Chapter Seven:
We went out and got in the truck, I drove us across the river into Illinois and took us towards Hull, Barry, Plainville, and Jerseyville. Soon, I was seeing them and didn't say anything.
One darted out in front of us on the road and he asked, “Is that one?”
“Yeah.”
“Man, I've been seeing them all over the place!”
“Yeah. I wasn't going to say anything but was going to let you see them.”
“Look up on that hill in that pasture!”
“Sixteen of them.”
“How can you count that fast?”
“Count the pairs. Look over in that field.”
We looked and he said, “I'm trying to count the pairs, but there's more than fifty!”
“Yeah. Now you know why you're the rarity around here if you've not hit one with your car.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, the turkey are nearly as bad.”
“What's it like if you've hit one?”
“Deer or turkey?”
“Well, both?”
“With a turkey, you'll be driving along and from off a rock cut or a tall tree by the road, you'll have one fly out and suddenly, you're windshield is obliterated.
My brother hit one with his truck and it took out the top of the windshield and the roof so bad it totalled it. When I hit the one I hit, I had one of the work trucks with a ladder on the rack and it hit the end of the ladder and just exploded sending guts and everything over the windshield.”
“Gross”
“Yeah, but it bent the end of the metal ladder so bad it was ruined.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, but with a deer, they either run out in front of you like that and you hit it and suddenly, your whole front end is just ruined. Or, one will run into you and it'll wipe out the side of your car.
When I hit the one I hit, I was moving at about eighty five and popped over a slight hill and there it stood in the road. It looked up and darted right and I darted left and then, the damned thing came back across and by then, it was too late.
What's bad, is I've been in wrecks where I hit another car and that sound is WHAM, but when I hit it, I guess since it was a body, it went, Whump and I thought, 'Ok, well it wasn't a wham, so maybe it's not as bad as I thought.'
Let me tell you, I pulled over and the deer slid off the hood and it was still alive and crawling off the side. I looked at the car and I mean, it was totalled. Everything was gone and shoved back worse than wrecks I've been in and then, I look over at the deer and I'm thinking, 'Motherfucker, you're steak!' And that's when it got up and took off running.”
“What?!”
“Yeah, they're tough. I know it probably died because there was everything in where the headlight used to be, but it took off and I didn't get it.”
“Do you eat them?”
“Oh yeah. It's like a really good steak. It's super lean and just good. Out at Mom and Dad's, count on eating it a lot.”
“Why?”
“Because they get a lot of them. We'll be able to get some.”
“Why?”
“If you're not a farmer, you only get a tag for one or maybe two. If you're a farmer, you get the number you're allowed based upon the amount of land you own. Because we've got three hundred acres, we're allowed something like eight of them a year.”
“Do you hunt them?”
“I can't own a gun since I've got a felony, but I can have you own a gun and be allowed to fire it hunting...isn't that dumb?”
“Have you went hunting them?”
“Yeah, and I've had a few shots, but never killed one. I imagine you'll love hunting them.”
“Really?”
“I can see it in you. I'll have my Dad teach you how to hunt. If I have Mom teach you, she'll drive you insane.”
“Why?”
“She's like Annie Oakley. She shoots and gets what she shoots at easily. Watching her shoot is like seeing someone in a shooting gallery who's perfect.”
“Man, she goes hunting?”
“Yeah, and there's a spot down behind the dairy which is a crossing. If you sit there, it's not a question if you'll get a shot, but how many shots you'll have because they go across so much and in numbers. She knows she's allowed a limit and she tries dropping them in one trip.”
“Who guts them and stuff?”
“Me and Dad. Well, I do it more now. Dad's eyesight isn't so good.”
“You do?”
“Hon, here's the deal. You get them, I'll process them, but you better learn gutting and skinning fish because I can't stand it. You'll see me hacking a fish all to hell just so I don't have to scale the thing.”
“I've never done that.”
“My Dad will teach you. That man makes a filet knife talk the fish out of it's skin.”
“It's way different over here with the land. It's flat and then the hills are way over.”
“At one time, all this was the Mississippi. It moves around.”
“Really?”
“Up at the Sny, I'll show you where it used to be and out at the Bay, I'll show you where it used to be. They say the earthquakes at New Madrid changed the course of the river and made it different so the Sny stopped being the river and I imagine a previous earthquake did the same at the bay.”
“What's a sny?”
“It's a bunch of islands close together. The reason they called it the sny, is a sny is a bunch of snags...so it's like the plural of snag....and don't ask me if a bunch of fag pluralized is a fy...I don't know.”
He smiled.
“The river would come down and you'd have all these islands close together and the channel would go through them like it was going through a filter. Trees would get caught up and the course would change to the least resistance. Then, that tree would rot and float through and another flood would open it up.
Up at the bay, that's different. It's like a marsh where the channel went through. It silted up and now, what you've got is an area like a long chain of lakes.”
“Cool.”
“Some good fishing up there, but I don't eat them. There's a lot of agriculture up there and all those pesticides and stuff leach out into the water and you get fish, but you get all the poisons they've ingested. That's why I like deep ocean fishing because it's not as polluted.
I'm not saying I won't eat river fish, because I will, it's just if I had my preference, I'd deep sea fish any day.”
“What's the biggest fish you've caught?”
“Bluefin Tuna. It was something like four hundred pounds. The steaks of that thing were as big as a five gallon bucket.”
“Oh man! I like tuna steaks.”
“Me too. What's strange is people out here don't even know about them. They think tuna comes from a can and that's it.”
“Ooh.”
“I know, but let me tell you catfish here is about that good.”
I turned and went over 54.
“Where are we going now?”
“Over to Louisiana and then over to 61 and up. You'll see where I hit my deer. When we get to the bridge at Louisiana, don't get afraid.”
“Why?”
“It's one of the narrowest bridges on the Mississippi. Semis swipe mirrors all the time going across it.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, we'll fold these in. I know these cost eighty five bucks each.”
“You've lost one?”
“No, I replaced these with the chrome because the originals were painted.”
“How do you drive a truck like this?”
“It's easy. Let's get across the bridge and you can drive it.”
“Ok”
When we got to the East side of the bridge, I pointed. “Before the flood, this used to be a little Mexican town. Louisiana made it uncomfortable for them to live in, so they came over here and settled. Right there, used to be a place called Junita's which had the best carp sandwiches known.”
“They've got those out at the casino. I've eaten them before.”
“I had them make them from remembering the ones we got there. The next time you eat one, but a big slice of sweet onion with Heinz mustard on one and you'll have what we would drive clear down here to get.”
“You got to put the food you liked in the casino?”
“Yeah, I knew if I liked it, everyone would like it. You'd be amazed at how many people love those carp sandwiches there.”
“They're different and don't taste like fish really.”
“No, and the guys who catch them are all kids I grew up with. They come from the river down below the last lookout we saw.”
“Really?”
“Let me explain the river system to you. The Mississippi is a long river. They put in locks and dams and where it's populated, you see people really using it, but where the population isn't high, you'll see almost no one in a boat.
In that area, you've got fish like years and years ago. They're plentiful and you could catch them all day long.
Where it's heavily traveled, you could fish all day long and be lucky to catch but a few.”
We got out and folded in the mirrors. Then, we got on the highway and went on the bridge. As luck would have it, it couldn't be worse, there were semis and a Trailways bus coming.
“Are we going to make it?!”
“That second semi likes about two feet of my lane. All the rest are on their side.”
We past the first and I lay on the horn for the second to be told to get over. He wasn't moving, so I slowed down. I pulled all the way over that I could and he went by with inches to spare.
“Man, that was close!”
“And that bastard shouldn't be driving a truck!”
The Trailways driver waved at us like, “I know, I saw it!” and we got on across.
As soon as we got off the bridge, I said, “Piss break. The bathroom here is to the left and back.”
“Ok”
I folded out the mirrors and went in. I saw Josie working behind the counter, “Hey babe!”
“Rhette?”
“Yeah.”
“You've changed?”
“Plastic surgery. How have you been doing?”
“Ok, I've got four kids now.”
“My God, your ovaries work!”
She laughed, “Everyone is in shock. They think they just saw that famous singer.”
“They did.”
She gave me a strange look. “With you?”
“Yeah, tomorrow we're getting married.”
“Really?!”
“Yeah, I'll be in drag, but it'll be nice.”
“Up at your parents place?”
“No, out in Las Vegas. He got today off, but he's performing out there.”
“Oh man. If it were here, I'd come.”
“Hang on. Can you drive to Hannibal to the airport and be gone until late tomorrow?”
“Yeah.”
En came out and I said, “Hon, this is Josie. We were in college together.”
She blushed and he smiled and said, “Hello.”
“I'm calling Dave. We'll fly her out for tomorrow.”
“Really?”
“I don't know many people I'm willing to speak with who are old friends, but she's one I've not seen in a long time.”
Dave answered, “Yeah Rhette.”
“I need a plane sent for my family and another for a girl by the name of Josie. She's an old friend.”
“Ok, is she staying?”
“Let me ask.”
I put the phone against my chest and asked, “Can you stay out there for the evening?”
“I have to work at three Saturday.”
“Stay, you'll enjoy it.”
“Ok, can I bring my husband?”
“Sure.”
“You know him. It's Ferrell.”
“Really?!”
She smiled real big and said, “Don't say a thing, he told me.”
“Cool.”
I got back on the phone and said, “They'll need a room. It's her and her husband.”
“Ok.”
“Thanks Dave.”
I hung up and she waited on a customer who stared at En. En took a card which advertised a roofing company and autographed the back. He handed it to the woman, “There you go ma'am. Yes, it's me.”
“You look so much like your daddy!”
“I'm told that a lot.”
She left just chattering away to another girl. “He's so sweet! Look, he gave me his autograph!”
En grabbed another card and signed it. Sure enough, the girl was heading back. He held it out and said, “There you go!”
She hugged him and squealed. He smiled and I watched as she ran out the door, “I hugged him!”
Josie was chuckling. “What's that like?”
He smiled, “I've gotten used to it, but it used to bother me.”
She nodded, “I don't think I'd like people hugging me I didn't know.”
“They think they know me because they see the videos and listen to my cds. I don't mind it so much anymore because I know if I don't that's about ten less cds sold.”
She looked at me and said, “I need to speak with you over here.”
“Come this way.”
I said, “Let us have a moment, I know this question before it's asked.”
“Can I come?”
“If you want to be embarrassed, you can.”
“Oh!”
“Come on, it's not really that embarrassing. You might learn something.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
We went over by the hot dog roller. “Hon, before you ask, let me show you something.”
“Ok”
I took one of the dogs and held the end between my thumb and forefinger. “This is called practice. Use a polish dog and you've got it.”
I put it in and throated it. “When you can do that without gagging, then take a boiled egg and work on swallowing it and bringing it back up with your throat muscles. When you've got that done, he's a lucky guy.”
“How'd you know?!”
“Hon, the look in your eyes told me. I know you know I know he told you EVERY thing and I don't mind En knowing. He knows I've had a past.
Now, let me pay for the dog and we'll get out of here.”
“It's on the house. Consider it payment for the lesson.”
I laughed, and asked, “Is he as nice in married life as he was back then?”
“Yeah, he's wonderful.”
“You got lucky. He's a sweet guy.”
“What time tomorrow?”
“Be at the airport about ten am. You'll see a jet with a G with a crown above it, or it might have Ginorocity in gold and bronze down the side of it. There's going to be two planes, one will be for my family going out and another will be for you. The smaller will be for you two.”
“What do I wear?”
“Pack for warm weather and a night of dancing. You'll see me in drag performing with him after the marital contract signing.”
“What will you be performing?”
“Songs. I'm about to release an album.”
“Reaallly?!”
“Yeah, you know how I sang.”
“Yeah!”
“Well, it's more of that, but really good.”
“Oh man!”
“Now, I've got a question for you, why in the hell aren't you using that degree?!”
“The economy. The schools don't want a gym teacher.”
“Willing to move?”
“Why?”
“Well, you don't have to move. I guess you could stay and drive up.”
“To where?”
“We're about to build a house on the hill where we went parking that one night.”
She blushed, “Oh man, THAT was a memory!”
“Yeah, neither one of us kept the man we were with!”
“Yours was a whole lot cuter!”
“You'll see him tomorrow, he's a coach up at the college. He's about to retire and I'm putting him in a television show with his son. Well, his son is in a video with me.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, watch.”
I pulled out my phone and showed her.
“Oh man! That's hot! He looks just like his Dad!”
“Yeah”
“Is that you singing?”
“Yeah.”
“That's good!”
“You'll hear it tomorrow night.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, but be prepared to be introduced around.”
“Ok”
En said, “Wear comfortable shoes. That's the key to meet and greets. If you have to, wear tennis shoes...no one looks at your feet and those who know realize you're there for comfort and those who are wearing the heels will be regretting it.”
I smiled, “Thanks hon! I'll be wearing heels!”
He smiled, “But you're going to look amazing in them!”
She smiled, “You lucky!”
“He makes me feel good. Do you want to see my wedding dress and his tux?”
“Sure!”
I went over to pictures and showed her, “Oh my God! That's beautiful!”
“My hair will be blonde and have extensions, but that's the dress and his tux.”
“Oh man, you're going to look amazing!”
“Let's hope.”
She looked over, “I've got to go get customers.”
“Ok, I'll see you tomorrow.”
She hugged me and I said, “Be prepared to have a job offer thrown at you.”
“Ok”
We went out to the truck and he got in the driver's seat.
“What job are you going to offer her?”
“Nanny.”
“Why?”
“Because if we get kids, I know she'll treat them like her own. With her having four, we sure know she likes them.”
“Or likes making them!”
“That too, but with Ferrell, she's lucky.”
“You were with him?”
“For a night. He loved the head, but couldn't get over the 'sin'.”
“Huh?”
“Both of them are huge Catholics who went to a Baptist college. She's a wild one...that's for sure, but her big issue was losing her father.”
“How'd he die?”
“He didn't. He left his wife and kids for a man and moved to St. Louis.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, they're still not divorced...probably. They're Catholics and they don't get divorced...if they're devout. Where her Mom fucked up was not allowing the kids to see their Dad.”
“Why not?”
“She told them they could see them the day he moved back in the house. What you don't know there is her Mom is Sicilian from the old country and ruled her kids with an iron fist. When they got out of the house, those kids rebelled and all of them were wild.”
“You know all of them?”
“Her brothers are super fine babes. One is a Scott Baio look alike and the other looks Emilio Estevez. What's far out is I went parking with both of them.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, you need to know I didn't set out to do that, it just worked out that way.”
“How?”
“This is how small of a world it is. Ferrell's back yard adjoins their back yard. Her brothers are Matthew and Mark...like chapters in the Bible and she's Mary Josephine.”
“Man!”
“Well, Matt and I snogged because she set us up. We ran around together and one night they were riding around and I saw them, I guess he went on point and she asked me the next day if I'd go out with him.
Well, we went out and for like a week, we wore the paint off the hood of the car and then, he told me he couldn't go out with me because he was getting back together with an old girlfriend. We broke it off and then Ferrell and I had the date.
We snogged and what was weird is normally, when you do things with someone, they don't get into it all that much. With him, it was a good old fashioned barn burner of a make out session...but, the next day, it's like, 'I've got to go to confession. I've not slept all night because I know I've sinned.'
My remark to him was, 'Don't get none while you're confessing because I'm not going to listen to the confession.”
He chuckled, “That was bad.”
“That was in the back yard of Josie's house. Then, I went in and there stood Mark. He was like, “Ok, don't waste tickets to a concert, I'll go with you, so we went down and saw Rod Stewart. After the concert, we went to a hotel and tore the sheets off the bed.”
“Did you see him for a while?”
“No. It was the one time because I can't stand someone holding the back of my head when I'm giving head.”
“Ok, that's good to know.”
As it was, Josie and I hung around a lot until I got kicked out of that college. Then, I went up to Kirksville and went for some classes.”
“It's sort of neat she ended up getting together with the boy next door.”
“Yeah, both of them are good together.
When we get up here, take the road which doesn't look like it's going to a highway. That's the one.”
“Ok, show me.”
When we got up there, I told him to turn and he said, “Man, that's strange.”
“Not well designed. You don't know how many people take the access road thinking it's going to the highway. This one has no real clear markings, so it gets missed. The bad thing about it is there's no exits up there for something like five miles. It doesn't get off to go into town until it's bypassed.
There's also a place where there was a horrific school bus wreck.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, three died. A state highway truck was patching asphalt and hot mix on. The school bus driver was texting and ass ended the asphalt truck doing sixty miles an hour. The hot mix went all over the driver and the kids in the front rows and just cooked those kids.”
“Did he live?”
“Yeah.”
“Was he charged?”
“Nope, sometimes they say, 'if the man can live with it feeling the guilt and suffering the wrath of a community, it's a harsher sentence than him going to prison.' So, that's what he got sentenced and I hope he can live with himself.”
“That's wrong.”
“Not really. In prison, he would sit there and have everyone look at him like he didn't do anything wrong. Some prosecuting attorneys know that and they let society deal justice more.”
“What do you think?”
“I tend to agree. I mean, there's a kid up in Hannibal who doored someone who got eighteen months in prison. Now he's got to live in town and serve out the rest of his twenty years going to the widow's home and doing chores for her once a week. I agree more with that than I do society putting him up for twenty at forty or fifty grand a year.”
“But he killed someone...well, they both did!”
“Yeah, but think about it. Let's say someone kills a kid of ours like that. Would you want him locked away forever?”
“Yeah”
“I wouldn't. I'd want that motherfucker able to stare at me every day and feel me spitting on him and feel those punches. The most that fucker's going to get in prison is me coming to do it once every five years at his parole hearing. To me, I like my sense of justice better.”
“I guess I see your point. I hope we don't lose any of our kids.”
“I understand. It'd probably rip my heart out. I know losing Tony was terrible, but I've gotten through it, but having someone like the kids or you gone would be bad.”
“Let's not think about that.”
“We need to. We need to make Wills. I don't want to have to fight your Dad more than once and I don't want you to think you're going to have to fight my parents.
You won't, but I want everything laid out.”
“Ok, how do you want things?”
“The farm is yours. No one takes it and if you die, it goes to the kids, not to anyone else you get with after me, but the kids. They're not allowed to sell it and if they don't want it, it goes back to the family...not to a college or anywhere else.”
“Why not?”
“Do you know that rock quarry down the road?”
“Yeah, I saw that.”
“Guess what, that old couple who owned that didn't give it to their kids, grandkids, or anyone. They Willed it to the college up in Kirksville to be used for ag studies and the college sold it. Now it's a rock quarry and the only way I can see there's a study in agriculture is how good farmland handles mounds of gravel ripped out of it from an open pit and piled there.”
“That's wrong.”
“Yup, but the City of Hannibal did the same thing. If you go up to Ann Dorsey park, you see a whole valley donated for a park. The city in it's greediness took a tenth of it and used it for a park and put housing all the way around it. Now the park is stripped, vandalized, and the site of drug deals and I'm sure that woman is kicking the shit out of her casket for what she did. That's why ABSOLUTELY NONE of what I have goes for that sort of thing.
The way I've got the trust for the house in Hannibal is it can't be sold. In the foundation, it says my grandchildren's grandchildren can't even sell it. If they don't want it, the foundation turns it into a museum and all who've partook in any inheritance they received from me have to return their inheritances and all they've acquired with it to the foundation. If not, they're to be sued for one million dollars each and must sign that form in order to inherit one dime of my money.”
“Man.”
“Hon, without strings attached, you're fucked in the grave. I'll be sure to get my revenge from it.”
“So I'll have to sign that?”
“I'll make it so it's that way when we sign the Wills. If I die before you, then it's handled. If you die before me, I'll want it already handled because I'll probably be catatonic.”
He smiled and held my hand. “I don't like thinking about it. That's why I wanted to change the subject.”
“Here's what I want. The island goes to the family in Kansas City. It paid for it, but it paid for it with my money, so it'll be yours and the kids' to use for as long as you shall live.
Now, you'll be required to work with Dave, or whomever's managing things because there's a whole lot of money and investments with that.
You and the kids will get dividends from those, so know that ahead of time.”
“Ok”
“Use those as your money and the kid's, but don't think you're getting any of those investments liquidated because you won't.”
“Ok”
“I'm selling the house in Kansas City. It'll be later this Summer when it gets sold. I'll tell you now I'm taking what I want from it and the piano is coming out. It will go to the house in New York and it's never to be sold.”
“Ok”
“El is going to record that piano to get the sound of it in his synthesizer. I'll ask for that put into one for us.”
“Why?”
“Because he says it's the best sounding piano he's ever played. According to him, it's like a Stradivarius of pianos. It might be, I don't know, but he also says it's priceless.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, it cost a lot in the 80's when a new one could've been bought for less. Tony and I got it because it was an antique and beautiful.
In regards to what else we acquire together, that's ours and will go to you. I do know the recording company we set up will go to you.”
“Ok”
“Up here is where I hit that deer. Sitting up this high, you can't see the road has a little hill here.”
“I can see it.”
“I popped up over and there it stood. Up on the left here is a wildlife area, and they're thick in there.”
“It's awfully flat out here.”
“It's the beginning of the plains...well, Illinois and Indiana are plains too, but what you've got is big rip in the Earth's surface where the Mississippi is and the hills on both sides sort of rose up. That's why you have those hills. Then, it flattens back out and you run pretty flat all the way to Colorado.”
We drove on and I said, “Right up here is the beginning of the tornado alley which goes over to Mom and Dad's. I drove through here one night and barely made it into that rock cut before a tornado went through. It was over there in that field. If you look over there where the hill is bald, that used to be trees. All of them disappeared after that.”
“That's interesting.”
“It's so flat out through there, when a storm gets to rolling along, it's not got much to stop it. Then, when it gets here, the ground goes into the rut, the change in the air current spawns them.
Have you seen a tornado?”
“No...on television, but not in person.”
“They're awesome. If we can, I'll take you up to Rutledge for a weekend when it's supposed to storm and we'll put on a show.”
“Where's that?”
“Oh hell, let me tell you about it because I'm not even sure if it's on a map. What it is, is a place which is a little town that's tiny. It might be all of a general store and a house or two, but if you go on the internet, you'll find a site which is about the flea market up there.
