismiss me, I'll go to Purdue. It was my second choice.”



Jeff said, “I'll step in before it happens. Just don't tell them anything and don't admit it.”



Mom said, “They need to have a gay friendly college.”



“They do Mom. Most of the other colleges around have tolerance policies. Because they're Baptist, they don't have the policy.”



“But they get federal funds!”



Jeff said, “That's why they can't put anyone out for that. I'll pull Rhette's file and see if it was actually listed for that reason.”



“If it wasn't, let me know.”



When our time was up and we went back into the sauna, Jaymes said, “Man! That wood got hot!”



“Put your towel under you and watch the screws. Someone in their stupid wisdom never put covers on the screws. I've burned myself on those several times.”



Mom said, “When you build your house here, are you going to build a sauna and jacuzzi in it?”



“Yes, but it's got to be upstairs. I'm going to have another jumbotron in the basement.”



“How will you do it?”



“What I'm intending is rather than having a wall between the master bedroom and the other on that side, I'm going to have the bathroom like it is and opening into the area where I'll have the massage table and jacuzzi. In the corner next to where the walk in closet is now, I'll have the sauna. I'll need vented up into the attic and out through the roof, but I figure to have the area in there where your bedroom is now.”



“Oh! That will be nice.”



“I want it all in what looks like beige marble. I still want the fireplace there, but I want the area where my television is in my bedroom to be open as a walkway on the other side of the fireplace.”



Jeff chuckled, “It already sounds like it's another several million dollar house!”



Mom said, “Jeff, when I heard how much he paid, I was in shock! However, when we went out there, I walked through that house and fell in love! Every inch of that house is attention to details!”



Several of the guys were paying attention. One asked, “How much did you pay for it?”



“They wanted three point eight. I got them down to two point four for it.”



“Million!”



Mom laughed, “I asked the same thing! Yes honey, that's millions of dollars, but it's really the most beautiful house I've ever been in.”



“How can a house be that expensive?”



Jeff said, “When we get out of here, he'll show you pictures. I can hardly wait to see it. If it's better than the pictures as he says, it's got to be amazing.”



Mom said, “The entire community is beautiful. When you drive down the street, it's incredible because you go around a curve and you see another beautiful mansion, but then, you get to where his is and all of the ones you've seen to that point just pale in comparison. I saw it and instantly it took my breath away! But what I realized is it's the perfect house at the perfect spot in that community. You go up a slight rise which sort of tells you, “We're going into the rich section now, and then, you see Naomi's house and you go, “Oh my God! That house is beautiful! And then you drive past and you're going around a little bend and at the end of the street, you see his. It's like it's the original plantation house and all the others are imitations up to that one.”



Jeff said, “It sounds beautiful. I looked on our schedule and I saw we play Savannah there. How far is it?”



“Thirty miles.”



Mom said, “Jeff, what you're going to find really funny is you hear Hilton Head is so rich and exclusive, but his community is before you get to that. When you go over there, you see those houses and you say, “There's no way any of them cost as much as they do compared to his. I think his community would be where I'd want to live in that whole area.”



“Just say the word and I'll buy you a place.”



“Oh no! They cost too much!”



“Mama Naomi's will be up for sale. I'm sure we could work out something.”



“Oh dear!”



“I've thought about buying her place simply because I love her studio back there.”



“It really is a beautiful house. It's a shame about what happened.”



“Yes, and if they ever put a death penalty on theft, that fucker ought to get it.”



I paused and said, “Guys, when you see the news on television and you see that man who bilked all those people out of money realize one of my closest friends out there lost her entire fortune to the man.”



“Who was that?”



“The guy's name is Bernard Madoff. He made off with billions of dollars.”



“No, who's your friend?”



“Naomi Judd. She sang with her daughter.”



“She lost all her money?!”



“Yes. She had everything invested with him.”



“Why'd she do that?!”



“Here's how it works. When you've got x amount of money, you put it in the bank. When you've got more than the quarter of a million they insure, you'll lose it if the bank goes belly up. When you've got millions of dollars or hundreds of millions of dollars, then you put it into an investment fund. You get a check every quarter for what you live on and all the rest rolls over into the investments.

With me, I have mine invested in stocks. Yes, I lost a fortune in the collapse, but I didn't really.”



“How's that?”



“Ok, let's say I buy McDonald's stock. Today it's at sixty dollars, let's say. For me to get a thousand shares, it cost sixty thousand dollars. Right?”



“Yeah.”



“Ok, let's say tomorrow the stock is only worth thirteen dollars. Suddenly, my sixty thousand is worth thirteen thousand, so I lost forty seven thousand dollars.”



“Jeez!”



“BUT, I don't look at it like that. I've still got a thousand shares and tomorrow it could be up to eighty, so I've made money.

Now, I don't have money in McDonald's, so please don't think I do. I don't know what their stock is worth, but I do know what I've got money in get hurt too badly.”



Mom said, “Go ahead and tell them what you're in so they know why you invested there.”



“Ok, but I want you to know I'm not bragging here. That's not why I'm saying anything. It's to teach you about investing.”



“Ok”



“When you invest, you need to look at what sells in an up and down economy no matter what. Everyone will always need food. They'll always need power, gasoline for their cars, and they'll always need cable and telephone service...that kind of thing. They can do without eating out and they can do without all sorts of things like travelling, so I didn't invest there.

What you do when you invest is you can invest in grocery store companies, or you can invest in companies which supply all the grocery stores.

I went with those. Because I had about a hundred and fifty million income last year, I incorporated first off. It took my taxes down from nearly thirty seven percent to a little over twenty eight percent. Believe me, when you're talking about nine percent there, it's a lot of money!

So, after taxes, I had a hundred and thirty one million. It's still a helluva chunk of change, but I spent nearly eleven million. This addition ran four million, the house was three million and then, I gave some really nice gifts to people. That left investments of a hundred and twenty million...give or take six million.

Fortunately, I heard a splash before all the ripples and pulled my money out of some volatiles like GM when they were sixty. Yeah, I lost twenty bucks a share, but I just jumped back in at a dollar forty one per share so I bought twelve million shares.”



“Man!”



“Yeah, it's going to be nice when that stock goes up. But, I've made good money in Tyson and Louis Rich. I'm doing fine with General Foods and General Mills. I did excellent with Anheiser Busch because I bought before the takeover, but since then, I've sold it because I don't believe in the plan the new people have. I've taken that and I've put it in a company called Gilster Mary Kay which makes a lot of generic products like store brand cereals, pop tarts, and those things.

What I figure is people have to eat and that's not going to go out of style.

Yeah, the car companies are hurting, but I know GM has more of a showing in electric cars and items than Ford or Dodge. I love the new Dodge Challenger, but I'm still irked because they advertised in the late 80's they'd have a car which got 125 miles a gallon and never made it happen. GM had the Geo Metro getting real good, so I know they're more up on what the consumer feels.”



“My Mom and Dad work at the plant up in Monroe City making the parts for GM. I know they've been worried.”



“I certainly understand. Keep your grades up because you might need to get scholarships.”



Jeff said, “All my guys get scholarships already. I made sure of it.”



“Does it cover everything?”



He looked around and asked, “Does it?”



The guy said, “No. It covers classes and room and board, but not books or anything like that.”



I leaned forward and said, “Jeff, you get your guys together and let me know what it costs. I'll donate money for that, but I'm not going to hand that school a check for shit.”



“What do you want to cover?”



“Ok, let's think about what they need. They need clothes. They need books. They need some living expenses. And they need to feel like they should be studying instead of jacking around. How do your scholarships work?”



“They're for the semester. If they don't produce, they're out. If they do, they get the next semester thrown in and I practice them.”



Mom said, “How much are books?”



I answered, “Expensive. Used are great, but new are a fortune. They can run up to eighty bucks each and some classes require two or three books.”



The guy said, “I spent seven hundred and thirty dollars just on books this semester alone. That's not pens, paper, and all that. My parents got all that at Walmart*.”



“Ok, that's fifteen hundred dollars for a year. Throw in another three hundred over the year for supplies because each class has to have it's own notebook and it's own binders for reports and things. Then, there's the necessity of a voice recorder because I know I sure used mine.”



Jeff turned around, “Really?”



“Yeah, I had teachers who would say some obscure thing and it'd be on a test. So, I recorded the lectures.

What I know works is teaching your guys how to study. A lot of people don't know how to study and go to college. What we did was we formed a study group and studied together as a group for certain classes on a different night of the week. You, as a coach should do that already to get their grades up.”



“I'll start it. I might need some advice from you on it.”



“Ok, but what I'm going to ask is them to all get together and find out who has what teachers and sort those out. If they don't have voice recorders, let's get those bought so they can start recording the lectures.

One thing you've GOT to do is you've got to tell them to read those books...front to back before they take that class. You'd be amazed at how you can remember things when it's brought up by the teacher and a student who feels like they can add to the discussion instantly improves their positions.”



“How?”



“Ok, let's say I've got student A who is taking my class who sits over there like a bump on a log and doesn't do anything at all. I know and he knows he's in it because he's required to take it, so he loafs through. Then, I've got student B who comes in, has read the book, adds to the discussion and makes teaching a joy because he points ou things he sees as correlations throughout the history of the subject.

Now, lets say I'm grading a test by student A. He's answered the question the same way as student B, but I know student B knows the subject and has made an effort, Who am I going to give the benefit of the doubt to?”



“I see what you mean! Do you think teachers are that way?”



“Oh bull! Do you feel closer to some than you do to others simply on their effort on the field?”



“I can't say. I've got students present.”



“You're not human if you don't. I'm not telling these guys to stick their noses up your crack, but I've brown nosed in a lot of situations and gotten by with it.”



Mom laughed, “He was always a great son!”



Everyone laughed



“I'm not talking about you Mom. You're great period. What I mean is let's talk about when I went shopping for the house. I called the real estate person and then, I called the owner. I got lots of pictures sent to me which I've got here, and I called the owner again and asked him what he'd take and what he wouldn't. He told me and then I went out there and nearly got arrested due to that fucker who was selling me the house being a bitch.

Now, if I hadn't spoke with the owner, I'd walked away and I'd not have it. I certainly wouldn't have had the memberships to the clubs because the salesman was stealing them. And I would have paid one point four million more for the house. So, brown nosing came in handy.”



She laughed, “Ok, that's true.”



“I also brown nosed and got some really good information down at the State Library. It's came in handy time and time again and I'm sure me telling these guys, it will come in handy again.”



Jeff asked, “What's that?”



The guys from the jacuzzi came to the door and we went out. I said, “What I'll tell you is the legal way of cheating at tests. Do you know if you take a test anywhere in this state, it's got to have a copy of that test registered at the state library?”



“No! Why?”



“It's a state law. So, let's say your guys happen to have tests for finals, they could study those tests down there. Or, let's say they're going to go to a state test like to become a doctor, lawyer, or whatever, they can go there and look at the tests and study them so they are prepared.

Now, mind you this, because those tests are reference materials. They can NOT be taken from the library, however, if you go in with a laptop, they will let you type out the tests complete with the answers and some teachers even let you study your notes from your laptops...so, if you happen to have the test there, it's not cheating.”



“For any test?!”



“Yes. You could go down and study them for school administration or whatever.”



“Oh man! Whats the name of this place?”



“It's the Wolfner Library down in the Truman Building in Jefferson City. I believe it's on the fourth floor.”



Mom said, “Jeff, he learned that fact and since then, I've been there a lot. It's a whole lot easier taking a driving test when you know the test and what the answers are. I've also gotten my real estate license that way and Bob went back and got his engineering certificate that way. His brother went there before he took his state board to become a doctor and although he was a perfect student, he said the way they had some of the questions written, he would've answered them wrong.”



I said, “There's some things you need to know there. All these guys can be lawyers. The way the law reads in Missouri, anyone knowledgeable in the law can take the test to become a lawyer. The phrase, “knowledgeable in the law” is the catch. IF you can demonstrate through taking the test you passed, then you're a lawyer. So, why take all that time and go to the school?”



“There's got to be a reason they go!”



“Yeah, for procedure and tactics. Theatrics is a major part of being a lawyer, but even skilled lawyers screw up. Most of them learn fresh out of school by going and being a public defender, so that's the school. However, if you want to be a magistrate judge, you need to have a lawyer's certificate. When you've got it, then you can run for the office and sit there to listen to traffic offenses and make eighty grand a year....but, I'm giving myself away because that's how I intend to retire.”



“Why?”



“The benefits! They have kick ass pensions and benefits. Their health care is wonderful and once you're a judge, you're making that pension which is amazing.”



Several of the guys were listening closely. “See, you've got all of them listening and now, I'm going to have to run against them in thirty years!”



Everyone laughed and one of the guys asked, “Can anyone go?”



“Yeah, it's a state library. All states have them and what's great is if you take the bar exam here, and pass, then you can send the results from it to any other state and get accredited for having passed the bar in that state.

Some states have it worded differently so you can't do that and they require you to have graduated from a law school. I do know in Missouri you don't have to do that.”



Mom said, “Jeff, don't let him fool you. He's already taken that test. He's waiting for the results.

What I will say is he finds out things which are really interesting and helpful like anyone can be a Notary. You might not think it's necessary, but I'll tell you I've got my stamp in my purse and my book in the car.”



“You're a Notary?!”



“Yes, all it took was filling out the form online and sending them the money. They have the test on there after you have a little study thing. What's nice is if you know how to use the back key on your computer, you can go back and get the answers to the questions. I did that and then, it cost me thirty dollars and they sent me the stamp.”



Jeff smiled, “That'd be nice. I don't know how many times I've needed a Notary in my job.”



“It comes in handy. I've done all sorts of Notary work out in the country for people who are selling cars, livestock, or whatever.”



“Why livestock?”



“They're registered and have papers. When you sell one, you've got to sign over papers to that cow. It's the same for dogs if you want a registered purebred dog.”



“I never thought of that!” he said with surprise.



“There's not that many because they don't know how to go about it. He found out and showed me and got everyone to take it.”



“I did it because Kevin needed to be a Notary for the legal work he does. I did it because he did the paperwork and needed me to give them to people when he wasn't available. It's little things like that we did for our employees which saved them money.”



Jeff nodded, “That's a real benefit.”



“A divorce is real easy. Adoptions are easier if everyone agrees. Bankruptcies used to be super easy, but now they've got that tougher. Wills were the easiest, but we did temporary custody forms a lot.”



“Why?”



“Ok, let's say when Jaymes was growing up you wanted to take him, Jarad, and some other kids to Yosemite. Do you load up the car? Or, do you go around and get permission forms for the kids? If you're smart, you've got permission forms and temporary custody of the kids so if something happens, you can take the kid to the hospital and get him treated.

What's nice about it is you carry the papers and the parents know you're protecting them as well as yourself. They're not signing over full custody, but the paper states you have that kid in your care from x date to y date and after that, the parent has the kid back.”



“I never did that, but I didn't know.”



“You're lucky. How would you have felt if the kid went with you and hadn't told his parents? Then, you get pulled over and it blows up in your face as kidnapping and it costs you everything to get yourself out of the jamb?”



“Oh!”



“Never leave it to chance. What I'd do is I'd even go so far with your students to have their parents sign medical care forms. That way, you're able to get them care instead of being told at the emergency room door, you're not a relative, therefore you can't be there.”



He shook his head, “I can't believe all the stuff I'm learning I need to do from you.”



When it was our turn to go into the sauna again. I asked, “What are you doing for dinner?”



“Going out on a date with Skip. Why?”



“I was going to offer to take everyone out for dinner.”



“I could call him and see if he wants to go too?”



“No, if I know him, it'll probably be us all going to the same place anyways.”



“Really?”



“Kevin and I took he and someone to Old Planter's for a date. He loved the restaurant and said it's almost ideal for a first date.”



“I've never been there. Is it nice?”



“It's real nice. What I will advise you is to ask for the green beans on the side. Some people don't like them. Others like me, love them.”



“What do they do to them?”



Mom said, “What they do is they put a vinaigrette on them. If you like three bean salad, you'll like them. If you don't, you won't like them.”



“Oh! I like them, but I've never had them that way.”



She said, “Rhette likes the place because they feed him like he's family.”



“I like it because the atmosphere is relaxed. It's nothing airy and not a lot of people and the staff there isn't prying. Yes, I like the portions, but for a quiet conversation where you don't have to whisper to keep everyone else from hearing, it's nice.”



Jeff asked, “Do they take groups?”



“Yeah, it's got two huge rooms. Usually, they don't have many people during the week off season of tourists, so it's nice.”



“I've seen it but never been there all my time living here. I guess I never thought about going downtown to eat.”



“They've been around for over thirty years. Their tenderloins are some of the best in town.”



“What all do they have?”



Mom said, “They've got really good catfish. I've had the chicken strips which are real nice. They're whole strips of chicken breast which are nice and long like catfish. That's what I get when I go.”



“They've got ribs, barbecue pork and beef sandwiches, and pork steaks. All of them are good. I usually order a tenderloin there and then, I get a sandwich for later.”



“What are the prices like?”



“The platter meal is less than eight dollars. On a platter, you get corn, cheesy potatoes, and the green beans. You get a dinner roll and whatever meat you order. It's a good meal for two people for twenty dollars and that includes the drinks.”



He nodded, “You know, we're fortunate to have a lot of places here which are that reasonable.”



“We are. There are places in Quincy which are reasonable, but then again, there are places over there which are a fortune.”



“What's the best restaurant you can think of in Quincy?”



Mom chuckled, “I'll be surprised if he doesn't say one place.”



I nodded, “Far better than all the rest is Sprout's Inn. If I have to have a second, it'd be Elder's but Elder's on a weekend night is too much of a bar for me. I nearly gag on the cigarette smoke.

Sprout's is my favorite above all others.”



“Where's it located?”



“Twelfth and Koch's Lane. It's right beside to Poulan place on the corner there.”



Mom smiled, “I knew he'd say that place.”



Jeff asked, “Do you like it?”



She laughed, “It's alright, but it's a bit too old people for me. There are a lot of OLDER people who go there!”



I said, “She's talking about blue hairs retired people.”



He laughed, “Why do you like it then?”



“The food is wonderful. It's been around since the twenties and it's a good family restaurant. Yes, again it's got a bar in it, but it's a place once again you can have a nice sit down dinner and not have to yell to hear each other or whisper.”



Mom said, “It's a lot busier at night than during the day. You do need to tell him that.”



I nodded, “She's right. I've been there a LOT. If you name the day and time, I've been there and one thing I will tell you is you'll slap yourself if you don't order the ribs and chicken dinner. HOWEVER, ask for a salad instead of the cole slaw because they don't know how to make cole slaw.”



Mom chuckled, “They know how to make cole slaw, they just forget to put anything on it. It's like they put it through the processor and what juice came from the cabbage is the dressing you get on it.”



“Ooh”



She said, “The salads are wonderful. And yes, do substitute.”



She turned and said, “Tell him your favorite date place dear!”



I smiled, “It's no longer open!”



“No, not that place! The new date place!”



I smiled, “That would be Rustic Oak. Before, it used to be Huck's Homestead.”



He nodded, “You took me to Huck's!”



Mom laughed, “And I probably got the call telling me he had someone there!”



I laughed, “Here's the deal with that. Mom and Anne were really good friends. I'd walk through the door and Anne would personally come to the table and be my waitress so she could go call Mom and tell her what the guy looked like and what his name was. I quickly learned to tell Mom I was going out there so she'd be at home for the call.”



“It wasn't THAT bad!”



“Oh bull! It got to be hilarious because Anne would ask all the questions she knew Mom would ask. That way, she didn't look like she was running back and forth. By the time THAT interview was over, the guy was giving blood samples!”



Everyone laughed.



Jeff asked, “What's Rustic Oak like?”



“Wonderful. It's the best fifty dollar date in this whole country.”



He looked with raised eyebrows. “Fifty bucks?!”



“You can eat there cheap, but if you're going to drive there, you might as well get the prime rib dinner. It's the best I've ever eaten.

I did take Mom and Dad up there for Mother's Day, so it has to be good if you know I'm going to take my Mom there.

But for the fifty bucks, here's what you order. When you get there, you'll order a sampler platter. It's got everything on it and usually, I'm stuffed from that thing. They even have fried dill pickles on it and yes, before you say you'd think it's gross, they're amazing.”



Mom said, “They're good. They're hot enough to scald your mouth, but they're good.”



“What you get on that platter is a dish which looks like a sombrero. Piled high in the middle is onion rings. On the outside, it's got fried corns, mushrooms, pickles, okra, cauliflower, broccoli, chicken wings, and a lot of different sauces.

With your meal, my advice is to take off the baked potato and get the baked sweet potato. Their salads are amazing and that hunk of beef will have people walking by asking you what it is.”



“How much is it?”



“The prime rib dinner is sixteen dollars. The drinks are thirty two ounce glasses and they're two dollars. The sampler platter is something like eight dollars and the deserts are home made pies and cobblers which are something like four dollars.

On the way out, I always stop by their fudge case and get a few pounds.”



“They've got fudge?!”



“Oh man, they've got about every kind of fudge made and it's five bucks a pound. I usually carry an extra twenty in my wallet for that.”



“Why didn't you ever take me there?”



“The lake didn't open until after we dated I don't think!”



Several of the guys looked surprised and Jeff said, “Guys, Rhette and I dated. I would've loved to have a relationship with him, but he ran to Kansas City to be with someone else. SO, I went out with someone who later became Jaymes and Jarad's Mom. I can't say I'm sorry he and I never got together, but I am sorry in a lot of ways also. Instead, I've got a great friend now and as you can see, I respect his opinions a lot.”



The guy who showed the most interest in being a lawyer asked, “Why'd you two date?”



Jeff smiled, “I'd like to say Rhette stalked me!”



“I did! I had to chase you for six years before you even looked at me!”



He laughed, “Rhette makes it sound bad, doesn't he? In actuality, I was afraid to admit my feelings until he said his. What it took was him throwing a party and being drunk enough to tell me what he felt.”



Mom leaned forward, “I'm assuming this was another of those parties you DIDN'T have up at the camp!”



“Let's face it Mom, that camp was party central. We always cleaned it up and I always made sure there were fresh sheets on the bed afterward.”



She and everyone laughed, “Boys, I knew he was having the parties, but he'd come home and during the week, he'd be the perfect model son who was boring as all get out. Then, on the weekends, he'd turn into some party animal.

When people would tell me that MY son was throwing parties, I'd always assume it was another of my boys because he was the one you just couldn't tell would do anything like that.”



Jeff was laughing, “Oh man, you had her fooled!”



“She now knows otherwise. She had to be told I snuck out during the week too.”



She nodded, “I didn't believe it! I mean if he was sneaking out, wouldn't I know? He'd be boring, go in and go to bed, and then, wait and go out after everyone else would be in bed. All I can say is he had me befuzzled when he told me he'd done those things because he carried good grades!”



Jeff said, “I sure understand. Jaymes surprised me too.”



Jaymes looked horrified but Jeff said, “I wasn't home as much as I should've been with the team and everything. I now know the boys were out a lot. Jaymes made respectable grades, but Jarad sure didn't.”



I chuckled, “Jarad will be a great salesman. He doesn't need grades.”



