Why?

Right now, I'm so fuckin' mad, I can't even BEGIN to tell you on the scale of anger I have in my body where this lays because I'm that God damned pissed. WHATSOMORE, I'm not sure who I'm pissed at, but I'll tell you one thing, when I find out who the motherfucker is, I'm going to personally fire the person and then, I'm going to probably beat the dogfuck out of them.

WHY? Let me tell you.

First of all, I'm woke up out of a sleep which is rare because I sleep so God damned little. Second of all, it's by a brother who I rarely speak to and he's so God damned mad, it takes me a full five minutes until it's ME he's pissed at because I"m ownership in a fuckin' hotel/casino which has decided to make blunders of all blunders and hire someone for talent who had "ARTIST" control!

As soon as he could get it out, he told me he'd decided to come to Vegas for the weekend...at my expense...and decided to see a certain NAMED star. Then, when he gets there, it's nothing but one big long God damned trip through how a hotel can piss off people, hurt their pride and decency, and then just plain old fuck 'em.

As soon as I got that out of him, my phone call was interrupted by my cousin who called and was telling me the same thing! Not only that, but she personally got to see management at it's worst and told me to "GET THERE" because she's got a fuckin' snow leopard baby in her room which has been attacked by a God damned lizard! She saved the snow leopard baby, but she can't guarantee the health of the lizard.

THEN WHILE I'M ON THE PHONE WITH HER WITH MY BROTHER ON HOLD!!!! I get ANOTHER CALL from yet another cousin who is living in Vegas telling me that he's heard shits haywire at the hotel and I'm about to be swarmed with ever lettered state and federal agency known to man!

So, I haul my ass out of bed and the jet hit the air. All the way, I'm doing damage control.

It seems for "ATMOSPHERE" hotel management decided to let the artist have control and do some chaging. Needless to say, it's not the artist who is going to get his ass sued off...it will be me!

So, I land in Vegas and I tell the limo driver from the hotel to run the lights all the way to the hotel and I definitely want the management, senior management, and said star in front of me when I get there.

I walk in and when I do, I went straight to the theater. I get there and it's bedlam. I'll describe the scene, but for me to have to describe this scene tells me it's went on for too fuckin' long and tells me there are SOME PEOPLE who need their head examined.

In our outter bar, in a corner, is our bar maanager corralling three lizards, iguannas, or whatever the fuck they are and one of them has a broken tail. It seems someone....probably my cousin...broke it's tail.
The manager is furious because it's HER JOB to run a bar...not some God damned circus! And not to be operating shit which is just SO WRONG I can't even begin to tell you how fucked up this is!!! Because not only that, someone brings over a scorpion...the big variety and puts it in the midst of all these reptiles! They go apeshit, the scorpion goes apeshit and I get to watch a scorpion get attacked by a lizard which is getting the shit stung out of it!
THIS IS WHEN I'VE LEARNED SOMEONE IN THEIR FUCKIN' WISDOM has placed live scorpions in a bar with lizards, iguanas, and whatever else...as well as baby snow leopards and call it atmosphere!

Now, I don't know who calls that shit atmosphere, but the hotel sure as hell isn't owned by the Stephens....King and Spielberg...and it's not Jurassic Park or yet to be named horror novel.

SO, while I'm trying to get said MANAGEMENT to get me some fuckin' broccoli boxes to put some pissed off lizards, I'm trying to do so without telling them they're fired first!

What's even more insane is on whim, I bring the boys with me and they're making a corral out of chairs in this "Supposed to be nice" lounge in a famous hotel on the strip in Vegas! And my question on top of all the insanity is WHY?

Why am I having to look on side tables and see lizards? Why on another coffee table I see a fuckin scorpion? Why on another I see a dead body of some damned iguana? And why on the side of another table I see an expiration sticker from the side of a case of Lowenbrau? And why in the hell I'm still sane when I should be firing anyone and everyone who allowed this to happen?