Something like once a month, the place turns into a sort of Woodstock of flea markets. They'll have something like fifty thousand people up there.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, it's real cool. It's like tent city and what you'll find is it's a real dog and pony show. They'll have wild life for sale in cages and they'll have all sorts of homemade things. I go up there because there's a lady up there who makes soaps. That soap we used is hers homemade.”
“Really?”
“Yeah”
“I liked it. I was going to ask where you got it.”
“It's milk and honey. I buy it in a five gallon bucket and use it for soap, shampoo, and washing laundry.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, what you'll find is that stuff has something in it which makes it nearly as good as Dawn for taking out spots in laundry.”
“What I do is I go up and find her and order it. Normally, she has bottles and jars of it, but what I did was Kevin and I went up and I got a jar of it. Then, he found it so good and good for our skin, he took it to work to see if it'd take everything off the guy's hands. It did and also worked as a lotion.
Guys started asking for it and we went back up. I spoke with her and asked her how much she'd charge for a five gallon bucket of it and she told me a hundred dollars. Needless to say, I bought one for home and one for the sign shop.
What happened is the guys at the sign shop loved it so much they were taking it home. The five gallons was gone in no time and Kevin and I had to make another trip. This time, we asked her if she'd make the sign shop a fifty five gallon drum of the stuff and she gave us a price break on it of seven hundred and fifty dollars for that much. So, we bought it.
What you don't know is she makes all kinds of the stuff. I bought a jar which was lavender and another which was honeysuckle. I used that as laundry soap for a long time and then, when Kevin and I split, it disappeared, so you know he'll leave the dog and take the good stuff.”
He laughed, “Oh well, I like the dogs.”
“Me too. Now, when we go, I want to get her to try making me some berry smoothie shampoo. I also want to get some vanilla and coconut.”
“That all sounds good.”
“You're going to be amazed at the stuff we'll see up there. You'll see me carting antiques to the truck non-stop because people sell tons of them up there.
But what I was getting to is that area up there is storm central. You'll see tornadoes form up and you'd think people would get all scared, but a bunch of them leave and you'll still see a ton of idiots up there partying and drinking cheers to the tornado.”
He laughed, “It sounds like they had too much to drink.”
“We'll have to look because there's a little town up that way which has a fundraiser once a year which is just dumb. It's so bad they lost their affiliation with the Jaycees over it.
What it is, is they sell tickets to this thing and it's something like fifty bucks. For that, you get a ticket and they ask you what you want to drink. Then, they buy that and when you get there, it's a big dinner with all you can drink and bands playing all day long.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, but there's no controls on it. What I mean is let's say I buy tickets to go. Let's say we go with the kids. You'll see kids there drinking and it's just unreal.”
“Oh man!”
“Think of Sturgess for families and you've got what's going on.”
“Wow!”
“It's so bad the Sheriff doesn't show up in town all day long. He parks a car there at the place and what happens is they make a fenced in area and you pay to go puke on the porkar.”
“Huh?”
“Pork car put together it sounds like poor car. People pay like five bucks to do it and then, they wash it off.”
“That's nuts.”
“I think it's cool. It shows the Sheriff is a good old boy and he's letting them use a car for fundraising. They use the money raised for kids charities, so that's cool.”
“Have you been?”
“Have I? Yeah, but I didn't stay long because I'm not interested in all the drinking. The food's good, so I wrote it off and ate lunch and then, offered them billboards so I could write off more the next year. Now, the sign shop puts up something like ten billboards up there for it and it's a nice way of keeping our foot in the door in that direction.”
“You know about a lot of these things.”
“Yeah, but I didn't know about that one until I went to the website looking to see when they had the flea markets. There's also some good tornado pics there.”
“I'll have to look.”
“There are a lot of those different sorts of things around though. Each summer, they have a festival out on an island in the middle of the river which is nothing but a big sandbar. It got to be so bad, the water patrol had to come in because the flotilla was blocking navigation on the river.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, it's called hogback island. It started off with a few of us going up and deciding to make it a yearly thing.”
“You helped start it?!”
“Yeah, I mean, when it first started, we would go up and everyone would drag their booze out on the beach in coolers.
If you knew me back then, I was nuts. I went for a beer run in my little old boat and I decided to turn the boat into the cooler. I got something like five hundred pounds of ice and started cracking open cases of beer and icing them down in the boat. Then, I go up the river and instead of parking it like normal, I put the boat into haul and ran it clear up on the beach. People thought it was cool, and of course, the beer was free, so we all partied until the beer ran out which became the theme of the thing...party until the beer runs out.
Well, there was something like twenty people there, so we decided to to it and make it a fundraising thing for a different charity each year. Someone picked the third weekend in June and we all made it a point of showing back up.
I'll tell you I told probably a thousand people we were having a party up there and the membership to get in was owning, begging, or borrowing a boat...and bringing your own booze.
I guess everyone told everyone else because I went up on Friday afternoon and set up drumecues and got those going.”
“What's that?”
“Fifty five gallon drums cut in half and turned into barbecue grills. I got to be pretty good at making the damned things.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, it's not hard. If you've got a pencil and a sawzall, you can make one. Then, all you need is some racks out of an old oven and you cook steaks on it.
Well, I was making the damned things, so I decided to take five hundred pounds of pork steaks and advertise them that way. I got orders for a thousand of them at fifty bucks a piece and it easily paid for the meat.
Others chose to cash in and they had bands there and all sorts of foods and stuff. Word got out it was on and we were staying until the booze ran out and suddenly, there was no more parking for boats, so people started tying their boats to the backs of other boats and walking in across boats.
As you know, I was there for the party and word got out I was a bartender. Someone else was a bartender and there were like five of us and three of us were girls, so they decided to have a naked bartender contest.
What was fun about it was everyone wanted to become naked bartenders, so we had heat races the length of the island of running from the stage to the other end to get someone a beer and then running down to get a lime and chopping it and so on and so forth all in the name so a bunch of drunks could see dick and boobs.”
He was laughing, “You're nuts!”
“Oh hell, it went on until I went to prison and then, I hear it got to be such a problem with drunk boating, the law busted it up.”
“So it's no more?”
“They have it, but no one advertises it like they did and it's called 'Hogback on the Run'. I'll have to find out when they're planning on having it and see.”
My phone rang, “Hello?”
“Rhette?”
“Yeah Jeff.”
“Jaymes said something about us being invited to a dinner tonight.”
“Yeah, seven o'clock at Grande Rio. I've reserved the whole place for a private dinner. You and Skip are welcome, or you by yourself, or bring who you want.”
“Ok, I wanted to check and see.”
“And Jeff?”
“Yeah.”
“We're having a marital contract signing on Friday out in Vegas. If you could come, that'd be great. If not, I understand.”
“I can't. We've got a game on Saturday.”
“Ok, I'll take that as a decline from Juarren also.”
“Yeah, and Jaymes. I know he and Jaymes are wanting Jaymes to see him play soccer.”
“Ok, now what about him a car?”
“He said you've offered. Are you sure about that?”
“Yeah, he was supposed to call us to meet him out there.”
“They're in there getting ready.”
“Ok, we're out by New London heading in. Tell him to meet me out there.”
“Ok, can I come?”
“Well, of course.”
“I appreciate it.”
“And Jeff.”
“Yeah.”
“Guess who I ran into a few moments ago?!”
“Who?”
“Josie.”
“Really?!”
“Yeah. Do you know who she married?”
“Yeah, isn't that a hoot!”
“It's a small world. Where's she working at?”
“Abel's convenience store down in Louisiana.”
“Why?”
“She said something about school funds being cut back.”
“Probably Bowling Green. I know there's a bunch of parents suing the school system over it.”
“Why?”
“They cancelled girls sports and didn't cancel boys.”
“They'll win.”
“I know.”
“I need to get off here. I want to stop by the cemetery for a moment.”
“Ok, we'll be out there.”
“We'll be there.”
I said, “Hon?”
“Yeah.”
“Up here as soon as we pop over this hill, on the right is a cemetery. Turn on your right turn signal now and be ready to turn in.”
“Ok”
We turned in and I said, “Ok, up to the right, the road which goes up over the hill, stop at the second tree.”
“Ok”
We pulled up and I said, “Ok, let's go so I can show you my real Dad's grave. I want to tell him I finally got the good one.”
We got out and he came around. He hugged me and we walked out to the grave.
“I remember the day we buried him out here. All of my family were well meaning, but they were clinging to me and all I wanted was to be left alone. I walked out and three people tripped over tombstones to come be with me. Needless to say, I found humor in it.
Here he is.”
“It's got a deer and mountain on it. Yeah, his casket liner had a deer and mountain on it too.”
“What did he look like?”
“I've got a photo here. Let me tell you something funny.”
“Ok”
“This picture here. That smirk on his face means he's up to orneriness. He always got it when someone was going to get an ice water bath at a family reunion, or something. Well, Mom gave them this picture for them to do everything for his funeral.
What you don't know is when someone's ate up with cancer, they lose a lot of weight. This is him normally, but he got down to something like a hundred and thirty pounds which for him was nothing but skeletal.
Since I'm an embalmer, I know you can get them back to normal looking for a presentation and I expected it, but we go in and he's laying there with eyes closed and the smirk on his face like he was playing dead.
Everyone who knew him saw it and got freaked out. It was like a final joke he played.
Now, here's where the irony of the situation was. This highway out here and up was being repaved. In order to bypass it, they took a country route. In it, we passed places he'd worked, saw a 7Up truck pulled over, and then went a backroad way out here.
I thought it was neat because it was like a trek through his life's work sites on his way out here.
What I won't forget is his final sentence because I'll tell you he put up a fight with the angels. He said, “There's so much left to do.” and then, he kept telling them No...No...No... like he didn't want to go, but he did.”
He hugged me and until my face touched his chest, I didn't realize I was crying.
“My moral of that I took is we're not guaranteed numbers of days on this Earth, but we need to get done what we can because it might run out before we're ready. If you see me trying to pack too much in, you now know why.”
He kissed me and said, “I love you. I'll be there with you.”
“Daddy, I got him!”
Now call it a vision, but I looked down and saw a black limo which had someone getting in which looked like my Dad in a black suit and top coat. It was like he had come to see us visiting his grave and got that final chance to let me know he knew.”
“Come on. Did you see that limo down there?”
“Where?”
“I thought I saw him get in the rear of it dressed in a black suit with a top coat.”
“I never saw anything or heard a car pull up.”
“Probably not.”
We went back to the truck and I got in. “I'm driving because I want to get us to that car dealership and speak with them before Jaymes gets there.”
“Ok”
We drove out and drove to the Dodge dealer. When we pulled on the lot, I drove up to the main building. We got out and I went over and saw the Challenger.
“May I help you?”
“Yeah, I want to special order three of them.”
“We've got this one.”
“Is Aaron in?”
“No sir.”
“Mr Poage?”
“No sir.”
“If I can't make the special orders, this dealer won't get a dime of my money.”
“What were you wanting?”
“You've got a special limited edition convertible out. I want two of them in special order.”
“I'm sure they're all gone.”
“Sir, let me tell you something. If I go home and call Chrysler's headquarters and find out they're available and this dealership didn't get them ordered, I'm afraid Mr Poage will tell you your job is all gone.
Now, please go call Mr Poage and tell him Rhette Michaels, the man who was told he couldn't afford a car at the GM dealership and yet found cash to buy one is here with over a hundred million in the bank and is now getting told by another of his employees I can't get what I want here.”
“Sir, I'd like to...”
En came in, “Sir, do you know who I am?”
“Yes.”
“Tomorrow, I'm going on national television after I'm married. If I happen to wear a shirt stating don't buy a Dodge, do you know who won't buy a Dodge? Most of the latin population won't. Now, you've not looked and you've not called the man and he WILL call the President of Chrysler...just believe him.”
I pulled out my phone and dialed Dave.
“Yeah Rhette.”
“I need the President of Chrysler's phone numbers...all of them. If I need to call his cell, I will.”
“One moment.” I heard some moving around and then, he said, “Let me text them to you.”
“After you do, get me Dean Poage's numbers also. He runs a Chrysler dealer here in Hannibal.
Call the man and tell him I'm on the phone with that man and I'm planning on stirring up a helluva stink because their salesman is telling me I can't get what I want without looking to see if it's available much less attempt to do so.”
“What's the guy's name?”
“Rick Sinclair.”
“Ok, I'll make calls too.”
“Thanks.”
I hung up and smiled, “When these calls get made, your Mr Poage will call you screaming to get me what the fuck I want damned fast!”
“Sir.”
“Sir, do you know who I am? I own the newspaper here in town. I own that NBC affiliate up in Quincy. Do you realize how fast they're about to refund advertising and stop taking ads from this dealer?
You, sir, aren't acting in best interests of your dealership, nor the owner.”
The text came in and a phone rang. He walked away and En said, “That was hard ball, I hope?”
“Yup.”
I looked at the text and about the time I got the number dialed, Sinclair said, “Mr Poage is on his way right away.”
“I'll insure I get that deal.”
I pressed call and the man answered, “Hello?”
“Hello, this is Rhette Michaels. You don't know me, but I control most of the media stations in the Midwest....Barrenton Broadcasting.”
“Oh yes!”
“I'm in Hannibal, Missouri attempting to special order three Challengers. Before the man would even look to see if the Limited Editions were sold out, I was told it wasn't possible to get one. Then, I was told the owner was unavailable before the man even checked.
My assistant got that man's number and called him a moment ago and I'm now told the man is on his way in. I'll tell you I'm to the point...if I don't get those cars special ordered, I'll be sending your company back refunds and refusing to put one speck of your ads on my stations, in my papers, and in my magazines. Is that understood?”
“Mr Michaels, you're entirely able to order whatever you desire from us!”
“Then you call here and speak with the owner when he arrives and you make him understand NO is not a word I'm going to tolerate...because NO is what you'll receive in return.”
“We have contracts with your company.”
“And operating your business in good faith is what my business demands. If you choose to take it legal, you best know I will contact the legislators and senators over your emergency funding and tell them their options ran out in my media also.”
“I'll make the call, but I don't know who it is there who upset you so!”
“Rick Sinclair.”
“I'll speak with the owner.”
“Thank you sir, I hope you'll make it possible when the cars hit the production stage, I and the two others who will be receiving those cars will be able to watch them built.”
“Sure!”
“Thank you. I'll hang up now.”
I hung up and En chuckled, “Man!”
I sat in the car and said, “It's an awful lot like the old one.”
Jaymes, Jeff, and Juarren came in. Jaymes came over, “Hey!”
I got out and he got in. I turned to Jeff, “We're waiting on Mr Poage to get here.”
“Problems?”
“ Yup.”
Aaron Poage came walking in at a fast pace. “Rhette?”
“Yeah Aaron.”
“What's going on?”
I walked over. “First of all, MoPar Magazine says they've got Limited Edition convertibles available. One hundred of them to be exact at fifty grand each.
I came in to order three and got told by that man it's impossible to get a special ordered car here... without him checking. Then, I keep getting pointed at the one there.
I'll tell you now Aaron, before I take a car with a roof, I'll raise the roof on this place. Do you get me?”
“You want a special order.”
“Yes, but I want you to know I spoke with the head of Chrysler and that man is assuring me I'm going to get whatever I want...he's going to call you and tell you the same exact thing.
I'll forewarn you now, if I don't get it, I'm cancelling broadcast, print, and media contracts for Chrysler in the seventeen state region I control.”
“What is it you own?”
“Here? The newspaper. In Quincy, the newspaper, and the NBC affiliate. In St. Louis, both ABC and NBC as well as an independent. In most every city in seventeen states, I own one if not more.”
“Berrenton?”
“Yeah.”
“You own them?”
“I paid seventy three million for them last year. Then, I bought out Haxxxll Corporation, their paper mills, their color crayons, and then we invested in Maxxxtell Toys and Brothers board games. We control them.”
“My God! You?!”
“Yeah, while you were sleeping, I got rich. Now I control destinies of corporations like some controlled mine in high school. Care to see if I learned lessons well?”
“You're gay!”
“Yeah, and so?”
En came over and Aaron looked up. His eyes got big and he said, “Oh my God!”
“Aaron, meet my lover. En, meet Aaron Poage. He's one of those who didn't seem to have a nice thing to say when I was growing up.”
En said, “Get him his cars.” and turned and walked off.
“He's tired of being jacked here Aaron.”
Mr Poage walked in and said, “Rhette, come this way!”
“Sure.”
We went in his office and I sat down.
“What is it you're wanting?”
“The Challenger is out in a special Limited Edition Hemi Cuda Convertible. I want two, but I want the lime green deleted and blue put in. I want a white top and I want what factory fiberglass or racing pieces for road and track put on.”
“And he told you you could get that?”
“You must've spoken with him!”
He called me mad and scared at the power you've got over our company.”
“Do you remember who I am?”
“No.”
“In '91, I bought a Cadillac here because your salesman told me I couldn't afford it...just to have you fire that man when I proved I could. Now, I'm back and I don't WANT to go to St. Louis, or Quincy to get a car, I want it here.”
“Ok”
“In the car, the dash was black and the floor was black carpet. The seats were white and it was a factory racing edition sold through a dealer as a stock Pace Car. You're selling the new ones looking like the old and I want two...one to go in storage next to the original and the other to be driven.”
“One moment, let me call him and get the codes for those orders.”
“Sure.”
En came in with the catalog of the car and said, “That third will need to be special ordered too.”
“I know. I'm trying to get the tough ones out of the way first.”
I handed him my phone. “Show Aaron the videos on there. See what he thinks.”
“Why?”
“Hon, that guy said I should 'shut up because faggots don't need to talk or answer questions in class'.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I remember well.”
En said, “Hey, come over and watch this. It's a new star we've got.”
Aaron went over and En showed him the video. It started playing and I heard, “That's him!”
En chuckled, “Yeah, that's Jaymes.”
Mr Poage began speaking and said, “Yes, we need the factory racing program. He's wanting two of those convertibles with racing components.” He said, “I didn't think we could either.”
I stood up and said, “En! I need my phone! I need to call and get some media cancelled.”
En came in and I said, “They can't seem to do it. If you own stock in their company, I'd advise to sell damned fast.”
Mr Poage said, “Rhette! He'd like to speak with you.”
“Mr Poage, if it's to be told 'no', I'm sorry, I've got calls to make.”
“He wants to speak with you. Please.”
I went over and said, “Yeah.”
“Mr Michaels, we're trying to get this for you. Please understand it's not a usual order.”
“I'm fully aware of it. I know the original was in '71, but I want new copies of that one. One thing you've not heard me mention was prices I'm willing to pay. If it takes a hundred or two hundred each, then get them made. What I expect is it to have factory papers stating it's a factory racing version. My original Pace Car has that and it's got all the fiberglass pieces which could be gotten.”
“Who ordered that car?”
“Anthony Haxxxll.”
“Where?”
“I'd say Kansas City. His father operated Haxxxll Corporation.”
“Does he still have that car?”
“I inherited it when he died. I finally got it when I bought Haxxxll last year. I have the car and I've got all it's papers.”
“It was a '71 Hemi Cuda Convertible Pace Car?”
“Yes, blue with white top. The front fenders, hood, rear trunk lid and the door skins were fiberglass. It had a 440 with the auto”
“Roll bars?”
“Black, but I'm going ot want chrome.”
“Do you realize what car that is?”
“Yes sir.”
“We've been looking for that car for the commercials.”
“You can use it, but my guards go with it...and En drives it in the commercial.”
“Who's En?”
I gave him Enriches's name.
“His father is Eric Immanuel?”
“Yes. What I'm thinking is Ricardo died, but you sure could use with a spokesman who could put a younger face on your buyers. He's getting married tomorrow and I'm sure his pretty wife will be happy to put a family face on your company also.”
“That's something worth considering.”
“We're way off the subject. Can I get the cars?”
“It's going to take special construction all the way through.”
“Anything performance, I want in them. The performance chip and the pursuit package if that's the way you have to do it.”
“Hold on! I can do that! If I put it under a pursuit edition, it's legal!”
“I expect a convertible.”
“I realize that. I'm now working on getting all of it in on pursuit and the computer is taking everything! I was worried.”
“Do you have everything written down there for those?”
“Yes.”
“Ok, the next special order is a brandywine one. Back in the sixties, you had Cudas which came in a burnt red or brandywine color. We can use that black cherry color you had on the trucks if you'd like, that's pretty.”
“Do you want that in a pursuit edition?”
“Yeah.”
“Ok, roll bars?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you want that with the racing components?”
“It doesn't have to be, but I'm inclined to order it because it'll make that car ultra rare and expensive as a collector's find too.”
“Is that why you're buying them?”
“Yes, '09 is going to be the year collectors are going to want. Production is down and factories are decreasing the output. That means a rare car in that decreased production is going to be ultra rare and even though you're offering the special edition, this is more special.”
“You're right.”
“Now, what you can do when they're built is you can promote them. Prepare one of the blue ones to go into storage and the other is driven. The brandywine one is being driven also.”
“The brandywine one will be easier to get.”
“Let Mr Poage here know what the totals run and I'll get you a check cut.”
“It'll have to be figured when they're finished.”
“Don't make them more expensive than my Rolls...please.”
“I hardly think so!”
“The original has a little spoiler under the bumper.”
“Yes, I remember.”
“I'll pull it out for you when you need it. It's not been ran in twenty years, so it might be a bit stiff.”
“We can perform a full restoration if you'd like.”
“We might need that. How much will that be?”
“No charge. We'll need to do it to operate it in the commercial.”
“Ok, let me know when. I'll need to give En time off to do that.”
“Where's he working?”
“He's performing at my hotel out in Vegas. You might've heard it, the Ginorocity?”
“You own that?”
“Unofficially, I do. Officially, it's being operated by my manager.”
“I know who you are, I believe.”
“Well, I'll get off. DO you have my cell number?”
“No.”
“It's easy. 573-Rhette1”
“You have your own numbers?”
“Yeah.”
“I'll stay in touch with you in regards to this order.”
“I appreciate it.”
I hung up and said, “Mr Poage, it's able to be ordered under the pursuit edition. Apparently, there's legalities with factory racing this year. If you think about it, my advice is to order about ten through there and then push them up as being ultra rare. The collectors will pay through the nose for them.”
He smiled, “That might be an idea.”
I went out and said, “Guys, the orders are in. Jaymes' is going to be easier to build than mine. The good news is En will be the spokesperson for the Challenger.”
En looked surprised and I said, “He wants my Cuda Convertible to come out of storage for the commercial. In payment, they're restoring it and you're the only person who will drive it in the commercials.”