Jeff laughed, “That's a nice way of putting it.”



I said, “One thing about it, there will always be road side signs and people to advertise on them. With the fortune I made in them, I certainly won't shy away from investing in another company.”



Mom asked, “You're thinking about going into it again?”



“Jaymes and Jarad will need jobs if everything falls through. They can operate it and I'll give guidance. If I'm on a magistrate bench, I sure know Jarad won't get into trouble because the punishment will be the harshest I've ever given. With Jaymes, his problems are over, so I don't have to worry there.”



Jaymes smiled, “He'll be there when I need to talk, so that'll be good.”



I stood up and said, “Guys, that buzzer is about to go off. IF you do not have shower supplies, I've got them.”



We went in and I got my shower bag. In the showers, I think everyone was looking at everyone. I handed Jeff the shampoo and then applied it to my own head. As it was lathered, I passed around the body wash and said, “Guys, this is Axe Touch. It's the red bottles and is probably one of the best smells I think I've smelled. The green can is good also.”



Jeff took some and said, “Man, this is nice! For years, I spent a ton of money on cologne, but that's probably at the top of my list.”



Everyone wanted some and soon, we had ourselves cleaned. We went into the locker room and I said, “Guys, wait up so we can talk.”



Jeff came over and said, “It has to be a non-school function if I'm not there.”



“I understand. I'm thinking about how we can get everyone down there and back. My truck will hold a lot, but it's not a bus!”



“Everyone has cars.”



“Ok, I'll speak with them and we'll get it aligned.”



He smiled, “I appreciate what you're doing Rhette.”



“It's no more than what I'd do if I were genuinely interested in donating money to the college. The problem with where I went to college, they're no longer in business. A half a million there a year would probably put everyone through college period.”



“Half a million!”



“You've got twenty two guys on the team. Right?”



“Yeah.”



“If I donate ten thousand each, that's two hundred and twenty thousand. Think about that number because next year, you'll have fifty people on your team. Word will leak out and then, boom, it's suddenly exploded. If you agree to keep it to fifty people, I'll donate the money.”



“That's generous of you.”



“It could mean the difference between you and Purdue. By the way, I think you've got a new son in law.”



He smiled, “I think so too.”



“If it works and keeps him happy, then I'm all for it.”



He laughed, “You sound like a parent yourself.”



“I wouldn't have ever given you kids that cute even if we could've had them together.”



He laughed, “Can you imagine if they got our best traits?”



“Your looks and my what?”



“Your personality.”



“You call that my best asset! Jeez!”



He laughed, “I think Jarad got your personality. That kid makes too much sense sometimes.”



We went out front and everyone got on the bus. All of the guys went over and stared at the truck. I climbed in and started it and then, went over to the bus.



“Guys, I am inviting you all to dinner. Jeff says it can't be considered a part of the school's programming, or a part of the team, but my suggestion is to please be there.

I will buy dinner and make the sales pitch. You all be there and think about how much your expenses are per school year. I want to see itemized lists because we're considering getting you players some money to cover those. It's not a scholarship and it's not to be considered a donation to the school because I could care less if that college ever got a dime from me.

Now, are any of you familiar with where Old Planter's Restaurant is located?”



Few of the guys knew.



“Are you familiar with where all the tourist stuff is downtown?”



Everyone nodded their heads.



“Right by the tourist stuff on Main Street is Old Planter's Restaurant. Right across the street from it is parking and if you went to Groomingdale's Dog Boutique, you're in the right block but too far past. I believe the address should be something like 321 North Main Street if that helps. If not, it's in that building.”



Someone asked, “What time?”



“Make it five o'clock. That way, I can throw my pitch to you and you guys can either catch it, or let it hit you in the foreheads.”



I said, “Jeff, I'll see you later, or call you later.”



“I'll call you.”



“Ok, think of your dream list for your team as far as needs go.”



He nodded, “Ok.”



I got off and he shut the door. When I got in the truck, Jaymes said, “The heater blows hot fast!”



“It's electric instead of off the motor. It's that way with the air conditioning too. In under the back seat are the controls for that.”



We began to drive and I asked, “Are you and Juarren going to date?”



“You don't mind, do you?”



“Heck no! Why would I mind?”



“I didn't want you to be upset.”



“Jaymes, if I didn't have Jessie back home, I'd be so committed to you so fast, he wouldn't have a chance. Instead, it looks like you've got a super hunk for a boyfriend and he's got a babe in return.”



He smiled, “You think so?”



“Yes, but what does he want with his life? If it's to be with someone who is a model and he's got no plans, then I'll tell you to dump him.”



“He wants to date, but doesn't know how Dad will feel.”



“Your Dad already realizes you two are going to be together.”



“Can I go to that dinner tonight?”



“Yes. I expected you'd be there.”



“Thanks.”



“No problem at all. Do you need some clothes for it?”



“I should wear the other outfit I got today.”



“You need to get more clothes. What are you doing later?”



“I don't know, why?”



“Let me make a call and let's see if I can get us flown to New York.”



“Why?”



“I want to see that apartment up there. With hope, you'll be a model and can be there. If not, I'll still use it.”



He nodded, “Do you really think I could be a model?”



“Yes. You're going to have to dump the board shorts and get a good tan, but I think you'll be fine.”



“I burn instead of tan.”



“We'll work on that. Your Dad burned too. I got him really good and tanned the Summer we were together, so I know it will work on you.”



My phone rang, “Hello?”



“Rhette?”



“Yeah. I'm going on tour. I wanted you to know so you can be my guest.”



“When?”



“I'm kicking it off in Kansas City like I always do.”



“When?”



“I'll find out. Will you come?”



“I'm always there for you Annie.”



She laughed her trademark laugh, “I knew you'd come.”



“Do you want to stay at my house over there?”



“Yeah, if you've still got it, I will. I do need to stay there for a month. Is that going to be ok?”


“Sure, but why?”



“We're going to get the floor show perfected before we go on the road.”



“Ok, I'll call and get it opened and you on the list to get in and out of the gate. If you need a car to drive, I've got the 'vette there, but I'm not sure how fresh that gas is in it.”



“I can take a limo.”



“Why?”



“Because that's what makes me safe.”



“In Kansas City?!”



She laughed, “I guess I'm trying to play the part of a diva, aren't I?”



“A tad bit.”



“Let me call you back with the details. I called Stephen and he wants to know who this kid is that has everyone calling him!”



I laughed, “Did you tell him it's a friend of a friend and he's got a Dad who matches?”



“Yes, and that's really got him intrigued because no one has ever heard of a father son modeling team.”



“They are hot. I'd send you an email pic, but you'd get sunburned.”



She laughed, “You're great! I'm sure going to love seeing you again.”



“And I with you too. Do you think you could let me borrow your jet?”



“When?”



“Tonight, I'm thinking about flying to New York to look at an apartment.”



“That's where I am!”



“Really?”



“Yeah, where are you looking at a place?”



“I think she said it's the Trump Tower.”



“Oh nice!”



“I've not seen it. You're probably familiar with Elke'. She's got the place.”



“Are you talking about Elke' who used to be on that show back in the 70's?”



“Yeah.”



“My my my, I've not heard of her in ages.”



“She's happily married and is wanting to sell her place up there. I ate at her and her husband's restaurant this morning and told her to keep an ear open for any apartments or houses.”



“If it doesn't suit you, I know of a few which might.”



“Ok, are you going to be around tonight?”



“For you, I will, gladly.”



“Can I catch a ride in your jet? I'll pay for fuel and all the expenses.”



“Sure! Where do you need it sent?”



“How about the airport in Quincy, Illinois. I know they have jet fuel if it needs it.”



“It shouldn't. It's long range.”



“Ok, see if they'll land at Hannibal's airport.”



“I'll call you back.”



“Would you see if that man has time tonight to get a check on Jaymes? It'd save us some of his time if he would.”



“He's up in the village. I'll call and ask him if he will. You'll need a limo, won't you?”



“Yeah, we better do that. I don't know how fast it flies, but it will probably be eleven your time when we can get there. I've got a meeting which will get finished about six our time. After that, I'm able to get there as fast as it will fly.”



“Will you be staying up here?”



“I can if that's what's needed.”



“Ok, I want to know. I'll have the guest bed made ready.”



“Thanks.”



“I'll call you back.”



I hung up and he said, “A famous friend?”



“Oh yeah. I'm not telling you who she is, but it's not Madonna. You'll figure out as soon as you see her.”



“She's on tour and stays at your house in Kansas City, how many houses do you have?”



“That's a loaded question.”



“How can it be loaded?”



“Well, houses I directly own, I've got four so far. Houses I indirectly own, I've got two more. One in Hawaii on Maui which is a suite instead of house. And, I've got the same situation in Las Vegas.”



“How do you indirectly own a house?”



“It's called a lifetime lease. What that means is you go to a famous hotel someplace and you ask them if they will let you lease a room for the rest of your life. If they say yes, that's called a lifetime lease.

Out in Hawaii, my parents got a lifetime lease at the Aston Maui Banyan Hotel. It's a two bedroom suite which is like a two bedroom apartment. For the sum of two hundred and forty seven thousand, they could live there the rest of their lives. If they don't stay there and the hotel needs to rent the place, they lock the closets and the rent it. The hotel does the housekeeping and my parents get fifty percent of the rental fees.”



“That sounds cool.”



“So, I called out there to see if I could get the same deal. They said they didn't do it with people as young as me, but if I'd be willing to have a partner in it, they could do that.”



“What's that mean?”



“It means they had an eighty year old dude from Texas who is a billionaire who wanted the deal also. He's single, so he couldn't do it.”



“How old do you have to be?”



“A hundred and ten up.”



He laughed, “How did your parents get it!”



“Here's how it works. Both people who live in it have to have their ages add up to being a hundred and ten or over. A ninety year old man could have a twenty year old wife and he'd get it, but an eighty year old who is a billionaire can't get in because he's single. SO, I'm thirty five and added to his eighty, we get the deal.”



“What happens if he dies?”



“That's the sweet part of the deal. If he croaked, then I still got the deal. The advantage of it is because our ages added up to being a hundred and fifteen, we only had to pay two hundred and twenty seven thousand.”



“How'd you decide who paid what?”



“We took our ages and added them up. Then, we divided it into the cost and what he would've had to pay and what I would've had to pay, we flipped since he was closer to dying than me. So, I paid a hundred and fifty eight thousand and he paid whatever the rest was.”



“How do you share the time?”



“We don't.”



“What?!”



“We did the deal in April and he died in June. Since then, I've not had to share.”



He laughed, “That's terrible!”



“What's terrible is how often they rent that suite. My parents said they were making money on theirs, but I sort of dismissed it as being a little bit. Since last June, I've made almost fifteen thousand dollars on that investment.”



“Ok, so how does it go for Vegas, the same way?”



“The deal in Vegas is better. Out there, I'm a part of an apartment on top of the Bellagio. The person I'm in it with out there is a close friend of mine. He stays there with his wife and two kids and if he's in the suite when I want to be there, he tells the management and they get me another one compliments of the hotel.

Because I own in it with him, and because he's a house player for them, I get entries into tournaments and chips compliments of the house.”



“Why?”



“Because if I wanted to be, I could be out there playing in tournaments and being a top ranked poker player.”



“Really?”



“Yeah, but I don't want to be. I like sitting at table and playing, but when I'm done, I like being done. I don't like feeling like I've got to sit there and earn money for them.”



“What kind of poker?”



“Hold'em. I can play Omaha, but I don't like some of the others. Studs get in my brain and I don't like those at all.”



“I've played Hold'em a few times. I never could get to be any good at it.”



“It's a patience game. I'll tell you I got impatient once and lost six hundred thousand dollars. Since then, I've learned a lesson to wait and let the cards come to me.”



“How'd you lose that much?!”



“There's what you call an open tournament and a closed tournament. In a closed tournament, you put in ten thousand and all the other players put in ten thousand and then, you get whatever your portion is for the tournament. Usually, the top five slots pay a helluva lot...and I'm always at that final table.

In an open tournament, it's way different. What it is, is it's a tournament where you can step out and buy more chips, but you can't cash in chips to get out of it.”



“Why would anyone do that?”



“Some people think if they stay in long enough their luck will come back. I'll tell you if you've lost your money, that's not going to happen. It's not happened in all of them I've been in and the odds of it happening are astronomical.”



“Why?”



“Ok, here's why. Let's say we get into a tournament and there's forty five people in that tournament. We've all bought in for ten grand and that has a pot of four hundred and fifty grand. Now, let's say the top nine pay and nothing less. So, we play for a few rounds and we're down eighteen people and there's still twenty seven left, but you buy in again for ten grand.”



“Ok”



“Now, the odds are if I'm playing good, I'm over there with about eighty thousand dollars. You're buying in for ten thousand again and you might have some people who are about to muck out and then again, maybe not. Let's say you buy in for ten thousand and it puts you in twenty second spot.

No matter what, you're one eighth the chips as me. That means I've got to lose eight times as much as you in order to be out. I'll tell you if you're losing and you do that, I'm going to get the second ten you spent.”



“Ok, I'm getting it now.”



“But, what I do which is smart is if I start getting bad hands, I'll step out and let the table rotate before I step in again.”



“What's that mean?”



“Ok, you've got a coin out there. When you have it, it means the cards are dealt to you first. You get the cards and then the player on your left gets the bid first. The next hand, he has the coin and the table's rotating and it's always getting cards.

If I sit out for an entire rotation, the odds are the cards are changed. You know as well as I that the cards can be played a variety of ways and I'm going to be able to play them.”



“SO how is it you're winning and others don't?”



“Patience. The will to play cards when others throw them in, and the smarts to get out if you've got shit for a hand. I'll tell you I've got a lot of balls and yet, I'll get out if it smells wrong.”



“Why?”



“It takes watching someone. I'll tell you now I can read a lot of those players. Jennifer Tilly will look down and slouch when she's got shit for a hand, but will perk up when she's got a hand. Mike the Mouth will talk shit a mile a minute and when he has a hand, he'll hick for a second and then continue talking. If you hear that hick, you know he hit a hand.”



“Others don't catch it?”



“Some do but a lot don't because they're not hearing the hick. They're hearing that mouth and it's his weapon.”



“Why?”



“Ok, let me show you something. IF I press on this horn button, it's going to blow loud, right?”



“Yeah.”



“But, let's say if I press on it continually for three hours and then switch thumbs, then there might be a little sound which tells you I switched thumbs. Right?”



“I guess.”



“That's what I'm listening for. Because he's constantly drowning people with his sound, they tone him out. I do too, but I'm still hearing for the slight change.”



“Do you have those hicks?”



“I try not and Patrik tells me I'm one of the hardest people he's ever played against because I'm constantly changing my tactics.”



“How?”



“Ok, let's say this. When I play, I'll look at the cards and put them down. I've saw what I need and I know what they are. I don't need to do anything else until it's time to show them. Other people will put their cards down and when they've got a hand, they'll hold onto them. It tells me they've got a hand and that's all it took.

Now, lets say you see me put down thirty hands and I've won twelve of them but lost the others. However I suddenly hold onto a hand, what's that tell you?”



“That you have a hand?”



“No, that's what I wanted you to think. I'm wanting you to think it so when I fold out, you've deliberately spent some of your money.”



“Why?”



“Because the object of a tournament is to get to the end and in order to do that, some people gotta go. If I can help you run out of money, what do I care if you're out and I'm sitting at the final table? The key is to get there because all those seats pay money.”



“How much?”



“In a forty five seat tournament, where you buy in for ten thousand, it's probably going to pay first place a hundred and eighty thousand dollars. Second will probably pay sixty. Third will probably pay forty, and it goes on down until seventh, eighth, and ninth pay sixteen thousand or something low like that.”



“So how'd you lose the six hundred thousand?”



“Here's how. I went out to Vegas that trip with a hundred thousand. Yes, that's a lot of money, but most of it was won money from the casinos. When I got there, I was given a hundred and twenty thousand by the casino to play with.”



“Man!”



“So, I put a hundred thousand into a tournament and sat at an eighteen player tournament.

Now,with that tournament, you're playing with a lot of money. You've got stacks of one, two, five, ten, twenty, and fifty in front of you. You've got chips which are ten thousand worth. When you multiply the eighteen by a hundred thousand, you've got a million eight hundred thousand.”



“Do you win all that?”



“No, but you win a million two hundred of it for first and second pays five hundred and third pays a hundred.”



“That's it?!”



“Yeah, the less people, the less paying spots.”



“Ok, so what happened?”



“I'm sitting there and I'm down to just me and the other player, Jennifer Tilly.”



“Why does her name sound familiar?”



“She used to be a star.”



“Really?”



“She's got a great set of boobs. I don't think they're real.”



“Ok, so you're playing her.”



“Yeah, but this is the first time I've played her. I've seen her a lot, and she's real sweet, but on that table she uses her fame as an advantage and she knows it.”



“How?”



“First of all, she's a smart poker player. Second of all, she knows the average person knows she's good and they get all excited when they're playing her. That's what I did.”



“Oh!”



“Now, before I tell you anything, you need to realize I had her beat going into that showdown. I was sitting with something like all of the money except for a hundred and thirty thousand. But, as I said, the cards can leave you and when you get to a final table, the cards stop for no one.”



“What's that mean?”



“It means if you're in the final table, you can't sit out hands. Your cards are dealt to you and if you don't play them, they rake them in like you played and folded them all. Your antes fall and you might as well have looked at them because you paid to see them.”



“Oh!”



“SO, when you're sitting across from someone famous, and you're doing the cheerleader routine of silently going, “Look at me! Look at me! I'm playing Jennifer Tilly and I've got this and she's got that and I'm going to win it and she's not...she's over there smiling thinking, “You're an idiot because you're showing me everything and I'm going to strike you every time I can.”



“Ooh.”



“Yup, big oohs. What happened is she struck and the cards heated up for her. All of a sudden, I was down and she was up to where we were about tied. Then, I woke up and asked myself, “What in the hell am I doing?! Are you going to let a girl with a great set of hooters think you're a loser? Or, are you going to win this and show her your boyfriend is better looking than hers.”



He laughed, “What did you do?”



“I instantly started acting amateur and it fucked her mentally.”



“How?”



“She expected me to act amateur. She lay in wait there for it to happen and I took a cue from Mike the Mouth and when I didn't have a hand, I'd hurry and fold them and when I had a hand, I'd hold them. She saw the hurry and knew I didn't have anything. When I started holding them all, she thought I started warming up and getting good cards. She'd bet less and I'd bet more on complete shit hands. She'd fold and I'd win her antes which then, were forty grand each.”



“Man!”



“Yeah, but when you're at seven hundred grand and you lose forty, it stings. When you can't figure out the other person, the odds are he's going to whip your ass and send you a bottle of Dom after it's over and that's what I did.”



“How'd you win?”



“She started getting desperate. She would bet and I'd sit there sizing it up and if I had a possibility, I'd match her. If I didn't, I'd sit there and think about it and then would fold. So, she never saw I had or didn't have a hand and didn't know if I'd match her, or fold.

What happened to end the tournament was a fluke...we both got full houses. Mine were higher and fuller. She had sixes and deuces and I had jacks and nines. What's bad is she started to go all in and I showed her I was ready to follow her. She sat back and she let the greed get to her and think she had me beat.

Well, she went all in and I matched her. She stood up and came over to stand by me and she laid out the rack. I leaned in and said, “Hon, I'm gay.” And she sucked 'em in.

I really think she thought I'd messed up, but I didn't. I walked out with the money and we rode the elevator up to the penthouse floor.”



“Do all of them stay up there?”



“No, some of them live there in Vegas. She doesn't. She lives in Los Angeles.

Now, what's funny is she saw me go into the suite where she knew Patrik was staying. I'd told her I was gay, and she put it together that Patrik and I were lovers and when she got her bottle, she came over to share it. That's when she met Kevin and said, “Oh, I thought...” I said, “No, Patrik's a dear friend, but this is my fella.”



“That was cool.”



“It wasn't because Kevin can be obnoxious when he catches someone staring at his dick.”



“Why?”



“Hon, it's huge. If he sees someone staring at it, he can get it hard and not think anything about doing it for a reaction. Well, she stared and Kevin told me what he was doing by asking for ice in his drink.”



“What's that mean?”



“I don't like ice in my soda but I like mine cold. Kevin doesn't like ice in his soda, but he's been known to put a soda in the microwave to warm it up.”



“Yuck!”



“Now Dr Pepper isn't bad hot, but all the rest, I agree. For him to ask for ice, that's telling me something's going on. And all I had to do was see and it was like she was staring at a cobra staring at her.”



He laughed, “You're terrible!”



“What's bad is I made a joke about something and it sort of embarrassed her.”



“Why?”



“Because it indirectly told her I knew what she was doing, but it was the wrong joke at the wrong time.”



“Why?”



“I was meaning it to be about her boobs by saying, “Some are bigger than others. But she thought it meant I saw what she was doing.”



“What happened?”



“She got out of there. But, what's nice about Vegas is it's a small community when you're in that circle.”



“What's that mean?”



“It means you see people again and things change. What happened is I went out because another friend of mine was performing out there. I went to his concert and no, I don't have the ticket stub from it because out there, you don't need tickets if you know someone.”



“Ok”



“Well, even stars can be starstruck. With this friend, he's known everywhere. He even had problems in his hotel with people bothering him which is just unreal. So, I saw him back stage and said, “I'll get you into the Bellagio and you can stay at my place.”



“Wow!”



“Yeah, but he's gay and he's got a partner. SO, he came over to see the place and she didn't know it. She saw me downstairs earlier, so she decided to bring her boyfriend up.

What's bad is I had to ask him if it was ok to answer the door. He told me it was my unit, I could do what I wanted. So, I answered the door and they came in, we visited, and I told her and my friend I'd split with Kevin and why.

Of course, my friend offered to hook me up with someone he knew who is also very famous, but I'd heard some hideous things about that one, so I wasn't interested.”



“You're not going to mention names, are you?”



“No, because you're going to hear the story about it tonight from the one how I met both of them at the same time and how I probably had one of the most embarrassing situations in my life in meeting them.”



“How?”



“I can't tell you. You'll hear it tonight, and when you do, you'll realize it was terrible for me, but they were great about it. In turn, I gained both of them as friends and it's worked great for me since then.”



“That's cool.”



“You just realize we've got to cut that dinner short and get everything said, get ate, and us getting out of there and to the airport by six.”



“Ok”



“I'm telling you that because Juarren might have hurt feelings.”



“Oh!”



“Yeah, so what I'll do is I'll tell him I made the plans and you're going up with me because she's going to attempt to get that man who is supposed to shoot your photos over to snap a few of you tonight to see if you are photogenic.”



“Why?”



“Because if you're not, then there's no sense in my spending a lot of money for the shoot.”



“I think I look good in pictures.”



“I can't say. I've not seen any. What I will say is one of the best looking guys I know isn't photogenic at all.”



“Why not?”



“I don't know, but if you saw him, you'd say, “Oh man, he's a babe. Then, when you see him in a picture, you say, “Ooh, what happened?!”



“Really?”



“Yeah, that's why I'm interested if Juarren is, or not.”



“Why?”