What-so-more, when I get Steve Wynn there, he's telling people to get to work and then get home because in his words, "We've got troubles enough without having a bunch of pissed off former employees suing our asses!"

Now personally, that gives me another question on the Why's...Why at three AM on a Monday morning am I having to have a conversation with Steve Wynn's old ass in a hotel/casino over Wild Kingdom possibly getting our asses shut down?!!!

Well needless to say, the phone calls are started. On my lap is a baby snow leopard who is clearly in trauma because it's shivering like it's had it's last little nerve tested and the world is too God damned cruel. It's been attacked by something which it thought was fun and it damned near got killed by it!!! AND adding to injury, it's mama wasn't there to get it out of the deep shit life afforded...at a hotel/casino who hires zoo keepers to see it's not supposed to be "ATMOSPHERE"!

Needless to say, I'm pissed. Needless to say, I'll be lucky if I'm not drug into court because several thousand people are suing the fuck out of this place. And needless to say said star is now on his way to my owner's suite to have his ass jumped lively and royally over this debacle.

Needless to say, Gypsy will probably have a playmate because this little guy needs to know the people who pay to care for it are doing their jobs.

Now things are settled. The wild life is back where they belong. The scorpions are back where they belong...in the trash because rather than injuring myself, I took CO2 canisters from a back bar and froze the sons of bitches! Needless to say, I've told every manager this bullshit will be in their personnel file and...needless to say one said star is going to be told when his engagement ends, there's not going to be one fuckin' offer to continue, nor will there be one afforded in the rest of my lifetime!
What I DO have is I've got each and every patron who attended this show being hunted down so I can bring them back and personally have a conversation with them to see if they will allow me to buy them off and forget what the fuck happened.

Now, about the "performances" this asshole says he performed. Let me explain this to you so you can see exactly what the fucker tried doing to me, the hotel, and for something like $800,000 a God damned night.

When you come in, if you're not bit by a scorpion, iguana, lizard, or snow leopard in the outer bar, you get to go into a theater which for some fuckin' reason has no table cloths...all I can say is it's probably so you can look under the fuckers to see if there's a scorpion.

Then, when the "show" starts, you get a Benihana motherfucker coming out on stage cooking up appetizers. He flips the tidbits and morsels out into the audience and if the snow leopard had been lucky, some woman would've had it on her lap and fed it! But NO! This is Vegas and that shit stays out in the outer bar area!

Our next attraction is panini man. He's juggling paninis and while that's happening, there are panini vendors out in the audience selling paninis!

Then, after panini people, we've got an intermission....why? Because the said star who is paid for two hours and twenty minutes of performance won't go on the stage until he's got thirty seven minutes left because that's exactly what he's got for his act!!!

Now, I'm sorry, but if I pay you for one hundred and sixty minutes. and if I pay you five thousand dollars for every fuckin' minute, I better be told you've thrilled, enthralled, and amused...not pissed off, enraged, and fucked over the people who paid for that performance

Needless to say, I've gotta lot of damage control and I've got Gypsy at my feets wanting to see what's crying on my lap. Thank God the scorpions, lizards, and wild life didn't attack her because I'd probably have PETA down on my ass for the deaths of a lot of little animals!

What I do know from what my brother told me is the audience wasn't full. He said it looked like an ear of corn after a severe drought in there. I imagine word's already gotten out the guy is fucking a lot of people and needs to be strung up by his balls.

What's terrible is this... I know for a fact the hotel constructed a whole new theater just for this motherfucker. I know it was done to the tune of lotsa millions of dollars because we were going to attempt to court him for a permanent engagement!
All I can say is a few phrases come to mind...Like hell...over my dead body...and anyone who suggests it to me in the near and far futures better be at a full run away from me when it's done so because I will probably shell shock them with the explosion which happens. He'll be lucky if he's not still being sued by us for this blunder, because we're still fielding the lawsuits for the two days he's been on the stage!

All I can say is it's Halloween and horror of horrors is I've got this bastard in contract for the next three months....if he gets an act put together which better be damned quick.