Aaron looked interested, “What's special about your Cuda Convertible?”
“Do you remember Tony Haxxxll's Cuda Convertible?”
“Yeah, it looked ratty.”
“That's because all those body panels on it were factory racing fiberglass. Each of those panels right now would buy a normal Cuda Convertible on it's own. That car having them all should've told you it was ultra rare. It being a convertible in a rally version should've told you it was the pace car turned into a race car by the factory.”
“Oh my God! They're looking for that car!”
“Now you understand and yet, I was driving junk back then. Now that car's worth hundreds of thousands.”
He ran over to his computer. “Look at this! This is the APB throughout Chrysler looking for it.”
“Could I get a print out of that? I'll put it with all the other papers on the car.”
“You've got all the papers?”
“Yeah. I just told your Dad to special order some of the cars I'm ordering because they'll be ultra rare, but I think he's not going to. Now you see what that special order on that car made that car worth.”
I read it and said, “Twenty four million dollars!”
He laughed, “You didn't think it was worth that?”
“I've not had it appraised. If you knew where it was located, you'd be having a stroke.”
“Where's it at?”
“In a parking garage in downtown Kansas City.”
“What?!”
“All my old cars are there in storage.”
“All of them?”
“The vettes and all of them.”
“Oh man!”
“Yeah Aaron, Calloway built his vette as takeoff of mine. I know he was the mechanic who did it for me.”
“Oh man Rhette!”
“Aaron, do me a favor.”
“What's that?”
“I've got kids who are going to be going to Hannibal's schools. Tell your kids to be nice to them.”
“You live here?”
“We're building a mansion out by my parents.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, hang on.” I turned, “Jaymes, tell Aaron here about the mansion in South Carolina.”
“Oh man! Where are your pictures?!”
“Pull up my server. You know how.”
He went over and pulled it up. He went to the pictures and Aaron asked, “Can I go there?”
“Yeah.”
The house came up and Aaron smiled, “That's a pretty house!”
“The mansion being built here is a copy of it with a few minor changes for this climate and security. I'm building one in New York harbor also.”
“Really?”
“I bought an island there which is like right close to the statue of Liberty. We're going to build it there and that way, it'll be worth a fortune.”
“Rhette, I'm sorry.”
“I know. No one knew how things would turn out. I guess it's fortunate Alan Korf saved me from jumping in front of the semi to get away from all of it.”
“What?”
“The name calling. The tripping in the hallways. The being spat on. The feeling less because after I got through with it at school, I got to go home to a Dad who beat us while my Mom worked two jobs trying to put food on the table which he served cold by throwing it on the floor.
Do you know I carried newspapers every day to wear the clothes everyone made fun of? Do you know the Cadillac Eldorado everyone vandalized was paid for by me being in a collapsed house? I got that vette from that also.
It might've not been much to everyone else, but I thought I was worth it and was proud of it only to come out and see faggot, queer, homo, and everything else written on it, scratched on it, and etched in with ink pen on it.
And do you know because I was willing to protect it, that fuckin' principal Bringer thought he could pick on me too?
Yeah, after being molested for eight years by my uncle, and then being molested for four by someone who should've known better, I was tired of it and just decided I'd end it and make it better for everyone. I guess they would've laughed, spat, and wrote shit on my casket too.”
He looked down.
“Rhette, I'm sorry.”
“Aaron, do you know what it's like to be gay in this fuckin' town? I started a business here after I went away and made some money. Then one day, a police chief decided he couldn't have an uppity faggot talking bad about his non-action when that person's house got repeatedly robbed, so he hired a hit group to take that guy's face off.
I got to spend six months in the hospital and watch the one person I thought loved me get it on with a nurse who took care of me. Then, I get told I've got cancer and I get to lose a nut.
After getting out of that hospital, said boyfriend begs for forgiveness only to jump in the sack with one of the guys who did the hit. He said he couldn't deal with it. He said I wasn't the same and he said I wasn't the same looking, so he thought he was cheating on me with me, so he went and cheated on me with someone else.
No, that group's not responsible for that, but you know? I'm tired of facing those people who thought they could grind me under and I'm tired of demonstrating I've got worth. Jesus Christ! I'm worth over a billion dollars and can't find respect in this motherfucker!
That's why I'm to the point I figured I'd start giving what I get, but I'm too nice for that.
Do you know that man over there is the only person who has actually loved me for me? And do you know in order to be accepted by the world I've got to go out and dress in drag?
That's me performing in that video with Jaymes. That's me singing, and that's me who wrote all the songs I'm performing.
What I'm saying Aaron is I get to go to Vegas tomorrow and sign a marriage contract with him and you're going to see it on television with me dressed in a dress looking hot and while the rest of the world is whistling, I've got some people in this town still lined up to tell me I'm a sick motherfucker because I sought love.”
“I don't know what to say.”
“Do me one favor, I'll foot the bill for it, but do me a favor. Go out to Fiddlestix and when it's on television, and those fucks are doing their macho routine, go over to Clay and say, “Dude, let's say something this time to set them straight. Then go to Carl and do the same. I've saved those guy's lives by helping them recover from their own pain. I know they'll do it if they know they've got someone else who will stand with them.”
“Really?”
“Underneath all that hateful bullying shit they served everyone, they were hurting too.”
“Why?”
“Let's go over here.”
We walked over and I said, “I love the 300, but I wish they made it in a station wagon like that Dodge. That's be an awesome car.”
We walked over to the front window and I said, “They were getting molested by a priest. They got told they weren't men because they didn't have good sized dicks.”
“What?!”
“Yeah, they were babies and they got it up the ass and raped because of something they had no control over. I know because Clay was suicidal and I helped him the day I bought those buildings downtown and the newspaper.
Whatever you do, don't judge them. I know they were cruel, but the chipped tooth I had was from them...because I got ran into a wall...for being a faggot.
It's those guys, I forgive. They were lashing out because they saw what I was and knew they were getting abused by someone who was doing it to them.”
“When was that?”
“A year ago.”
“Clay's changed since then. He's now got a little league and is now an active part of the Chamber of Commerce.”
“Good. Do you know I got told I couldn't be a member of the Chamber because I'm gay? I owned a business with seven hundred employees which made signs welcoming people to Hannibal and I can't get in.”
“What?!”
“Yeah, but you know what? I'm in the Chamber of Las Vegas and I've got the largest hotel/casino in the world. I'm in the Chamber of Kansas City because I've got the largest card factory in the world there. I'm in the Chamber of San Diego because the docks are under me. And, in Seattle because Bow Wing Aircraft Manufacturing is over 80% mine.”
“Really?”
“You'd be amazed at what I own. When you buy your kids Christmas, take a look at the name on their toys and you probably are seeing mine as owner of those plants. I sure as hell know if you buy a snack cake in a convenience store you're buying me.”
“Cool!”
“Aaron, I pulled you over here because I want to tell you there's more of us than you know in this town. People you call friends, people you love and admire, and people you trust with your life are gay.”
“Who?”
“Don't ask that. It sets up judgements and you thinking people who aren't are and people who are aren't. A lot of them hide and all I'm asking is for you to really think about it and ask yourself if you'd be there for them if you knew it was something else killing them inside. A person's own mind can be the worst disease they've got when they don't like themselves for what they can't admit.”
“Alan?”
“It's not my place.”
“I've heard.”
“And yet, you let him kill himself daily.”
“He's given up.”
“He never had a chance. When your Dad is a preacher, you're going to hell boy! Well excuse me, but when you're in hell already, you need people to care enough to help dig you out of it.”
“What do I do?”
“Are you willing to do it?”
“Yeah!”
“Ok, go out and enroll you and him in low impact aerobics at the Y. Get him on that track up there and just ask him to walk a lap at first. Then, ask him to walk two tomorrow.
Take the time to keep him away from that fatty food and above all be patient. If he can't do it, realize he's now carrying around probably five hundred more pounds than you or I.”
“How'd you know?”
“I knew because he came to parties I threw and I saw the looks he gave me. What I couldn't deal with then was having one of the hottest jocks in school lusting for me and then going for it only to find he'd retreat back in that shell and become one of the fellas if we were caught.”
“It was bad for you, I know.”
“Yeah, but I'm trying still and I'm now telling people like you whom I know I can reach how to save others.”
“I know of several.”
“Just be there for them. I'm going to mention one other thing and then, I've got to go.
You're getting a name and reputation in this town. I'm happy for the way things are going for you because it takes guts to go this fuckin' far into debt.”
“Yeah...it's either guts, or it's one of the dumbest moves I've ever made.”
“What I'm going to tell you is don't allow yourself to go down. If you need help, I'll come in and silently help you. All I ask is you give those people you suspect a chance. You don't know it, but a lot of those people are downtrodden NOT because they're not qualified, but because those in power won't let them have the chance.”
“But...”
“Aaron, I know what that 'but' is and before you say they'll run off customers. Think about it. If I were in this dealership, I'd sell cars. Do you know why? Because I've got the ability to know both sides of that coin. I know guys want what they want, but the feminine side of me knows what a woman wants. I also know cars sell themselves and I know if you plant a woman's ass in a soft seat, she doesn't give a shit what the rest of that car looks like.
You're a guy. You think you've got to SELL people a car. Let me give you a clue. If they're on the lot, they've already bought that car. When you're selling, most of the time, you're pushing them out of it.”
“You're probably right.”
“I know I am. I learned to sell a billboard sign, that person already bought it the second they picked up the phone. IT was me who unsold it the moment I shot them a price five prices too high. Do you realize I never used a flat fee once when I was putting businesses on signs? That's because they know what they can afford and I knew they'd tell me eventually.”
“How?”
“Ok, here's the deal. When you get someone in here who wants a car, you look at their eyes. Don't look at the pocketbook, look at their eyes. When you start listing all that markup shit, you've unsold a car. Ask them up front what they can afford per month and then go with that.”
“That's not always the price though.”
“Ok, here's where you're wrong. I'll tell you why.
I had an ex named David. He blew the motor in a Ford Aerostar out at McDonald's at ten pm on a Friday night. He worked at the casino and he needed transportation because I sure wasn't going to haul him everyday.
When we went out looking at cars, we drove on the lot up there and we drove to all the lots in this town. I'll tell you now, I drove off your lot because I know your guys won't deal. We didn't choose Dodge because that last dealership didn't have a selection, so we went to Ford out there.
Let me tell you what they did and you listen close. We went on the lot looking for a Taurus. It's front wheel drive and I know someone who bought a new one and what her payments were. I knew at most, he could afford three fifty and her payments were three twenty one. She traded in a Pontiac 6000, so you know she had no trade in in the deal.
Well, he had a broken down Aerostar which I figured we'd end up hauling to the junk yard because the trade in would suck on it.
This sales lady walked out and asked, “How can I help you guys?” I'll tell you now, she had a plus going for her because she's a woman and I'm gay. A man won't sell me a car because the second my name goes on a car with a man...even if it's Enriches over there, that price just increased.
I'll also tell you I was up front with her and told her exactly what we had for down payment and what he could afford a month. Well, she sold us out of a Taurus and that's the moment we should've walked. Instead, Dave said, “No, stay...we need a car and we've got to get one.”
“Wrong move.”
“Yup, but Dave couldn't keep his mouth shut to save his life. That's why we're no longer together.”
He smiled.
“What she did was she knew she'd lost me so she went inside to get a dude. He comes out trying to be Don Johnson with big dick and that's exactly how he played the faggot I was with. He's walking and he's adjusting the fuckin' package and I'm like, 'Well Dave, just bob on it!'”
He laughed.
“So Dick Johnson walks us over to some fuckin' four wheel drive pick ups and says, “It's probably too much for you” and Dave's like, “Yeah. “ and I'm like, “It's too fuckin' much for you dude if that's what you use to sell cars”
He laughed, “I know who you're talking about. This is funny.”
“Well, you know that's how the guy sells.”
“He does the same to girls.”
“What ended up happening is he took us to an Escape and I'll tell you I liked it. I'll also tell you if the resale on the damned things weren't in the toilet, I'd put one at every house I own.
But let me tell you how this fucker sold Dave a truck.
I'm driving it and I'm complimenting it and we go out to the cemetery and he's like, “Dave come back and try the backseat. I'm feeling lonely back here.” Well, I'll tell you what I did. I stopped the fuckin' truck and put Dave in the driver's seat. Then, I played that bastard perfectly because I said, “I want to see what it's like with the back seat folded down.”
SO, we fold down the seat and then I'm like “Would you see if someone could lay down back here for me? I know if you can lay down back here, Dave sure can!”
He smiled.
“SO that dude lays down and I said, “Dude put your feet up in the air and see if I can fuck him back here.” And he's like, “What?!” And that's when I said, “Listen up. The reason you're laying back here is because this God damned thing becomes his home the second he buys this truck from you with my money and jumps in the back seat with you.”
He laughed.
“So, you're about as fucked as he'll be if I got to put him out the door.”
He said, “Oh man! Did you buy it?”
“Hell yeah, but that's when the guy realized who held the purse strings and he'd done pissed that person off.
So, we go back and ALL the way, I'm telling him, “Dude, we came in to buy a Taurus. You tell me how in the hell I can afford a twenty three thousand dollar truck when I can't afford a twenty one thousand dollar car. And then, you tell me how in the hell many payments he's going to have to pay to get it because I'm out that much in my budget for counting on him to bring it home.
So, we get back and smooth as shit, he hands us off to the finance man who is spewing numbers and playing shell game and suddenly, an affordable payment went up to the lease price on a Mercedes and Dave's sitting there agreeing to everything the man says.
He's done bought the life insurance on it. He's bought extended warranties, and he's done bought service plans and by that time, my ass is telling him he owes me the money for a down payment because I'm not signing on the line with him for shit if my word isn't any good when I tell him no.”
“What happened?”
“Let me tell you what happened. Dave signed on the line and I went out and told Bobby Boland. “Daves driving this truck for three days and then, I'm going to bring him back out in the car I buy for him and he's going to tell you he changed his mind.”
“Oh man.”
“Yeah, it's called 'fuck the fucker deeper than he fucked you'. Well, Bobby went in and he's tearing up papers and the guy is like, 'What's going on?!' and Bobby said, “Rhette's not happy and he's about to fuck us bad if you do that deal. Let me handle it and get this man out of your office.
So, we went to Bobby's office and I tell Bobby. He's got a trade in, but it's not good. I think he blew the engine in it because it's doing a 'squeal clunk' thing and it might be an oil pump, or it might be a cam, but I'll tell you it's not worth a shit.”
He smiled, “Did you know what it was?”
“Yeah, it's the cam broke. I had a car with that same engine do the same thing and rebuilt the motor myself.”
He nodded, “They're notorious for them.”
“Yeah, but that little engine in that Escape is good.”
“The six?”
“Yeah.”
He nodded.
“Why are you here today?”
“Here's the deal with me. That truck out there is mine. The Rolls out there is mine. Jaymes's driving the Rolls because his car is shit. He needs a car and I'm not going to buy him a car unless he agrees to hold onto it for twenty five years.
I know a special order car is going to be a collector's item. I also know if I get what I'm getting, and what he's getting, it's going to be worth some money.”
“Probably.”
“The deal there is he's here in town....now. That doesn't mean he's going to be in town always because I'm creating a television series for him and his Dad and I'm putting them out there as spokesmen for my toys.”
“Toys?”
“Yeah, Maxxxttell.”
“You own that?”
“I control the company. I also control Brothers board games.”
“Man!”
“Their faces are going to be selling them. It's easy and their looks will carry it.”
“Ok”
“Just the same, we've got to get him a car and I'll let him drive the Rolls or a vette until that car gets here.
I'm here because they're lambs led to slaughter if I let a saleman handle them and that salesman you've got over there sucks.”
“He's not producing. He's my brother's brother-in-law and that's why he's here.”
“Piss poor choice if you ask me. He should be out selling tractors. Just the same, I'm here for custom ordered cars. I'll pay the price to get them because I know when you order custom, you get your money's worth.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Ok, look at that Rolls out there. DO you know what color that car comes in this year?”
“No, I've not looked at them.”
“One color...black.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. White comes out next year for four hundred grand more.”
“Whew!”
“If I'm going to pay seven hundred grand for a car I don't want, and three hundred for a black one I don't want, then I'll pay a million for one I want and custom order the damned thing. So, I did.”
“That's a million dollar car?!”
“Yeah.”
“Why?”
“Because it's all custom. Regular Rolls aren't bulletproof. No convertible on the face of the planet is bulletproof...not even a Hummer. That car is.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, it's a new material they're using to make bulletproof clothing. Now, that motor in it is kick ass. The drive train is awesome. Together with the body, it's a package which has a lifetime warranty and I'm sorry, but sell me a fifty three thousand dollar pick up today and four years from now, you've got to sell me another because you've done changed it's looks and in fifty years, that Dodge you sold me today is going to be a part of a Chevy because it's done been melted down. That Rolls out there will still be riding around soaking up the parts on that forever warranty and still grab attention because it's a Rolls.”
“But man, it's expensive!”
“Depreciation is expensive on a Dodge. If you don't think so, sell me one and let me trade it back in and see how bad I got fucked? That's the price of doing business with you for one year and that car out there is saving my life, keeping itself repaired, and is built like a tank so if someone plows into me, I'm going to probably drive it to the emergency room whereas the Dodge is scattered all over hell.”
“Why buy a Challenger?”
“Because I'm sitting with one worth twenty some million dollars they say and I wasn't intending to drive it when I thought it was worth a quarter of a million. Instead, I was going to buy two of them and put one in storage for when it's worth a fortune and drive one and call it parts for the other if need be. If not, then it goes on an auction block some day and I'll smile about it too.”
“You that sure about that?”
“How much is a '64 Mustang worth? How about a ' 53 vette? How about a Dodge Daytona Charger? Now, how much is a special order one of those cars worth with factory racing goods in them? Yeah, it shot up in value. Think about that because I'll tell you the sweet deal I just did for those cars I ordered.
That man in the President's seat of Chrysler creamed his tights when he found out I had the car I've got. He wants it for a commercial, so I'm pulling it out for a commercial and En's driving it and becoming a spokesman for the company. I'm driving my custom ordered one identical to it and as En's wife, I'm becoming a spokesperson for the family side of Chrysler.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, but what that man's doing is he found out how to get the racing versions made legally, so guess what? Mine are number one, two, and three of those which took the value of those cars through the roof.”
“Oh man.”
“Yeah, but you think about that because thirty years from now when everyone else is thinking they're hot shit at a car show with theirs, I'm going to be over there playing the video of the commercial showing mine...where's theirs? So even then, I'm drawing them in and I'm making a car legends are made of because next to the one which has miles on it, I'm going to have an identical one with the wrappers still on and it's number one.”
“That's smart.”
“Smart is letting them keep this company together for a year and seeing if it's going to come back. IF so, then I'll buy it. If not, I've got a classic car like the Golden Hawk Studebaker which everyone goes ooh at when they see one.”
“You know your cars.'
“I hope. If not, I'm talkin' shit and sounding good.”
He laughed.
“Aaron, let's get back onto Allen for a moment.”
“Ok”
“Would you do me a favor and tell him to get on the net and look up the stories I write?”
“You write too!”
“Yeah, they're gay romances. It's not smut, but more like a Harlequin romance except it's got gay characters.”
“Ok”
“Tell him to read them and don't give up hope. There's someone out there for him and right now, he's not thinking that's anyone.”
“I know that.”
“What's fucked up about that is do you know what I would've done to look like him and be built like that?”
“I know!”
“And don't get me wrong here because I sure as hell scoped in the shower, so I know what he's working with...”
“Who didn't?”
“I know, but back then it was a fast trip to a worse hell than what I was living if I'd went after him. Instead, I chose an out which was safer and I played the cards it dealt me.”
“What's that mean?”
“It means I was getting the fuck molested out of me by a billionaire's son, so I used it to get me what I've got now. Sue me, but if Trish Hall's daddy was a billionaire, you'd married her.”
“How do you know about her?”
“Aaron, think about it. If there was a cute guy in school, I was watching it. It wasn't hard watching you when I kept getting whiplash when you walked by.”
“Really?”
“Damn dude, look in the mirror sometime!
Just the same, imagine my surprise when I'm over in the back row of a drive in getting the shit fucked out of me, and I look over and saw a side profile of you banging someone. Needless to say, I forgot about who I was with...my attention was focused upon who the lucky girl was.”
“We dated for a while. No one knew, but we did.”
“I know.”
“So you watched me!”
“Yeah, so that's that.”
“What did you think?”
“Think about a hot dude I lusted after before I saw him fucking someone? I whacked. After I saw you with her? I wore the skin off it wishing I were her.”
“Why?”
“Because you're hot. Because you have a name in this town. Because you're a damned sweet guy when you're not being a horse's ass to those it's popular to put down. And because the fantasy of kissing you and looking into those blue eyes was that powerful. Now, you know, so let's end this.”
He chuckled, “You didn't do bad for yourself.”
“I kissed a helluva lot of tadpoles who thought they were frogs. That one over there told me he was a polywog. I'll tell you he's all frog.”
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Yeah.”
“What if I'd asked you out?”
“Huh?”
“You heard me. There was a reason I was picking on you and it wasn't because it was popular.”
“Fuck...”
“The problem there is I'm painted in a box now.”
“Aaron, let me tell you something. Why didn't you go for Allen?”
“Not my type. He was good looking and built, but he's blond and you're not. He's got blue eyes, but you've got some awesome eyes.”
“Yeah, two of them.”
“And you were so shy I just didn't know how to get close to you.”
“Let me tell you something. If you'd spoken to me, we'd been together. The second you would've told me you couldn't be together due to family obligations and expectations, I would've ended it.
The person I'm with has to be willing to face it with me. Not hide me away and abandon me when it was discovered.”
“I'd like to think I would've.”
“Happily married?”
“Yeah.”
“Then keep it. Maybe some day there's a chance but if that day comes in a nursing home and you fall in my bed, remember to put your dentures in the glass teeth side down because they tend to bite you in the ass if you sit on them.”
He laughed.
“So you're saying there might be a day if I came out.”
“Come out when it's not fucking up your world. Right now, it's going to fuck your world, your kids' world, and your family's world.
IF you need money, let me know. I'm not going to put expectations on you except I want to see you building more and more on until you're taking a certain Ford dealer down. Then, when you've got him on the ropes, you call me and I'll write the check which will make both of us happy.”
“You don't like Bobby?”