“Because this guy I'm talking about was that damned good looking and looked very similar, but he didn't come across.”



“That's strange.”



“Some day, we'll go to St. Louis and you can meet the guy I'm talking about. He's a stripper down there and you'll see because you'll see him and you'll be like, “Oh man, he's a babe. Then, we'll have our photo taken with him and you'll be looking at me and saying, “But, that guy is way better than both of us and we look like we are standing with someone hideous.”



“Really?!”



“Yeah, it's bad.”



We went to the house and went in. I fed the dogs and called Elke'. She said to come out and she's give me the keys to the unit. I got redressed and made it so Jaymes and I were nearly matching in clothes. I didn't want to dress up and have him dressed down.



When we left, we drove to Logue's and got the keys. Then, we went down to Old Planter's. Fortunately, they were open and even better, they weren't busy at all.



We didn't have to wait long for the guys to get there. When they got there, I pulled Juarren over and told him we had to get gone in a hurry in order to meet the flight. He said he understood and what's ironic is about the time I began speaking, Jeff and Skip walked in. Jeff smiled and I told them, “Pretend we're not here, but I need to speak with you before you leave Jeff.”



“Ok”



I told everyone what my intentions were about giving money to the team and everyone was real happy about it. We ate and then, I got the bill settled.



At ten until six, I went over and sat next to them. “Jaymes and I are going to New York tonight. We'll be back, but it's not going to be until tomorrow.”



“Why?”



“I'm looking at apartments. If the one doesn't suit, a friend of mine is going to show us some she knows are available.”



“That's good.”



“Also, that guy might be able to shoot a few of Jaymes tonight to see if he's photogenic. I hope you don't mind.”



“That's no problem. He should do fine.”



“Let's hope. Now, what I need to tell you is Jaymes' probably going to tell you he met someone really famous tonight and he will have. If he doesn't, that will be great also.”



“Who is it?”



“Her real name's Anna Mae. I call her Anna.

It isn't her stage name, but let's just say she's going to be performing in concerts and she's staying in my house in Kansas City while she rehearses her stage show. When she does, I'll take you over to meet her.”



“You're not going to tell me who it is?”



“No. You'll either hear from him, or you'll find out for yourself. Until then, I'm not letting the surprise be ruined for him.”



“Oh!”



“If you were around in the sixties, you'd know her. In the seventies, she got divorced. In the eighties, she hit it big again and she's been popular ever since. She's supposed to be retired, but she's coming out of retirement.”



“Cher?!”



“No, but I've met her.”



He thought and asked, “White or Black?”



“Black.”



“Diana Ross?”



“No, she wouldn't have offered to sue me if I knew her.”



“She wanted to sue you?”



“Yeah, I wrote a story and unbeknownst to me, she has a son named Evan. I sure didn't write the story with him in mind when I didn't even know she had a son.”



“Well, I'm lost. There are too many old stars from the sixties who are still around.”



Skip said, “I'm narrowing it down in my mind.”



“When I walk out the door, I'll throw you an obscure song of hers and you'll have to look it up on the web.”



Skip asked, “Where was she from?”



“She was discovered in St. Louis.”



He smiled and said, “I know who it is!”



“The last hint I'll give is her name isn't Mike.”



Jeff asked, “What's that mean?”



Skip laughed, “That's a terrible hint, but I got it!”



Jaymes came in, “You ready to go?”



“Yeah. Let me write this check to your Dad's team and then, we'll get out of here.”



I wrote the check and then, handed it over. He stared at it and said, “Oh man, that's just unreal.”



“Hon, use the leftover this year to get the team some things you need as in equipment.”



“Thank you!”



I stood up and said, “I really love this place because it's 'Simply the Best'.”



Jaymes said, “I like it too.”



We walked out the door and by the time we got to the truck, Jeff came out, “I got it!”



“Good, keep it!”



Jaymes laughed, “He likes Skip, doesn't he?”



“Let's hope.”



“What's that mean?”



“It means I want him to be happy. As happy as you are with Juarren, but for different reasons.”



I reached over and turned on the stereo. As luck would have it, it was on the channel playing that damned song. I started singing along and Jaymes stared at me, “You can sing good!”



“Yeah, but don't tell anyone. It's not something I like to be known for. With luck, we'll sing tonight.”



“Really?”



“Yeah.”



On the way up Mark Twain Avenue, I called her, “Hello?”



“Am I supposed to go to Hannibal's airport or Quincy's?”



“They said they think they can land there.”



“Ok, they're not here yet?”



“I don't know. If you see a Gulfstream out there, it's mine.”



“Ok, the same one?”



“No! I've had a Falcon and a Citation since then hon!”



“Man! You're putting all your money out in jets!”



“I'm leasing them. They're not that much when you lease.”



“I'll have to look into them.”



We hit the highway and she heard the diesel pick up.



“You're driving a diesel?”



“Yeah, I've got an International RXT.”



“What's it like?”



“Everyone who rides in it loves it and wants one.”



“Oh!”



“You'd love it. I think it's better than that Lamborghini one you had.”



“Really?”



“Yeah, do you remember the night we about rolled that damned thing?”



“Oh shit hon, that was the most scared I've been in ages. How we got into that position, I'll never know, but do you remember what we had to do to get out of that spot?”



“Yeah, how dumb can we be!”



“I can't say because it worked.”



“And if that thing had rolled on me, I'd be dead.”



“It wasn't your time hon.”


“I say that a lot.”



When we got to the airport turn off, I got us there real fast.



“We're here and it's there. We'll be there as fast as it will get us there. Are you going to be with the limo when it comes to get us?”



“Yeah, I'll be there.”



“Great, we can go on down to the Trump Tower. DO you know how tall it is?”



“It's tall, but I don't know how tall.”



“This apartment is on the sixty first floor.”



“Man!”



“She says it takes up that entire floor and some of the sixty second.”



“Then she spent some serious money on it. I've heard of people buying two of the units, but that sounds like three!”



“I'm anxious to see it.”



“I am too!”



“Well, I'm bringing my laptop. I'd do anything to have a shot of this kid's face when he first sees you.”



She laughed, “He'll be asking who that damned old broad is!”



“No, he'll be realizing I've been telling him who you are all along and he doesn't know it. I'll get off here.”



“Ok”



We got on the jet and Jaymes was looking all around. “It's a lot smaller than what I thought!”



“The price tag isn't.”



The pilot asked if we were all who were coming and I told him we were. “We'll be there in two and a half hours or less.”



“Ok, we'll watch a movie on my laptop.”



“The Dvd comes down if you want to watch it?”



“Ok, that will be better. What do you have?”



“None of hers, I'm afraid.”



“Ok, but don't say who she is because he doesn't know. It's a surprise.”



He smiled, “He'll be shocked.”



“That's the idea.”



“I'll try making it faster.”



“Burn whatever you can. I'm paying for it.”



We pulled down the screen and I found it was satellite with dvr.



“This is cool!”



“Don't mess with what she's got saved.”



“I won't.”



We watched and found a cute little movie about dogs which had Michael J Fox as the voice. It lasted a good little while, but then, I saw something interesting on the game show channel which showed a rerun of the show Elke' was on.



“That's Elke'?!” he asked



“Yeah”



“She looks a lot different now!”



“She was young then. Now she's not.”



“How much does she want for that apartment?”



“Four million.”



“What?!”



“I'll see it first before I see if it's worth it to me. I'll tell you now I know she's probably got that much in it.”



“Why?”



“I remember seeing something someplace that he charged a million dollars for an apartment in his building. If so, and if Anna is correct in thinking she put three of them together, then she's got three million in it before any decorating got done. When you figure a lot of structural things would have to be done in order to cut a hole up through the floor, it's going to cost a lot of money.”



“Oh!”



“So she's probably not asking for much more than what she's got in it, but you're correct, it is a lot of money.”



When the plane landed, we taxied to the private portion of the airport and the pilot parked. He came back and opened the door, “If you go over there, someone will meet you.”



“Thanks.”



We got out and walked over to the area we were to go. We went into the concourse and a man in an uniform came over, “Mr Michaels?”



“Yes.”



“This way, she's waiting in the limo.”



“Great.”



We walked and I carried the laptop the entire way. When we got to the limo, he opened the door and I let Jaymes in first.



“What!”



I heard her chuckled, “Move out of the way and let him in” She giggled her deep throaty giggle and I climbed in.



He was sitting there wide eyed, “I can't believe you know her!”



I laughed, “Anna, this is Jaymes. Jaymes, Anna.”



“But!”



“Her real name is Anna. You might call her something else, but her friends call her Anna.”



He smiled and she said, “My goodness you're attractive!”



He smiled again and said, “Thank you.”



She turned to me, “Can I have him?!”



“No!”



She laughed, “I don't blame you. I wouldn't give him up either.”



“He's not mine. His boyfriend is equally or better looking.”



“Really?”



“A hot latin built like a brick...”



She laughed, “You're partial to your latin men.”



“He is too...now!”



“Why didn't he come?”



“He's on a college soccer team back home.”



“Really?”



“Yeah.”



Jaymes asked, “He wouldn't tell me how you two met.”



“It's because he cut me and Elton down. It was at Halloween time and he came up and told us there were better look alikes over there and we'd not win the contest.”



His mouth went into an 0. “You did that?”



“Oh yeah, and you should have seen Elton. He didn't have any of this stuff on at all. He sat there and looked like a school boy and I just couldn't shut my mouth telling him how he should've tried better with the costumes or something like the glasses.”



She laughed, “And you remember what he said?”



“Oh man, I'll never forget it. He said, “I hope I can play a piano better than you can tell a joke because this is terrible!”



“Poor Loletta was mortified.”



Jaymes asked, “Who's Elton and who's Loletta?”



“Elton John and Loletta Holloway.”



He looked shocked, “You know him!”



Both of us said, “Yeah!”



He said, “My gosh! Who don't you know?”



I turned to Anna and asked, “Have you met Barack yet?”



“No! But I want to!”



“Me too!”



“Do you know what? The first night he won state senator, I told my Mom, “I think we're looking at our new President. He's got the charisma and the way he speaks, I think he's got a chance if he takes Hillary with him.”



She nodded, “I think that was a mistake with who he picked.”



“Well, after Vince Foster, I think he figured he'd want to last more than a week in the White House and with her around, that wouldn't happen.”



She laughed, “You're terrible!”



“Poor Vince, He let that job go to his head.”



She giggled, “As caustic as Drano still, aren't you?”



“Yes.”



She got on the phone, “We're going to the Trump Tower.”



I held out the key and she said, “Man! They've even got crystal key chains?!”



Jaymes came back and sat with us. She smile, “My, you're a tiny thing, aren't you?”



He smiled, “We were singing one of your songs and...and...before we walked out of the restaurant, he said he loved it because it was 'Simply the Best'! I should have known!”



She laughed, “Hon, I'm just like anyone else. I'm only famous when I'm on stage. You'll be famous some day and you'll want people who are your friends to treat you like you.”



“Do you think I'll be famous?”



She smiled, “Yes, if the camera loves you, you're got a star above your name already. I can see it.”



He smiled, “I hope my Dad gets to be famous too.”



She nodded, “I hear you look just like him.”



“He doesn't have blonde hair, but everyone says I look like him. Rhette over there really thinks so.”



She turned to me, “His Dad is in your past?”



“Yes.”



“Oh!”



“He doesn't hide it. He would love for us to be back together, but it's not possible.”



“Everything's possible. You tell him to hold onto the dream and he'll have it some day.”



“Maybe.”



She got serious and asked, “What's going on between you and Elton?”



“He took something offensive I did and I didn't intend for it to be offensive.”



“A joke gone wrong?”



“No, he invited me to his wedding party and I couldn't make it.”



“Why?”



“He sent the invitation to the Kansas City house. I was feeling slighted about it and then, I went there and found it nearly two years later.”



“Did you try to call?”



“Yes, I get told 'Sir Elton is refusing your call'.”



“I'll speak with him.”



“Tell him I miss him and those late night phone calls.”



“Don't say that, you'll never sleep!”



“He offered to set me up with that rat bastard. Did I tell you about that?”



“Honey, he thinks because he loved the man you should love him too. Everyone's not as forgiving as him.”



“I sure can't tell!”



“I'll speak with him. I sure miss seeing you two racing those carts.”



I smiled, and she turned to Jaymes. “When we get him and Elton back to being friends, you simply must get to Elton's hideaway. You'll be well received there.”



He said, “My Dad would go nuts if he weren't invited. He and Rhette are of an age who remember him more.”



She laughed, “And that's why you must go! Him hearing that would crack him up!”



I asked, “What the hell is going on with Geo?”



She winced, “He needs someone to love. He's not going to find it in an outhouse, but no one can tell him otherwise.”



“A man that talented is just letting it go to waste.”



“He's out of chances I'm afraid. They'll forgive you once, but if you do it again, you're gone. He'll be able to write songs, but after that, he's got no hopes.”



“He can't find anyone?”



“He doesn't want anyone.”



“Tell Elton to get him over here. We'll get him lined out.”



“Honey, you're too soft hearted. He's nearly broke!”



“All the more reason to get him here. If he learns someone will love him for him, he'll be better.”



She smiled, “I'll tell him. You do realize you and he would be about the only friends who've stuck by him.”



“I've not had an opportunity. What's bad is he's made his first hit into a bathroom joke.”



She nodded, “All of them could be said to be bathroom humor now.”



Jaymes went up forward and looked out the front window.



“He's never been in a limo or up here before.”



“It's probably overwhelming to him. He's too skinny.”



“I'm trying to get him fattened up.”



“He might be what they need on a runway.”



“This Stephen man, what did he say?”



“Tomorrow in the morning. He wants both of you over at his studio. I told him I want some shots of you as well.”



“Why?”



“Like it or not honey, you're very attractive.”



“I'm ruined.”



“You're not. Your eye needs work, but everything else is faded beautifully. They can airbrush them out.”



“I'm not interested in being famous.”



She smiled, “With your voice and your looks, I think you'd be able to do a lot.”



“I do it for fun.”



“You can do most anyone perfectly. Who have you practiced lately?”



“Anastacia I've got down. Michael Bolton is perfect. You know all the others, but I don't know if you've heard my Tom Jones.”



“Really?”



I belted out a few lines of “What's New Pussycat” and she laughed. “You do realize no one's caught your foray into acting?”



“Oh that! It wasn't a foray. As skinny as I was, no one's caught it because it's so dreadful.”



“You were wonderful.”



“Have you seen a video called 'Cool' by Gwen Stefani?”



“No, why?”



“The guy in that video and I look like dead ringers.”



“Really?”



“My Mom saw it on my computer and wanted to know when I was in Argentina.”



“Really?”



“He even has hairy legs like I had.”



“You shave?”



“I lasered. It cost twenty grand, but it's smooth as a baby's butt now.”



“Really?”



I pulled down my pants, “I've still got on my Speedo from earlier.”



“That's something else!”



“It's something else alright! It's called FedEx on strike. No package.”



She laughed, “I love the colors.”



“I do too. I thought about getting a thong in this color, but he's the one who can fill a thong.”



“Really?”



“Yeah, he's his daddy's son alright.”



“What about your love life?”



“There is one, but he's in South Carolina working and staying in my apartment above my garage.”



“What's he like?”



“I've got pictures on my computer.”



“How'd you meet?”



“He was working in a tire store and I needed tires.”



She put her hand on mine and whispered, “Look at him up there, if that kid isn't going to be hotter than Brad Pitt, I don't know who will be!”



“He's got the genes to not age badly.”



She smiled, “You think too businesslike.”



“I have to. His Dad is trusting me.”



“And you can say you're not still with his Dad?”



“There will always be a part of my heart with him. It's just not my entire heart.”



“If you keep giving him pieces, it will be! And if you keep getting yours broke, there will be plenty of pieces to give.”



“Yes Mom!”



She laughed, “How's your mother?”



“Wonderful. She worked out with us today and ran five miles with the soccer team. I led the fast group and she led the slower ones.”



She shook her head, “And I couldn't run to dare save my life.”



“You'd walk your strut and everyone would instantly stop in their tracks.”



“It's your strut now hon. When I saw you do it, I knew you'd gotten me down. Speaking of which, I might need you.”



“Why?”



“There's a few high parts I'm not reaching on my recordings.”



“Practice this.”



“What are you doing?”



“Showing you how to do it.”



“What do I do?”



“You've got to talk like this to hit your voice going high. When you learn to hit that part, you can take it high with no effort. I learned it from Martha Wash. I wondered how she hit the highs and she tells everyone by the way she speaks.”



She tried, “That's not it.”



“Put your hand on my throat. And then, put it on yours. Then make your voice box hit it.”



I hit the high note and then talked in the soft falsetto. Then went high again.”



She shook her head, “When we get back to my place, I'll sing the song and see if I'm expecting too much. Clive's not happy with me.”



“How's he doing?”



“He doesn't change. I love the man and he makes me feel like I can't carry it in a bucket.”



“Here's what you do. You walk over in front of him and you tell him, “Here, feel this and then, you put both of his hands on your ass. You then tell him, “Clive, after this long, I've still got it and no one's managed to chew it off yet!”



She laughed, “He told me I was getting fat and needed to work out!”



“Ok, we'll work out.”



She looked at me, “That's not likely to happen!”



“Hon, you can do it. We trained the soccer team how to do it today and you'll find you're doing it and putting it on the stage and working out while out there. It'll make you seem more physical and everyone will think you're amazing. I know if my Mom can do it, you can.”



“In high heels?”



“Yes. We'll do it with me in heels and show you.”



The car slowed and pulled over to the side. The driver got out and came around. I said, “Jaymes, you go first and then Anna and then me. That way, anyone who sees you Jaymes, will keep on going. When you get to that door, hold it open so she gets to the elevator without too much problem.”



“Ok!”



She smiled, “You're too much on security.”



“And Clive needs to have someone with you. John Lennon was killed in this city and we sure don't need a reminder.”



Jaymes moved fast and got the door. She got out and I was on her arm. We made it inside and Jaymes rushed with us. When he got to her side, I said, “Jaymes, walk behind her.”



“Why?”



“It's the way you do if you're supposed to appear being her bodyguard. It's what they do in security training.”



“I didn't know!”



“It's ok, you know now.”



We got on the elevator and I pressed the button. The electronic voice said, “Please insert your key now.”



I inserted the key and turned it. The elevator started and the speed it went, I knew we'd be there in no time at all.



Jaymes said, “I think my belly just went to my toes.”



“It's really fast, that's for sure!”



When we got to the floor, the doors opened and I reached to the right for buttons. I found them and started flipping them.



She spoke first, “My God!”



We walked and I said, “I'll go get all the lights turned on, but this place just got sold. That view right there is what I wanted.”



“She's beautiful from up here!”



I started singing, Neil Diamond's “We're coming to America...we're coming to America...we're coming to America....Today! Today! Today!”



She laughed, “You've got him down too!”



“He was one of the first. After I saw that man in concert, I knew what a showman was.”



She laughed, “I saw him at Carnegie. He took my breath away.”



I saw him at the Fox in St. Louis. People were standing on the arms of their seats dancing for three hours singing along.”



“That place is beautiful.”



“You ought to perform there.”



“No. Never in St. Louis. I perform in Kansas City and it gives back to me.”



“Where are you filming your concert this time?”



“Kansas City. It's definitely my last time out.”



I went over to the piano and hit a few notes. Then, when I found it, I hit the chord and sang, “I've succeed where I wanted. I accomplished the dream. I got what I set out for Now it's my Laaaaast Time Out!”



She laughed, “Can I use that?!”



“Yeah, it needs to be your curtain call for the last time.”



She laughed, “That'd be fitting.”



“I hear it being high energy with your band giving everything and trumpets and the drums pounding out a bet with the trumpets really taking the highs real metallic. Your back up singers and the lights and do this because I saw saw something and I thought of it... your drummer needs to be in a plexiglas octagonal box which has the drums mounted on it. It comes down and goes around him. When you want a different sound, they lower the other drums around him in a different color enclosure. I can see LEDs in blue and twinkling whites with and around him. His fog machine can put the fog down and out and up and out that way.”



She laughed, “We're going with the same musicians as before.”



“Is that sax player still built?”



She smiled, “Yes, but he's older.”



He needs a mercury motion detection device in his pants so when he thrusts forward, it's doing something to highlight the bulge better. If you went with chaps, it'd be even better.”



“They want airlifts in the stage.”



“What's your insurance like for them?”



“I don't know.”



“Whatever it is, you require they have a million dollars on your arms and ten on each leg. Someone I know hit his elbow on the edge of the floor when it shot him up and damned near broke his arm. He had to do some throws and he nearly lost his dance partner.”



She nodded, “Ok, what do I tell them?”



“Tell them you want four foot diameter instead of three feet. Then, you tell them to put in sensors so if your feet aren't covering them it doesn't go up. If you do that, you know you're safe.”



She nodded, “I'm glad you think of those details.



Jaymes came in and said, “You're building is over there.”



We went around and saw the Chrysler Building lit up.



“Man! It's sure a nice picture for dinner isn't it?”



I turned to Jaymes, “What are the bedrooms like?”



“I've not been up yet, I'm still looking out down here.”



I went up the stairs and found the lights. The light panel at the top of the stairs turned on more accent lighting out in the main balcony area.



In the bedroom, I was transfixed by the size and scale of it. The apartment was obviously showing itself to be four units instead of three. The entire bedroom looked out over the southern portion of the windows. The bed was raised on a platform and was a very nice replica of a sultan's bed. The bedroom was done in heavy woods everywhere. The draperies were thick Damask patterned gold velvets and had lots of cording. The carpets were thick fur like carpet which was a deep dark brown. I knew it all the materials and padding were to reduce noise but it just didn't jive with the rest of the feel of the apartment.

I walked out and went to the next one. It was pink and obviously a girls princess room. It was beautiful, but once again, it wasn't what I expected.

At the end of the hall, was what I expected. When I opened the door, I saw the Western wall was entirely windows and were capped with the windows to the North and the South. The bedroom was done in a more Tuscan feel with plaster barrel vaulted ceiling with heavy beams and the dressing room and bathroom off hidden.



I heard Jaymes yell, “Where are you?”



“At the one on the end of the hall.”



Anne came in, “Oh, I like this one.”



“I do too. That first on must be for relatives of hers. It's masculine, but very Russian.”



She smiled, “Jaymes loves it.”



“It's masculine, but it doesn't feel right. This here is perfect for when I'm here.”



“I like this, but I love the entire apartment.”



“What are the ones you know about like?”



“Why? Are you going to let this go?”



“It's worth the money, but it's a helluva lot of money. Four million!”



She nodded, “We're from a different background where money means something. We see it that if we spent money on something called a house, there better be some land with it. Up here, that view is your real estate and the advantage is you don't have to mow it.”



“But four million dollars!”



She smiled, “What would you change about it?”



“The princess room has to go. No one I know would use it and it'd be embarrassing to put any adult in there.”



“Ok, what else?”



“I hate the accent lighting panel being at the top of the steps. There might be another someplace, but I never saw it.”



She nodded, “I know of a brownstone right on the park. The last I heard, it was five million. It's four floors and it's beautiful. There's a mansion up North which is seventeen million and then, there's a smaller dinky place compared to this in the village. He's wanting to go bigger. If you don't get this, I'll be telling him about it.”



“Let me think on this. This is almost too huge.”



She smiled, “Let's go get something to eat and let's see if it stays in your mind.”



“I know it will because of that view”



We went down the hall and into the bedroom where Jaymes was. He was smiling broadly, “I love it!”



She said, “He's still deciding if he likes it.”



The smile left his face and he asked, “What's wrong with it?”



“It's got flaws. It's like a Rolls Royce with two donut spares on it. I love it downstairs, but only one bedroom upstairs and it's not all the way what I want. In order to move in, it'd take at least two hundred thousand remodelling.” I paused and said, “Let's go get something to eat and then go back to her place.”



He was reluctant to leave the bedroom. “I really do like this one.”



I hugged him, “Let's decide on it tomorrow. I've not made my mind yet, so I'm not saying no. If worse comes to worse, I'll buy it and you can buy it from me when you get rich and famous. Until then, you could live here and be better suited. BUT, I'm not saying yes, yet.”



He nodded, “Why don't you like it?”



“It's beautiful at night. I'll grant it that, but what I've learned is a place has many times of day. I'm willing to bet this place is too bright during the daytime with all the exposed windows. It's a night time apartment and it's obvious no one intends to sleep in here.”



Anne smiled, “You're ripping it open now which is good. You're exposing it's flaws.”



I said with finality, “I can't pay four million for this. Every time I thought about it, I'd kick myself in the ass hard for paying that much.”



She laughed and turned to Jaymes. “Rhette's estate out in Kansas City has probably cost him a lot of money to maintain through all the years I've known him. He's fine with it and he's holding onto it for reasons I can't explain. It's a beautiful house, don't get me wrong, but it's a house he won't live in.”



She turned to me and said, “You've got a house in Hannibal which is lovely and now, a house in South Carolina which I'm sure is beautiful, but now a place here...all of which you're not intending to live full time anywhere. What will it take to have you settled?”



“Let's go eat and I'll explain it. I've got to get out of here. I'm expecting a bear to come around the corner anytime and attack me.”



Jaymes laughed and she smiled, but I knew her smile hid a lot.



Back down on the street, we got into the limo. She sighed, “What would you like to eat?”



“Those huge flattened sandwiches.”



She gave him the name of the place and he drove. I turned to Jaymes, “The sandwiches are amazing. They have a Reuben sandwich the size of a huge submarine which is just piled high and then flattened with a toaster. Their club sandwich is about three inches thick with meats and everything, so be ready to eat a lot!”



I turned to Anna, “I'm sorry I brought you down.”



“No, I understand what's going on with you. I've had the wonder lust also and finally found home. Until you've got it, you'll be that rolling stone.”



“I've got a house in my mind. My Mom called her the little white house with the picket fence and she finally had it built on their property, but mine is a white two story on a corner with no picket fence. The trees are old and it's what I call a left hander's house, but it's where love is and where I'll settle.”



“Find it.”



“I'm thinking what I'll have to do is draw it and send the drawing to every real estate person in the country to put out a search for it.”



She laughed, “If nothing else, you'll have a nice painting!” She got serious and said, “What I'll do is I'll do you a favor. It's a bit different, but I'll do it for you to see you settled.”



“What's that?”



“Draw it and while the audiences are filing in, I'll put it on the screens with a one eight hundred number. If they see it and recognize it, they'll call you. That way, you've got millions of eyes looking for you. I'll even have it on the website so they can go there and see it if they didn't write down the number.”



“I appreciate it.”



“Hon, you've done more for me than most of my friends. You've been there when I needed to talk with someone. You've flown to France when I was depressed, and you've meditated with me when I was needing relaxed, but what you've done most is taught me how to relax period. Since you showed me how to do your jacuzzi and sauna thing, there's almost never a sleepless night.”



I turned to Jaymes, “She had one built in her castle.”



“She's got a castle!”



She laughed, “It's a manor, not a castle! A castle has a moat.”



“It's a friggin castle. I'd hate to think what that place cost.”



“It doesn't matter what it cost. I would've paid ten times that much for it. It was my white house on the corner and it's where I've got love.”



“How's he doing?”



“As onry as ever, but he comes in and sees me and I know I'm loved. Do you know we bought a tractor?”



“Why?”



“He wanted a tractor, so we got a tractor. What you don't know is a tractor is the road to expense. It's not complete unless it's got all the attachments and he's tearing up parts of the yard with it.

I'm not saying anything because he's building beautiful gardens, but he's very English. All his gardens have square sides and no flowing curves.”



“Go out and help him with it.”



“I tried. He told me, “The outside of the house is mine and your's is inside. Go back in! So, I went back in!”



I laughed, “Good man!”



“Good man! I wanted to strangle him!”



“You love him. He needs his space and you need yours. Compliment on his flower beds and swallow the “but they've got square sides”. He's doing it because he loves you and wants you to see color in the world he's creating outdoors.”



“Do you think that's what he's doing?”



“Yes. He's painting you pictures in the way he knows how. His true compliments will be when you ask him to go pick you some flowers so you can put them around the house.”



“Oh!”



“It's psychology for that primal part of the brain. It's the 'me hunter, you cook' thing.”



She and Jaymes laughed. When we got to the restaurant, Jaymes was bowled over. “They're huge!”



“And expensive, but worth every dime of it.”



“Are those the prices?!”



“Yeah, don't look at them.”



“Is everything expensive up here?”



“Yeah, but they make more money than we do back home.”



The man serving us kept looking at Jaymes. When he served us up, the sandwiches had mounds of chips, pickle spears, and olives in little paper cups.



The man said, “Son, if you aren't famous, you ought to be. I think you're probably the single most good looking guy I've served in years. I kept looking over on the wall to see if I'd ever helped you before, but I know you aren't old enough to be related to who I thought you were.”



Jaymes asked, “Thank you, who did you think I was?”



“You're a cross between Mike Landon and Monty Cliff. You've got that 'all American' charm and attractiveness people are drawn to.”



He turned to me, “I've seen you in here before. You're in the top ten.”



I laughed, “Thanks, mine's fake. His is the real thing. I know when you see his Dad, I'll be knocked out of the bracket because his Dad is my age and looks identical to him.”



“Really?”



“And if you ask me, I think you forgot a young Nelson boy on Ozzie and Harriet.”



He laughed, “Oh my God! Ricky Nelson!”



“Yeah, but his Dad keeps the look.”



He said, “He's on the wrong coast! He needs to be out in Hollywood!”



“We're having his photogenesis tested tomorrow. If so, he'll have a portfolio made and then, it'll be shopped.”



“Let me know when it's made. I'll send it to my friend Marty. So far, he's given a lot of them their starts.”



“Really? Who's he?” Anna asked.



He smiled, “Mrs Turner, it's Marty Scorsesee.”



She looked surprised, “Oh! You know him?!”



“He grew up right down the street. He comes in and we talk a lot. I'm sure he'll be interested.”



Jaymes smiled, “Could I get a knife for this sandwich?”



“Kid, I'll get you a knife. If you can eat that thing, I'll give you your money back!” He pointed with his thumb, “I've seen him inhale food. I would lose my money with that offer!”



Jaymes laughed, “I don't know, he's had a big breakfast, lunch, and supper. This is a midnight snack for him.”



The guy laughed, “And probably all of those meals were big. I don't know how some of them do it. It must be a high metabolism.”



“I stay active. Today, I ran ten miles and did cardio and kick boxing.”



His eyes went wide and Jaymes said, “Now tell him that ten miles was an indian run at full speed so you make me look bad for running with your Mom.”



The guy looked surprised and Anna said, “My God!”



Jaymes said, “My Dad has the number three ranked college soccer team in the United States and he out ran those guys.”



The guy asked, “And your Dad is going to model?”



“He's about to retire in a couple of years. Rhette think it will be a nice gimmic if we're a father and son team who look alike. I've got blonde hair now, but my Dad's is brown.”



“Is your Dad as skinny as you?”



“No, Rhette's trying to get him to lose weight by teaching him the cardio and kick boxing.”



“Rhette?”



“That's me.”



“Unusual name. It's classic but it's a stars name which can be identified instantly by the first name.”



“Mine has an e on the end of it instead of like Rhett Butler. My Mom was a Gone With The Wind fan. I've got brothers named Ashley and Brent. My sister wasn't named after the movie.”



Jaymes added, “She's already famous.”



He looked over, “Who's she?”



“Jilli Michaels. She's on television weight training people.”



“With that fat people show?”



“Yeah.”



“My God, I see the family resemblance now. Your eyes are the same and your jaw line.”



“It's my Mom's side of the family. My Dad is Italian and was broader built. My Mom is German and slighter in build.”



Jaymes laughed, “His Mom is buff! She's going to be in the old people's Olympics.”



The guy laughed and asked, “Do you and your sister look like her?”



“Yeah, she looks more like Judge Judy.”



“Oh, she's gorgeous then!”



“Thanks, I'll give her the compliment.”



Anna said, “His Mom is a darling. I've met her and she's a classy woman until she's riled. Then, her fire and ice comes out. She's the perfect mama though. She'll go in fighting hard enough to kill mountain lions for her kids.”



He looked up and laughed, “How'd you get her riled?”



She laughed, “I'm smarter than that! Someone spoke bad about him who was a member of his first love's family. She overheard the conversation and really let the girl have it with both barrels.”



He laughed, “Your food's getting cold. Thanks for bringing them in Mrs Turner.”



Each time he said it, I know she bristled. I know he was meaning it as a way of respect, but when we got in the booth, she said, “I hate being called that.”



“I knew it was under your skin.”



“I know he's doing it as a way of being polite, but I don't know him well enough to have him call me my first name.”



“Let it go. Let's eat and we'll go home and let you vent out some frustration on the dance floor.”



She laughed, “Do you still hate the apartment?”



“I'm going back tomorrow to see how bright it is and see what that bedroom I like looks like with all those windows. It'd be back to have to put up curtains in order to sleep.”



Jaymes said, “You don't sleep that much anyway, why are you worried about it?”



“Because I know if you're on a shoot until the wee hours, you're going to want to sleep in. It's not going to happen if you're up because you're unable to sleep. It's the same with anyone who stays there. This city is able to go twenty four seven and people do it here. Back home, these sandwiches aren't gotten at this hour, or gotten at all. Here, they're gotten.”



He was eating away at all of his condiments. I was hacking away at my Reuben with the knife and eating it. She was over nibbling on her chips.



“You need to eat if you're going to grow up big and strong Anna!”



She smiled, “I'm thinking.”



“About what?”



“That song you were pounding out...the words. I've never been into writing songs, but it's sort of a song I could use to say what I set out to accomplish and do it in a high energy sort of way. It's like I went from Nutbush to New York via every city on the planet and finally, I'm back home.”



“In Nutbush?” Jaymes asked.



“No, In my soul. Until we reach what we strive for, we're not truly happy.”



“Oh! Sort of like my Dad searching for Rhette and Rhette telling him he's not what he is looking for. Until they finally realize they're more settled with each other than anyone I've seen, they've got to search.”



She smiled, “Out of the mouths of babes. You should listen to him Rhette.”



“I've found I'm able to jive more with Jeff now, but the gears aren't meshing. Besides, I've got Jessie back home and I'm not going to cheat on him.”



Jaymes nodded, “I figured out who he reminds me of.”



“Who's that?”



“That one actor who is on the History channel.”



“Peter Graves but young.”



“Is that his name?” he asked



She smiled, “He was quite attractive when he was young.”



“Jessie has looks which change according to his mood. If you look at all the pictures, you see the looks change. At first, I thought he was sending me pictures of two different people...like you and Jarad, but then when I was around him more, I saw he changes his looks without realizing it.”



She asked, “What do you mean?”



“I'm going to say a name and then, you'll realize what I mean. Sean Penn.

Madge said the same thing about him. She said he could be the best looking guy ever and then, turn around and be someone different with a simple look.

With Jessie, I took three pictures, bam bam bam in five minutes and each one of them have him looking different. What's interesting is all of them were seated at his computer desk. Two of them had his hat on and one with no hat and no shirt.

Then, the next morning, we got up and went to the Y there and worked out. One has no shirt and he's all pumped up and the other later when we got home and were making out. He's standing, no clothes and bam, I took the photo. I cropped it for taste, but in five pictures, he looks like four different people.

What's interesting is three weeks later, I took his picture with him in full mustache and he looks younger and punier than ever. But, when he goes to the golf course, people get confused because he's there wearing the same uniform with the same hat and pants and they will walk right on by him asking where he is.”



She frowned, “That's strange.”



“Don't get me wrong, his personality is one which is perfect. He's quiet and patient, but he's strong and wonderfully loving all the time, but it's the exterior looks which change constantly. I'd be insane to be with him if he had personalities which matched all the different looks.”



Jaymes said, “I can't eat all this. Do you think he'll get me a go bag?”



“Yeah, get one for her too. She's picking at the crust and not eating the rest. Tell him I want one of the club sandwiches to go with lots of shredded cheese and sweet peppers on it.”



“Where are you going to put it?!”



“In the bag and take it home for later. I might eat it for breakfast after I do my jog and you do yours.”



“I gotta jog?!”



“Yeah, we'll jog around Central Park. I'm not sure how far that is, but it's some form of exercise which beats none.”



He laughed, “We could drive around it and find out how far it is.”



“Do you think the driver would mind? And speaking of which, I need to get you repaid for the fuel for that plane.”



“Don't worry about it.”



“How much is your lease for it?”



“Here's the trick with the leasing of them. If you're the first person to lease on the life of the plane, it's expensive. If you're the second person, it's less.

When I first started, I was the first. Then, I looked at the bills and saw how much I was paying. I pointed at it and told them I'd fly first class instead.

When they got back with me, they said they have them on a rated system where you have eight years on the lease of a plane and then, it's sold off. My planes are now eight year planes. I get a different one each year and the one you see now will be sold off for about two million. I'm thinking about buying one rather than leasing it, but to answer your question, I'm paying a million a year for the plane.”



(The way the lease system goes for a new jet is 10 million for the first year. Nine for the second. Eight for the third, and each year is a million off. When it's been leased out for eight years, they sell them off for two million. A new jet costs fifty million, so they see a profit.)



“So a used one from them is two million.”



“Yes, but then you're responsible for the maintenance and upkeep of it.”



“It surely can't be that much if they keep them maintained well.”



“That's what I'm thinking.”



“Ask your person to see if they've got one available to buy. If they do, I'm interested. Now, which one do you think is best?”



“My preference is the Citation. It can land most everywhere. I do need to tell you they've got little ones to larger ones. You might have to pay more for a larger one.”



“Are they here?”



“I believe in New Jersey. I'll make a call and find out. If you're interested, we can run over there.”



“I might have to stay an extra day if I decide to look at property tomorrow. I'm thinking I might look and see what's available in real estate. I hate to be a pain, but that's a lot of money.”



She chuckled, “What would you pay for it?”



“About half what she's asking.”



“What are the advantages?”



“The view and the address I guess. Everyone knows where it's located.”



“Yes, now what are the disadvantages?”



“The price and the fact I'd have to remodel the bedrooms in order to have it the way I wanted and with all those windows, I'd not have what I wanted.”



“I've seen someone build inside of a building like that and blocked off some of the windows without touching the exterior.”



“I'm wondering if it could be done in a way so there could be an outer perimeter viewing deck and have the inside be the rooms I'd want. “It all can be done with the right amount of money and the right architect.”



“I'm wondering what they will allow and won't allow?”



“Probably anything if the structure isn't affected.”



“It'd take getting....Hey! I wonder if someone has another apartment for sale in that building?!”



“I don't know. It's pretty exclusive real estate.”



“Yes, but with the economy and what that rat bastard Madoff did with everyone's money, it'd probably have some victimes in it.”



“Do you know someone who got taken?”



“Oh yeah, Mama Naomi got taken. She was a singer and probably made as much as you.”



“Really? I'm not familiar with her.”



“She sang country with her daughter.”



“Oh my! I've not met her, but I know who she is.”



“She has a house down in my community. She had to close it and go back to live on her farm with her daughters. I'm thinking about buying her house for my Mom.”



“Why?”



“My Mom loves the community. I love it too, but I sure couldn't live with my Mom!”



She laughed, “We all end up taking care of our families sooner or later.”



“I imagine I will, but I think they've got a lot of good years yet. I do know my aunt went like my grandma. She was perfect in health last June and by August, she was dead with a fast form of leukemia.”



“How?”



“She started failing and went to the doctor. He ran tests and found it was leukemia. Because she had enough money, she got treatment because the cost was expected to be that high. She took some decava bean or something like that and what it did was it caused her to have to have transfusions something fierce like two or three a week. Then, she had a massive heart attack and was brain dead within an hour.”



“So the leukemia didn't kill her, but the heart attack.”



“No, the treatment killed her if you want to be specific. I know all that blood and platelets clogged everything up.”



“It sounds terrible.”



“It was shocking, but what's uncanny is I saw her spirit twice before she died.

When they were having the final prayer over her, I saw her at the doorway and she said goodbye to me and waved.

Then, when she died, she said goodbye again. At her funeral, they had a country music song which had something about taking the time to dance in it and I saw her up by her casket doing a soft shoe dance. What's weird is she wanted me to get up to dance with her and I didn't. My cousin, her daughter, saw her dancing too.”



“Wow!”



“What's neat is she was a very pastel woman. If it was a pastel color, or white, she wore it in a pant suit. They dressed her in her casket in a pale blue dress suit but when I saw her, all three times she was wearing pastel blue pants and a white shirt.

What's interesting is I was always really close with her. About two years before she died at a Thanksgiving dinner, I took a look at her and thought, “Man, she's getting old!” I'm wondering if she was already having the problems with the leukemia then.”



“There's a lot of cancer in your area.”



“There's a helluva lot of radon in our area! The city of Quincy mailed radon kits to it's people and something like three quarters of them had over the acceptable levels. One of them had one hundred!”



“What's acceptable?”



“Four or less.”



“My goodness!”



“I tested my house there and it's less than one. They say if your basement and house is sealed really good, the levels will be higher. My house there is old but we took that spray on foam insulation and spray the floor joists in the basement. We also lifted it and put a new basement under it and put down lots of sealer, plastic, foam, and then the new concrete.”



“Why'd you lift it?”



“The walls down there were about two feet in from the outside. Because it was old, it had the floor receptacles as well as wall ones. We had to rewire it, but it couldn't be reached. I got fed up and decided either we were going to sell it, or I was going to have what I wanted. Kevin found someone who would do the excavation work, so what we did was we bought houses in the neighborhood and had the guy tear them down.

I'd bought the house next to mine, so we tore it down and then made the basement there. When it was time to lift it, we lifted it and moved it over. She sat down beautifully and only the ceiling in the upstairs hallway came down. We put it back up and rewired everything.”



“It sounds like you bought a money pit!”



“No, we got it cheap and even after putting thirty thousand into it, it's still the nicest house in that whole area.”



“It's a beautiful house.”



“It be better if I could buy that lunatic's house.”



She laughed, “How's he doing?!”



“Still stuck in the rut, I mean slut, I mean he hasn't changed anything...including girlfriends.”



She laughed real loud. “He seemed like a real nice man to me.”



“He didn't believe it was you. He kept saying, “She looks like that one chick who sings. I know it's not because you couldn't be friends with anyone. Fags don't deserve friends.”



“Ooh, I bet you went ballistic.”



“No, on that day, I was as nice as I could be. I told him a baseball bat would be too good for him so I'd let him fester like the puke he was on the inside.”



“You're terrible!”



“You know, we bug the hell out of each other, but I'm not about to move and he knows I want his house too much to ever sell it to me.”



“How much would he want?”



“I asked and he offered to sell it to me for eighteen thousand. I cracked open the checkbook and ripped him off a check only to find out he was messing with me. I tore off the bottom numbers and told him to eat the rest of it because the next time I wrote one out, it'd be a helluva lot less.

You don't know how bad I've been tempted to torch that place and roast marshmallows.”



“No, don't do that. He'd figure out it was you and then, you'd lose all your antiques.”



“Hey! I get insurance now!”



“Really?”



“I contacted a different insurance company and they're going to insure it.”



Jaymes came over with sacks and mine in a sack already. We got up and went to the limo. Before I walked out, I told the man I'd get him a photo of Jaymes.



During the ride to Anna's place, we laughed and cut up watching Jaymes watch buildings. The sidewalks were clear and when we got to Anna's, I said, “We forgot to drive around the park.”



“I think it's three miles.”



“Ok, we'll use that figure and jog around it twice.”



When we went in, we took the sandwiches to the kitchen and then went into the music room. Jaymes stood and stared at the Grammys, Vh1 awards, the MTV awards, the BET awards, and the SoulTrain award, and the Golden Globe award. He turned and smiled, “Wow!”



She laughed and said, “Teach him the strut while I go freshen up a bit.”



“Come here Jaymes, in order to know the woman you have to walk a mile in her stillettos.”



“What?!”



“Get over here! It'll take a mile in order to perform what I call her “Strut”.”



“What's that?”



“It's the walk she does on stage.”



He smiled, “Why's it so special?”



“If there's ONE thing which anyone around this world can identify her with, it's THAT walk, so, what you do is we put on this music.” I went over to her player piano and pressed the button and suddenly, her entrance music started pounding out.



“Elton gave her that piano because he could get them free. When it got here, I played with it and got that programmed. It's probably the only song still on it and all it is, is that there!”



I stood up and said, “This is her entrance music. Nothing and no one else plays until she hits center stage. When she's walking to the stage, she's warming up for that strut because I'll tell you it's a walk that starts up here and works it's way down to those heels.”



He laughed and I said, “First of all, on stage, her hair is a trademark, so she's got to have it in motion. So loosen up your neck and do the chin bobble which gets the hair moving.”



He smiled, “Does she know you do this?!”



“Oh yeah, she says I've got it down better than anyone, but I'll tell you what is great is when I get out there on center stage and mimic her singing, that's when she says I've got it down better than anyone! So, what you do is you've got to loosen up your shoulders when you've got your chin bobble loosened up.

Then, what you do is you walk and when you walk, you've got to think about walking in heels which are a minimum of four inches. In guy feet, it's called walking on your tip toes and trying to be glamorous.”



I heard her laughing behind me and he smiled. She came in and said, “Your mic is on. I can hear you clear upstairs.”



I laughed and said, “He's gotta learn it.”



He asked, “Why?”



“Because hon, the moment you walk into a photo shoot with that walk and hit center stage and give them a look over your shoulder like she does, they have no idea you're a diva. After that, they KNOW you're a diva...it's just about how much they're willing to pay after that!”



She laughed real loud. “You are so full of it, it scares me sometimes! I hope you don't mind, but I've got you being recorded. That line there is going to be what I use before I come on stage.”



I smiled, “Ok, but we've still got to teach him.”



She came over and said, “Don't listen to him. It's about your knees. If you keep your back ram rod straight and concentrate on the knees, you're not going to fall in the heels. NOTHING is glamorous if you're laying in your mini skirt all splayed out wondering how you're going to get us without someone seeing your cooch!”



He blushed and I laughed. I went over and said, “Kick off your shoes.”