“Hon, let me tell you something. You know as well as I that Bobby's running that place because his Dad is a homophobic son of a bitch. He's not the one who should be in there and his brother got fucked by the wrong man.”
“Is that why?”
“When Dad has the power to give it to whomever he wants, don't assume you're getting it until it's given. And sure don't trust anyone to not put the knife in your backside...ever. If you don't know the other side of that story, look at who's sitting there and realize he had everything to gain if he sold his brother off as a fag.”
“Oh man!”
“Yeah, if there's a knife to grind there, it's because I know whose dick Bobby was sucking the night he was selling out his brother.”
“Really?”
“Look at his parts manager. Is there a reason they've been that close for so long? I'll tell you there is and I know that for a fact. It sure wasn't as good as watching you.”
I turned and said, “There's more in this town than me. When others outed me, no one stopped to think how they knew I worked in a gay bar. No one wanted to think about that fact because it was easier to believe I was the only one.
Now, I've got to go because En is beginning to look at a Town and Country and although I'm going to have kids, there's no way in hell.”
“Awe, come on! They're nice!”
“Aaron, I saw one of those burn in forty three seconds. That kid who wrecked it was lucky he got out of it because the cop who was chasing him couldn't get close to it.”
“Really”
“I'll get you the tape. It was a close friend of mine's van. It got stolen with eight grand under the seat and the kid ran it halfway across Illinois before he went into a construction zone and ditched it. The patrol cruisers dash cam caught it all on tape and my friend and I bought a copy of it to see what happened. After we got over the shock of seeing it burn so quick, we watched the clock on it and saw it was forty three seconds from first fire seen to completely engulfed. I'll tell you he now drives an Escalade and I helped buy the thing to keep his kids safe.”
“I'd like to see it.”
“I'll get it for you.”
“Rhette, I'm sorry.”
“You're forgiven. I wish I'd known.”
He smiled and we walked out to the Town and Country. En looked up and smiled, “It's got video. The kids would like it.”
“Hon, my truck's got video in it and they'll be a lot safer riding in it.”
“Not if they fall out of it!”
“Honey, we'll talk about it when I'm not thinking about how late we are for a dinner I'm footing the bill for.”
“We've got twenty minutes.”
Jaymes came over, “Do you have any idea how long it'd take for my car to be built?”
“No, but until then, we'll trade back and forth so you're not having to be seen in a Rolls all the time.”
“No, that's cool. I just didn't want to put too many miles on it.”
I went over and put my arm around his shoulder. “Hon, if you want to drive it wherever, that's fine with me. If it's bothering you to drive it, let me know...we'll arrange something. I've got some vettes in storage over in Kansas City you could drive until then.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, but let's do what we can to get En away from the baby mobile.”
He chuckled, “Is that why you don't want it?”
“Nope, if I put my kids in something, I want to be sure they'll live if I wreck it. There's no hope for them in one of those.”
En looked up, “Really?”
“I'll show you the video En. I've got to send it to Aaron anyways.”
Aaron gave me his card and said, “I need your cell number.”
“Your Dad has it.”
He nodded, “Ok”
Jeff, Juarren, and Jaymes loaded in the Rolls and En and I loaded in the truck. We followed them to the restaurant.
En asked, “What's the deal with Chrysler?”
“My Cuda which I inherited from Tony was one of seven they made. It was a pace car for the Daytona 500. What they did after that was they took it back to the factory and outfitted it with racing parts and raced it.
Apparently, because they took the pace car and turned it into a racing car and there's proof, it made that special edition car worth a lot more money. I thought it was worth about what the regular Cuda convertibles were, but even the pace cars are worth about a million. This one is appraised at something ridiculous like twenty four million.”
“Oh man!”
“When they brought out the Challenger, they put an APB out through the dealers to find the car. Aaron didn't report mine because he saw it as a junky car, so when I called in and said I had it, they wanted it for a commercial.
What's crazy is here I am ordering a couple of replicas of it and they're wanting it for a commercial. SO, I told the man I'd let it be used if you drove it and became a spokesperson for the company and your lovely wife becomes a spokesperson for the family cars.”
“Why?”
“Because, it's money! Because an endorsement deal gets your name out there and because Ricardo Montebon is dead.”
“What's that mean?”
“It means he gave them a face for their company back in the seventies and now, they need a face. You've got one and you're young, hot, and they need it.”
“Ok, I'm assuming it pays. How much?”
“I don't know. It might pay for the cars I ordered. If so, I'll put a million in your account and they'll pay you royalties on the commercials.”
“Really?!”
“Yeah.”
“You know that guy thinks you're hot.”
“I found out. I really wish I'd known you in high school.”
“Why?”
“You can spot the ones who are hot for me that I couldn't.”
“You couldn't see him getting wood looking at you?”
“No. If I had, it'd been different in there.”
“Really?”
“Honey, that's a guy I fantasized about. He was hateful to me and in there I let him have it to the point the barrels of my weaponry were melting down.”
“I heard you.”
“For me, I put worth in a person's looks. When an average person called me names, it was one thing, but let someone who was hot and I fantasized about called me names, it tore my fragile little world apart. He shattered it all to hell.”
“He is attractive.”
“Thanks.”
We pulled in at the restaurant and parked. I went to the door and Miguel let us in. A lot of the people were there and I said, “They need drinks and start taking their orders.”
“We're on it.”
Jaymes, Jeff, and Juarren came in and went to where they wanted to sit. I went over to my cousin's table and said, “Lacey, thanks for coming. This is En. I asked everyone here so they could meet him.”
She gave me a look like, “I know who he is!” “What are you doing together?”
En smiled, “He's my life partner. We're signing a marital contract tomorrow.”
“You are!” she said smiling. “What's a marital contract?”
I said, “Hon, it's like a marriage license for gay folks. Since we can't get the same rights, we've got to do what we can to get them in other ways. We make each other executors for the other on Wills. Will each other things. We're beneficiaries of the others. We have Power of Attorney for the other. And, for tax purposes, since the IRS won't acknowledge us even if we were legitimately married, we're filing for a joint corporation where they'll acknowledge us as partners in it and give us lowered taxes.”
She smiled, “That's cool!”
“The plus side of it is it's used by stars instead of normal marriage certificates and allows them to say they're married but can dissolve after a period of time and allow the gay star to say he's married to a woman and the woman to be paid for the period of the contract.”
“Oh!”
“With us, you're seeing two gays using it and me dressing in drag to be married looking like a woman. What you don't know is we're doing it that way so it hits the press as me being a woman and then, when we release it that I'm a female impersonator and launching my own career, it'll catapult us back into the headlines.”
“You WANT it to be known?!”
“Yeah. I can't do this without being known. If I do it the other way, when they find out, it ruins my career. This way, any work I do gets seen and enhances it because they see me as an impersonator and then, they see me as talented.”
“What are you going to be doing?”
“Singing.”
“You can sing?”
“Yeah, I'll have my songs played later...if people want to hear them.”
En added, “He's very good. I hope you'll stay.”
She smiled and said, “Meet my new fella. His parents run El Vaquero.”
“Oh! They live right around the corner from me!”
He smiled, “They rent one of your houses.”
En began to speak in Spanish and the guy answered rapidly. En nodded and then the guy slid out of the booth and En said, “I'll be back.”
“Ok”
I watched them walk away and she asked, “How'd you land him?”
“I was performing in Vegas and he came in. Instead of sitting down, he came up on stage and started coming onto me. Well, when a fantasy comes onto you, you can either brush it off, or dive in. you know what I chose!”
She giggled, “What's he like?”
“Better than anyone I've ever been with. I asked for a ten year contract and he asked for lifetime and begged me to not send him away.”
“Awe...”
“Needless to say, he's not going anywhere.”
“What's your Mom think?”
“They love him. Mom even helped make my wedding dress!”
“Really?”
“Look here.”
I showed her the photos on the phone and she asked, “That's you?!”
“Yeah.”
“Hubba hubba toots!”
“It's got to be good, otherwise I won't do it.”
“You two would make beautiful babies.”
“We're adopting. Next week, we're going to an orphanage in Brazil.”
“Oh!”
“He wants a large family. I want the trial size to see if I like it. If I do, then by all means!”
“You will. You're good with everyone else's.”
“That's because I can spoil them and give them back.”
En came back with her fella. “It's official, we're cousins.”
“You had to go to the bathroom to find out?!”
He laughed, “No!”
“I was fixin' to ask how you could tell!”
I stood up and let him have his seat and said, “We've got to make rounds. Miguel's assured me everyone's having their order filled.”
“Don't be a stranger.”
“I won't. We're neighbors!”
En asked, “She lives in one of your houses?”
“No, she lives up a few streets, but it's an easy walk. I'll show you where it is.”
I hugged her and then, we made rounds. It was much the same and then, we were finished. We sat down and Miguel came to take our order. En looked at everything and said, “I'll have what he's having.”
He looked over the table and asked, “What did you order?”
“The dinner for two.”
“Oh!”
“That's ok, I'll eat more than my share of it.”
He said, “They don't have sopapillas.”
“I know. That's the only thing I don't like about here.”
“Let's go entertain everyone while we wait.”
“Ok”
We went up on stage and I said, “Everyone, you've all met En, and a lot of you know who he is, or his relation, but right now, we're going to show you and then allow you to have a preview of what my music sounds like.”
He started clapping his hands together and said, “If you'd please, put your hands together like this and the guitarist will pick up.”
The mariachis came over and he said, “Rhythm...the way it was supposed to be...for the one I love.”
He began singing and until that moment I'd never realized how beautiful the words were.
He went through his set and there was a huge applause. I said, “Mine is recorded.”
He came up and said, “Baby, I made a call. Your band.” He pointed over.”
It was a pleasant surprise. They came up and I said, “We're doing it unplugged it seems
The first song is “You Can't Do That To Me.” It's a tease. The whole time I'm saying what can't be done, in the video, it's being done. Jaymes over there is in the video with me.”
En came over and said, “The big screen over there has the photos. Watch and enjoy.”
“Thank you.”
The music started and at the end, I said, “That's the first release.”
En came up and said, “The next song is real sad. Miguel is passing around new napkins. At the end, Rhette is going on into the third release so you're not sad.”
I said, “I'm explaining the song first. So many times, I've had to say I'm sorry in my life. When I wrote this, I sat down and played the melody on a piano and then, I composed the words which fit. It's simple, but powerful. I hope you enjoy.
'Baby, I'm sorry'. (By Rhette Michaels)
Tonight, I lay down with you.
So much within me and so much expected by you.
I want to love you, but inside's a wall.
My defenses are up and all I do is stall.
I woke up on a hospital cart.
You're not there and we're worlds apart.
You look at me and I know it's but a shell.
Can't you see it's putting me through hell.
I need you, need to feel you, need to know that you care.
It's not happening but I don't want it to end.
It's best right now for me to pretend.
Love within me blossomed a time.
It feels as if the baby within me has died.
Words, arguments, and pain we made
ripped it apart and no one heard it's little scream.
All I want is for us to begin anew.
To find the passion and find where it went wrong.
Patching the plaster is where it should begin.
Instead, we're putting up walls and arguing again.
Now you're gone and a cold winds are howling.
A cold grave stands where once love stood.
I've shut down and feelings wish they could.
Please come over and listen to what I'm really saying. .
Listen to the words and say you're staying.
This is hard, but I need you to know....
Baby, I'm sorry.
As soon as I finished. En hugged me and the band began to play 'One Road'. I went into it and begin singing the words. Instead of staying on the stage, I walked around and when I got to Lacey, I saw the tear stains. She was laughing as was everyone, but I could tell there'd been a lot of tears shed.
By the time I got back to the stage, I said, “Folks, these songs we're about to perform now were written today. Those you just heard were written yesterday.
I pulled up my phone and En held it up to the mic while I sang. As the band got the rhythm and melody, they picked it up. I sang the words and at the end, I think people were more shocked.
I said, “Everyone, for me, that's the way it goes. It's the creative process. Words start tumbling in my head and then, the poem begins. I record and then, the music comes and I make sure it's so the band can know what I'm wanting and play it.
The band here is real good. They can pull my ideas together and they can understand the confusion and make it sane.
What I'd like to do now is another release which will be on the first album. We all know it, but I don't know if you've paid attention to the words. I'm doing it different so it's got more appeal, so excuse me while we take you to church for a moment.”
The keyboardist played his accordion and got it real close. When I launched into 'Rugged Cross', I think people were surprised. As I got to the end, my cousin Joyce began clapping and whistled.
I knew with her being the more devoutly religious of everyone, it was well received.
Everyone began applauding and I said, “Well, that's my portion of the talent show. Before I leave you, I'd like to play a song which is old, but it's by someone we all know...Gladys Knight. It's called Midnight Train. I'll be having her perform on tour with me and she wants us to remake this so my version is out there for us.”
I began singing and handed En the microphone because it was getting to be too loud. When I got to the end hitting the Boxcar Willie train whistles with them fading off into cries, I knew they were impressed.
En walked up and said, “Rhette wrote a few for me today. I'll do 'In my arms' for you and then, we'll let you be.”
He pulled me in and held me as he sang it. After the first verse, I said, “You all can dance if you want.”
Telling everyone that, you should've seen everyone rising. Couples were slow dancing and I told the band, play it through again and we'll do it twice.”
At the end of the song, we went into it again and when it finished, everyone applauded. We went down off the stage and my sister-in-law came over.
“I can't believe how talented you are”
“Thanks hon.”
“Let me meet him and then, we'll be going. The baby's getting tired.
En came over and I said, “En, this is Brittany, Brent' wife.”
“Oh! It's a pleasure to meet you. Will you be coming to Vegas tomorrow night?”
“Uh, I don't know.”
He smiled, “Oh please, it's going to be family and our friends which are stars.”
I said, “Hang on, I'll invite everyone.”
I went on stage and said, “Everyone, En reminded me of something I needed to do. Tomorrow night, we're having a performance out in Vegas. You might think you're not invited, but I've got a fleet of jets we'll have out here at the airport. Each holds twelve and as they fill, we'll be taking people out there.
I realize you might not want to attend, but there's going to be a lot of stars who are our friends and want to be there for us. You'll meet them and we'll probably have one of those style of shows where if you want to sing with us, you can. If you want to sing with them, you can. If you want to sing yourself, you can.
Dinner will be provided, and each of you who come will be comp'ed. It'll give you a chance to see the casino and hotel out there and stay the night. If you want to come back, you'll be able to whenever you desire. There are plenty of limos and as I said, there's a fleet of limos.
What we'll do is the jets will be at the airport and they'll leave when they're full. The last one will leave at six because by then, I imagine everyone who wanted to go will have went.
I'm not telling you to gamble. If you wish, you'll have a card like this which will have five thousand on it. You can cash them in for chips which you can turn in for money, or you can shop in the shops. It's a nice way of getting to know the hotel and don't worry about the expense...it's written off by the hotel.”
I got down from the stage and was stopped by a lot of people who suddenly wanted to go and were asking who would be there. I said, “Hang on, I'll go back up and tell everyone.”
I went back up and said, “Folks, here's how it's going to be. Those who are going to be there for sure, that I know are Anna which you know as Tina Turner, Elton, Pink, Gladys, of course En's Dad. I imagine a lot of the stars performing in the theaters in our hotel will drop in and as it is, I do know those up and down the strip tend to come to these things when they know magazines and shows like Entertainment This Evening and Showbiz This Evening are going to be there.
If you're worried it's going to be a fashion parade and you don't have anything to wear, please realize jeans and shirts are the norm as everyone's used to that style of dress out there. If you think you need more, the shops and the beauty shops are all walk in's welcome. I do know I'll be partaking of those myself.”
I got down and it seemed everyone was wanting to tell me they were going to be there. I got over to Ash and he nodded, “You need to get her.”
“En's aware.”
“She's flirting bad.”
“That's what we want.”
I hugged him and asked, “Are you guys coming?”
“I'll try.”
“Ok, that's all I ask.”
When I got to Mom and Dad, they were really busy. Mom being he matriarch of the family was busy telling everyone what I was telling those up on the stage. She hugged me and said, “Everyone is surprised.”
“Good! Did they like it?”
“They loved it. Even your uncle who doesn't like anything said he loved it.”
“Really?”
She smiled, “You shouldn't have put yourself out for that expense.”
“Mom, I want familial support there. If they come, that's great. If not, they'll figure it out. I need to go be with En.”
I went over and on the way, I saw Karyn. “Hi hon!”
She hugged me and said, “My God this was good!”
“You're welcome to come out to Vegas too. Just get on the plane and we'll get you guys there.”
She turned, “Ronny loved the music. I'd told him about it and he said I was a softy. When you sang it, he was bawling like a baby.”
I shook Ronny's hand, “Hi Ronny, I've heard a lot about you. It's a pleasure.”
He smiled, “That video of you and that kid is hot, but that 'Sorry' song is just sad. It's like all the pain is in your tone. You can really sing! But, I'm real glad you sang that drinking song afterwards because I was losing it.”
“Everyone does. You're going to see a lot of stars crying tomorrow night and see people reacting to it just like you did.
I know people like it, but now it's me wondering if they'll buy it.”
“It's going to be getting tons of airplay. I know songs like that do. I know that 'Rugged Cross' is amazing, but I'm wondering if they'll play it.”
“I'm hoping the Christian Broadcasting will play it. They might not, but it was inside me and had to come out.”
He looked at Karyn and asked, “Are we going?”
“And me miss meeting Eric?! Are you nuts!”
I chuckled, “I'm signing him to a contract with the hotel tomorrow. I know he'll be there.”
She looked at me quizzically and asked, “I have a question and I hope you don't mind answering, but would one of those marital contracts work for straight people?”
“Yeah, it's for two people period.”
“How much does it cost to get one?”
“Filing fees. I'll get you a set of mine. It's real easy. You can put it on a word processor and take out paragraphs and add to them as you see fit. It's a do it yourself kit which when you realize how easy legal work is, you know anyone can do it.”
“Oh, I know! I do a lot of it for your brother!”
“I think it's the best way to go. It's the way everyone's doing things now since it's better than a pre-nupt.”
“I'm thinking about our daughter. We've been trying to get them to realize they need to protect each other.”
“Let me speak with her. I can tell her the times it would've came in useful for me and tell her how it will save her grief.”
“I'd sure be happy if you would. I think he's the problem.”
“I'll speak with him too. When he realizes how he's protected, he'll be begging to have them in front of him to sign.”
She smiled, “When can you speak with them?”
“Bring them out tomorrow. They'll enjoy being starstruck.”
“I'll tell them!”
I hugged her and then him and told him, “Thanks for coming.”
“It's been a pleasure!”
I got intercepted by my cousin Nate. “Hey dude!”
“Hey bud, how are you?!”
“Wonderful.”
“Man, you're getting skinny!”
He laughed, “Thanks. I need to see if you have jobs out there.”
“For you, you know I do.”
“I need one.”
“Come out tomorrow. If anything, you know the comp card will give you a little to tide you over until we can get you a check.”
“Is there someplace I can stay out there?”
“Sure. We've got apartments for our help. It comes with the pay, so don't feel there's rent. The meals are included. I'll put you in with Sam, that way I know you've got a great boss.”
“I'll be there.”
I went up on stage and said, “Everyone, I know you're beginning to think I like it behind the mic, but I just spoke with someone who reminded me of something.
Some of you might be unemployed. Or, you might know of someone who needs a job. If you know, or you're one of those people, please go out to the Ginorocity.
I've not said it, but we're building three new hotels on and what I call the Ginosaur. It's a hotel twelve stories tall and four miles long
If construction is your business, we need the help. If you're wanting landscaping, housekeeping, or any of the jobs we need in the hotel, please feel free to apply.
I know we pay good, have benefits, and have housing and meals as part of the package. Some of you know others in our family who've went out and you know they've stayed. It's not hard work, but here's my advice. If you can't take the heat, don't apply for outside jobs, it's like it is here except the thermometer says it's hotter.
I do know we've got jobs there which pay from minimum wage all the way up to several hundred thousand a year. Please don't think I'm getting you out there for minimum wage. The skill levels aren't much and they pay a pretty penny.
IF you know of someone needing a job, please don't think those planes are flying just for family. Tell them to pack a bag and we'll get them a job.”
I went down and went to En. “Babe, we need to circulate.”
“Sure.”
I turned to Brittany, “Honey, we'll see you tomorrow night, right?”
“I don't know.”
I went back over and said, “Hon, please. We've got childcare and it's rated the best in the state. I know our shops are better than the Galleria and just think, the planes have movies and it only takes two and a half hours to get there.”
“I don't know if Brent would want to go.”
I smiled, “Honey, one slot machine is the same as another. The difference is whenever you want to go, there's five thousand dollar comp card for you and one for him. It's not coming out of your pockets and the rooms for you guys are the same as the stars stay in. You're not going to get that down at Harrah's.”
She smiled, “I'll speak with him.”
“Ok, but let me throw in something else. That way, I know you'll go.
What you don't realize is I write off lots of these trips for everyone. It bugs me when I do it for strangers and my family doesn't do it. Now I'm getting my family back and I need to let you know there are perks to having a brother in law who's filthy rich.
Those planes fly every day no matter what. They don't care who's in them and I don't care who you bring out. That means if you want to tell your entire clinic to come out, then do so. They can eat, shop, play, and be entertained and stay there if they like. Or, you could make it a girls day out and go shopping in places where no one else in the area will have the same clothing.”
“Really?”
“Yes, now how damned classy do you think it'll sound if you invite them out to Las Vegas for lunch and shopping?”
She smiled, “That'd be cool!”
Brent came over, “Brother!”
I hugged him, “Will you come out tomorrow night?”
“I'll have to ask.”
“She's right here and she's wanting to ask you. Now, don't worry about child care because we've got it. You should know if I'm going to use them for mine, they're plenty good for yours.”
She looked surprised, “You want kids?”
“We're going to Brazil next week to an orphanage and looking. He wants a bunch of them, but I want to try one. Dad wants me to try four, but En wants me to try a dozen I think!”
She laughed, “Oh Lord!”
“ I agree.”
En came over. He said, “I want a daughter who looks like Rhette and the rest boys. It'll take that many to protect her!”
I laughed, “The poor child!”
She laughed, “I want another one at least.”
“That'd be cool! They could grow up together.”
She asked, “What would you name them?”
“Oh, they'd carry his last name. I want them having advantages us kids never got in that school system.”