He came over and kicked them off and I pointed at the shoes on the side of the floor. “Strap 'em on. You never respect a woman unless you've walked the mile in those things.”



He blushed and I had mine strapped on in no time. “Standing up is hard at first. Then, once you've not broken your ankles or your neck, it's all easy.'



I walked out with her strut and got to center stage, “Want to switch it to 'Mary'?”



She laughed, “That boy is going to freak! But I've got one 'Mary' in me.”



“Let me lead us in.”



She laughed, “Ok”



“You hit the button when I get to the 'rough' otherwise, I'll look like an idiot!”



I took the intro all the way to the rough and the lights blasted. Then, I got us to the pick up of the song and by then, she was laughing, I went into the 'Left a good job in the city...'.



I looked over at Jaymes and he was totally transfixed. She came over and said, “That boy is so in love with you, it's amazing.”



“It's not possible.”



She fell in and his eyes went wide. I leaned over and said, “He's now seeing we're close enough to surprise him.”



“When we get through with Mary, I want you to do 'Dancer' and let that boy see your talents. When I see you do that, it brings tears to my eyes because you put some soul in it I don't.



We went in the toots of our show boats and when we wound out, she went over and got the music of the flugel horn mixed in perfectly. By then, I had the boa wrapped around me.



When I got to center stage, I looked up and saw him. He was standing up by the door. I sang and then, went into an accapella version of 'I don't want to lose you' and she came over shocked, “It mixes perfectly!”



“You're vicious woman!”



“You see?!”



“I see. How'd you get him here?”



She smiled, “He loves you.”



“Jaymes is going to shit!”



When we got finished, I said, “Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Elton John.”



He came down and said, “Rhette.”



I hugged him and when we pulled back, we both had tears. I looked over and said, “My boy's losing it. Let's go get you introduced.”



“Who's he!”



“It depends if you ask our hearts or minds.”



“What's that mean?”



“My mind will tell you he's the son of an ex of mine. If you ask our hearts, it will tell you I'm an idiot and letting him slip through my fingers.”



He smiled, “Does he know me?”



“Not personally and he said his Dad would enjoy meeting you!”



He laughed, “Oh! That's bad!”



We went over and Jaymes said, “I can't believe this!”



“Jaymes, this is Elton and Elton, this is Jaymes!”



Jaymes was blushing fiercely. “You didn't say he was going to be here!”



“I didn't know! She surprised me.”



He turned and said, “That was good!”



She laughed and hugged him, “Let's let them have their time. When I hear them singing, I know all is well.”



They went out and I said, “I really didn't know until more than a year afterward.”



“She told me, I'm sorry I took it so hard.” he said blushing.



“I'm sorry I missed it. I really would've been there.”



“I know. I should've tried harder. When I didn't get your RSVP, I should've called your Mom, but I was afraid it was for other reasons.”



“It's been a rough couple of years.”



“It's better now?”



“Yeah, as long as they keep freezing the spots as they come up.”



“How have you been doing?”



“It's been rough. Kevin and I split up for good. I bought a place down in South Carolina and now, I'm up here looking for a place to buy.”



“Did you win the lottery or something?”



“I won a lawsuit, designed a program, and sold out the business. Since then, I've invested it and it's serving me well.”



“Has she asked you yet?”



“Ask me what?”



“She's going to ask you to do a concert with us. She's probably waiting until she sees how we're doing, but she asked me if I thought you would and if I minded.”



“Is it going to be her final time out?”



“I think so. She's not telling anyone, but she had a bad scare and knows she's not a spring chicken anymore.”



“We all realize we're getting older.”



“She thought she'd broken a hip. She fell and it really banged her up.”



“Oh!”



“The ninny never told me until after she was out of the hospital. The blasted French hospitals! Everyone knows you don't go there except to die.”



“I've yet to be told! At least you were told.”



He looked up, “I've missed you.”



“And I have you. She's wanting to stay at my Kansas City house, it's nothing but stairs!”



“Don't say a thing. If she asked, it's because she wants to be secluded.”



“I need you to make me a song.”



He chuckled, “No one makes songs hon!”



“I thought of it and it's going to be her curtain call. The words are a culmination of her career.”



“Oh!”



“She loved the idea. I banged out a few lines, but I want it to be with the horns blasting, the beat fast, and it being prouder than Mary and what is going to be her going out with full triumph.”



He smiled, “Give me the lines.”



“It's a hodgepodge, but I hope it inspires.”



He smiled, “You inspire me” He took my chin between his forefinger and thumb and said, “It's some amazing work.”



“It fits and now, people say I look more like Mom and Jilli.”



He chuckled, “Jilli, she went out and got famous!”



“She adding something this year which is something we did together, it's push ups where we slap each other's hands. We did it up in the field together and she thought it was a good way of bonding.”



“Is she as intense as what she shows on television?”



I laughed, “She's as docile as when she's doing the quiet segments, but she gets intense. I think she learned well from me. You know being raised in the country, we couldn't be quiet.”



He laughed, “Is she doing well?”



“Her kids. They're reminding her paybacks are a bitch.”



He laughed, “Oh, Thank God I didn't have them!”



“Me too! How I'd survive the tidal wave of the teen years is beyond me.”



“Why do you say tidal wave?”



“Why Mom always said, “What you cast upon the water shall be returned unto you. Well, a pebble makes a ripple. A stone makes a splash. What I dished out will make tidal waves!”



He laughed, “Mine too, but my identity crisis went longer. I wish I'd known you then.”



“You know I think it was something you said to me which got me settled in my skin...as you say.”



“Really?”



“You were joking with Anna and said, “You're a queen when people expect a queen, a diva when they expect a diva, but around those who love you, you're love personafied. I realized I wasn't shutting it off and being what those around me needed.”



I said, “Hon, don't be anyone but yourself when you're alone. I'll tell you a funny story but it's the truth. Do you remember how Michael Jackson and the Jackson 5 did that spin with the toe behind the leg thing?”



“Yeah.”



“It doesn't work worth a shit in the shower. I fell and damned near killed myself in there and broke three ribs. As I was about to pass out, I thought to myself, “No one's going to know you died trying to be Michael Jackson. Next time, die being yourself bitch!”



He laughed and blushed, “That's funny!”



“It worked. Since then, when I'm alone, I'm myself. I'm happy and yeah, I sing my guts out and study voices at the computer, but that's usually late at night when the house is quiet and I'm alone.”



“Throw yourself a party, you do!”



“Yes, I hate being in the dark and having it quiet, but I do a lot of writing then.”



“Writing? You fancy yourself being a writer?”



“Oh, I'm a writer alright. There's fourteen books and counting.”



“What!”



“They're not books really, but they're internet stories. Rather than being smut, they're gay romances.”



“Really?”



“You've not read any stories online?”



“No! I didn't know there were any.”



“Oh! There are. I've got a site and then, there's a number of sites which have stories. Most of them are erotica, or sex stories, but mine are romances where there's not much sex happening.”



“Why?”



“Because sex scenes are hell to write. If you were writing sex in the words of a song, you'd say, “You put your hand there and I felt good. I put my hand there and you felt good. Then you caressed there, and a chill ran up my spine and my lips grazing along your chinline cause your nipples to go erect.” It's that sort of thing where feelings, sensations, touches, and all that have to be descriptive and by the time I get to where they actually do something, it's fifteen pages of junk and how do you write every thrust?”



He laughed, “I don't know, but you were doing pretty good there!”



“It's descriptive. What's interesting is I started writing because I took a month off from work. The guys were being disrespectful and disloyal and thought they could take breaks when they pleased. When Kevin came in, they'd hop to it for him, but if I told them to do something, they'd say, 'Ah, we'll get to it later'.

Finally, Kevin and I got into it and I told him I was taking a month off and if it didn't get better, I was closing the place. I left and it took one afternoon sitting alone for me to decide I'd go stir crazy if I were to do it every day for a month. So, I sat down with a clean screen on the computer and started banging out a story.

What's nice is it was the story about how Kevin and I got together in fiction and I suppose it was me trying to put it together mentally because I knew he was messing around with someone.”



“Oh!”



“What happened is I finished the story where we were currently and then, he came home to tell me he was leaving. Needless to say, I went ballistic and pulled out all the stops in being a vindictive bitch. By the time that night was over, his fella was in jail and we were arguing something terrible.”



“So you broke it off?”



“ No, we beat up on each other mentally for a month and then took a vacation. On vacation, he accused me of being the person who was cheating and that's when I decided to send him packing. I went to Hawaii and he went home, but he didn't pack.

When I got home, we argued and he slugged me a good one and I ended up packing after beating the hell out of his truck.

Then, we got back together for a brief time and for that time, it was more beating up on each other mentally and finally, we called it quits. Now, we don't speak except in messages to each other on the phone and that's better than how it should be.”



“You have hurt feelings.”



“Hurt, yes. I feel like fourteen years of my life was wasted. If I had to do it over again, I'd much rather find out I could love someone as much, but not feel violated like that.”



“It hurts. I know it does, but eventually, you find someone.”



He looked over my shoulder and said, “What about him?”



“I've got someone back home in South Carolina. Jaymes would be perfect, but I'm no cheater.

What's sad is Jessie is perfect for me, but I put an arms length between us because I don't trust. Jaymes is perfect for me, but I put Jessie between us. Then, there's Jaymes' Dad, who is my ex, who really has let me know he's willing to change to make it work between us now. With the way it is, it's feast or famine with me and right now, I've got feast and have no desire to dine.”



He smiled, “Then diet. Save the hunger for when it's best to eat.”



I nodded, “When I get home to South Carolina, you better know I'm going to tear into it with juices running down my chin!”



He laughed. “Tell me the lines of that song?”



“Ok, you're going to shoot me for playing this piano this way, but here it goes. 'I've succeed where I wanted. I accomplished the dream. I got what I set out for Now it's my Laaaaast Time Out!'”



He smiled broadly, “Oh! I like it!”



“I can see her in that white outfit. She could do the song slow and talk the words and it'd say what she wanted and then, she could belt them out and rock the house down.”



He nodded, “You've got what you need there. You've got the rhyme and the rhythm, so all you need to do is add more words. With this piano, take that rhythm and program it in and then, find words to say what you want to put in.”



“I'm thinking about saying something like 'I was alone and then found Ike. I found Rivers with Mary and Mountains with Dancer, but never knew love until I found you. With fame came plunder and Thunder and Domes, Tommy hadn't shown me what it was like alone. I found a man and he was Simply the best. Love followed and put me to rest. France gave me rest. Budha gave me solitude, I'm rejuvenated and now I need you. I decided to give it a shot. Now it's my last time out!”



He laughed, “you're doing good!”



“You're the writer. I'm the song. I can hear it in my head, but it's hard writing what I know she wants to say, but why is it so hard sitting and doing it?”



“Let me help. You go up there and be her. Perform her doing it and put in her choreography and it'll come.”



“Is that how you do it?”



“I'm given the melody and I find the words. Bernie was always able to provide me a melody which my words were able to fit.”



“How's he doing?”



“He's doing. He's still never forgiven me.”



“It wasn't love. Love means forgiving. When it's conditional, it's not love to it's finest. But, when the pain is deep, it's about as fine as busted china.”



He laughed, “I agree.”



“My problem was I was the bull in that china shop. What he didn't break, I demanded equal time. You definitely should know what I couldn't crash into with brute force, I made sure a horn reached out and gored. I wanted it dead and that's definitely what I got.”



“Is there a reason why?”


“I realized that as long as there was a path, I'd run it, walk it, or crawl it back to him. It didn't matter how dangerous it was for me, but until all routes were blasted, every road would lead back to him. For me to go forward, I had to stop looking back and now, I'm not hindered by that potential wasted time.”



“You're more direct than I am. I spent twenty years severing the ties.”



“Are they severed now?”



“Yes, I have someone in his stead. It's bad to put it that way, but it's what worked best for me.”



“Let's do this song. If it gets written, I want us three on it as writers. That'd be the ultimate gift of our friendship.”



He smiled, “Are you going to think it presumptuous if I ask to stay at our house?”



“In Kansas City?”



“Yes, I love your piano there. I think it's one of four built in that year.”



“Really?”



“I went back to Steinway and it took them time to find where they even made them. Then, when I told them it was made of Chestnut and not Oak, Walnut, or Cherry, they told me I was mistaken. I told them the model year and they told me they knew I was mistaken and then, one day, the man called excited and told me, he found the papers. He said he wanted to see it.”



“I think it was made for a church around 1909. I know our church back home had the same style of pews as it has at the key stop. It's like they're Eagle's paws or something.”



“They're Lion's paws. The style back then was to put Lion's feet on Eagles. It made them more fierce looking.”



“I love mine because I know it's got to weigh a lot all resting on those brass balls.”



“He said yours having the brass work would make it one of a kind. Well, he said what he saw was they made a baby grand, a grand, and a concert grand. With yours being the concert grand, he said he thinks the sound would be exceptional. With the Chestnut, he thinks it would be similar to a Stradivarius in pianos. I do know it's the best sounding piano I've ever played.”



“You tell me that every time you've played it.”



He smiled, “Because it's true. I've played a lot of them, but that one in my mind is the most beautiful.”



“Do you think if your recorded it you could have a electronic one made?”



He blushed, “I was hoping you'd allow me to do it.”



“Then feel free. What do you think it'd be worth?”



“Worth? It's priceless!”



“I need to ask because I think that house and contents are insured for something like a quarter of a million. If I need to increase it and put the piano on as a rider, then I should do it.”



“I'd tell you to get it out of that house and put it up here where you'd be around it more. If I leave messages there and you don't get them for a year, that piano could be gone for a year and you'd never know it!”



“I'm sorry El, I never go there. It's too painful. I imagine I'll go there when you two are there, but I've really begun to think about selling the house.

The problem with coming up here, the apartment I've looked at has no way of getting it inside unless we hoist it with crane and put it in a window which was taken out. I'm not sure the city would allow a piano lifted up that high!”



He laughed, “Have you looked at any other places?”



“No, Anna said she knows of a place for five million along Central park, but I know I'm going to want an estate if it's low to the ground and if I go high, then the views I saw there are what I want.”



“What are you willing to spend?”



“It's not the money. IF I could have an estate with a view of the Statue of Liberty and another prime building, then it'd be wonderful. It's not going to happen because there are no estates showing everything like that.”



“What about if you had the whole skyline of New York with Liberty as a focal point?”



“A houseboat?”



“No, I know someone who's got his island up for sale with a wonderful house. You'd have to helicopter in, or ferry, but it's a commanding view.”



“How much?”



“I think he wanted fifteen million.”



“Damn!”



He laughed, “It's only money in the bank unless it's buying you happiness. Then, it's an investment.”



“Well, I better get up and start belting out a song. IF I've got to make another career to replenish the bank account, I'm going to have to be good at it.”



He laughed, “Let me say something and you're going to knock my knickers when I say this, but YOU standing up like that and the tone of your voice reminded me of someone I've met. She's a lovely girl and she's just about as intense as you, but your hair and the look on your face made me think of her.”



“Bette Midler?”



He laughed, “No, but you've got her ability to pull shockers out of you like she. No, who I was thinking of was Shania Twain.”



“Reaaallly?”



“Yeah.”



“Man, I feel like a woman!”



He started playing the song and I led into it with the “Let's Go Girls!”



He threw in honky tonk to the piano and I looked over and he was playing high handed which told me he was having a great time. During the chorus, he was singing back up and I was really getting into it with the whine to my voice. I looked up and Jaymes was wide eyed staring at me singing. Anna was dancing. Jaymes saw her dancing and she pulled him up to the stage and got him to doing a dance.



When the song ended, he went over to “That don't impress me much.” I went into it and he nodded yelling, “I love it!”



What was neat was when I got to putting in names, I put their names and it surprised Elton. As it wound down, I went into “Looks Like We Made It” without music. Instead of singing it at the beat she sang it, I took it slow and soulful. Instead of saying singing the last chorus as Still the one, I sang it Were the One.”



El looked over and saw the tear sliding down my cheek. I smiled, “That was Kevin and I's song. Yeah, I know Shania. It totally knocked him into bed horned when I'd sing like her.”



He laughed, “I'm sorry.”



“No, it's fine. Let's get upbeat and give me 'I don't feel like dancing' by the Scissor Sisters. If I can think about the way the lead singer looks, I've got my Jessie and then know I'm better.”



He looked surprised, “Really?!”



“Yeah, he's that fine.”



He smiled, “Lucky you!”



He went honky tonk with the piano again and we did a duet on the song. When it got staccato, he looked surprised again at the way I was able to get the voice effects in.



When it was over, he said, “Do you realize you've got a voice which I'd love to have?”



“Before the beating, I didn't sing publicly. You know I sang around you guys and Lo', but when I got the new jaw, I was laying in that bed watching MTV thinking about whether I could do the voices or not and started doing them.

It was rough because things wouldn't work, but now, I'm learning the voices as a challenge to see what I can't do! BUT, the men's voices are coming on and what's interesting is I'm learning the rougher ones are where I'm challenged.”



“Like who?”



“David Coverdale of White Snake is a rough one.”



He smiled and began, “Love Ain't No Stranger”



As I was belting it out, Anna got up on stage and began doing it as a duet. When we got to the final refrains where it was slowing, she pulled me in to a slow dance, “I want you to sing with us in Kansas City. Will you?”



“Three songs. IF you'll do that as a duet, it'll rock the house and will be totally unexpected. It allows me to use a guy's voice so I'm not a female impersonator.”



“I'll do it! I didn't realize I could do that song until you were doing it!”



“How about we go from 'Mary' where I'm impersonating you over to that and then, I can lead us into a sad soulful song like “I'll say goodbye for the two of us” where it goes to center spotlight. While I'm doing that, you can do a costume change and that way, you can have El out on stage and we can rock it and drop it for you to do 'Private Dancer'. It should get it in the tone for you to be knocking them out.”



She laughed, “What's the song you're mentioning.”



I turned to Elton, “Do you know that song?”



“Who sang it?”



“Expose'.”



“Sing it to me and I'll follow.”



“The piano is really what there is except for bass and percussion.”



I started, “When you wake up and find me gone tomorrow. Don't think I meant to hurt you...”



He smiled and nodded and went into it with the piano. As I sang, I did more chin quivers which added more cry to my voice and brought it down to really soulful.



At the end, I went into Michael Bolton's 'I said I loved you, but I lied' and El cheered, “My God! I knew you could do him!”



As I sang, the growls and the crying pain really let the soul flow. The words brought out the pain and tears flowed again. At the end, I went into Steel Bars and then finished, went went over to them at the piano smiling.



She said, “You can't do that Expose' song. You singing that “I said I loved you' song is going to totally blow you into a singing career if you'd release it. You did him better than he does him!”



“That's my 'I'm getting over Kevin' song. Each word I feel. I never knew how to sing soul until I felt it.”



“So you want 'Mary', 'Love Ain't No Stranger', and then please do the Bolton song. Then, will you lead me into Dancer and demonstrate you can do my voice?”



“Hon, that's your song!”



Jaymes came over and said, “There's a man in the kitchen!”



“Oh, that's Clive.”



I turned shocked, “You're terrible!”



She smiled, “Honey, you've got a voice which will fill stadiums. If you'd go out on tour with me warming them up, we'd buy your house up here!”



“I don't need the money!”



“Let's do a run through for him and see what he thinks.”



“Damn!”



Clive walked in and said, “Rhette!”



“Clive. If I'd known she'd called you, I would've ran!”



He laughed and asked, “I want to know how soulful you can take it and I want to know how mainstream you can make it.”



I took a deep breath and said, “I'm willing to sing for her with Elton. If we put it on cd, I'd allow you to sell it but you couldn't afford to make it the tour. I've seen her afterwards and not even the spa in Germany would bring me back.”





Clive wasn't taking no for an answer. “Ok, do the run through of what she wants you to do and then, throw two songs at me you think you do really well.”



“Two?!” I laughed, “I do all of them well, or I don't do them!” I turned to Elton and then asked Clive, “Can I do five?”



He laughed, “Ok, make it five! It'll show me your range.”



“Are you willing El?”



“Are we doing the ones you've done already, or are we doing different?”



“Different. I'll give you the song list and see if you know them. I know you know Anastacia, so it should be fine to do hers.”



He smiled, “I'm beginning to see where your tastes trend. You like the broadest scope because you know you can do everything in between.”



“Yeah.”



“Which one by her?”



“First, do 'Rescue Me' by Madge, and then do 'Excape' by Enriches, then we'll get over to Fergie doing 'Glamorous', then I can do both parts there and then, I'll cap it with Anastacia's, 'I'm Out Of Love', but when you get to end of that last stanza, stop and I'll sing it. If anything clap along and I'll scat it.”



He looked surprised, “Oh man! Ok!”



I went out and said, “Test for Clive Davis to see if I'm good enough. Take Final.”



He laughed, “You really don't like me!”



“Clive, if I didn't feel like a reluctant whore singing for you, and didn't feel like you'd beat my ass and put me out on a corner none the less, I'd be happy about working for you!”



Anna laughed real loud, “Whooweee child!”



He smiled, “Mouthy mouthy mouthy...why is it I always find you mouthy?!”



El went into 'Rescue Me' and I ripped it...growled it, purred it, and then just got nasty with it. When it was over, he gave a four count and into Excape, where I demonstrated gumdrop pop and the teen boy flair. Then, gave 'Glamorous' complete with me doing both the Rap and Fergie's voice. When I got into Anastacia, I'd went over to get a spotlight trained on me and did the moves of the video. At the scat part, I growled it, hit the highs, and went into my guts to bring up the lows and at the end. I finished and said, “I'm going to get a drink of water, feed my face, and let you sit there like you just hate my guts.”



El laughed, and said, “I'm taking a break!”



We went into the kitchen and he said, “I'm going to tell you if you ever want to record, I'm recording you. He'll tell you you've got no talent only to suck you dry and make you do what he wants.”



I got a tall glass of diet Coke and sat at the bar. Anna came in smiling and said, “He's still sitting there.”



“Probably thinking of all the adjectives he can to tell me I suck.”



“I don't know. When I did mine for him, he came over and pitched to me how we could use it to bring me back. He knew better than to tell me I wasn't star material!”



Jaymes came in chuckling. “He said he's got to go see the tapes again and listen closer.”



She laughed, “Rhette, he's cheating! He's going up to see what else we did!”



“Ok, so instead of telling me I suck, he'll tell me I suck totally and can't sing shit without messing it up.”



El laughed, “I think he's probably up there being blown away further. When he hears the range you sing, if I were him, I'd ask you to sing one person to bring it full out.”



“Who's that?”


He looked down, “Mariah.”



“Ok, let's go give him Mariah and Martha. What's that one where she sang the highs?”



“Martha?”



“No, I want to do 'Ride On Time' there. I love 'I Don't Know Anybody Else', but I want to hit the highs on 'Ride'. With Mariah, well, let's do her version of 'Got To Be Real' by Patti Labelle. There are enough of the highs in it I know he'll see I've got the range.”



We went back in and I sat a tee towel on the piano with my sandwich, “Clive, we're going to do two more. You might want to record these because I want to see if I match the highs or go higher. If I do, you can't tell me I totally suck.”



“I'm recording.”



“Thank you.”



El went into pounding the piano and then did a count. I went into Martha's voice and know I belted it out, hit the highs, and while I did it, I did my kick boxing aerobics routine jogging the whole time and throwing punches.

All the vocal effects got done and it was complete when El mixed it into 'Got To Be Real'. I know I did a mix of between Patti and Mariah there. I took it up Patti's highs with high nasal and Mariah's operatic. Towards the end, I had it going more towards Taylor Dayne's highs.

As I sang, I walked around doing the thrill downs using my finger like I was going down the scales and took them all the way down to the basement where I hit bass.

At the end, I said, “Clive, I'd do Taylor Dayne and Tom Jones for you, but if you told my I suck on those, I'd probably punch you!”



I heard laughter. His laughter, “Sing Tom Jones for me.”



I turned to Elton, “What's New Pussycat”. He wants punched.”



El smiled, “Which version?”



“Miss Congeniality. I like it better.”



“Ok”



We went into it and Anna came up on stage. She stared at me and I smiled. When it finished, I said, “Ok, that's it. This isn't about me, but us working on what Anna feels she wants for her concert. If I suck, then just bear with us because it's about what we're doing for her.”



“I'll be right down.”



She came over and said, “I can't believe how you make yourself sound like him!”



Elton laughed, “It's uncanny.”



“Let me tell you about how I learned him and then, you'll die laughing.”



Jaymes came up and sat on a bar stool by the piano.



I said, “Ok, when they were giving me chemo, I got pneumonia. It was the worst I've had ever and my voice sounded like Froggy on 'Our Gang'.

It was so bad, I broke ribs coughing and yet, I was sitting in that house alone going stir crazy and playing the music trying to get anything to come out. Finally, I thought, “Well, if I can't get the highs, I'll go for the lows. So, I went into the basement....way down here in my chest and found him.

What you don't know is that man sings probably almost opposite than everybody else. It's down in the chest whereas everyone else is from voice box up. Yet, when he hits those highs, it's going nasal from the chest which is hell.

It took some learning, but it's like Michael Bolton's voice. For a long time, when I did his, I couldn't sing anything else because it's so different, but his is up in the chords rather than down.”



She smiled, “I can't believe how you do it.”



Jaymes asked, “I need to go to bed.”



She said, “Oh sure hon, let me show you where. The bedrooms are on the third floor because the noise down here doesn't make it that far.”



He came over and hugged me and said, “Mr John, if you're not here in the morning, would you please leave an autograph for my Dad. He's not going to believe tonight happened and I really want to tell him about it.”



I looked at my cell phone, and said, “Call him. It's ten back there, so we're doing fine.”



“Is it ok?”



“Yeah, then hand El the phone. We'll get you your autograph and a dvd of tonight.”



“Really?!”



“Yeah, he'll probably be pissed I dominated the night, but it wasn't what I meant to do.”



“Ok!”



He took my cell and I said, “It's 244 on my speed dial...the amount of letters in 'we were good'.”



He dialed and soon, I heard him talking, “Dad! It's me, I wanted to tell you good night and that Rhette's got people around us you just won't believe!”



El chuckled, “Mr John!”



“Make you feel old?”



He smiled, “The kid is gorgeous, but it sure told me I'm old.”



Jaymes came over and said, “He doesn't believe me.”



“Jeff, he's not lying. We're sitting around the piano at Anna's and they had me audition for Clive.”



“Who's Anna?”



“Tina!”



“Really?!”



“Yeah! We went and looked at the apartment and I don't think it's it. It's great, but it's not.”



“What's that mean?”



“Well, the first floor is amazing. If the bedrooms were equally as amazing, it'd be awesome, but they're not. It'd take a complete remodel of them in order to have me happy and I'm not about to do it for anything I spend that much on.”



“I don't blame you. Now, what about Elton John?”



“He's here.”



“I can't believe that. You took my kid to New York to get him drunk.”



“Why I'm surprised at you! El, play the entrance to 'Benny and the Jets' and then put it into 'Goodbye Yellow Brick Road'. No one can do that except you and besides, we've got the dvd to prove it if Clive hasn't destroyed it.”



El played and then went into 'Goodbye Yellow Brick Road' and said then began, 'Candle In the Wind' singing some words about Rhette's eyes.”



Jeff said, “I can't believe it. You took him up there and he got all that and I didn't get to go?!”



“We're doing a concert together. Anna wants her friends with her as its going to be the last one for sure. I'm knocking out a song for her, but with Clive, I imagine that'll be killed.”



“Who's Clive?”



“Clive Davis. He's her manager.”



“Clive Davis...the Clive Davis?!”



“Yeah.”



“Oh man! DO you realize who he's managed?!”



“Yeah, but he's up reviewing the tapes I did trying to find the many ways to tell me I suck.”



“Why?”



“Well, we're doing three songs at her concert. Then, she wants me to record one and then, somewhere, they said they wanted me to open for her, but with Clive...you know I'm not perfect enough, so now I get to be told how many ways I suck.”



From the background speakers, I heard, “Rhette, your microphone is live!”



“Is he hearing you?!”



“It sounds like the goose is cooked worse than done. He'll flambe the fucker with feathers on!”



He laughed, “Well, I'll let you go!”



“Yeah, run while you can!”



“Tell Jaymes I love him and thank him for calling. That meant a lot to me.”



“I will.”



I hung up and said, “Jaymes, he said to thank you for calling and it meant a lot to him you thought of him.”



“I know. I love him too.”



I hugged him and said, “I'll not be up late.”



“Ok, remember we've got pictures tomorrow.”



“I know.”



When he left with Anna, El asked, “Who's doing his pictures?”



“Madge knows that Stephen guy. I asked Anna and Pink about him.”



“Why didn't you call?”



“Every time I call, I get the message, “Sir Elton is not receiving your calls.”



“Here, take my new number. You're probably calling the one I was getting the crank radio show calls on.”



“We need to keep in better touch than this.”



“We will.”



“I asked Anna to ask you, but what in the hell is going on with Geo?”



He shook his head, “He pushed the self destruct button not once, but twice.”



Clive came down and sat at the piano. I looked over and he looked down, “I can't manage you.”



I exploded, “What! I'm prepared to hear 'you suck Rhette', and I'm prepared to hear, 'I've heard some shit, but you filled the outhouse', but did you lay awake to find a lower way of telling me IT'S BAD?!”



He looked at me shocked, “It's not that. It's that I've got her going out and I'm in talks with possibly putting together something for Cher, and Mariah is wanting to go out so any spare time I've got, I've got to put it on the majors I've got. With you, there are so many ways to take it, it's beyond majors and yet, you're there telling me if I gave it consideration, you'd tell me there's no way because you don't need the money.”



“I don't. So what's all that mean?” My voice was still shrill.



He smiled, “El, tell him he's beyond major. Tell him all I can think about it a major push with him and that sort of push would take him to filling stadiums, please?”



El smiled, “He's saying. There aren't enough tulips in Denmark to kiss your ass as highly as he'd need to kiss you where you needed touched.”



Clive laughed, “Thanks El...I think.”



“So, I'm good, but you wouldn't fuck me with a ten foot pole.”



“Rhette, I've got majors and you're holding your own and impressing them. Does that tell you your caliber? And yes, I've heard about you before, and yes, Pink told me she would kill to get you on the circuit because she knows you'd light up the world, but if I could, the tour would be as big as these and it'd probably have to cost more than Cher's.”



“Now there's a woman I'd love to sing with...both Anna and El tell me I'd love her, but it's like we are the last two playing dodge ball. Everyone throwing to get us together, but we run opposite directions. I mean, I've met her, but to sing with her...oh man.”



“I'm going to tell you I think if anyone could get her back out, it'd be you.”



“Why?”



“The show you put on is what people would love to see. You do the stars as good as the stars and what's uncanny is a lot of stars lip sink while moving and you do some things while doing them I'm tempted to tell them to watch you when they tell me they can't.

With Anastacia, she's fought cancer and it took from her the desire to go out. I don't blame her, but you had it and from what you say, you've went through some things which is worse.”



“Way worse. Give me ten cancers to one beating and I'll take the cancers any day. Chemo on it's worst day was better than going through plastic surgery the way I did.”



“What did you have done?”



“Let me go get my laptop. It's easier to show you and let you be sick than to tell you all they had to do.”



El said, “He's totally different. He's the same, but not at all. The eyes are the same and his mannerisms are the same, but the old Rhette was ...can I say it Rhette?”



“Yeah.”



“Softer...less abrasive. His features were rounder.

These are more angular. What was soft about him before is now gone. It's like he saw the devil himself and now isn't afraid of him and it shows. His tone of voice, and the way he is, is more confident and more out there with flipping the bird.

Like what he told you. The old Rhette would've said, “I don't think you like me.” and left it at that. The new Rhette tells you why he thinks you don't like him and exactly what you can do with your opinion!”



I went in and got the laptop. When I came in, I said, “Clive, El, the way I put it is for you guys, you hike up the mountain to achieve the highs you can... but for me, I got knocked into a pit and found myself alive down at the bottom of it.

When I got up, they drug me into surgery and made it so I couldn't vocalize. They tied my wrists so I couldn't so much as point where it hurt, but flip them the bird when they thought I must not be in pain and need morphine. SO, I had to wait another two hours while the freight train unloaded battery acid into my face and burn it off. Then, when they gave that medication, it would work for thirty minutes and of course, no one would come for another hour and a half.

During that time, I got abandoned by my lover and when he did come, he'd stay for an hour a week or wouldn't come at all. When that happened, I looked up and saw him kissing one of the nurses. So, I've got pain and fear because the bitch is caring for me.

About the time I had a friend come around and my secretary coming, I got told, “Hey, you've got testicular cancer and we're going to dig in there and yank out biopsies. You had your morphine an hour ago, so this won't hurt...nevermind that wore off and them jabbing a needle the size of a straw in my nuts was enough to make me shit the bed!”

So, chemo and radiation and then, freezing. To be told, we're taking one and we're going to probably take the rest. Only, I told them to take both and save the pain once...they didn't.

Then, rehab. I'll tell you me taking your leg backwards and forcing it up to your ear and telling you to grit your teeth and we're going to do it ten times...is called remedial and 'the patient doesn't seem to be conducive to therapy'.

I make it through all that, get out, take the boyfriend back, and deal with a lot of mental shit and then, find out cheating boyfriend is now cheating with a guy and 'sorry hon, but Valentine's Day is off because I'm going to a basketball game with my buddy' which later I found out that basketball game was on the company credit card and I got to pay for the night in the motel room together, single bed, and they spent it together.

Whirl around from hearing that and get told I've now got bone cancer in my legs and we're probably going to have to go extensive with the therapy which means double the chemo, double the radiation, and let's burn the shit out.

Well, give it six more months and me feeling like hell and boyfriend not even pretending to care and finally, I get the news all the cheating I suspected was happening and now, I'm handed a king size package of pain complete with pictures and video from an investigator. I watch it and yet, I'm still thinking I need the bastard.

So, fast forward, and the company I own is now telling me they're not going to listen to me but Kevin is their boss and all I do is write the checks. I retreated back home and found a voice in my writing and then, as I grew stronger, a voice to bitch and fight with him.

It ended in and explosion of pain and that's when I checked out and moved away, sold the business, and decided life had to get better.

It's been rocky, but as for Mariah slitting her wrists because someone told her to do something, the bitch needs to be handed the razor when the hands are tied and told, “Oh honey, you can take the pain” for about six months with half the pain medication she needs.

Bitter, yup, got truck loads of the stuff and it comes out.”



I paused and said, “Here's the crime scene.”



Clive looked at them and said, “My God!”



Elton glanced and started crying, “Oh no!”



“Clive, you've got rap stars who talk about 'killing the bitch' and the police. After eight and a half years in prison and the police ordering that hit, if I start singing rap and going negative, you've not heard the hate which would come out.”



“My God kid, you've been through some shit.”



He was going through the pictures and said, “The work they did was incredible. I'll tell you I'm a fan of the surgical shows on television, so this is not getting to me, but I'll tell you it's as bad if not worse than the worst gunshot wounds I've seen. I'm surprised you're as well as you are.”



“That's what I said today to a team of soccer players. I showed them and then told them, if I'd done all they said I could do, I'd not be alive. Then, I'd not be walking, dancing, jogging, or singing. My tongue would not work, my eye wouldn't be as good as it is, and yeah, I'm more angular, but at least it's a face.”



I went over and hugged El. “That's the road I've travelled hon. That's why I didn't have the time to get to Kansas City.”



Clive asked, “How long ago was this?”



“Three years ago.”



“Is this you in drag?”



“Which ones? They probably all are.”



“Whew! Is that Pink's VMA Award outfit on you?!”



“She let me borrow it and then, I used it to make a pattern. As you can see, I sewed three of them. That black one is identical. The pink one which is now rhinestoned and the white one, I took apart and put pink satin in and made the leather in those sleeve look like lace so it showed through.”



Elton looked, “My! Those are fifty thousand dollar outfits!”



“Nah, I went to the high school and ordered the leather from their leather shop. It's a hundred and forty dollars for all three and about fifteen dollars worth of satin.”



Clive laughed, “Pink spent....”



“Forty thousand on hers. I know. She told me when I borrowed it, but as you can see, I look good in it. Corey thought I was her for a second until he felt me up and then, he didn't.”



El asked, “Is that your butt!”



“Yeah, I've got a rhinestone g string on. I wore it in that outfit there as Kylie for that bull ride I did.”



Clive pressed play for the video and Anna walked in, “Sorry, I decided to take a shower.”



I hugged her, “He refuses to manage me. Says for me not to even bother because he thinks you, Cher, and Mariah are better.”



Clive opened his mouth to say something and looked shocked at me, El laughed and said, “Rhette's stroking her ego.”



Anna asked, “What did you really say Clive?”



“Hang on, I'm watching this video!”



She went over and said, “Smut!”



I said, “Thanks a lot sister!”



“What! He's watching some girl do a bull. From what I see, it's probably out at the Mustang Ranch. I know they've got a velvet bull.”



I pointed, and said, “Look again at THAT girl!”



She went over and said, “Ok, she's built, but I'm not into watching girls.”



“Watch the face.” El said



She took another look and said, “My God! It's you!” She began watching and asked, “Where'd you put it?!”



“It's there, it's duct taped with a vengeance.”



“Is THAT Kevin?!”



“Yeah, watch, it gets better.”



“My God, what's he packing there!”



Elton started chuckling, “It can't be real!”



“It is. That's him on Viagra.”



Clive said, “Does he know he could make a fortune with that thing?!”



“Yeah, but I'm not giving him any ideas about what else he can do with it. He's been told to fuck himself enough.”



Clive asked, “What's this one?”



“Probably me as either Kim Wilde where I had to be laced into those pants, or as Nena with another drag queen playing Kim Wilde.”



He looked up as it began to play, “Did you sew these outfits?”



“Yeah, Those pants there a Capri pant which are laced up with a high waist. I sort of took a Matador's pants an did a lace thing with them.”



“They're amazing! The things you can do with your hair are amazing!”



“That video there, I put together to show the original with Nena and what I did different. I went with a leather t-shirt and put in the water implants and gave it whalebones from 2 liter Coke bottles so I could cinch the waist and lace the back. Her pants are regular leather biker pants, but again, I did the matador and lace up thing with them. The lace stockings I made from some material and the granny boots are from ebay for three bucks. I went fem with it instead of dyker. It's butch, but it's lipstick instead.

My hair there is the same as the style in the Pink recreation I did. I did the black with the stripes. For that, I did blue stripes and then, went back and washed them out and put in pink for the Pink recreation.”



He put on the Pink recreation and said, “Oh man!”



Elton laughed, “Whoever did that video gave that crotch shot and I SURE don't know where you put it!”



Clive let out with, “You're performing that in front of a crowd!”



“Yeah, it was supposed to be two hundred people. My cousin threw it together, but he never let me know he put great big signs up in the Mall at Quincy there was a free concert.

Instead of two hundred people, I get there and can't park. Then, I can't get through the crowd and then, I get up there and perform and that's when I looked out and saw the whole hillside was nothing but people. That two hundred looks like five thousand to me!”



“What did you think performing in front of that many.”



“Doing drag in a club is harder. If they don't like you, they throw drinks on you. I've not gotten wet yet! So I knew they'd have me off stage before someone figured out I was a guy.”



“Did they?”



“Yeah, but then I had a problem because guys were wanting to fuck me and it was bad...”



“Really?” He said raising an eyebrow



“Clive, when you in a crowd with your buddies and they've all whistled at the hot chick and it's announced it's a guy and the guys are all say, “I'd still fuck him!” It makes those who have the dormant homosexual thing totally fly out and want to be the cool one to tag it. BUT, as I said, I had to walk through that crowd down that hill to get in and I had to walk through that crowd up that hill to get out.

I played it and what's weird is you'd think the guys would be the ones who would want to know where I put it. Instead, they want to kiss and feel up and the girls were the ones feeling where it was.

I remained cool and thank God, I got up to my truck where I let it get the guys off me.”



El asked, “What's your truck do to get them off you?”



“My truck is a dick magnet. Well, both of them are, but I traded the Dakota for an International. Let me show you the pictures.”



Anna laughed, “I heard him driving a diesel! I want to see it!”



I went over and said, “This is the slide show of the Dakota and then, it goes into the International. I designed the paint job, but my uncle laid it on.”



The first picture, Clive was “Wow!”. The pictures progressed and as soon as the International came on, Anna was, “Oh man! That's beautiful!”



Clive was like, “I gotta get one! That's amazing!”



The pictures continued to roll and then, it went into my Rolls and El said, “Oh, there's a car for me!”



“That's my Rolls. One million bucks...fully custom from the factory.”



“My God! And you don't want to spend five on a house!”



“It's a lifetime car. It'll be a collector's item when I'm dead and gone.”



El smiled, “Is this Jessie?”



“Yeah, what do you think? Scissors Sisters dude?”



“Mixed with David Nelson when he was young. He's interesting!” Clive said. “His look changes more than yours.”



“Yeah, there's me in a Speedo and that's him behind me with that hot ass!”



Anna laughed, “I'm looking at your build! Under your clothes, you're hot!”



Clive said, “I've got to stop watching. My brain is going too many directions.”



She smiled, “Clive, you and Rhette go to the kitchen. Rhette, fix him one of your coffee things and that'll help him.”



“Which one?”



“Your German Chocolate one.”



“Do you have the coconut pecan ice cream?!”



“No, I can't find it.”



“I have it especially made. Five gallons is fifty bucks.”



“Damn!”



“Hey, it's worth it. I'll make it for you. Do you have Butter Pecan and coconut flavoring?”



“Yes.”



“Ok, come watch, I'll need your food processor.”



We went in and I said, “Ok, Butter Pecan Ice Cream. For each cup of ice cream use three of those lid fulls of the coconut flavoring. You think it's a lot, but it leeches out when it's in the coffee.”



I put a cup full of ice cream in the food processor and three lids and held it down while it tried dancing across the counter. Soon, it was creamed and I shut it off.



“Now, as that rests, we put the coffee on. For this, we use German Chocolate coffee. It's got all the flavors, but that ice cream is what kicks it into being excellent.”



We brewed the coffee and as it brewed, I pulled out the cups and put the melon balls of ice cream in the cup. Clive watched and said, “You realize you really strive for excellence in all you do?”



“Prison taught me that. Before I went to prison, I was a perfectionist, but I'd let things slide. During prison, I got put in with Kevin who was a perfectionist to the point of insane. If a pencil was out of place, he knew it. I deliberately would move things to mess with him.

After prison, I let things slide when I was remodelling houses. It was taking me an hour to detail a window after I painted the damned sill. Finally, that had to stop because I had a goal of going in and painting an entire house in one day. It got done, but only after I stopped.”



“A whole house?!”



“Inside. Not outside, that took two days.”



“A whole house inside and out in three days?!”



“Yeah, I was turning them over. I had to paint them to get them to neutral either to be rented or resold.

Then, when I got the sign shop running, the perfectionist came back out because not only did I have my reputation at stake, but Kevin was there and that man was worse than me.”



“You loved him a lot.”



“Yeah, he was the whole world and my savior. He saved me from me and then, he definitely let me down.”



When the coffee finished, I poured them and said, “There, wait for the ice cream to float up and then, it's ready. I'll go get them their coffee.”



I took them theirs and told her, “I'm putting that ice cream into a Ziplock and going ahead and making the rest with the coconut extract.”



She sipped, “Mmmm, sure! You make that perfect and no one else has heard of it!”



“I made it up. It's cool, isn't it!”



She smiled, “Yeah, go be with him. He's having implosions in there, I know.”



“Why?”



“Hon, he wants you and he wants to sell you because he knows with your name, your sound, and your looks, you'd be way off the charts with the one of a kind performer you'd be.”



“That's crap. I'm me.”



She laughed, “Go be with him.”



I went in and sipped, “Good, huh?”



“It's amazing.”



“I've got to let mine cool a bit. Let me finish making the rest of this ice cream and then, we can talk.”



I got a spatula out and put what was in the food processor into the Ziplock and then made the rest of the half gallon in two mixes with the drops being split between them. When it was done, it got put in the freezer and then, I rinsed the food processor and washed the mix bowl.



I went back over and said, “Ok, lay it out on the table and tell me what's fucking with your head.”



“I'm blown away. There's a part of me that's incredibly attracted to you and I'm straight! Then, there's a part of me which doesn't know how to sell you and I've said I could sell ice to Eskimos! Then, there's the part of me that says to go full speed ahead and exploit you and that would be wrong.”



“Wrong! It'd have your ass sued to oblivion. I'm a crafty bitch with contracts! You'd not get anything on me that I wasn't getting six on you.”



He smiled, “Not in that manner of exploiting.” He paused and said, “What I mean is you're gay. You're not going to hide it and yet, you're way good looking and you're sexy as hell without trying and yet, you could have a talk show and run Oprah off the air! But, you sing and you're better than what I've got! Then, you show me videos of you and I know if I'm the callous asshole I'm told I am after all this time, that I shouldn't be getting wood at seeing you in drag, but then, I see you as a guy in a Speedo and wham, I'm getting a bone! What the fuck!”



“Ok, so you saw me outside and you're learning me inside. So?”



“IF America did that, you'd have straight guys throwing themselves at you and I'm not kidding! I can see that and it's incredible because I've only heard one person in the world who ever got that reaction and it was Valentino!”



I smiled, “I was told I was him reincarnated once. I thought she was full of shit. I thought about getting my money back from the woman, but everything else she told me was dead on the money.”



“Really?”



“Yeah, it was after prison and I went to New Orleans as the front end of a cow! Kevin was the back end. We went to bike week and speed week and decided to go to Mardi Gras instead of going straight home. We didn't have a costume, so we rented one. Needless to say, I wore the front part because I knew they'd jack off my udders.”



He laughed, “He should've whipped that thing out and gotten 'em to cop feels!”



“He kept saying that, but what ended up happening was I went up and came in second in the sexiest ass contest for women...and yeah, I was wearing a g-string, but right about the time I was going to get the year's supply of Pepsi, they disqualified me for being a guy. Fuck 'em!”