En asked, “What's the Catholic school system like in town?”
“Not well funded. I think it's decent, but I've not looked into it, have you Brittany?”
“We're opting with the public schools. As you said, both private schools aren't well funded.”
I asked, “What's the other private one besides Catholic?”
“St. John's Lutheran.”
“Oh, I forgot about it! It's so small.”
“They keep trying to decide if they're going to have it another year.”
“Maybe we could speak with Father Mike about helping with the Catholic school funding.”
She said, “They're unsure if they diocese will have the money after the lawsuits to keep it open.”
“I'll call. I only thought there were four lawsuits.”
She asked, “Do you know them?”
“Three of them. I do know it's legitimate.”
“Really?”
“One I worked with and he's now capable of being with his family again. For a while, it was touch and go if he'd even be alive.”
She said, “You know, I believe I saw some things happening once. That's why I hold no judgements at all about if it did or didn't happen. I know if it happened to my child, I'd be in on the lawsuit for them.”
“If it happened to ours, I'm afraid there'd not be enough left of a priest to get sent to another diocese to have it happen over and over. I do know it's never apt to happen with Father Mike, so I'm thankful there.”
She nodded, “Oh no, he's a really great guy.”
“He's the one who helped me get the money given to the Y out there. They didn't want to take the money I donated.”
“Really?”
“They said it'd not be proper because of my prison record and being a sex offender. It took a lot of hard persuading by a lot of people just to donate to them.”
En said, “I'm going up by the door. It looks like people are leaving.”
I said, “I better go also. Please come guys.”
She nodded, “We'll be there.”
“If you don't feel comfortable leaving the baby at the child care, we'll find a quiet spot for him at the concert.”
“Won't it be too loud?!”
“Not up in the booth. I'll get one of the sitters for him.”
She smiled, “I'm sure it'll be fine in the center.”
“We spent a lot of money so it'd be like a Bonkers, or Chuck E Cheese's.”
“Oh really?!”
“Yeah, but there's an area for kids from the wee ages up. We use it for our child care for casino workers.”
“Oh! Then, you've got great benefits!”
“Oh yeah, it's top notch. They get to use all the facilities including the work out rooms and spa as long as they're out of uniform. I don't want them in uniform having guests thinking they're being rude by not doing something for them.”
“That's understandable.”
“I'm going up with him. Excuse me.”
I went up and we thanked everyone for coming as they left. During a lull, I went over to Miguel, “How much is our bill?”
He showed me and I added on twenty five percent and said, “Let's pay up with my card and then, I'll need a receipt.”
“You didn't need to add a gratuity!”
“Hon, tonight was special. The food was superb and everyone enjoyed themselves. I appreciate it.”
We processed it and I pocketed the receipt. When Mom and Dad came through to leave, she said, “I need to speak with you.”
“Sure.”
We went out and she said, “Hon, everyone is raving about how nice he is and how good you are together. The ones who don't even pretend to be for you being gay told us how well you two interact together and are respectful.”
“Good.”
“Give him my love and tell him thank you.”
“I will. You two drive safe.”
“We will.”
They left and I saw Jilli and Jimmy coming out, “You think you were going to sneak out on me sis?”
She smiled, “No, we're going to follow Mom and Dad to make sure they're safe.”
“Pass them. For some reason, Dad can follow tail lights better. I think it's the red and them knowing where the road is.”
“Ok”
“Are you coming to Vegas?”
“Yes.”
“Do you have a dress?”
“Not here.”
“Would you wear one if I got it for you?”
“Why?”
“Because I want to there standing by me as my Bride's maid. Even though we're not having a service, I'd like you to have that honor.”
“Ok, that's no problem.”
“I'll take time to go shopping with you if you'd like.”
She smiled, “He and I will probably do some shopping together.”
“Ok, that's fine.”
I hugged her and then Jimmy and said, “The folks just caught the green light over there. You guys better get going.”
They got in his truck and I went back in. He smiled and said, “Everyone is so nice!”
“Mom said to tell you thank you. She said everyone approves even those who don't approve.”
“How can they approve when they don't approve?”
“They don't approve of gays, but they approve of us because of how we interact with each other. It says a lot when they tell Mom those things.”
My aunt Mary came through and I gave her a big hug. She hugged En and then, I hugged Mort. “Mort, you two are sure welcome. If you don't want to drive down, I'll have a plane go up there to get you guys.”
He smiled, “We'll drive down. She said she'd not miss it for anything.”
“Great.”
“I want you two to know I appreciate you including me in your family.”
“You ARE family. It doesn't take a wedding ring to make us value you. It takes you loving her and she's clearly loved.”
He smiled and I saw a tear come to his eye. I hugged him again and said, “Thank you.”
When we parted, he hugged En and patted him on the shoulder.
“What's that mean that he's not related?”
“I call her my aunt. She was married to my Mom's cousin and he died. Because she was a housewife and held no job, she gets my uncle's social security. If she remarries, she loses it.
She met Mort and because he's got a tracheotomy, all his family ostracize him. We're so thankful she found someone who treats her like gold, we don't care one bit about anything physical. It means the world to us she's got a great man now.”
“Your uncle wasn't a good man?”
“My uncle treated her like a servant and ordered her around to the point a lot of family jumped him about it. Towards the end, she was doing everything for him, tying his shoes, wiping him, I mean everything. Then, he died and he was so big, they had to dismantle the house in order to get him out.”
“Really?”
“The funeral wasn't well attended. It took a Bobcat to carry the casket and I was there because I knew they'd run out on her.
There she was with a house with a hole cut in the side of it and people are more concerned tombstone had a pistol embedded in it.”
“Is her home fixed now?”
“No, it got torn down. If you'd saw it, you'd wonder how anyone ever lived in it at all. I'll be honest and say I never went up there to visit them. It's seventy miles and they always seemed to be down visiting family, so we never felt the need.
What we did was Kevin and I went up and we found her a nice little double wide and bought it for her. Then, we took our guys up and got her moved. I'll tell you three of our guys were hurt that day, but not a one of them said anything.”
“Really?”
“They fell through the floors! The house leaked so much water, she had everything in plastic storage containers just to keep things safe from moisture.
The irony of it was the trailer we bought was right next to Mort's place. They met and since then, it's been great. They've pooled their resources and recently, they bought a vacation place I'd kill to own.”
“Really?”
“It's on the way to Nauvoo. It's up on a tall hill over looking the river. Not five feet from the deck is a tree with an Eagle's nest. It's not real fancy, but the view is such I could sit there for hours and just watch the river and the Eagles.”
“What's Nauvoo?”
“It's a little town which is mostly a historical landmark of the Mormans. They settled there before they were made to move on out to Salt Lake.”
“Why were they made to move?”
“They were prosperous and their problem was they got active in politics. If they'd not gotten involved in politics, they'd had no problems. Instead, they were ran out.”
“That's not right.”
“No, but it happened and the day they left to go to Salt Lake, it was icy cold and terrible. I'll take you up there some time because it's a beautiful drive, a nice place to visit, and there's a winery there where I get a lot of my wine making supplies.”
He smiled, and I added, “That's not the reason I want to go. At the winery, they've got cheese curds and that with a nice bottle of wine and the walking tour is just a wonderful day.”
“Ok, can we go next week?”
“Yes.”
He smiled, “Good.”
My cousin Joyce came through. She hugged me and said, “Don't be a stranger. I hear you're building a house.”
“Oh yeah.”
“If you need help landscaping out there, give me a yell.”
“Ok. I need an idea for a good solid form of guard rail which isn't a guard rail. It's got to be able to stop a vehicle from going over, but I want a deer or wildlife to get over without problems.”
She nodded, “Go with railroad ties or earth berm. The earth berm can be planted to be a colorful drive up.”
“I'll do that! I was thinking too complex!”
“When will you be out there?”
“We'll be out there next week. He's getting the week off. We're going to Brazil sometime and looking into adopting, but I'll be happy to walk with you out there. We found a lot of mushrooms.”
“You did!
“Yellow ones, so you know the gray ones are out there.”
“How many did you find?”
“He took his t-shirt off and we had it nearly full. I tied the arms and then made it into a sack.”
“How'd you find so many?”
“Blue blocker glasses. When you wear them, it appears to make them glow.”
“Really?”
“Jilli and I fetched them while En spotted them for us. He kept us running for a while there.”
“Give me a call when you're going to be home.”
“Are you going to be going to Vegas?”
“We can't hon. He's got a son arriving home from Iraq and we need to be there.”
I put my arm on En's arm, “I need to go outside.”
She looked alarmed, “What's going on?”
“Come here and watch.”
We went outside and I held up my phone. “As soon as you said he had a son coming home from Iraq, the words started and now the poem is nearly complete and the music is sad...God it's sad.”
I started and the words for 'Fallen' came rolling out. By the time it was over, she was in tears and CB, her husband, had tears in his eyes. When it was done, I said, “The music is about nothing except the snare drums and the salutes of the guns with Taps at the end.
She turned and looked at CB, “I've never seen miracles happen, but it's like I just witnessed one! Is it like that always?!”
“Yeah, it hits and if I don't pay attention, it passes. That's why I'm recording on my phone. What you've heard is my sixteenth song today. It's like I've turned on the right wavelength to receive and they're rolling in.”
She hugged me, and I said, “I'm sorry it was a song about a dead son returning when the time is joyful for you guys, but as you see, I didn't have any control over it.”
“Don't be sorry, the song is beautiful. It's a gift from God and I'm honored to see how it happens for you.”
“I'll give you a call and we'll spend the day together. I do want some of those castor bean seeds. Until you grew them, I never knew the plants were so beautiful.”
I hugged CB and said, “Thank you guys for coming. It means a lot to me.”
He smiled, “Thank you. It was a nice evening. I think you and he changed our hearts for male relationships.”
I smiled, “Thank you.”
We parted and I went in. En looked at me and I said, “A song.”
“Oh!”
“I want to go play it for everyone.”
I went to the mic and said, “Everyone? Not five minutes ago, I was hugging Joyce and CB goodbye when a song came through. I'd like you to hear.”
I held up my phone and as it began, I did the beat box for the snare drums. The song was nearly a chant/rap except the word Fallen kept being stressed. When I got to the end, and did the 'Taps', the room was quiet.
“That's how it comes through. I'm sorry it's not a joyful reunion, but for the ones who come home that way, it pays homage.”
I went off the stage and my Uncle Clement came over and hugged me. “Record it. It might not go anywhere, but I know it'll go on every VFW in this country.”
“I will. I'm getting the images of the video with the full military salute and flag draped coffin. It's like it's at the tomb of the unknown soldier, but not...because I see the motorcycles with the flags on them and the family in black.”
“It's sending chills through me.”
I went back up to be with En and he smiled. My cousin's son came over and I picked him up. She came over and I asked, “How old is he?”
“The terrible twos.”
“Does that mean if he makes it through them, it's the terrific threes?!”
“I wish!”
The baby put his arms and and En took him. I hugged her and said, “We're going to Brazil next week to look at an orphanage.”
“Let me know what you find. We're interested in adopting.”
“Do you want to ride down with us?”
“I don't have a passport.”
“I'll take video and email them to you.”
“Could you?!”
“Yeah.”
Jim came over and I shook his hand, “Hi Jim. It's been a long while.”
He nodded and smiled, “A long time since working in that hell hole.”
“Yeah, but I loved it there.”
He chuckled, “That day you fell into the sump pit! My God!”
I laughed, “That wasn't a day I loved. That stuff stank.”
En asked, “What happened?”
Jim said, “Rhette and I worked at this die cast plant in St. Louis. He'd just gotten done relieving all the employees for their lunch break when he said, “I'm going to go get something to eat.”
They had this sump pit which was fifty feet long, about twenty feet wide and twelve feet deep under the floor. The thing stayed full and tow motors had broken through a grate in the floor, so someone had put a piece of plywood over it.
Now, Rhette's little and grown men walked over this thing thousands of times, but the one time he's got about six people standing there staring at him walk away, he steps on the plywood and the thing just snapped in half. Suddenly, there's a big splash and before anyone could even think to run to help him, we see both ends of the plywood go under and then Rhette goes down, goes under, we're like, “Oh FUCK! The boss just went under!”
We run over and about the time we get there, Rhette comes back up totally covered, slimy, pissed, and every time he breathed out, that stuff sprays everyone and we're trying to grab him and it's just slick. Finally I grabbed him in a bear hug and brought him up and the little shit said, “Damn Jim, get me greased and you wanna fuck!”
Everyone busted out laughing and I said, “Now, get this because I'm walking and this shit is like I'm a creature from the black lagoon. I'm going to take a shower and my boots and clothes are so wet they're making sucking sounds and sticking too me.
I go in to take a shower and you don't know oil, and hydraulic fluid, and ick water all mixed together makes you smell it for days. I'm took a shower, and Dave, my boss, comes in with liquid Tide and starts spraying me and I mean, he's not giving me any mercy.
The mix of it makes this little shower cubicle all slick, slimy, and I'm falling and trying to get up and falling and Dave tried to get me and he falls in and it's a scene from one of those comedy movies except I'm naked and he's in a suit.
What's bad is Jim's standing there and we're all laughing and then, we get this little Laotian guy who comes in to go pee and he trips and skitters on in the shower with us. Needless to say, he didn't think it was so funny, but we're laughing and this guy is screaming curses in Laotian and Jim stands there just laughing.”
Jim was red from laughing so hard. “What's bad is Rhette had no other steel toed boots. His are soaked, so he goes out and gets those plastic bags you get a Walmart* and he's got them for boot liners. His boots are still doing this sucking sound and burping that stuff and we tell him to go home. He says he came to work, so he's working by God and when he walks away, his undershirt which was clean is just streak from where the stuff was still draining out of his hair.”
Donnie, my cousin, went, “Ewww” and I said, “Hon, it took me another hour in a shower to get that after work, but what's bad is the union man comes over all excited and asks, “Do you want to make an incident report?”
And I'll tell you the way it was there. You were great if you worked, but the second you made a complaint to the union, you were history. I commenced to cussing that union man and finally, I said, “Yeah I want to make a report! Some asshole hired a Laotian and I probably got called everything while he was disturbing my shower with Monty! Fire his ass!”
Jim laughed and said, “He said that too! What he hasn't said here is there's more company brass there in one spot than I'd seen in years and they're the sort they don't know whether to take him serious or not.”
En asked, “What happened to that pit?”
“Ooh, it pissed them off. What you don't know is that stuff was on an evaporative thing which heated it and evaporated it so there was less of it to pump out.
Well, they decide it's a danger to everyone and pump this stuff out into semi tankers and haul it up here to the cement plant to burn it. What you don't know is it costs something like twenty eight dollars a gallon to get rid of it because it's considered toxic waste. They've got over a hundred thousand gallons of the stuff and that dunking made them pay almost three million dollars.”
Jim nodded, “It was bad because it was their mismanagement and then, they want to make a big production of how they're saving the environment or something. We all knew it was posturing because Rhette rightfully could've sued, but if you want to know something, that is Rhette got fast tracked to management after that because of how he handled it.”
I asked, “Have you heard from Monty?”
“No, have you?”
“No, I'm going to call him. I want him out there. He's like a second father to me and I've not heard from him.”
I pulled out my phone and dialed his number from memory. “Hello?”
“Monty?”
“Oh God, Rhette?” he said laughing
“Yeah, I'm standing here with Jim and we just told about the sump pit incident.”
“Oh no, keep me out of that shower when you tell it.”
“Too late, you were in the shower and so was that Laotian.”
He laughed, “Ooh, was he pissed!”
“Yeah, I'm calling because I need you.”
“What for?”
“I'm getting married and want you there.”
“Huh?”
“To a guy, dude!”
Jim started laughing.
“Where?”
“Las Vegas.”
“Now?”
“No, not now! Hell! Tomorrow afternoon.”
“Why?”
“Because he's captured my heart and he's holding it for ransom. He said he'll give it back when death do we part...so, you know I fell for the line.”
He laughed, “Lucky guy. Has he showered with you?”
“Yeah, he showered with me...we managed to stay standing up.”
Jim busted out laughing.
“Tell Jim I miss his old ass.”
“I'll tell him. Will you come?”
“When can I be back?”
“Well, we're doing it and then, tomorrow night, we're having a dinner and then, we're having a big blow out...star studded event.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, you might be lucky and see some from your era if they're still alive.”
“Hey you little shit, I'm not THAT old!”
“What I'll do is I'll send a jet to St. Louis Lambert Field and you be at the private terminal.”
“Whose plane?”
“Mine. It's a Ginorocity plane. It'll either have Ginorocity down the side of it or a G with a crown above it.”
“Yours?”
“Yeah.”
“You own the Ginos?”
“You know them?”
“Well yeah.”
“That's my baby.”
“My God! How in the hell did you get that?”
“It's a long story.”
“Who are you marrying?”
“Are you familiar with Enriches?”
“Eric's kid?”
“Yeah.”
“Damn!'
“His Dad will be there tomorrow.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, as well as a lot of other big names I'm friends with.”
“What time do you want me there?”
“Be at the airport about noon. We'll probably hopscotch you up to Hannibal to pick up others who are coming out, but you'll be there about three so you can get acclimated in time for everything at five.”
“Ok, I'll bring a change of clothes and a suit.”
“I appreciate it.”
“Rhette, it's sure good hearing your voice.”
“I've missed the hell out of you. We'll catch up tomorrow and find a way this lapse in time doesn't happen again.”
“That'll be good. Can I call Sherry?”
“Oh hell yeah! Tell her I'm begging her to come and will do everything in my power to get her to come. If she's working anywhere, tell her to call in and I'll reimburse her.”
“She's laid off.”
“Cool. I'll put her to work.”
“My advice would be not to. She's the kiss of death wherever she goes. She worked for us and we went under. She went to Ford and they shut the plant down. She went to Lear and two car plants shut their doors in order to put her out of work and lastly, she worked at Chrysler making minivans and they shut.”
“I'll hire her out to competing casinos. It should help my business.”
He laughed, “You're not nice!”
“I love that old girl. Did she ever adopt?”
“No.”
“Please tell her to call me right away. We're going to Brazil next week to an orphanage I hear makes it fast work.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, he wants me to live in a shoe or something.”
He laughed, “Are you in love?”
“Oh yeah. This one is the right one. He loves me as much as I love hm and it's good...real good. He tells me what I need to hear and does it with his eyes, not just with his mouth.”
“Good.”
“Now Monty?”
“Yeah Rhette.”
“You're eating sit down and there's no wrappers which have a big M on them, so I'll get you a big bib.”
“Fuck you!”
“That's my Monty. I thought I was going to have to resort to my whole repertoire of Blues praise.”
En said, “Ducks.”
Monty asked, “Was that him?”
“Yeah.”
“Tell him the best is a bird alright, but a Blackhawk.”
I turned, “Monty said the best team is a bird alright, but a Blackhawk.”
En chuckled, “A Blackhawk is a choked chicken compared to a Mighty Duck. When we get on the ice, it quacks.”
Monty chuckled, “Oh damn, I see I've got my work cut out for me.”
“I'll see you tomorrow. I appreciate you coming. Do you have my number there?”
“Give it to me.”
“573-Rhette1”
“You can be so conceited.”
“Hey, can I help it the company wanted to pay homage to one of it's largest stockholders ?!”
“What did you invent? Good sex?”
“No, but I take credit for it a lot. When you drive out to the airport, take a look at the billboards which chase you. If you're thinking you're being stalked by the ad, realize I invented the program and each group of signs got that company to pay me four hundred grand for the program.”
“Man! I see those all over!”
“Yup, a hundred and twenty million and rising in the sales.”
“Jeez, are you investing it so you don't have to pay the taxes?”
“Oh yeah.”
“Good job.”
“I'll see you tomorrow. Call and beg Sherry, please?”
“I will. We just spoke about you last Sunday.”
“In church?!”
“Oh hell no. We left that place standing. We went to lunch at Tony's.”
“Good place. Am I still holding the record there?”
“Yeah.”
“Cool.”
“We ordered and then got to talking about how you take credit for that sauce. WE thought you were full of it and that's when Tony came out saying how the waitress told him we were talking about you. He wanted to know if we'd spoken to you and how he missed you.”
“Did he tell you I was the father of his chicken alfredo lasagne?”
He said you invented it and that your mother in law is responsible for the sauce he uses, but you told him what the missing ingredient was.”
“Tony is Meemaw's brother. He memorized the wrong recipe, but I tasted it and threw in the ingredient and as soon as he tasted it, he said, “I'm at home now!”
“I didn't know they were related.”
“Yeah. I love that man. I need to get down there to see him...well, you too, but he feeds me when I see him!”
He laughed, “I do too. We'll go out to eat wherever you want!”
“I'll be seeing you guys more often. They're letting me have a jet, so I get to fly now.”
“That'll be nice.”
“Well, I'll get off here. Let me know what Sherry says and I'll get you guys a Crown Suite.”
“Ok”
I hung up and Jim asked, “Is he going?”
“Yeah, he's going to call Sherry and get them to go also.”
En asked, “You'll tell me about them?”
“Oh yeah.”
Jim chuckled, “Try getting through it without saying, 'but she's got a wife'.
I laughed, “Impossible.”
En smiled, “Is that because you don't like the wife, or because she's a lesbian?”
“You picked up on it! How perceptive!”
Jim laughed huge, “How diplomatic!”
Donny said, “En, everyone who knows them say the same thing, Sherry's a great gal, but she's got a wife, or Sherry's got a great future, but she's got a wife, or Sherry's fun loving, but she's got a wife.”
“Oh.”
I said, “When you meet Sherry alone, you realize she's a lesbian right away. I loved her immediately because she and I just clicked. She's my right hand there and she's got things done before I ask, so I'm wondering...Who is the person behind the person?... and then, one day, I met her and it totally fucked my head.”
Jim laughed out loud and said, “Rhette's put it into the best words possible. You meet her, love her, and you just know there's someone great at home. There isn't.”
En asked, “What the other one like?”
“I went to their house. Sherry met me and we clicked and we really hit it off, so the next thing is we meet each other's other people.
Well, I went to her house on a Saturday. I pull up and it's a great little house in a great neighborhood and I go up to the door and I'm think, 'Wow, it's going to be good.'
She let me in and I'm not there three seconds and a woman with English sheep dog hair goes by in the hall, so I'm thinking, she's just got out of the shower, so it's uncomfortable...but then, I hear this shreaking coming from the other room and it's yelling at Sherry to 'tell the dumb son of a bitch to get the shoes off the carpet'.
Now mind you, she went by at a fast clip. I mean I saw her walk by the door and she's in haul like I'd be if I were trying to get from bathroom to bedroom without someone seeing me, so I'm thinking, “How in the hell did 'cousin it' see I had shoes on and what the fuck does it matter?”
Well, Sherry calmly tells me to take my shoes off and we go sit on the sofa. That's cool, so I'm forgiving the shoe thing.
Then, she begins showing me pictures of portions of the house in a photo album and I'm like, 'Ok, what the hell's going on here and why don't you just show me the rooms instead of showing me pictures of the rooms?' It's really surreal.
Then, Sherry goes in the other room and this woman screams such a staccato of words so fast, it's like a machine gun firing them and I'm trying to figure out how in the hell Sherry understood them and I'm trying to figure out what she said exactly.
Well, the reason I was there was because we had an employee picnic and it was our job to go get the park and get the barbecue going. That's it...nothing else...just go and do that.
So, Sherry comes in and said, “I can't go. She thinks we're fucking and I'm going to have to bow out.”
Needless to say, it wasn't one of my better days because it hit wrong and instantly, I was seething. I asked, “Does she know I don't do fish?' Doesn't she know I'm gay?'
Well, 'cousin it' comes into the room and she's shreaking and she's coming at me with these dagger fingernails! My judo kicks in and she goes over the back of the sofa and I'm up and on guard.
She starts shreaking and screaming about 'how dare I do this to her' and how she's going to call the cops and I'm like, 'listen up bitch, I'll stay here and let them haul you off to Bellevue to get your meds checked because they've got one loose.' Which probably wasn't the brightest thing to say, but I mean, I'm in this situation here which is just haywire and suddenly, Sherry's in this drill instructor voice yelling at her to get to her room and how she should be ashamed of herself.
Needless to say, 'cousin it' scurries out and Sherry's apologizing to me.
Well, I went and secured the park and I'm more or less chucking logs at this barbecue grill because I'm so pissed and low and behold, Sherry shows up with this woman in tow and the woman's hair is styled and she appears 'with it', and I'm thinking, 'Ok, there's a menage a trio thing here and I just met the evil twin and this one is the sane one...but no...that'd be too lucid!”
Everyone by this point is laughing because I'm talking with my hands which is a trademark in our family when we're not sure about things.
This woman comes walking up and in the same fast staccato voice, she said, “Sorry about trying to beat you up” and goes on by out to the ball field and runs like ten laps around the bases.
Well, by this time, I'm wondering if she's on some sort of speed and shit starts clouding my mind because I'm like, “whew, I wonder what she's on and what that'd be like with mushrooms, or some severe acid!'
Jim and Donny bust out laughing and En's got a smirk on his face like, “I can't believe you just said that”
“So, Sherry comes over and said, “Toxic waste.” So, instantly, I'm thinking this girl worked at Chernobyl or three mile island or someplace like in the movie Silkwood. And then, Sherry said, “She said us eating meat is us eating toxic waste.
Now do the Clint Eastwood whistle on me because I'm beginning to wonder if she's going to tell me I'm Punk'd or something, but then 'cousin it' comes over and proceeds to start taking my seven layer salad and mixing it with her hands.”
En is now looking at me like, “Really?!”
“And I'm like, “Sherry, your wife is tossing my salad. Does she know my salad doesn't get tossed by wives of my lesbian affairs?!”
Everyone busted out laughing
“Well Sherry smiles and says, “Rhette, let her toss your salad, I'll tell her tomorrow she tossed your salad and if you're not nice to me, I'll tell all the guys my wife tossed your salad, and you know that'll be hell.”
So, by now, I'm sure I'm Punk'd, so I decide to play along and tell her, 'Well, ok, but I'm having the baby and to be sure to breast feed nutritiously, I'm going to eat toxic waste.'
Now, what's bad here is my uncle who is a Baptist preacher walks up this time and he hears the last sentence and everyone else is laughing and I turn to him. “It's a joke I was telling.”
Of course, they're laughing harder and En composes himself and thanks them profusely for coming. They left and then, I'm back to the story.
“Well, as it turned out, Sherry's wife was on this thyroid medicine which was totally clashing with all her other medication and it was a bad weekend. Had she said that to me, I'd understood and not thought life was weird, but she didn't. She was hoping no one would notice.”
Jim and Donny were laughing and En is shaking his head back and forth.
“So that's how I met her.”
Jim said, “I met her at work. She used to be a supervisor at work and Sherry was with Shirley. Shirl was a girl almost identical to Sherry in a lot of ways and they acted very much like each other, so when you pointed at one, you sort of just knew immediately who she was with.
When I started working there, I wasn't in die cast. I was over in the machining side milling bases for bun warmers.”
Instantly, I knew the job. The job was comprised of five steps and a person had to almost be robotic with their movements in order to make time on it because it was complex and tedious. I worked the job for a week and the only way I could do it was listen to Aretha's 'Jumping Jack Flash' album over and over. By the end of the week, the plus side was I had Aretha's voice perfect, but probably to this day, if someone put that album on, I'd beg them to kill me before I had to hear it.
He continued, “As you know, when you're on that job, you're in a zone and here she comes to inspect and would she take one finished. No! She takes one in the middle of everything and it totally knocks me out of my groove, so I have to start over at the beginning and put that part out until break so I can do it separate.
So, every fifteen minutes, she comes by and she takes a different part in the cycle and by the fourth or the fifth time, I'm pulling my hair out wanting to scream at her to take a finished one!
As you would know it, she's doing this because Sherry had the hots for her and wanted to see if she could get me to blow by messing with my head. It didn't work, but I wasn't far from sanity by morning.”
Donny said, “When I met her, Jim and I were just starting to date and I worked over in packing. My job was one thing...to make sure the parts going on the truck at seven am were accounted for and there. It was pretty easy and usually, I'd get my job done and half of day shift's job done for them. It worked good because there were three of us and we covered for each other by adding in parts when they got there and keeping the orders correct.
Well, she comes over and first of all, she's taking lids off boxes she shouldn't, but she's touching parts which are sealed and not to be touched by human hands after they're in that coating. So, I go over and these parts which were perfect are all messed up and now, I've got to go pull others and explain how they got messed up after final seals were applied to the boxes.
This went on for something like a month and finally, I went to Monty with it. He calms me down and he said, “Now Donny, it's not doing you any good to stress and no, choking the shit out of her isn't in your job description...and yes, I'll do what I can to keep her out of your zone. I don't know why she is there but I'll do my best to have her removed.”
I smiled and nodded, “That's Monty.”
“So, I go in the next night and this woman comes over and she's in that box and has nearly seven hundred of them touched before I could get to her.
Instead of blowing, strangling, or kicking her ass, I tell her, “You've messed up those parts by touching them, go get the supervisor and you find the way to tell Hewlett Packard we're not going to have their parts in the morning. And THEN, you go to Monty with the explanation because I really want to hear it.'
She looks at me and goes, 'hmmmft, as if I give a fuck' and walks off! Well, that was the day she got suspended because Monty comes by and sees the parts laying with open box and I'm standing there with my arms crossed...like, 'say something to her or else!'. Well, he did, he pointed at the door and said, 'go home, leave, and I'll tell the union you've personally cost this company more than we make in one month.'
She left and thank God, I've not seen her since.”
En said, “So this woman is still with this Sherry?”
“Yeah, but let me tell you something good about her so you don't think I'm mean spirited. Do you know all those stained glass windows in my house you were admiring?”
“Yeah.”
“That's what she does for a living now. She makes them and Sherry makes the wood frames to go around them. How she does all the complex patterns is beyond me, but I got them for Christmas every year, and every birthday because they were so fascinating to me...and beautiful.”
En looked surprised, “So she's not good at much, but she's that great of an artist with glass?”
“Yeah, and what I'm going to do is I'll tell Sherry tomorrow we'll open up a stained glass boutique for her at the casino and sell those masterpieces. It should make them plenty of money.”
Jim and Donny looked surprised, “What are they like?”
“Hang on, I'll get in my server because I've got them insured on my insurance in a special rider. I figure they're worth about ten grand each.”
I pulled up my server and went to insurance pics and scrolled until I found them.
“Here's the one I love. It's that Monet painting done in stained glass.”
They looked and said, “Wow!”
As I went from each one to the next, they were blown away.
“As you can see, they're amazing. En saw them and instantly stopped to look at them.”
En smiled, “He's got them in each room. I'd tell you the 'Falling Leaves' is my favorite, but in the parlor where Rhette's got all the green on green with all the plants, it's like he's made that painting...I mean art glass picture the focal point with the light behind it and displayed like a perfect painting for a perfect spot.”
“En's favorite color is green...in case you don't know. When we move, I've got to have a green room in the new house.”
He smiled, “It soothes me.”
I said, “I'm glad I've got these on here. It'll let them see I cherish them and have them in spots which garner appreciation.”
Jim said, “I didn't know.”
“They never shared it with anyone at work. I knew Sherry did woodworking and commissioned a frame in the stairwell of the house for mirrors. She and I spoke about it and I told her what I wanted and with nothing more than a measurement, it was perfect.”
En nodded, “I like that too.”
“It's there because without that mirror reflecting the light, that stairwell looks like it's tall and a huge rectangle. With it, it makes the height into a cathedral window but with mirrors instead of stained glass.”
I pulled the picture up and said, “I've got it insured too. What's going to be awesome about that is it's going with us to the new house and it's going sideways on the wall behind the bar and will be a unique focal piece.”
Jim looked at it and asked, “How tall is that?”
“Fourteen feet. It's nearly the height of two glass doors put on top of each other. Why it's that tall, I don't know because when I bought the house, there was no light there hanging from the ceiling and there's absolutely no holes in the plaster at all like it was to hold something. They made it up into the attic on purpose, but why, I don't know.”
“How'd you get the light up there?”
“That light is a story of it's own. I saw the lights at Hood's and they were ten bucks for both. My parents were going down, so I had them stop and get them for me. Mom did, and when I got them, I took them apart and made them into one long pendant light.
What they were, was a hanging light for a front porch with no bottom and the other was a light for a lantern post out in a yard.
When I bought the house, I knew I wanted a brass lantern there, but with the height and the narrowness, all of the ones I'd seen were either too fat, or not long enough. When I did that, it was perfect.
Getting it up there is a different story.
What happened is when I found out I had bone cancer, I put a ladder up there and put one of those hooks you hang a bicycle on because I was going to hang myself.
For three months, I'd went through the chemo and radiation and nothing was working. The doctor hated my guts because the bastard had this God complex which talked down to me and had him treating me like I should just give up and die and how dare I tell him I expected him to find the cure.
What you don't know is I was going through all that alone. It was three days a week and I'd go get it done at five am so I'd be sick and showered and shaved in time to arrive at the sign shop at two pm. Then, Kevin would ignore me and run off with boyfriend while I went home and felt like my bones in my legs were on fire.
Finally, I decided to put up the hook and end it. I got it up there and then what happened was the standing on the ladder had my bones so sore, I called Carol and she got there.
When she saw what I'd done, we sat there and cried. She called Kevin and she gave him an ass chewing because he was too busy being with his boyfriend to get home and take care of me.
I'll also tell you that was the day Carol openly started hating him and it made life at the sign shop terrible.”
Donny looked shocked, “Why didn't you tell anyone!”
“Honey, here's the way I am about sickness. Do you know when all the old people get together at family reunions and they tell about their surgeries, broken bones, and ailments?”
“Yeah.”
“It totally pisses me off. So, the last thing I'm going to do if I'm told I've got a problem is tell everyone to seek the sympathy factor. Fuck that, I'll deal with it on my own and I'll die with it on my own if I gotta, but I'm flipping the grim reaper the bird all the way and planning on doing nut punch on him when he thinks I'm down.
So, you didn't hear because no one heard. Carol got told because she's my office manager and I couldn't very well say, “Here, handle the insurance paper work, but don't ask me about it.”
“Still, we would've been there.”
“It's over now until the next time. It started with testicular and prostatic and then, I started feeling like someone was taking a power drill and drilling my leg bones. Then, I went through the chemo and radiation and nothing worked, so finally, I made a call and went to a different doctor who did a biopsy and found out what kind it was and got an experimental treatment which they insert a needle in and take nitrogen and freeze them. It kills them deader than hell and for an afternoon, it's feeling like someone's frogged the hell out of my leg, but then, it's ok.
What I'll tell you now is it's like the circus in that it travels around and comes back once a year. The last time, it was in my arm and spread to forty two spots before I could get a referral to that specialist again.”
“What?!”
“It's a certain kind of cancer that only seven people have gotten in the world. The other six are in one spot in Mexico and then, there's me.”
En asked, “Where?”
“I'm trying to think of the name. It's a triangular area where hot springs are. It's something like diablo Aguascalientes or something like that. I'll tell you I've never been there, so who knows.
What's weird about it is normal bone cancer is way different. With this one, it grows no bigger than the diameter of the eraser on a pencil, but it grows more and more and more of them until it has so many the bone is fragile and it just shatters like glass.
With them learning the experimental procedure worked, the doctor up here was able to tell the doctor down there what worked for me and get them help.
What my fear is, is it getting to someplace they can't reach with a needle and me having a problem like that.”
Donny asked, “Who knows now?”
“A lot of people. I have a best friend who has a big mouth and he told Mom. Well, she wouldn't believe I had it, and finally, she had enough people telling her they saw me at the cancer center, she couldn't well ignore it.”
“Why wouldn't she believe you?”
“When something's too painful for her, she zones it out.
Don't get me wrong, I love her with all my heart, but when Aunt Wanda got leukemia, she went with her ever day to the doctor and yet, when I thought I was in deep shit and finally going to croak, it was like....oh well, I don't see any bruises, so you've not had biopsies.”
“Does she believe you now?”
“Yeah, Mike called her and told her he took me to the doctor and had my arm froze in 42 spots. Then, he drove me home. She showed up and saw all the zit marks where they'd injected the needles and suddenly, it's like the light went on.”
En said, “That's not right, you should've told her.”
“Well En, you act as intermediary about it because I'm tired of getting zoned out when it's life changing shit for me. You'll find if I've attempted to tell you once and you zone me out, you get the bird as I leave and I don't tell you anything else again.”
Donny said, “En, he's hurt with that and it's not the cancer.”
“No, it's me taking up the ass rape style by someone she wanted to praise at his funeral! I finally couldn't stand it, so I got up and spat in the man's face and told them what it was like to get raped by the bastard.
Then, four other people got up and said the same thing, but at eleven years old, I'm a liar and how dare I disrupt a funeral service! I got my ass beat all the way out of the place and I got my ass beat all the way home and then, I got busted in the mouth...That was the day abuse happened by both of them and the double bird salute went up.
Since then, it's my defense...shut me out, I shut you out and learn what topics are ok, and what aren't.”
En looked hurt, “Are you going to do that to me?”
“No, what I'll do to you is you'll get told and if you don't listen, you'll see tail lights buddy because I've got a life and I'll live it without you. Loving someone is listening and when you don't listen, I'm not going to compete for whatever...whenever.”
“You must tell me.”
“Be there and you'll get told at the same time as me. Then, if you desire to let all my personal information out without my permission, we'll deal with that.”
Donny nodded, “I understand how you are about it. Jim knows things about me physically and no one else...not my Mom and certainly not people who don't need to know.”
En asked, “How much is too personal?”
“Let's see. If I walk down the hall at the casino and I hear you telling Joe Schmo I've got a zit on my left ass cheek, your left ass cheek will have teeth prints in it. Ok?”
“But what about life threatening things?”
“Here's how we'll do it...if you want to be a part of it. If it's life threatening, then we'll go tell her together. If she shuts me out, we go home and pack and that house gets shut up and we go to live where I can either get well or die without her knowing.”
“Why?”
“Because the day one of my kids runs into her house yelling, Gramma, little Enny just cut off his arm! And she tells the kid to bring her the arm to prove he's not lying, I'm going to probably snap totally on her and show her she's dead because I ripped out that heart.
I love her, but that's a flaw in her and it has served enough piss offs and hurts for a lifetime, I'll be damned if I let it affect one of my kids.”
“Our kids.”
“Yes, our kids and the day you tell me little Enny's arm will be alright laying on gramma's counter instead of on his body, you'll see you can deal with my mother because me and my kids will be as far away from you as possible.”
“Don't say that!”
I said, “En, there are things in our relationship we're going to have to support each other on. You might not like my opinions here, and I'm sure I'm going to have plenty of opinions you won't like, but I'm sure there are going to be opinions I don't like you make also. It's called a marriage and there's a little bending, but I'm not going to bend so much it affects our kids. Ok?”
Donny said, “Jim and I have those times. He was raised thinking a belt beating all over the house, yard, and wherever was ok. I've told him the second I see it happened to my kid or happening, someone dies. If he stands in the way, he gets the first bullet. It's that cut and dried with me.
He has things with me in regards to my real Dad where he absolutely doesn't want me taking the kids to his grave, nor knowing he was alive. He wants my kids to know my Dad over there, so I abide by it because I know if there's not much good to say, they shouldn't learn that.”
En put his hand on my arm and said, “I'll support you. It's that I love your family and don't want there to be problems.”
“Let's hope there aren't any. I'm sure there will be, so we've got to cross bridges when we get to them. Just understand, I've got peculiarities and you do too.”
“Like what?!”
“That perfection thing you've got. It's a flaw.”
Donny busted out laughing and said, “Jim, we've got to go.”
We all stood up and I hugged them. She said, “Don't be a stranger. I say that, but I know we get distant.”
“Hon, we're building a house here and he's wanting to farm, so I'm going to support him in it although the thought irks me. Just the same, I'll be around here for a while.”
“Can you imagine him in a straw hat and bibs?”
“Oh man, I can imagine that ass of his in bibs and him making a straw hat sexier than hell.”
“You've got it bad.”
“I draw the line at chewing tobacco. If he comes home with that in his mouth, he'll see me serving supper with it in everything.”
She laughed, “Oh man!”
Jim smiled, “You're not right.”
“It's the point. Sometimes I make it, sometimes I jab it.”
Donny chuckled, “I like that!”
En hugged me and said, “I draw the line at daisy dukes.”
“Me too hon, I think you'd be too sexy in them to go out in public. We'll save them for the bedroom.”
He giggled, “Nah, I meant...”
Donny was laughed, “That's a mental picture I can't imagine!”
“Think about it. Can you imagine Jim in them?”
Jim suddenly turned to me and said, “Not happening!”
She chuckled, “Honey, I swear you'd look good in them with a flannel shirt!”
“Untuck it and make like you're Tom Cruise singing Bob Seeger. It's a selling point.”
He smiled, “En, Rhette's going to have you doing that...I can tell.”
En disagreed, “No, I'll go without before I wear them and he'll do likewise. I've made up my mind. If I'm going to see part, I might as well see all.”
I hugged Donny, “This is one of those 'Yes Dear' moments, isn't it!”
She giggled, “Yes!”
We walked them out and I said, “Bathroom break.”
I went back and went in. In the stall, there was some action going on.
I said, “Guys, don't mind me...I'm just in here to take a piss. You'd be safer to lock a door once in a while.”
I heard giggling and belt buckles getting fastened. I went over to wash my hands and my cousin's son came out. “Hey Rhette.”
“You should look for other places to do that.”
“We don't get to very often.”
“Why not?”
“He lives down in Bowling Green and I live here.”
“Who's he?”
“Trey.”
“Both of you boys coming to Las Vegas tomorrow night?”
“Yeah.”
“How about I speak with your parents about getting you a room of your own?”
“Would you?”
“Here's what I'll do. Keep that under your hat and then, we'll see about getting you Summer jobs together where you've got time to be together.”
“That'd be cool!”
“Just be careful and don't hurt each other.”
I went out and walked over to Gabe, “Hey Rhette!”
“Hey, I've got an idea I need to ask you about.”
“Sure.”
“This upcoming Summer, En and I will be out on tour. He's wanting us to adopt, so I'm going to have kids. What I'd like to ask is if you would discuss it with your wife and Collin and see if he's interested in working with Trey as a sort of child protector for my kids.”
“What's that entail?”
“I'm going to have a nanny, but you know a nanny won't be out in swimming pools and be where the kids are playing. She'll be off to the side. You also know as well as I do, bullies can do a lot of harm with words where a nanny won't hear. I want to have someone there close.”
“For how long?”
“Not long...I refuse to work that way. What it'll be with us is we'll have Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday night concerts. We'll fly there during the morning and have to do press promotions and then, do the concert that night. We'll probably leave in the morning and come back on Thursday, but stay out until Sunday from Friday morning.”
“That sounds reasonable.”
“It's seventy two hours with my kids. Hopefully, it'll help them get closer with them and my kids someone to look up to in our family.
What I'll do if they'll agree and you agree also, is I'll pay them five hundred a week and promise to give he and Trey college wherever they desire full ride.”
“Man!”
“It's your decision to make. I'm not going to ask the kids in front of you because I don't want them with hurt feelings.”
“Ok”
“May I suggest something else?”
“Sure.”
“Let them come to Vegas tomorrow night. It's a safe concert where there's not going to be any drugs and wild things. They'll also have a comp card which will allow them to use the water park, amusement park, and all that. And, to give you and your wife a break, I'll put them in a room between you and Garrett's room so they think they've got their own room, but you guys are close enough to know there's nothing going on.”
He smiled, “That'd be neat.”
“I remember what it's like to be a kid, but I know what it's like to be an adult...and worry. It's amazing at how much we got by with as kids and now I look back on it and shake my head.”
“Me too.”
“Here's my cell number if it's ok. If not, I'll have to look elsewhere, but what I'm going to do now is go speak with Garrett.”
“I'll give you a call.”
“Thanks Gabe.”
I went over to Garrett. He smiled and hugged me, “Man! It's been a long time no see!”
“Yeah, and we need to stop this every other year stuff. Pretty soon, we're going to be old and we're going to wonder how it happened.”
He chuckled, “You happy?”
“Oh yeah.”
“I can tell. I'm glad to hear it and wherever your ex is, I hope he's getting what he deserved.”
“I can't tell you there. All I requested was he stay away. He's abiding, so that's better.
I've got a favor to ask.”
“Shoot.”
“Let's sit down.”
“Uh oh.”
“No, it's not that bad. It's not bad at all.”
“Ok”
“En and I are going to adopt kids. It could happen as early as next week.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. What I need is to ask you a favor of helping me.”