“See! You could tell that on a talk show and drop 'em and everyone would be wanting to know who it was that had the sexiest ass on the women because you've got it!”



“It's a size four. The real girl had more of a bubble butt. It was hot, but I've seen guys who were hotter.”



He laughed, “You've not looked in the mirror back there because you've got a bubble going on yourself.”



“Well, I think it's more onion, but I know in regards to looking like other people when I dress in drag, I know I can do quite a few of them. I also know there was a time when I was really self concious about nudity or being in a bathing suit, but prison took that away.”



“Why'd you go to prison?”



“I went to bed with someone underage.”



“You weren't that old for you to do all that time?”



“No, but it didn't matter...but then again, I was an unrepentant homosexual and Lord knows, we can't have that in Moberly, Missouri!”



“Why not?”



“Because they prefer to keep them locked in the closet. With me being out and having Chad as a lover and him being the quarterback being scouted by everyone, it was drawing attention.”



“Did he go to college?”



“Yeah, to Nebraska and then, he got himself thrown out of a scholarship, so I paid for his way as a walk on in Iowa. Some seventy thousand dollars later, I found out I was in prison paying for my boyfriend to bed down one of the state's richest kids and mooching money from him too. So, that got nixed and right about the time I was ready to end it all, Kevin and I put it together and the psychotherapy sessions began to where I knew what made me tick and knew I liked me no matter what everyone else thought.”



“Then why does it matter what I think?”



“Because contrary to what you think, she's my friend and I don't want to reflect badly in front of a crowd on a television set.”



“Oh!”



“You're the manager. I know you've got the power to say, “Whoops Rhette, you suck, it's not happening...and as much as I love her, I'd pull off because I know it's about her career and not about me. I've already got the lifetime supply of cash I need.”



“How'd you get that?”



“Which part? The first part was from selling the sign shop. We split a hundred million. I got fifty and he did too. Then, I made a program for jumbotrons and they're selling like a house on fire. That's over a hundred million and counting and more closer to a hundred and thirty and counting.”



“What's that program!”



“I know they're up here, but I could take you to them and show you quicker, but what it is, is advertising on jumbos which as you drive along a road or interstate, the jumbo changes and the ad chases you to tell you things.”



“You did that?!”



“Yeah, it's my program. Each set of those boards is another four hundred grand in my pocket just for the program.”



“Man!”



“It makes them huge money. It's only for that set of boards, so the next set down the road is a complete other franchise of that program and another four hundred grand.”



“You're making the money! I see them all over!”



“Yeah, but the last part is the lawsuit for this face and that got settled for a hundred and twenty million plus interest. So, I'm getting five million a year plus the interest. This year's is paid, but each year, I'll get that until it's paid.”



“SO you've got more money that you know what to do with.”



“I know what to do with it, but I'm not going to blow it. Instead of paying a three hundred grand for those outfits, I paid about six hundred, so that was a return.”



He smiled, “Yeah, but it also demonstrates you know how to sew which is something a lot of these people don't know how to do. I've got one girl who is so off it, she doesn't know how to boil water.”



“Pray she makes a living because she'll need it if she lives here. Food here is outrageous!”



“What's it like back where you live?”



“In South Carolina, some things are cheap, but other things are too high, so I buy groceries in Missouri and drive it back...or, if my Mom tells me Pork Steak is ninety nine cents, I tell her to put it in a cooler and pack it down with cold packs and she gets it sent to me cheaper than I can get it.”



“That's cheap!”



“Yeah, so you know how I'll do it if I can get a place up here. El told me he knows a guy who owns an island and has it for fifteen million, but I'll tell you it better be a fuckin' mansion on an island for that.”



“It's not.”



“Then it's not worth fifteen million. The only damned island I'd pay fifteen million to see Liberty with no good house would be the island she's on and I'll tell you, I'm not wild about looking up her skirt!”



“Why does it have to be an island?”



“It doesn't. What El and I have talked me into is going with an estate. I looked at a unit at Trump's place and there's no way for me to get my piano in it.”



“Outside up through a windows?”



“It's on the sixty second floor. A priceless concert grand going up is going to make my insurance company damned scared.”



“Who says it's priceless?”



“El, he said Steinway only has record of making four and only one of the four was a concert grand.”



“Oh!”



“It was made in the nineteen o's. He'd be able to tell you. He said it's the best piano he's played. I couldn't tell you because I know I paid something like two grand for it at an antique dealer back in the eighties and I'm sure not going to carry it into the Antiques Roadshow to have them figure it out.”



He chuckled, “Where's it at?”



“At my house in Kansas City. You'll see it because we'll all be staying there while she prepares for the concert.”



“Is that the estate she keeps telling me about?!”



I smiled, “It's not THAT nice! I said chuckling. It's an eighty grand house made to be a hundred and thirty thousand when built because I didn't scrimp on anything with it. The roof on the thing is a fortune to have redone when I'm not living there, so under all that straw is some cedar shingles.”



“It's thatched?!”



“Yeah, it takes hauling a man first class over from England to do it and I'll tell you that man sure knows he's getting paid by the hour doing it. A normal person can roof a house in a day, but that man takes two weeks! At a hundred and fifty an hour and me having to buy the straw from someone in Minnesota, I get rooked bad when it's time to do it again.”



“She said it's gorgeous!”



“It's in an exclusive subdivision where all my neighbors are my ex lover's family. He blew his brains out in the house, so I'm not wild about being around there for the memories and them. However, his nephew is a dead ringer for him now.”



“Really?”



“Yeah, it scared the shit out of me because Kevin and I bought some media and part of the deal was buying out his family's holdings.”



“Holdings?”



“They're billionaires. They screwed me on the Will and finally, someone let it slip. I got his portion, so I invested it.”



“How much was that?”



“A whole fuckin' bunch. I don't count it as my money because if I did, it'd be scary.”



“Really?”



“If you're trying to think of a way to put me on that Grub Network, or any Haxxxll media, don't, because I already own that.”



“What!”



“Yeah, but it's managed for me and it'll pay itself off.”



“So you're the mystery person?!”



“Yeah. He was my first lover. He came out to his family and they sent him packing. Then, he came home and three days later, he blew his head off.

After that, they sort of threw me his dead body and told me to bury him, so I did. Then, Doug came and wanted to see his brother's grave and I took him. Then, Doug wanted to move the body and I was ready, so I gave him the ok as long as his body was placed above his Dad's in the crypt.

It was, so we sailed along and when I bought out some television stations and newspapers, I decided to call and see if I could swing a deal to get cheap newsprint. He told me he'd sell it to me, so I started crunching numbers and started to think about ways to turn profits.

We scored the deal and in the process, I found out I got shirked out of the paper mills in the Will. Hell went into session and one thing led to another and I ended up buying Haxxxll.”



“I remember the deal because I advertise a lot with them. I know what they owned, so it was a mega deal because as I read the Wall Street Journal story on it, I was thinking someone who knows media really bought a gold mine.”



“It's basicly the entire Midwest major outlets in the major markets, but as I said, it's managed for me and won't ever change.”



“You're really releasing the new products!”



“Yeah, but what you're not hearing is how damned indebted I am doing it. I'm not worried, but it's still hell with this economy now. They released the last quarter reports for last year and it felt like a crunch to the balls. I mean, Christmas cards are a part of that and when you lose money in that quarter, that tells you it's bad. With Valentine's being in first quarter, it will be somewhat better because I basicly own that holiday now.”



“What's that mean?”



“One of the subsidiaries is a major chocolate manufacturer in Kansas City. If you think of boxed chocolates, you usually are buying them from us.”



“Wow!”



“Walmart* bought a lot and put us in the black there. It's chocolate covered cherries and boxed chocolates at Christmas and boxed Chocolates and a lot of other things at Valentines and Easter.”



“Those are big holidays!”



“Yeah, but what you don't realize is when we bought all that, there was a silent takeover of some other companies which are putting us really good in money.”



“Really?”



“All I will say is if it's got a name on it and it's a toy, it's probably from my company. That's where the real debt happened and yeah, it's changing, but man is that worrisome.”



“Why?”



“Ok, let's take America's favorite doll. I'm not going to say her name because it tells you immediately what I can't say...is the name of that company.”



“Why not?”



“Ok, when you go in and do a takeover of a company, the stock goes up, people get excited, America gets told, and whoohoo, you get to pay more for a drab stock. Or, you can switch things around, trade some for some and go into a merger with someone and suddenly, you're in bed with people who you don't want to be normally, but in this situation, I love the dude, but if I told you, your eyes would bulge out and you'd be like, “Nope, get the fuck away, I don't need the headache'...and it's not like that.”



“What does that mean?”



“Let's just say, I'm telling you about a doll and that's it.” I said smiling. “But, when we go to Kansas City, you'll meet him.”



“Why?”



“Because in order to put a concert on in that city now, unless you're doing it outside, it's in our venue. He manages it and when he knows it's her, he's going to be there.”



“Have I met him before?”



“Probably every time you're in the city.”



“Ok, so you're saying indirectly it's mafia.”



“Did I mention this damned doll!”



He laughed, “Yeah.”



“Ok, as you know America's little sweetheart has been around since the sixties, right?”



“Yeah.”



“Well, you know and I know that old girl has been whored out and had more changes than Madonna and that's a lot!”



“Yeah.”



“BUT, we're managing to come up with new ways to sell her, so she's still getting bought. It's amazing me because I figure some day, Walmart* is going to tire of her and we'll be s.o.l..”



“Probably not, she's a namesake like everything else.”



“But, she has to change or they put her out their door.”



“Why don't you want to admit you know David?”



“Sit down and I'll tell you a story.”



“Uh oh.”



“It's not bad, it's just hurtful to my pride.”



“Ok.”



“Just the same, it's a part of me, so I'll tell it.

When I first met my first lover, Tony, I was thirteen and he was twenty seven. I pushed it, so don't think it was a complete molestation.

Just the same, it's rather sickening when I've got nieces and nephews that age and thinking someone his age would be after them makes me get out the meat cleaver, but if you look at the age difference between Jaymes and I, you see the same spread and whereas, his Dad is pushing it and it's legal, I'm attracted but it's not happening.”



“Ok”



“Before I ran to Kansas City, I fucked around a lot. You'll read some things and you'll think I was some sort of virgin when I wasn't. I was a little tramp and was getting quite the reputation to be a druggie and boozer on top of it.

Just the same, when he said, “Get to Kansas City, I got.”



“Ok”



“When we got there, the subdivision was being built. We lived at the Fountains and built the house. It was me who built it and he got selection of the outward design which I made my own with the add ons. So, it got built and as I said, I put fifty thousand more into the house than it needed. It's on thirty acres with a fence around it in a fenced in community. No one can get in and it's protected, but the gorgeous little shit who is his nephew goes over and maintains it for a nice little living now.

When Tony died, hell went into session with Tony's family. They wanted to evict me and I'd met Gino, David's Dad, and we were close, but we'd yet to bed each other.”



“He had to be old!”



“He was in his late sixties, and I was seventeen, so it was cool.”



“Cool?!”



“I fell in love with the dude, ok? He didn't pursue me, I pursued him. His mother saw how I felt and she lay down the knuckles on him and told him to love who loved him and he realized our friendship and our closeness was due to attraction.

Up until then, Gino was straight as an arrow and yeah, he had Dave who hated my guts. He viewed me as a threat, but Gino told him to leave me alone and we co-existed on that threatened ground.”



“Ok, this has all the makings of Anna Nicole, but male version.”



“I hadn't thought about that, but her dude wasn't head of a city...I don't think.”



He smiled, “But yours was.”



“Yeah, but what happened was Tony died, I ran to Gino. Tony's family tried throwing shit and Gino basicly did everything but go out in war on the dude. It settled with me getting what we were told was his portion of the estate, and I rode with it.

After that, I decided to go to college. Gino said he'd come see me and I went. He didn't come and I met someone else and after eighteen months of promises with only one day of him being there, I called him and told him I was interested in someone else.”



“I understand.”



“Yeah, he was chasing a reputation for being the head of something and was too afraid of what everyone else would think. Instead, everyone knew and they liked me, so they could've given a shit less...except for Dave.

So, I got together with the guy and it lasted all of no time at all. He got his degree in law and as soon as the bar exam papers came telling him he passed, I was told either go with him to California, or adios.

I stayed, went back to Kansas City, saw Gino, tended bar, and met someone who was a real jerk. What happened was the jerk had a job in Texas upon the border patrol, so we went down there. His job on the border patrol by day was patrolling the border. By night, it was arranging shipments he was allowing through. The money was good, and he wanted to treat me like the wife boy at home and I was to wait and not get bored. That didn't work, so we decided to have me wait at a local lounge where he did his deals.

I'd go at three pm, sit and wait and he'd come in, ignore me, and then go do the deals. I'd order supper, eat alone, and then would wait and ride home with him, unless he wanted to dance.

One night, that changed because I met someone down there at the bar. He was fairly attractive and everyone treated him like he was gold. They said he had money, but after being with a billionaire's kid, and being with mafia, I could've given a shit less about the size of his wallet. That didn't matter.”



“I understand. It's impressive at first, but later, it's not all that impressive. Then, when you get your own money, it's not impressive at all.”



“Right. SO, as you see, I found him attractive, he paid attention to me and then, he was out the door. And still, I waited.

Come eleven pm, my supposed fella is out on the dance floor with these Medelin chicks dancing, hanging all over them, and just being obnoxious. He was drunk, but when the lips started to go where they weren't supposed to go, I said, “Fuck it” and took my leave pass and went home.

There, I got packed, and took the mad money and went to the airport. There, the ticket got bought and I found out I was going to have to wait for like seven hours until my flight.

Some two hours later, he's there bawling and carrying on telling me he'll never do it again and rather than giving in, he got told to go home and forget about me because he'd already found that easy to do.

We sat there and all the while, he's telling me I'll change my mind and come six am, the flight happens and his dumb ass probably is still thinking I'm going to show back up.”



He laughed, “They say you've changed. I'd say not that much.”



“I was more tactful back then, but when I was pissed, I was done. That's why I was a tramp...I got pissed a lot!

What's weird is I went back to Kansas City and boom, bang, biff, I'm tending bar again and one night, in walks the dude from Texas I'd met that one night.

Of course, I remembered him, and he did the 'come on to the bartender' thing of ordering sex on the beach, slippery nipple, screaming orgasm, and then instead of drinking them, he's leaving them sit there.



Finally, I asked him, “Are you going to drink them, or not?!” He said, “I'm still waiting for it to happen. Will you at least go out with me?” I said, “Yeah, when hell freezes over. You had the chance to be Calgon man and take me away from it in Texas. What part of THAT hint didn't you get?!”



He laughed.



“What I didn't know was Steve was well known in the bar by the owner, and the other bar tenders. He PAID THEM something like triple wages to get me off on a Friday and Saturday night and do a kidnapping date.”



“Huh?”



“Yeah, it's kidnapping, but I'm supposed to be conked on the head and be drug to the cave and be happy with it. Instead, it pissed me off because everyone got paid except me!”



He laughed, “Oh!”



“Yeah, so we go out on this date and the whole while, I'm pissing and moaning about how I'm missing work, how I'm missing tips, and finally, he hands me his black card and said, “There, use it, get what you need for the week, and stop whining.”

Well, I'd seen gold, platinum, and I'd seen silver, but a black card was a whole different thing. Of course I was interested and then, he tells me, spend as much as you want, I'm making something like eighty grand a day so it's not going to matter.

Of course, the wheels turned. I'm thinking 'eighty grand a day...man, I'm off work for two day, that's an expensive assed date this dude wants! Am I a whore if I take the money and make his world rock? Or, am I being compensated for missed hours?'

Of course, you know I told myself I was being fairly compensated!”



He smiled.



“So, we sit on this date and I decide to be charming because I'm now making kick assed wages and tips are going to be very good!”



He laughed, “You're a nut!”



“Yeah, but the date ends, we go back to the house and he's walking around and saying, “I've been here before!” Well, piss offs happen, but when you find out the cheating dead fuck you're grieving over banged someone in your bed, it's kind of up there with the legion.”



He laughed, “I bet!”



“So, suddenly the date was happening, and I'm in my house pissed off beyond measure and finally I tell him, 'You know, you could've went all night without telling me you fucked my boyfriend in my house and I would've been great. Now, I could give a shit less about anything!'

Well, he starts laughing and the more he looks at me, the more he laughs and it pissed me off, but instead of being rude, I went to my room and took a shower.”



He smiled, “And now what would you do?”



“With the pieces which were left?! But, wait, it's funnier.”



“Oh man!”



“So, I take a shower, and come out and he's in the bed. He looks at me and smiles and said, “I like this side better.” I said, “Good, try it in your hotel room, get out!

He said, “You need to know something. I didn't fuck Tony and he didn't fuck me. He's sort of my step brother.”



“What!”



“Yeah, you could've knocked my ass over with a feather! Of course, I called him a liar because I knew Tony's sister's and brother and he's certainly none of the above.

So, he begins telling me how the Tony's Mom, I know isn't Tony's Mom, but Tony's Dad's second wife unmarriedly, and the sisters and brother I know are his Mom's kids and she left a family in Texas and was still considered to be married to his Dad!”



“Whoa!”



“Yeah, it was weird, but as he spoke, I realized some of the things Tony had said and it was true, but I'd shelved it away as being too strange to be.”



“How?”



“Ok, you've got to bear with me because it's closer than Peyton Place, it's like kissing cousins shit.”



“Huh?”



“I verified this stuff, so I know. Tony's real Mom was a Brach...as in candy and lots of money. She was worth something like a hundred and eighty million when they got married like in the fifties, so you know that's a friggin' fortune in today's dollars.”



“I'd say!”



“So, they get married, out pops Tony, and then he's like a toddler and Mom goes into the bedroom with a dude dressed in a black coat, black gloves, hat and then, the dude leaves and she's bleeding from her ears, eyes, and mouth...like an aneurysm. So, he's freaking and suddenly, people are there and they're carting him away, and his Mom, and he's never taken to that house again...his toys, everything is left there.”



“Man!”



“But, here's where it's strange. Within a matter of no time, another Mom happens and she arrives pregnant as hell and ready to pop. She pops and has a son, and that's his brother, that's his Mom, Dad has him in a new house, and he's to forget everything else.”



“Weird.”



“Yeah, because on my bed is a guy the same age about at Tony who is saying, “My Mom got raped by my Dad and ran to Kansas City to be with her cousin as his wife and now, she's up there having kids with the man when she never got divorced.”



“What?!”



“Yeah, but get this because I'll tell you I get told this stuff and you know I ran to Gino with it telling him the stuff!”



“I would too!”



“SO, Gino has ways and he's getting blood samples and he's saying, “You're wrong, those kids aren't Tony's Dad's because Tony's Dad got his dick bit off in Singapore by a kid he was fucking.”



“What!”



“Yeah, that's what I said, but I hate the man enough, I believe it, but no, Gino pulls out pictures, pulls out tapes, and old ancient reel film and he shows me how he had the hotel rigged and he's got it. Not only that, but the dude is now fucking with the daughters of Tony's now Mom!”



“Ewww.”



“Yeah, so what happened is I like Steve, so we truck to Texas to the ranch to be together and I meet the Dad and he's an ok sort of dude, but he's got a wife there who's Steve's Mom and they've got a marriage license.”



“How?!”



“Bigamy. What I find out from the help is Tony's Mom had the daughter and came down to beg for a divorce so she can get married to her cousin up in Kansas...Don't ask me because I don't know if it's legal or not, but with the right money, it may be....”



He laughed, “I don't think so.”



“Well, here's where it's got a sick ironic twist to it. She comes down for a divorce, gets raped, gets told no, and then, the man is going to try to keep her there.

A phone call happens because he's got her in one house and his wife with papers also in another. The new wife with papers makes the call to Kansas City and tells Tony's Dad, “Get down here and get this bitch because she's being held and on my turf!”

Of course, he comes and gets her and Steve's Dad and Tony's Dad get into a big fight but she goes back still married and knocked up with the twins.”



“This is strange.”



“Yeah, but you certainly know I'm cataloging it away because Tony's brother and sisters aren't his brother and sisters, but something like second cousins and the blood tie isn't there for them to inherit anything and the Mom isn't a wife, but the cousin...so you know I'm thinking, 'when this woman dies, I'm going to be there with legal out the ass and family tree, so when the Will states his darling wife, I'm going to go, uh huh, that woman died and his cousin stepped in!”



He laughed, “Ok, it's unreal, but I understand.”



“So, as I said, I'm in Texas with Steve and I mean it's idealic. I'm falling madly for him, he's great, they're great, and so what if Dad gets his rocks off raping the Mom! She's apparently fine with it because their house is bigger than the White House, and her closets are like a whole friggin' three story wing of the place.”



“Hang on, I saw that place. It was on 'Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous!”



“Yeah, his Dad was a billionaire in oil and then went to Hollywood to have a hobby by buying a movie studio. If you know of the family, then you know there's more family down in Texas born to the woman who had papers but wasn't legal.”



“Ok, so Steve's got real brothers and sisters and is the legal son of the man in Texas. Right?”



“Yeah”



“So, he is heir to that down there?”



“Yeah.”



“Man, I need a legal pad to keep up with all this!”



“It's complex. But, what happened is six weeks after I got down there, guess who fuckin' drops in for a visit?”



“I don't know, who?”



“Old man Haxxxll.”



“Why?”



“He hears I'm down there gold digging, so he thought it was his responsibility to tell 'em I sucked money from Tony's inheritance and how I'm linked the the mafia in Kansas City.

Steve's Dad was smart enough to call me in with Steve in front of the man and asked me about what he was saying. I told him, “Yeah, I was lovers with Tony and yeah, Tony committed suicide after going to his family and telling them about our relationship.

Then, I told them what happened, how I was made to bury him with no insurance money, and how they tried evicting me from our house. Then, I told him about how I'd went for help because of different low life tactics including trying to repossess a car I had bought with my own money.”



“What happened?”



“What happened is Steve stood up and told his Dad he knew Tony, and how Tony had stayed in routine contact with him and in the subsequent time after the ouster and before his suicide, they'd talked and Tony had told him what was going on and what I had said they'd done was indeed happening.

Steve's Dad heard everything and then turned to Tony's Dad and told him to get off his property and if he so much as attempted to cause me problems again, he'd have the law on him in Texas.

He left yelling curses and screaming obscenities. Three days later, Steve was killed.”



“What!”



“The day it happened, Steve left for work and then, Steve's Mom and I went shopping. We stopped for lunch at the oil company's executive dining room with Steve and his Dad, and he told me something had come up and he had to work late due to them having to open up some wells.

As you know, the government has reserves in Texas. Not all of the reserves are stored above ground, some of it's stored below. So, when you take in from the government, you open up a well and it drains the crude down into the ground.”



“I knew they had reserves. I wasn't sure how they did it.”



“We sat at lunch and his Dad and he spoke extensively about which ones to open because it's rather complex. What the jest of the conversation was, was routing the oil through the miles of pipes above ground hoping it was slowed because the government is notorious for deciding one thing one day and the next reversing the decision. In order to pump it all back out of the ground, it could've taken up to two weeks, so routing it and pumping through the pipe was a smarter plan.”