“Sure, name it.”
“What I'm going to have is a nanny. Don't get me wrong, because my kids aren't going to be coddled, but I need a responsible adult around because we're going to be out on tour doing promotions and then concerts.
What it'll be will be us going on on a Wednesday morning and doing press that day and then a concert that night. On Thursday, we'll come home on a jet and on Friday, we'll roll back out and do the same thing until Sunday when we come home.”
“Ok, I don't want to be your nanny. I've got enough problems raising my own.”
I smiled and said, “Nope, the job's already given to a teacher you banged.”
“Huh?”
“Josie.”
“Oh!”
“What I'm asking for from you is to think about letting Trey go. I asked Gabe if Collin could go and I figure what I'll have there is someone who will be closer to the kids as they play than a nanny who could be a distance away.
The goal I've got is if my kids have older family members like cousins there, they don't get picked on for having gay daddies and all that shit.”
“That'd be cool.”
“It'd be three days a week, and what I'm thinking about is paying him five hundred a week and paying for his college when he goes. That way, he's got something now and something later.”
“Sweet.”
“You can decide, but I wanted to run it by you.”
“It's a go as far as I'm concerned.”
“Are you coming out tomorrow night?”
“No, I've got a date.”
“You could bring her if you want.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, but it might interfere with what I'm going to ask next.”
“What's that?”
“I'm wanting to ask you to allow Trey to come out and get a feel for the hotel tomorrow. I know Collin is coming, so he won't be alone and they can attend the concert or go to the amusement park and water park.
To make it cool for you, I'll get he and Collin a room together and that way, they can have a pizza party on room service or whatever, but they'll feel grown up in a protected atmosphere.
You could then have your date and have a room where you can shake the walls or whatever.”
He smiled, “That'll be nice. You're doing me a favor there.”
“I know what it's like to be a teen, but I sure don't want them to learn to do all I did. I figure if my kids have Trey and Collin to look up to, it's like having older brothers, but not.”
“I'll say yes without asking him. I know I'll get that look of him asking me how I could be so stupid for taking the time to ask him when I take it to him.”
“I understand.”
He paused and asked, “Rhette, what's it like to be gay?”
“Hard. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but I wouldn't force being straight on anyone either. If that's what a person feels on the inside, it's not going to change by someone trying to wish it away. I'll tell you now, there are two major age groups when guys come out of the closet...when they're young and when they're in their forties or fifties when they've got their kids raised and decide to be honest with everyone.
That to me is a waste. It's honorable, but wasteful because it says a guy worked twenty or thirty years just to hand it over to a woman because he's being penalized for not admitting it when he was young...but, I understand people wait until their parents are dead too. Why?”
“I think Trey might be.”
“Have you spoken with him?”
“No.”
“It might be a phase, or it might be for real. How would you think of him if he was?”
“I'd love him if he were a mass murderer. He's loved unconditionally no matter what.”
“Cool. Now, let me tell you something. If he doesn't come out and tell you, don't think it bad of him. Tell him you love him and support him unconditionally and be patient.”
“What are you trying to say?”
“Do you see Jeff over there?”
“Yeah.”
“He didn't come out of the closet because of his Mom. He got married and she died, and now he's being honest. I'll tell you he and I fucked like bunnies but I never came out of the closet to Mom because I thought she'd run to his Mom and out him. So, he might not come out and tell you because he might be afraid for his boyfriend. Or, he might be afraid it'd be looked at as weird.”
“Huh?”
“Ok, this is another example. Ok?”
“Sure.”
“Someone in this room was raised with me and we were raised like cousins....oops, that narrowed down a lot of people, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, let me tell you the kid grew up and I grew up looking at each other knowing we felt lust for each other and yet, because we were seen as cousins, I didn't act on it and he didn't either. He went on to get married and I went on with my life, and yet, I see the guy or he sees me and he's staring at me with hunger in his eyes laying out some serious wood and that's as far as it ever goes. He's got stage fright and I'm not going there with a married dude.”
“I don't blame you.”
“So, he might think it's too weird and not tell you.”
“Why are you mentioning this?”
“Here's why?”
“For years, everyone used to say a gay guy was a 'confirmed bachelor'. He's not getting married and he has guy friends. You know who I'm talking about and so do I.”
“Yeah.”
“Then why did he live with Uncle Ned and they never dated?”
“Are you saying they were brothers and lovers?”
“Dude, did you ever go over there?”
“Yeah, I mowed their yard!”
“Go in their house?”
“Yeah.”
“ Where did they sleep?”
“Huh?”
“It was a four room house. You know that as well as I. It had living room kitchen, their office, bathroom, and hallway to the bedroom.”
“Oh man! I never thought about it!”
“And yet, they couldn't say...the world would've thought them to be terrible, but until just now you thought them cool old dudes, right?”
“They still are in my book.”
“Good. Just know unconditionally means without limits for anything.”
“Do you know something I don't?”
“I don't work that way. It's not my job to do that to anyone...unless they've fucked me royally on things and then, I hate like a true warrior, without limits.
What I will tell you is watch my actions. I tell you things through my actions if you watch.”
“You just told me a lot.” he said smiling.
Gabe came over and said, “We're going to get going. I thought I'd tell you it's a go with Collin.”
“Great. I'll handle things on my end.”
He gave me a strange look and I said, “Harvard. I've got to call and see how much I need to pay them per year and get them so I've got Collin and Trey assured of a spot.”
“How can you do that? They might not be able to get in!”
“Understand with cash money paid in advance, and me being one of the largest employers in that state, if they don't get in, I'm going to be demanding to know why not.”
“You can do that?”
“Yeah, the money's not a problem. I'll need to be calling anyways to reserve placements for my kids too.”
Trey asked, “What's he talking about Dad?”
“You and Collin are going to tour with them this Summer and help their kids from getting picked on. In return, you'll get paid real good and get a college education at Harvard.”
“Where's Harvard?”
Gabe gave a helpless look and I rescued him, “It's in Massachusetts.”
“Where's that?”
“Have you studied about Boston and the tea party? Harvard is real close to Boston.”
“Oh!”
“It's one of the oldest colleges in the country and one of the best. If you go there, you could end up being President some day...or President of one of my corporations.”
Garrett smiled and Gabe looked happy. Gabe's wife came over and hugged me. “Thanks.”
“Hon, we're all family. What I've not asked everyone yet is after we get the house built out there, we start having 4th of July out there. We can have a huge get together and be a blast. It's close enough to En's birthday it could be tied in.”
“When's his birthday?”
“The 1st of July.”
“Oh!”
En came over and said, “They're wanting to close. We need to go.”
“Ok”
“They've not said anything, but I overheard them talking.”
“That's fine.”
I turned to everyone and said, “Excuse me, I'll go make the announcement.”
One the way to the stage, I called the hotel and said, “This is Rhette, I need all of the planes to fly to Hannibal tomorrow with the exception of one which I'll need to be at the private terminal at Lambert Field in St. Louis. That one will be picking up a man by the name of Dave Montgomery and his guests.”
“One moment, let me connect you with guest services.”
“What's your name sir?”
“Ray Niehoff.”
“I'll hang up now Ray. Be expecting a call from Dave.”
I hung up and called Dave. “Yeah Rhette.”
“Find the guy named Ray Niehoff out there and ask him exactly who I am and what my position is there.”
“What's going on?”
“Once again, I've had things shoved in my face and I'm not liking it one fuckin' bit. I called and the man answered when I asked to speak with the GM's office.
I told him I need all the jets sent to Hannibal with the exception of one which is going to St. Louis. I started to tell him who he needed to have picked up there when he interrupted me and said he'd transfer me to Guest Services. That's when I asked for his name and told him to be expecting a call from you.
I'm going to tell you something Dave. Tomorrow, we're going to have a meeting in that hotel with the brass of the United States. The MOMENT I get disrespected in front of them, I'm going to go apeshit bananas and there's going to be hell to pay. I'm TRYING to get that stopped before it happens and it's just not going very well.”
“The memo is in everyone's email. He's obviously not read his.”
“Ok, I need the planes.”
“How long? I'm sending a jet to Miami and one to New York.”
“Ok, we'll need En's family gotten.”
“They've got their own private jet.”
“Have you spoken with him?”
“I'm assured he'll be here.”
“And the moment he isn't, he'll be lucky to be alive by the end of the day.”
“Rhette.”
“Dave, this is a honor point for our city. If I've got to pay out ninety three million for someone, they best be there or I'll have him at the finest taxidermist in the country so I'm made to stare at that fucker for the rest of my days in how much of a fool I've been made by that man in front of two of the largest cities in the organization.”
“I understand. He's aware of our situation and he's aware he's to be here.”
“His family is to be here. It's En's marital contract and they're to have smiles plastered on their faces like they've won the lottery.
The man isn't flying solo on this. He needs to know his entire family is in this.”
“Ok, I'll make contact.”
“En is wearing a white tuxedo. I've even got Jilli planning on wearing a dress, so they're to look equally as nice. I'll not be embarrassed about this.”
“Ok, now calm down. I hear the stress in your voice and I know you're stressed.”
“I am. I've got a top meeting with the brass, a marital contract, my face going out in front of millions of people, and a debut of a new career all within a matter of hours of each event. It's got to flow and be made to flow and I can't even get employees of mine to recognize they work for me. How fucking low is that?”
“Let me do us a favor and call everyone in who works here. It might be overkill, but you've not begun thinking about the details we need to think about.
Now, what sort of wedding cake?”
“Oh fuck.”
“I'm here for you. That's why I'm wanting to have everyone on board for this.”
“I need to ask En what kind he likes...one moment.”
“Ok”
I stood in front of the mic and said, “Everyone, the management of the restaurant would like to thank everyone for our family's generosity and kindness, but we need to leave. En and I will greet everyone at the door so they can shut.”
I said, “Ok, I'm back.”
He chuckled, “You're in a restaurant?”
“Yeah, I fed almost two hundred people a very nice supper and they drank for forty one hundred dollars which included a tip of twenty five percent...now, how was that!”
“Man!”
“And just so you know, my man eats about as much as me.”
“Lord help us.”
“Hon, here's what I need you to do.”
“Ok”
“Call around and see if one of the pawn shops there has the custom engraved gold Winchester rifles which are collector items.”
“Why?”
“Because he's a farmer in a hot latin man's body. He's wanting to hunt, and farm.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, so as a wedding present from me to him, I want to have him receiving his first one as a collector's item. Also, if they have a 30.06 with a burl stock and preferably a laser scope, we'll need that.”
“Why?”
“I don't want him using the collector's piece and I think he would.”
He chuckled, “Ok”
“Hire a bi -plane trailing 'Congrats to Enriches and Rhette' behind it for all day tomorrow and into the night. If you can, get all of them you can saying that.”
“I'll have it done up.”
“One moment.”
I got to En and asked, “What's your favorite kind of cake?”
“Cherry.”
“Ok” I said, “Dave?”
“Yeah.”
“His favorite is Cherry. You know I'm going to want Cherry Cordial ice cream and whatever you get to have cherry cherry icing under the white.”
“Huh?”
“Cherry icing with bits of cherries. Have them ice it with that and then put the traditional white icing over it with roses and hearts all over it.”
“Sounds nice.”
“I imagine we'll have umpteen thousand who show. Now, what I know I will need is what star suites we've got to be reserved. All these people from tonight are going to be there with the exception of but a few.
What you can have them do is as the person gets on the jets, the pilots can be getting names and who will be needing a room.
What I do know is I'll need crown suites reserved in this order.”
“Ok, let me get a pen.” He paused and said, “Ok”
“Gabe Michaels & Wife, then in between, I need a suite reserved for Collin & Trey Michaels. Then, right next to it, I need Garrett Michaels and guest.
With some luck, I can hook En's sister up with a relative here.”
“She's locked down tighter than the goose laying golden eggs.”
“And she'll be released tomorrow, or En's Dad will take a short walk from a tall balcony.
I'm not playing games with the man on some things, Dave. You might see it as prying, but if you don't have intel which says he's abusive, you don't have good intel.”
“I do.”
“Photos?”
“Photos, hospital records, police reports, witness statements, 9-1-1 calls complete with background sounds, recordings of phone calls he's made, and written threats. There's copies of numerous restraining orders which have been sworn against him and the list goes on and on and on.”
“Good.”
“I've got a lot of other information.”
“That the daughter is next in line to support him?”
“Yeah, that too. What I'm referring to is the multiple illigitimate families, and who is on his payroll.”
“What's notable there?”
“There's a reason he doesn't allow anyone to come to his suite out here in Vegas. It seems he and his son have a lot in common. He's got a man here.”
“Ok, why are you getting wise with your word usage?”
“The man is rather famous.”
“How?”
“As in how?”
“Television. He's not in a series now, but he was in a series which was popular in the nineties and another one which was very popular in the 80's.”
“Can I take a guess?”
“Sure.”
“One series was in Miami and the other was in San Francisco?”
“Yeah.”
“It's been widely reported the man is a closet homosexual with a lot of fetishes. See what you can get in regards to their particular fetish. See if there are credit card receipts, mail order records, and see if there's any pictures.”
“Are you sure you didn't do this report?!”
“They're there?”
“Yeah.”
“Please tell me Alex did the report.”
He chuckled, “You're a mind reader.”
“Oh God! This is too much! Did you call him already?”
“No, why?”
“His mind is like a trap. He'll be able to tell us exactly who it was he spoke with and do a quick follow up. Tell him I need him and please stress it's me...and that I need it by tomorrow preferably with him there helping to present this to the man.”
“I'll have it done in the next ten minutes.”
“Great! I'm really excited about this now.”
I hung up an En asked, “Good news!”
“Cherry cake with cherry cherry icing under the white which has hearts and roses. We're having cherry cordial ice cream.”
“What's that like?”
“Are you familiar with the chocolate covered cherries?”
“Yeah.”
“It's like they grind those up in cherry ice cream. It's absolutely wonderful.”
“You really know all this stuff?”
“Things are falling in together.”
My phone rang, “Hello?”
“Rhette?”
“Yeah Sherry.”
“My God, how are you?!”
“Oh man, it's great.”
“Monty called and said you're getting married?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh my God! How terrific!”
“He's great. Did he tell you who it is?”
“No, he said he'd save it for you to tell me because I wouldn't believe him.”
“One second, I'll tell him to say Hi to you and see if you can tell who it is by his voice.”
I handed En the phone and said, “It's Sherry, say Hello and see if she can tell who you are by your voice.”
He smiled, “Hello?”
“Yes, we're getting married.” He paused and said, “Very much in love. You can't tell? I'll give him back to you.”
I took the phone back and she asked, “Do I know him?”
“You would if you'd not be watching Celine Dion videos all the time!”
She laughed, “I've seen her more now.”
“I bet. She stayed stationary and if you'd called, I could've gotten you a private visit with her.”
“Uh huh.”
“Hon, didn't he tell you anything?”
“No.”
“If Celine Dion were a guy and you were me, who would you be watching?”
“Oh man, a singer?”
“Yeah.”
“You've got my mind running rampant now...let me think, I know what you like...a hot ass and dark complexion.”
I heard her wife in the background and she asked, “Enriches?”
“Tell her, she knows me better than you do...isn't that the shit!”
“Oh my God!”
I heard her tell her wife, “You were right!”
I her background talk and then, she asked, “How'd that happen?”
“Well, I was on stage singing and word got out out there I was knocking them dead, so people started showing up. He walked in and before I knew it, he was up on stage singing with me. Then, he asked to come to my room, so I sent him up there and since then, it's been one thing after another.”
“You're singing?”
“Oh yeah, it's amazing because I'm thinking of these songs, one right after another and they're all great.”
“And you were singing out in Vegas?”
“Yeah, it's a long story, but are you familiar with the area out there towards the North?”
“No, I didn't go that direction.”
“I know, you went straight to the MGM and paid a helluva price when you could've had the best for free.”
“Really?”
“Can you get on your laptop while we're on the phone?”
“Yeah.”
“Go to Ginorocity.com.”
“Huh?”
I spelled it and she said, “I know what you said, you mean the Ginos?”
“Yeah.”
“You're performing there?”
“Go there toots, it's better than that.”
“I'm there...oh man, HE'S performing there.”
“He's about to not be performing there because his Dad is coming to work for me.”
“Coming to work for YOU? You work there?”
“No hon, I kind of own it.”
“WHAT!”
“I told you it's a long story.”
“Oh man, I'm looking at it's like a whole resort in one...and it's not bad priced!”
“What you see there is almost the largest with all the hotels counted together. We're beginning another phase of construction which will have another three of the sisters in that row and then to the back, we'll have one single large hotel twelve floors high connecting them all together.”
“Rhette, they can't get all of them in the same shot. They've got to take an aerial picture of them and there's a huge stadium which looks under construction...and a water park and amusement park!”
“The stadium looks partially under construction because in between the side of it and the backs of the hotels will be the long one I'm calling the Ginosaur.”
“Oh man, how many rooms will that be?”
“Almost twenty thousand when it's done.”
“My God!”
“Hon, listen, I've got an idea and I want you two to consider it.”
“Ok.”
“You and your wife are really great with the art glass pictures. I'd like to know if you two would consider opening a boutique there selling them.”
“Oh man, are you sure?”
“I think if you put a price of thirty five hundred each on them, you'd sell out. I think if you put ten grand, you'd have them going fast. At twenty, you'd be in the ballpark where it'd be a careful appreciation and then, they'd take them. BUT, what I think is if you'd sell originals for that price and let me get you a company which does clings, we could do clings and sell them for a hundred buck each easily.”
“What's a cling?”
“It's a piece of film which when you spray a window, it will go on it and cling to it.”
“Oh! I know what you're talking about!”
“I know a company which makes them and it we limit the production of them, it's like a print of a painting, except it looks like the print of the stained glass artwork you and she do.”
“Oh man! That would be wonderful!”
“Yeah, and exclusive. No one else does that sort of work you guys do, I don't think. They might do it, but not as detailed.”
“Let me talk about it with her.”
“Sure. Now, can you guys come out here tomorrow?”
“Yeah, Monty asked and I've already got that good to go.”
“Great. I'll comp the hell out of you guys and make sure it's wonderful for you.”
“You don't have to do that.”
“I have to. There are only a few people I consider as good and old of a friend.”
“What happened between you and Kevin?”
“Are you still at your computer?”
“Yeah.”
“Do a search for Retta Michaels and you'll find a lot of stories I wrote. If you go to Google groups and look for Retta Michaels, you'll see my stories, my house, and the new me.”
“What's that mean?”
“I don't look the same.”
“Why?”
“Oh my God, is that your house?!”
“Yeah, it's in South Carolina. Soon, I'll have copies of it here and in New York Harbor.”
“Huh?”
“I bought an island and it's almost within spittin' distance of the Statue of Liberty.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Man, you've really got the stories here!” She paused and said, “What in the hell?!”
“You saw the pics of me?”
“Why'd you do that to yourself.”
“Hon, I didn't do that to myself. I got beat and my face was nearly tore off.”
“What?!”
“Yeah, all that had to be done. Blow up the pics and you'll see the scars.”
“I need to ask you if you were in a video.”
“No, but that guy is a dead ringer for me as I was, isn't he?”
“The eye color is different. His were more greener, but the mannerisms were a bit different. We watched it because she swore it was you.”
“My Mom did also. She called me asking me when I was in Argentina and why didn't I tell her.”
“Oh man. They say everyone has a double out there, and that one is you, or was you.” She paused and said, “Oh honey, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me?”
“It was six months in the hospital and traumatic. It's better now, but it's been a rough three years.”
“It happened three years ago?”
“Yeah.”
“My God, where does time fly?”
“Speaking of flying, I want you two to run away with us next week.”
“Where?”
“To Brazil.”
“Why?”
“There's an orphanage down there.”
“Oh honey, now isn't the time. We can't afford it.”
“Want to make a bet?”
“I know my bank account and it says we're broke.”
“I know mine and it says you're debt free and have a million in that lying assed account of yours as soon as I can get the number.”
“We can't.”
“Honey, please. What use is money if I can't do some good with it and make dreams come true?”
“Rhette...”
“Honey, may I call you back in a moment?”
“Sure.”
“We just finished having a dinner and closed the restaurant. I don't want to be outside of a restaurant with the most handsome man in my world with these cops in this town.”
“Ok”
“Let me ask you a favor.”
“Ok”
“Would you drive over to Lambert Field and go to the private terminal?”
“Why?”
“I'm on my way to the airport. In half an hour, we can be there and talk.”
“Rhette, I don't want to argue about it.”
“Hon...I don't want to argue either. Just do that for me, please?”
“Ok, but we really need to talk.”
“We will.”
I hung up and said, “Ok, come on, we've got to fly to St. Louis.”
“Why?”
“Because she's being difficult and I need to wake her up to the fact if she doesn't grab the brass ring, the ride doesn't get better.”
“What's that mean?”
We got in the truck and I got us on the Interstate and put it into haul. In no time, we were at the airport.
“What that means is a long time ago, kids rode on Merry Go Rounds and they'd hold onto the horses and lean out. There were places which had brass rings and if you grabbed one, you got a free ride. Then, when it stopped, instead of tickets, you gave the ring and it was good because that ride made you happier.”
“Why?”
“A nickel went a long ways back then. If you saved the nickel, you got to eat popcorn, or maybe even save it to go to a movie. Life got better for that brief period of time...Now, people who aren't taking advantage of what's offered to them are said not to be reaching for the brass ring.”
“So she's not taking the offer?”
“She says she can't afford it.” I paused and said, “Babe, as long as I've known her, she's wanted a little girl. Now she's not working sixty hours a week and can go, but she says she can't afford it. I'm about to play a bit of hard ball with her.”
“How?”
“She and her lover won't take the money if it's given. So, I'm going down there and we're going to go to their house and look at all those art glass paintings they've got and I'm going to buy every one of them I see. Then, we'll take them to Las Vegas and sell them for the twenty grand I'm paying and I'm going to tell everyone they did them so people there will commission some.
I'll tell you now, we're going to commission some. I'm going to take this shot of me and have it done in stained glass. I'll probably have one done and have it put on the front of my album so it gets international attention.
I'll have her taking that brass ring if I've got to shove it somewhere she won't like.”
He chuckled, “Rather forceful!”
We got on the jet and I got it boosted and running. As we let it warm, I contacted St. Louis and got clearance. Then, we taxied out and got airborne.