“Interesting.”



“I learned a lot and I asked a lot of questions because it interested me...not just because it was his business, but because Steve was gearing more and more towards the operations of it. I wanted to know it so I wouldn't appear to be ignorant.”



“I understand.”



“Well, the way the woman shopped was she bought in the morning and returned in the afternoon.”



“The same items!”



“Yeah. She wouldn't try them on there, she'd go to the executive suite at the oil company where she had a dresser who was meticulous about everything. If it had a pulled thread, it went back. If it was the wrong color for any of the woman's thousands of pairs of shoes, they went back. The reasons were many and varied and they had their own system for doing it.

Of course, when we shopped, I bought things, but I didn't buy dozens of things like she did. I'd buy one and try it on there. She thought me peculiar and I thought her strange, but we got along great, so we shopped...but, we had to be home by three pm promptly because Oprah was on and you know we couldn't miss her!”



He smiled, “That's funny.”



“So, we'd get home and we'd have the heavenly cookies and ice cream sandwiches and watch Oprah, then, it was time to go dress for dinner and that night, I told her I'd eat at the little house because Steve wasn't going to be there. She agreed and told Cookie to send me over something.

I went over to the little house on my jeep and then did some crossword puzzles and then, decided to go for a ride in the jeep.

When I got out to a fence line, I found a calf which was caught in it. The way they did it was if you had distress, you beeped on the horn of the jeep three times and then waited. If you heard no answering horns, then you shot the rifle twice and then, you'd beep the horn of the jeep until they found you. So, I did it because the calf was nearly as big as me and he's trying and I'm trying and all we succeeded in doing was getting it's other leg caught up.

When the ranch hand got there, he said, “You were easy to find this time. I followed your flat tire track all the way out here! Until then, I didn't realize I had a flat tire!”



“That's funny.”



“Remember that because it later saved my ass.”



“What?!”



“Well, we got the calf out and the guy was like, “I'll haul you in and come back to change the tire and get it back to you” So, we did that.

I went back to the little house and eight o'clock came and his Mom called me laughing and said, “Our men will be home in about half an hour, be dressed properly now!”



“What'd that mean?”



“She came over one day and I had on shorts and a tank top. That's not proper dress for accepting one's visitors. Nevermind the fact, she's on the same ranch as me, you can see on the horizon the big house from ours and you never had anyone there except ranch hands and her...but I was considered improperly dressed in my own house in shorts and a tank top.”



“Well, some of them have strange ways.”



“So, Steve's Dad gets home and he calls to say, “Steve followed me out, he should be here. I do know he got caught at a red light.”



He usually called with things like that and about the time the phone would be hung up, I'd see Steve's lights in the garage parking.



That night was different. After half an hour, I called and asked if he had to stop for anything and he said, “No, he's not there yet?” I told him no, and he said, “Give me a call if he's not there in fifteen minutes. Maybe he had a flat tire!” I told him I had the flat tire today in my jeep and he laughed.

Well, the time went by and I called and he said, “I'm coming over. Be ready to ride with me.” So, I waited and when we went out, he looked at my clothes of blue jeans and a t-shirt with distaste and I said, “I'm dressed to change a tire!” To which he said, “We have a tow service!”



He laughed, “Oh man!”



“Anyway, he had a real nice Fleetwood, so we drove to town and then drove home. On the way to the house, we saw a wrecker on the side of the road and a police car, but nothing which looked like an accident. I didn't see a car and neither did he and we wondered why they had a wrecker with the police car and we joked about the weight of donuts or the wrecker man sidelining in delivering donuts to the police.

When we got home, he drove over to our house and as big as the little house is, I knew he wasn't home.”



“How big was the little house?”



“Steve told me once the big house was bigger than the White House and the little house was bigger than the Texas Governor's mansion, so that should tell you.”



“Man!”



“It was very beautiful and amazingly restored. Just the same, no lights on meant he wasn't home. So, he dropped me off and said he was going to call the Sheriff to do a patrol.”



“I'll tell you it couldn't be nine thirty at that time. I mean, it's not that far to the city limits and it's interstate, so we hauled out and hauled in and...well, maybe it was ten. Just the same, you know it was late.”



“Right.”



“So, I went in and thought, “I wonder if he went back to the office? So, I called and nothing. Then, I called security there and asked them if they'd seen him...nothing.”



“What happened?”



“Well, the way it went was I finally went to bed at twelve thirty and got woke up at one thirty with them telling me he was taken to G&D.

Well, G&D where I'm from is a steakhouse! SO, I asked why he went there. They told me, honey, he's been in an accident.

Well, you know I was wide awake and I'm like, is he in the hospital? IF so, which one? Let's get there, I'll be dressed right away.

OF course I'm dressing like a fireman and they call back and said, “Honey, you need to come over to the big house.” I told them, “I'll be right there, you be ready for a flying trip to town because I'm going to make a stop and go.

So, I drove over and no one's there. I honk and his Dad comes out and opens the door and said, “Listen here you little shit, his mother doesn't need this at this time!” I said, “Well, aren't you going to the hospital?” And he said, “Steve's dead for chrissake! You were told he was taken to G&D!”

I looked at the man and said, “For your information, G&D where I'm from is a fuckin' steakhouse! IF he's dead, just tell me he's dead! If he's alive, tell me he's alive and we'll get to the hospital!”
As you can see, I wasn't believing he was dead, but I went into the house and they already had crepe over the mirrors and streaming over the door knobs and I'm like, “How long have you known?” And his Mom is like, “We were just told.”

Now, you're just told and I've gotten called and dressed like a fireman and hauled ass over and you've got the house decorated up for death, where do you keep this shit?!”



He laughed, “I'd say!”



“But instead, I'm chastised about asking so many questions and told I'm rude and disrespectful about wanting to know what happened and finally, the man yelled at me that I'm nothing but a gold digger, I just need to worry less about my pockets and more about the family.

Well, I'll tell you what, I stood up and told the man a polite 'fuck you' in those exact words and walked out and drove over to the little house.

Then, not ten minutes later, a God damned doctor shows up telling me I need a sedative for the agitated condition I'm in. I told him, “Sir, if you think I'm in an agitated state, please answer some questions. Why did he die? Where did he die? How did he die? And When? Because I get a call and I'm up there in five minutes and they supposedly just got the call and that house is already decorated. Then, he wants to yell at me telling me they took him to G&D which is a steakhouse up home like I'm supposed to read minds and know where the mortuary was down there!

The doctor smiled and said, “They're a bit different over there.” That's when I asked him, “What do you wear when someone dies because everything I've worn has been wrong from what I wear up home and if I wear a suit to that mortuary and it's the wrong thing, I'm going to scream!

HE said, “Suits are fine. IF you feel the need to scream, take this pill and give me a call.”



He laughed, “Man!”



“Well sleeping in that big bed alone with people who were normally nice to me suddenly being hateful, I was lost.

Then, I don't know what happened, but I know I never took the fucking pill and I'm like dead to the world all the time. On top of that, Steve's little brother shows up in bed with me naked humping my ass in my sleep and I wake up. He's scampering out of the room and I'm following him asking him why he's in our house and he's telling me his Mom and Dad sent him over to be with me because they're afraid I'm going to commit suicide the way I'm acting!”



He laughed, “It sounds like you were drugged!”



“Me too!

So, I told him, “Well, if you're going to sleep with me to see I don't kill myself in my sleep, then stop humping my ass!” To which he replied, “I wasn't humping your ass!”

Now Clive, I go to the bathroom and the whole back side of my ass was lubed down with KY! I'll tell you, I put on a pair of Steve's boxers and went back to bed!

The next morning, I'm yelled at for making sexual advances towards their son! I told them, if he was in his house where he's supposed to be, he wouldn't be humping my ass in my sleep. IF I wasn't so damned tired all the time when I eat around here, maybe I wouldn't sleep through a fuck! SO, keep the little shit out of my house or I'll see his next trip up my crack leaves him black and blue and needing artificial insemination in order to sire offspring!”

Well, I went back to the little house and his Dad come down and starts yelling at me. I tell him, “Dude, so help me, I'm here to attend a funeral now and when it's over, my ass is gone!” He tells me, you're not invited to the funeral, you little shit!” and finally, I told him I'd be there whether they liked it or not.”



“What happened?”



“The funeral was that afternoon at two pm. I get there and there's a lot of people and I'm sitting there and get told to go to the back to sit with the family. I go and his Dad started his shit again and grabbed my arm. That's when I told him, “Listen up you son of a bitch, you might grab some people like that but you get your hands off me or so help me the next bruise you give someone will result in more people being down here than you want from Kansas City.”



Well, he carried on like some bitch going on and on about how ungrateful I am and how they were bending over backwards to be kind to me and I mean, the man is shrieking and you could tell people are looking in from the other area and finally, I walked out, went up to his casket, saw it was him, and said, “Steve, you were the sanity in that insane family and I'm sorry, but I'm not staying for your funeral.”

So, I walked out, got in my car, and drove back to Missouri. When I get there, the police are waiting at my house telling me I'd stolen my own car!”



“What?”



“That's what I said. So, I get into the glove compartment, pull out all the papers, and show the cop with my driver's license and he said, “I'll get the charges dismissed. They acted more like they wanted to know if you were ok.”

I told that cop, I'll be ok as soon as I go to the hospital to get tested for drugs because they kept me sedated down there excessively and their son tried raping me.”



Well, I drove straight to Gino and he took me to Truman Hospital and we got a full run down and they did find several kinds of sedatives, or what they call barbiturates in my system.”



“Man!”



“Now get this because here's where it gets SUPER strange. They call GINO of all people to see if I'm ok! He told them I was fine and that he'd taken me to the hospital and I had a lot of drugs in my system. That's when they told him I was acting strangely and seemed suicidal!



I'll tell you Gino hit the roof and THEN, they tell him, 'he needs to be here for the reading of the Will because he's Steven's significant other!'

I'll tell you, when Gino hung up, he said, “Rhette, I'm calling up twelve men and we're flying onto that damned ranch and we're reading the fucking Will there. IF they called you down for bullshit, I'm going to burn everything they've got down, kill all their cattle, and then cut their heads off and shove shit down their neck so far the daisy seeds aren't going to sprout!”



He laughed, “It sounds like he was pissed.”



“Gino never cussed unless it was in regards to other people. I'll tell you he had a strict policy, no smoking in houses, no cussing in houses, no cussing in front of women, and in restaurants, no cigarettes or cigars at the table.”



“That's nice.”



“For him to cuss around me always got him apologizing. He viewed me a woman and when he cussed, he always stressed I never got cussed at, but they were getting cussed about in conversation to me.”



He laughed, “What did it matter?”



“Oh, it mattered! His mama ruled with an iron fist. If she thought I was being disrespected, he got an ear full.”



“Really?”



“That woman and I loved each other. Well, she loved everyone, but she really watched out for me and he really treated me like gold.”



“That's nice.”



“Anyways, we flew down and we landed on their air strip and in no time at all, the police were there. Gino asked to use their phone and when he hung up, all those police got called from the state patrol and told to get the hell out of that house!

When they ran out, Gino went over and slapped the fuck out of Steve's Dad and said, “For that, one thousand cattle will die. Pissssss me offffff again and you won't have a heard. Call the policcccccce again and I'll burn your oil field. If you called him down here and he's not in that Will, I'm taking a wrecking ball to your corporate headquarters and it won't stop until it's down.”



“Man!”



“Gino was upset. The man got us into that office and he proceeded in trying to tell me I'd had Steve killed and that I'd been acting strangely and so on and so forth and that's when Gino stood up and said, “Kill their cattle, don't stop until every one of them are dead and if anyone attempts to stop you, kill them and leave them to rot under the pile of cattle.”

He turned and asked, “Care to lose an oil field?” and then sat down. So, all the time we're reading that damned Will, we're hearing boom...boom...boom...and it was unreal. I knew they were prized cattle and in the Will, it read, I was given on quarter of the estate, the grounds of the estate, it's livestock, and that's when I yelled, “STOP KILLING THE CATTLE!”



He busted out laughing



“It was insane! But I'll tell you the date of that Will was the day before Steve died. I never knew a thing about it and rightfully, he gave me part of an estate he'd not gotten yet, but they gave it to me.



When the Will was read, Gino said, “Listen up you fuck! Your daughters are getting raped by that bastard up there. I've got proof if he denies it, but with the way you are with women, you don't need them either! If you get them, you protect them with your life because I'll be down here doing fly overs taking pictures and being assured they're not molested.”



His Dad said, “We've only been kind to Rhette, and we don't understand how he spread those lies.”



Gino stood up and said, “This is documented proof. It's not a lie and if it wasn't a quarter of his, I'd burn everything just to see you never disrespect him again. However, I do know you've got ownership in casino out in Vegas and for one year, those profits will go to me on his behalf.”



“Oh!”



“Anyways, we got out of there and that's how I got that. Now, here's where it gets strange again.”



“Again?!”



“Yeah, I've got to tell you this because it's vital I tell you.”



“Ok”



“When Gino died, I was in prison. What he did was he Willed his ring to me.”



“What?”



“Yeah, so you know what that means.”



“Oh man Rhette!”



“Well, what went on is Dave and I talked. I think Dave should've got it, but Dave tells me his grandma got power when his grandpa died and when the day came she took the ring off and gave it to Gino, he got the power. Because Gino loved me, he Willed it to me and David has to respect it.

I think it's wrong because he's the son and I'm nobody, but Dave and I came to an agreement that he's nice to me and realizes I did love his Dad and I'm nice to him knowing he should be in power, so we get along.”



“What happens there?”



“Not much really. As you see, I live unprotected and I took a beating being unprotected, but I don't call him unless I need help. I've called him more than I'd care to admit, but in the deal with the buy out and merger, you now know who it was I merged with and why.”



“It's like you merged with yourself, but you're partly above the board and below the board.”



“Yeah, but now you know the extent of everything and why when Dave and I see each other over there, he's going to kiss this ring.”



“Son of a bitch! That's the ring!”



It was funny because he went down on his knee and I held it, “Clive, that's not necessary.”



“Like hell! I was lusting on you!”



“Clive, treat me like a normal person. I didn't tell you that because of anything. I told you because I didn't want it looking on her adversely.”



“If you want me to manage you in your career, I'll do so.”



“No, you've already told me you're busy. Now I realize you're doing it because of the ring and not because it's really something you can afford to do with your time.

If she wants me to record those, then we'll record, but let's make this deal. If you get her out on the road and you so desire any of your people like her, Cher, or Mariah to go to Vegas, give Dave a call and tell him. We've got Ginorocity Hotels out there and I'll see you get what everyone else is paying.”



He smiled, “Really?”



“Listen to this.”



I pressed two on my speed dial and Dave answered, “Dave?”



“Yeah”



“I'm in New York, I need some favors.”



“Sure.”



“First of all, I'm sitting across from Clive Davis. We're in Anna's house with El and we're discussing him needing showrooms out there to showcase everyone when they come off tour. I told him we'd pay what the going rate is out there and he just can't believe it. Will you tell him it's a go?”



“Are you on speaker phone?”



“Yeah.”



“How long and when?”



“I don't know, she's kicking off the tour in Kansas City and I need the house out there opened and readied.”



“Ok, when?”



“Open it Valentine's Day, I might get lucky.”



“With Clive?!”



“In his wildest fantasies! No!”



He laughed, “I didn't think so!”



Clive laughed and his face blushed red.



“Just the same, I'll be there at some time so I'd like to see you, but she wants me to do three with them and do a recording...maybe.”



“Singing?”



“No, I thought about straight porn, but all the girls I like have the wrong parts and I don't know what to do with all that...so, to showcase my talents otherwise, I came up with singing while pulling butt hair, it helps me hit those high notes. So far, it's a performance which brings tears to your eyes...well, mine at least!”



Clive was losing it and Dave was laughing, “You know you had me believing it until you said yours, but I know you don't have butt hair.”



“You looking?! There might be hope for you yet!”



He laughed, “Your ass looks like a womans, I couldn't help.”



“Any woman's Dave? If so, I'm thinking about how Meemaw's ass looked compared to mine and if you are comparing them, what in the hell were you doing looking at her ass!”



He laughed, “Oh God! Help me! I'm sinking here!”



“Clive's already on the floor Dave. I think he needs the hienie lick maneuver!”



“I'll send a man over. Tell him to stay with us!”



Clive was sitting upright laughing.



“Dave, I need a house man.”



“A house man?”



“No, I need a house. Forget the man until I get a house. It needs to be nice and it needs to have a prime view of the Statue of Liberty and preferably another famous building. They tell me they've got an island for sale here, but they want fifteen million for it and I'm not going to do that.”



“Is it on the register?”



“Hell, I don't know if it's a mutt, or registered, but for fifteen million, I'd think it ought to be registered.”



He laughed, “Let me make some calls. Will you be up?”



“Yeah, tell them I looked at Trump Tower and there's one which is amazing on the first floor but the second floor of it is requiring a total remodel.

And, I'm wanting my piano from the house out there brought and we're not sure about getting it in there on the sixty second floor. There's a piano there, but I want mine. If we could switch them, and...”



“Rhette, why do you want an apartment when you're asking for a house?”



“I'm not. It's four million and compared to fifteen, that's not as much. Yeah, it's a remodel, but I hear that house out there isn't in that good of shape.”



“Do you want to remodel a fifteen million dollar house?”



“If it's considered prime real estate, will bringing it up to wonderful improve it?”



“It might take a while.”



“Well, call around. Now, I need something else.”



“What's that?”



“Upstairs in this house, I've got a boy named Jaymes who is about to go to that Stephen guy to get a photo taken to see if he's model material.

He and his Dad are going to be modeling together. See what you can find for them to do in shoots, television commercials, and all that print media. Make him world famous and put someone on him who will insure he doesn't partake of any drugs while he's doing it.”



“Ok, what's that about?”



“If Jessie weren't in the picture, I'd be all over it. But, Jessie is in the picture and I'm going to tell you to consider he's mine and treat him like a son to me.”



“Wow!”



“His Dad and I are exes.”



“Really?”



“Jeff.”



“Oh man, Jeff is going to model?!”



“Yeah, he's about to retire at the college. Jaymes is identical to the way he looked when he was younger, so they're like an older and a younger version of each other identical.”



“Man! I'll start making calls. Tell them I'll put them in something for Hostess right away. Let me see what else I can get them. But, I'm thinking about the double packs of snack cakes. A father and son sharing them would demonstrate we're giving two for one.”



“Ok, that sounds cool.”



“I've got Jeff's picture from the college pulled up now. He's looking a little over weight.”



“We're pulling that down. Jeff is over weight and Jaymes is under weight. We're working on both of them, but you see he's not changed in the face none.”



“No. Tell Stephen if he can get me a full portfolio of them as soon as possible, we'd be able to get something out before Summer.”



“It's going to take him three months to get the shots out and me to get them buff.”



“Damn! Well, we'll work on something. Now, what do you think about them with the soft drinks?”



“Dave, it's your baby. All I'm asking is you do that for me. It doesn't matter what they do, but I want them seen as a good looking father and son duo. I was also thinking of remaking that show, “The Courtship of Eddie's Father” with them in it. See if we can buy that and get it on.”



“Oh man! That'd be cool!”



“Check on it and let's get them famous. We've got the studios out there we can film in, right?”



“Yeah.”



“And Dave?”



“Yeah.”



“DO you have that college website up still?”



“Hang on. Yeah.”



“On the soccer team, look at the latins and go to the Juarren.”



“I see him.”



“Pull him in to work with them. He and Jaymes are sort of sweet on each other.”



“Really?”



“Yeah, is that Juarren as photogenic as he is hot in that picture?”



“He's ripped.”



“I know. I saw him in the shower at the Y and my tongue was doing that one sort of dance.”



He laughed, “Oh man!”



“So see if we can get that show and let's see if we can get them some spots along with that Juarren.”



“Ok, I'll get on it.”



“I appreciate it.”



“I'll call you back.”



“I appreciate it.”



I hung up and said, “There you go. We got what we wanted from him.”



“You've got everyone thinking he's over everything and he's working for you!”



“The only time I pull rank is at Bates restaurant and the Stockyard restaurant. When I get there, I get selfish.”



“I don't blame you. Do you know how to make that sauce?”



“Yeah, and how to make the Masterpiece sauces too. I'll tell you the Masterpiece sauce I make is tough stuff. I normally make it in my food processor but I burnt the motor out on the thing making it.”



“How?!”



“It's that thick and rich. Instead of using tomato sauce, I used tomato paste, dark brown sugar instead of molasses and used my smoke flavoring. What I also did was I used whole seed mustard instead instead of the ground and then put the dry ingredients in before the wet so they could be finely ground and sifted in the processor. When it was all mixed, then, it hit the gallon jars and went into the oven. I put it in the oven because that one hundred degree setting it requires is steady for two days.”



“What's that do?”



“It melds everything and cooks it just slow enough to take the sugars over to mixing with the other ingredients not to cause fermenting in the jars.

Now, once it's cooked for two days, what I do is I put it into the quart jars and cold pack them. BUT, now here's something my mama taught me and that's whenever you can anything acidic like tomatoes, sauces, relishes, or salsas, you want to put a slice of onion on top of it because for some reason, that onion takes all the acidic bite out of it.”



“Really?”



“Yeah, but let me give you something real cool I did the other night. I don't know if you've got a rotisserie, or not, but if you don't, buy one. It's one of the things I use almost all the time in my kitchen.”



“Really?”



“Yeah, that and my George Foreman and my microwave and I hardly use the stove anymore. Now, what I do is I rotisserie chicken like three times a week, the other night, I bought a chicken for seventy nine cents a pound at Aldi's and took it home. IT was a five pound roasting chicken, so it's perfect for the rotisserie.

Now, what I did was I cut up onions and let them soak in soy sauce mixed with Worcestershire sauce and some fennel. Rosemary and Sage works good too. But, Soak the onions in that sauce until they're just dark brown with it and when you put the spit through the chicken, put the onions inside the chicken and let it go.”



“How much does a rotisserie cost?”



“You can ask Jaymes tomorrow, well, let's go get the laptop and pull up the website. We might be able to find you one on eBay real cheap.”



“Is it safe to buy on there?”



“Oh yeah! But what I did was I got my rotisserie at an estate auction for something like three or five dollars brand new in the box. It's a West Bend and I can't tell you how many I've cooked in it.”



“Really? Just like the ones you get in the store?”



“Better, juicier, and you know what went into it and it's cheaper.”



“Man!”



“I'm probably the queen of rotisserie cooking. When I worked where Jaymes works, I sold one of those things a day just off telling them how to cook in it and you'd be amazed at all you can cook in it.”



“Really?”



“Yeah, because they've got different ones than the one I have. Theirs has a pan up on top and a finer mesh rack. You can put breakfast sausages in it and then up top put your hash browns and put the eggs over the top of the hash browns and close the lid. You set the timer and in the morning, you've got a hot breakfast ready for you!”













“

Fallen



Notes From Retta:



This is the how Fallen has to be submitted. It was originally written in one long continuous Chapter. For it to be put on the net and not be too long, it has to be 'broken up' into 'Chapters'.



The 'Chapters' won't make sense how they break, you have my apologies.