In no time, we were seeing the lights of the city.
“Is that it?”
“Yeah.”
“It's not that far!”
“It's spread out all over the place. The metro area is something like a hundred miles long and fifty or sixty miles wide now.”
“Really?”
“The old way of counting the metro area only gets certain cities in it and not others. As you can see, it comes clear out to Wentzville...that's where the two interstates merge and run way down to nearly Desoto now.”
“Where do they live?”
“It's hard to see, but do you see that highway which is crossing on this side of the Missouri River?”
“That's the Missouri?”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah, I see it. The interchanges tell me it's a highway.”
“That little area in between that new bridge there which is really lit up and that one over here on I -70 is where they live. I can't tell you the street, but I could drive you there in no time.”
Air traffic was slow. We got in the waiting line to land and were only three out. I turned on the landing lights and got the gear lowered. We were authorized to come around and come in from the South.
“There's the Arch!”
“Yeah.”
“Oh man, I performed down there at a stadium once.”
“I've been there once to see Yanni.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I hated the sound. Whoever did it sucked.”
“Why?”
“Ok, this was back in 2000 and he was popular. I got the tickets the day they came available and got back thirty rows on the ground floor. That tells you how fast those tickets sold.
Well, the way they had it was when he performed, the music could barely be heard. I think I heard more noise from people all saying it sucked than I did the music, but when he got up to the microphone, we could hear him real clear.
Finally, he could hear the boos and asked if there was a problem and that's when someone up front yelled, “Yeah, we can't hear the music!” He got someone on it and then, he made a fucked up remark about people expecting it to be a rock concert.
I'll tell you I was pissed. When I write a letter to the editor of a paper, when I write to TicketMaster, and when I write every fan blog and tell them how disappointed I was for spending eighty three dollars each for six tickets and spend twenty for parking and the price of a dinner for six people to be told I'm expecting rock concert sound when I can't hear a thing, you better know it's on the grand scale of 'fuck yous' I've ever gotten from someone famous.
I will also tell you since then, I've told every famous friend I know to do sound check and make sure they're heard.”
We landed and I took it in. When we got there, I saw her, “Now be nice to her wife, but don't be so nice you trot off to the mental institution with her.”
“You're terrible.” he said with a smirk.
“Honey, I've not told you all the strange shit she's pulled. You definitely should know if a lot of people talk about her that way, it's bad.”
We parked and got out. I got the tie down attached and we went over to the entrance.
As soon as we were through the door, I hugged her and then went over and hugged her wife. En got a huge hug from her and then went over and hugged her wife.
I said, “En, this is Sherry and Shelly, and Sherry and Shelly, this is En.”
Sherry was smiling and said, “My God you're good looking!”
I said, “I agree! Or were you talking about me?”
She laughed, “I mean him. If I told you that you were good looking, you'd say, “You tell me that all the time.”
She hugged me again and asked, “You wanted to talk?”
“Yeah. Can we go to your house so En can see the art glass pictures? He's seen all of mine and he's in love with them.”
“Really?”
“'Falling Leaves' is my favorite right now, but all of them he has are amazing.”
Sherry turned and asked, “May we go back and show them?”
“Sure”
I went over to Shelly and asked, “Hon, I'd like to see if I can commission some.”
“Huh, you don't know what you're talking about.” She said in a fast staccato.
En turned and asked in another language something and she answered and smiled really broadly. He said, “Rhette, wasn't in Argentina. I've not seen the video, but he said he's never been in a video.”
“Yeah, I've been in one, but not that one. It was Anna's.”
He looked surprised, “Huh”
“Anna got me a cameo in one. It was 'Missing You'.”
He looked perplexed and asked, “How's it go?”
I was walking and looking through the photo on my phone and started singing. Suddenly, I ran into Sherry because she had stopped to stare.
“Did you just sing that?!”
“Yeah.”
“Let me hear some more!”
“Anna? Or my new ones? Because I've got one which is coming through now that I've got to record on here, or I'll lose it.”
En said, “Record it.”
I started singing the words 'Woman, I love you' and got them all down with the melody and the music. Then, as fast as I got it, another came in and it was a raunch song. 'Someone Stole My Cherry' which had such double meaning it had everyone snickering.
When I was finished, I said, “A helluva lost dog song, huh!”
Sherry was laughing, “Ooh, that's funny! She started singing, “Someone stole my Cherry, will you help me find her. I'm afraid I've lost my cherry, all I see is a bloodstain on the sheets. How will I ever find my Cherry when she's out on the streets?”
“Hey, you caught on to it fast!”
She hugged me, “That song is all you. It's nasty and sweet, and just full of naughtiness.”
En said, “Play her what you've got so far.”
“In their car.”
We went out and I saw they still had the Navigator. Shelly got in to drive and I said, “Ok, here's the first one before you start driving. We've got the video started on it.” I put my laptop between them and pressed play.
They started watching and Sherry said, “My God, who's the girl?!”
“She hot?”
“Fuck yeah!”
“Hmmm, she's singing and wrote that song. Thanks toots.”
“That's you!”
“Yeah.”
I started singing with the song and she said, “Oh man!”
Shelly turned and smiled, “Look out Celine!”
En chuckled and when the song finished, I said, “Ok, the way this works with the next one is you've got to hear it and have it go into the next one, otherwise you won't be able to handle it.”
“Why?”
I pressed play and pulled up 'One Road' for the playlist to play as soon as 'Baby, I'm Sorry' finished.
We sat there and Shelly started crying and Sherry had a tear sliding. When the second verse hit, I started singing along and took it into the third. By then, Shelly was losing it and Sherry had her hands over her face and leaning forward. When it ended, En gave me a look and then, “One Road” came on and thankfully, I heard chuckling and then just outright laughter. By the end, both of them were laughing and Sherry was leaning against the door with her head thrown back.
I said, “Here's a new one I wrote earlier tonight. It's called 'Fallen'.”
I played it and the beatbox of the snare began. The words took off and I sang along. By the end...it was silent again in the truck.
I said, “There's a lot more, but as you can see, all these are what I've written in the past few days.”
Shelly said something in her and En's language and En answered. He turned, “She said it's a song which will have every parent and soldier haunted.”
Sherry nodded, “It's uncanny how you get to the core of an emotion. You hit on sadness, patriotism, honor, and what it means to die for what you believe in.”
En said, “All of them he's written are real good. They get you to do what he's wanting you to do in them.”
Sherry asked, “And that's you in that video.”
“Yeah, in order to sing, I've got to perform in drag. Well, that's why I'm going to be in drag tomorrow when we do the marital contract.”
“How will the public handle it?”
“What I'm thinking is we get our marriage out there and then, I want to have the concert with a short documentary before it showing famous drag performers and then, me getting into it so there's no one thinking I'm anything else.
Yeah, it'll have En out of the closet, but it'll have us in the open and hopefully, people will see the videos and hear me sing and realize talent when they knock me down for it.
I figure with the videos, if people see me as hot, they'll realize he's in love with a person and not all the labels.”
“Wow. It's going to be iffy. I think you can pull it off, but it's going to be controversial.”
“Wrong. Here's why. You don't realize it, but almost one third of the media in this country, I control. When you watch some of the large entertainment news magazines, you're watching shows I own.
You should know when you control them, you control the spin. If you want someone hated, they're hated. If you want them promoted, they're promoted, and if you want them loved and adored, they're put out there and you end up loving and adoring them.
I'll tell you now, I'm not going to have something put out there which I can't promote the hell out of us as the couple of the century and get us on the carpets of the award shows with hype about how many jewels I'm going to be wearing and who I'm wearing and be seen on his arm with every woman wanting to be me and every man wanting to be him...before they realize that'd be gay.
In short, I'm not asking what mainstream media and the conservatives think because I'm going forward and pushing us.”
“How?”
“Hon, it's about acceptance. When you build up a powerful friendship list, they do the selling for you. Tomorrow, we'll have media there and everyone will be saying how they've known each of us for a long time and how great they think it is we've found each other. That's acceptance and history. It leaves everyone else wondering why they've not heard of me before and how I've exploded out of nowhere with En for a husband and all those friends.
What you don't know there, is it's all bullshit. Yeah, I'm friends with some popular people, but you don't know how the machine works. They do.
What I mean is when I control that much media, how fast do you think someone will be edited out if they say, “They're a couple of faggots and I think they ought to be burned alive!” And how slow do you think their next interview will be in coming? It's all about the machine and them knowing if they want the exposure, they say what's needed to remain out there getting the exposure.”
“Really?”
“Think about this? Do you remember a singer called Sebastian Bach?”
“No”
“He sang a song called 'Eighteen and Life”. It was pretty good.”
“I remember it.”
“Do you remember what he said which got him out of America's homes?”
“No.”
“He had a shirt which said, 'AIDS Kills Fags Dead' which looked like a Raid can. He was asked about it and he said some shit which was just as bad...suddenly, his career was up shit creek and Elton helped escort him out.
Elton also escorted out Eminem for saying some shit. He apologized, but when those who helped put you up turn their back and your producer won't produce, your make up people won't make you up, and all those people in the machine who are gay say a firm and resounding 'fuck you', you tend to get shoved out the door and they tend to usher another in just as fast.
There've been a lot of them and it's not just gay statements. Anti-simetism statements, racial, and ethnic are just as powerful because the machine realizes all those people pay their money to keep it fed and people employed and once someone causes a backlash, that backlash can lead to other releases being boycotted.”
“I guess I never thought about it.”
“What you don't know is it'll turn against those who are inside who screw up...and what you don't know is friends will turn against friends in ways which piss me off.”
“Like what?”
“George Michael. If you ever hear me speak of someone named Geo, it's him...not George...who is Boy George. That's how we differentiate them.
Now Geo has a thing for toilets. It's blown up a career, but he's got talent, so they gave him another chance, and the damned idiot blew it up again so bad El won't have a thing to do with him.”
“Really?”
“Elton is the Mother Teresa of the music industry. He'll rush to your side when you're ill and he'll gauge how bad the sickness is. If he deems you to be saved, he doesn't go out and save your ass on television. Instead, he'll make calls and tell people to shut the hell up and get the spotlight off errors. It's when he's out there with you holding your hand after that false apology, it's over. That sign of him being on a stage with you is like the kiss of death.”
“I guess I never knew that.”
“You won't because it's not put out there. Now, tomorrow, you'll see everyone turning out for us because the money I've got and the power I've got is just that massive.
What you don't know is El and Anna are friends because we're friends....Oh Damn, En, remind me to call Lo' and Martha...they'll never forgive me if I don't invite them.”
“Ok”
“Who's that?” Sherry asked.
“Lo is Loletta Holloway. Martha is Martha Wash. I knew Loletta first and she got me into a bar one night where Anna and Elton were. It was so terrible it was funny because it was a Halloween costume night and there's Anna and Elton and I go over to El and tell him how he won't win the Elton John look alike contest because he's not wearing the glasses and a boa.”
“Oh Lord! What'd he do!”
“He laughed his ass off and kept urging me to tell him more. Anna was there and I went on with her and told her how good she was and how El could've paid attention to details and really did good. Then, I sang Private Dancer and that got my ass sat down with them because Anna knew I was good.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, what's bad is word got around the place to Loletta that Rhette was over there trying to shove his foot down his throat, he'd already gotten it out and back in and going for a record of being a human pretzel.
She came running up and she's bouncing up and down and her boobs are like a slinky and she's yelling, “Rhette, shut the hell up! Shut the hell up!”...sort of like you have sometimes Sherry...”
Sherry's laughing, “Oh yeah!”
“But what Lo' didn't know was I'd already discovered I'm an idiot and had made good with them...so now, the joke is on her because I'm standing up telling her how she'd be a good Loletta if she'd wear her stage make up.”
“Oh Rhette, that's terrible!”
“It was funny. El and Anna are laughing their asses off and Lo' was apologizing profusely. That's when I turned her around and let her know it was a joke and she went from terror, to pure pissed in a second which had me hiding behind El. Of course, he's laughing and Anna is just dying over on her side of the booth and finally, Lo' realized it was going to be ok.
What happened then, was Gino came in and the world sort of bowed to him. He had already gotten called and told basicly the same thing Lo' had gotten told and he was there to do damage control, BUT, he realized just by looking at me all was well and turned it into a big boost for me.”
“How?”
“We were friends at the time and not lovers yet, so he's telling them how crazy I can be and how much he enjoys me. Then, he smooth up tells everyone how he'd be my lover if I'd just drop Tony...but I'm too faithful to the cheating bastard for my own good.
Well, this immediately had El liking me more and Anna, wanting to know me better, so after the bar shut, we went out to my place and Anna fell in love with it while El fell in love with my piano.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, and that's when our friendships formed.”
Since then, we've been friends for twenty some years and they've seen me go through some shit and now, they get the call and I'm getting married and they're blown away by the suddenness of it and how they know it's real.”
“Really?”
By now, we're on the Interstate and I'm leaning into En's arm and Sherry's turned in her seat.
“Yeah, you know how Kevin and I were, but you also know there were issues.”
“Yeah, what happened there?”
“I got beat, he cheated. I got better and got out of the hospital and he begged for forgiveness, so I took him back and within a few months, he was cheating again and it all blew up. If you read the stories, you get a real good idea how it ended.
What's great about En is he already does things way better than Kev did. I feel alive with him and I feel like he's genuinely attracted to me whereas I didn't with Kevin.
With En, we work together and he completes me in ways my parents see and my whole family has seen earlier tonight.
What's great, is he loves my family and they all love him. They were starstruck, of course, but when they realized we're seeing each other as people and they began to see him as a person and a person who is in love with me. It endeared them to him and him to them.”
En said, “Rhette is who got them to do it. He's about as subtle as a freight train going through the living room and about as loud.”
Sherry busted out laughing, “I hear that!”
En chuckled, “Someone said that tonight and they're right, but it took that one look when I walked in the door to see him sing, to instantly tell me he's the one.
Now, what you don't know with that is I go up and I've got love on the brain. I'm like but a little moth to his flame and I got up there and suddenly, he said he wanted to sing a song called, “Tell It To My Heart' and the words were perfect for what he was telling me it would take to be with him.”
Sherry asked, “What's the words like?”
I put on the video and then, I began singing and throwing in the beatbox and scat. When it ended, I felt another coming on and took out my phone and kept up the tempo with the same beatbox and scat and used En's voice to give the reply.
Sherry looked surprised and touched Shelly's arm. Shelly adjusted the mirror and that's when we pulled into their subdivision.
In no time, we were parked in their driveway and I finished the song.
“I use the same song because it can be ran together and done as a duet where he's singing answers back to me. I'll have to get her permission to remake it, but it's fitting for the completion of it.”
We went in and En took his shoes off. I smiled and Sherry started chuckling. I said, “I need some house shoes.”
Sherry said, “Here use mine.”
I put them on and Shelly spoke to En. In no time, he was following her. Sherry came in and asked, “Did they already go to the basement?”
“Yeah.”
She put her hand on my arm and said, “Honey, I don't know what it is, but he's perfect for you. And yes, I do see the way he looks at you and you look at him. I'm almost jealous because I don't think we have it.”
“Nope, but you had it with Shirl.”
“I fucked up there.”
“Yup, but I know why.”
“What's the real reason you're here?”
“If you won't let me put money in your account, I'm buying art glass and commissioning portraits in them...but, I'm going to do something else as a commission which will get you two world famous.”
“What?”
“My album cover is going to be like Tina's Private Dancer except the front side is going to be the art glass and the back side will be the original photo with the songs.”
“Play me some more of them.”
I said, “They're out of order because it's under alphabetical, but here's the order of them. That subfile is an opera he and I did together.”
“Really?”
“Well, he sort of inspired me as they came one after another and I sang.”
“Can I put them on the house system?'
“Yeah.”
“Show me how?”
“Are you on a router?”
“Yeah.”
“Wireless? I'm getting a signal.”
“Yeah.”
“Good, then all I've got to do is give you permission and get in here to copy them over.”
I did it and brought them over. Then, I pulled up and began playing them. She listened and said, “Each one is pulling me different directions. I really like them and you're so talented it's scary.”
“While we're listening, I want to show you some photos.”
“Ok”
“Here's he and I in our wedding clothes. My hair will be blond with extensions and pulled back, but that's the dress.”
“Oh man, who did the dress?”
“It was my sister's prom dress. Mom cut it off and that's basicly it.”
“He is so good looking.”
“Yeah, in that classical kind of way.”
“What's this about the orphanage?”
“The orphanage down there doesn't do a background check or anything. You go in and you pick the kid and you get it. It's that simple.”
“Not a whole lot of money?”
“A 'sizable' contribution which comes to about five hundred dollars.”
“That's it?!”
“Yeah, and with us flying down, I figured you could ride down with us and we'd find kids who could know each other and be a part of each other's lives up here.”
“What about the adoption up here?”
“Come here.”
I pulled up the website for U.S. Customs and said, “See that law? It says when you come through customs with a kid you've got papers for from another country, they process them at customs and they're citizens because we're citizens.
Because federal law supersedes state laws, and there's some states which allow gay adoption, they allow gays in with them.
I know you've wanted a little girl for so long, I immediately thought about you.”
“You've wanted kids too.”
“Yeah, but there's a difference between what I want and he wants.”
“How many does he want?”
“He's saying the more the merrier. I'm saying I want one to try and then, we'll see. My Dad told me to get four.”
“I'd go with four.”
“So you'll go?”
“It's my decision and I'm thinking about something.”
“What's that?”
“I don't think we're going to work...she and I. For a long time, the bills have been what's been keeping us together and I'm at the point it scared me when you told me what I want could be possible.”
“Let me see your check book.”
“Why?”
“So I can get this done before you change your mind.”
She smiled, “Rhette, will you be there for me?”
“Yeah. If you want, we can do a lot of things. It's when I feel like I have to fight against you, it pulls me away. This time, No wasn't an answer I was going to accept, so you were getting me down here no matter what.”
She smiled, “You're a pushy little shit!”
I pulled up Anna' video, “There I am in that video.”
“Man, you're skinny there!”
“Yup, that's me in full blown alcoholism. I went to prison about a year after that...after I started to really put on the weight, but look, I staggered in it.”
“Oh Rhette.”
“I'm not bragging about it, but that's the truth.”
“May I ask you for a favor?”
“Sure”
“I want a house up in your area.”
“Ok, can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
“I've got a nanny hired and I've got some other people hired, but what I know I'll need is someone to care for the house I'm building up there. I figure the garage is going to be a coach house with a second floor which will be a rather large house...something in the three bedroom size. I can build it bigger if you want to stay there.”
“And work there caring for your house?”
“Basicly, it's lawn maintenance and keeping the snow bladed. I'll get a four wheel drive for that with a blade. You can use it as your vehicle.
There will be a swimming pool with a arborarium over it. There won't be any maintenance on the pool, but the leaves will accumulate.”
“That sounds really light.”
“Yeah, because most of the materials going into the house will be lifetime materials and super strong. The roadway will be concrete as will the pool.
What I will tell you now is I'm raising our kids unspoiled. I've got money, but I'm not going to have them thinking they're better than others and the moment I hear they are, we're having a little sit down where they'll be made to reach out to the child they've hurt.”
She smiled, “That's you through and through.”
“Now, I don't want you thinking they're going to be without because that's not the case. God forbid Monty wants to take them to a Blackhawk's game, I'll allow it...but they will have to be taken to about six Blue's games so they know a real good team!”
She laughed, “You and Monty with the hockey!”
“Do you want to hear something funny?”
“What's that?”
“En is a Mighty Ducks fan. He'll probably be found with a Mighty Ducks jersey on under his tux so that when Monty is introduced to him, he'll lift his shirt and say, “I'm a fan through and through, not even my wedding day finds me without them!”
She laughed, “Monty will have me taking the kids to the Card's baseball games.”
“That's ok, but we'll be at home cheering on the Steelers or we'll be there cheering them on.”
“Really?”
“Hon, I don't know why, but I found myself in front of a television during a Steelers game. When I realized you got great package shots as those guys ran, I was hooked and for some reason, I was drawn to the Steelers.
All during the season, my day stopped on Sundays so I was in cheering them on and when they went to playoffs, I was a screaming idiot and when they won that one which got them into the SuperBowl, I was nuts. Then, during the SuperBowl, absolutely nothing interrupted me watching that game...screaming until I was hoarse and throwing myself on the sofa like a pouting kid when the Cards passed them, but screaming again during that final play and crying when it was caught.”
She smiled, “You're tearing up now!”
“Hon, there's a whole shitload of Steelers merchandise on it's way from eBay. I think I'm hooked.”
She laughed, “I'd say so.”
“What's funny is I thought I was cool with a Rams mug when they went to SuperBowl, but it's nothing compared to the way I am about the Steelers. I'd probably buy the fuckin' team if they ever came up for sale.”
“How'd you get the money?”
“Which money? I've got several bunches of it.
The first bunch of MY money came from Tony's trust fund. I got it and invested. It's always been there and I've not touched it even when times were rough.
Then, while I was in prison, Gino died and he Willed me a bunch, plus this ring.”
“It's beautiful. What's that say?”
“It's Italian for 'to the victor go the spoils' or something like that. It's the ring controlling the Kansas City family.”
“What?!”
“Yeah...but I've got Dave, Gino's son, helping me manage it. That's how I got the Ginorocity and a lot of those holdings.
Then, what happened is I started the sign shop up there. While I was running it, I developed a program for the jumbos which have the ads chasing you. I'm franchising it and in about a year and a half, I've had a little over a hundred and twenty million come in from that.
When we sold the sign shop, I got that program, and Kevin and I split the hundred million price tag of the shop, so he got fifty and I got fifty.
What I did with mine was I discovered our newspaper up home was for sale. Then, I found out all the man had was for sale, so I got it for seventy three million. I bought it and then, I called Doug, Tony's brother and managed to find out I had more money coming from the estate than I was originally told.
I parleted it into buying the rest of the company and all it's holdings from the rest of their family. With that, I now own most of a seventeen state region in which I control the media.”
“Really?”
“There are two channels and a paper in St. Louis.”
“Which ones?”
“Channel 2 and 11 and the Post.”
“Really?!”
“Yeah, but there are so many I've not even been to it's insane. So, I've got management operating it and on that same day, Dave and I used a lot of stock moving to gain control of some toy manufacturing.”
“Man!”
“It keeps me busy, but I've got good people, so I'm not fretting. As you can see, I've got time to do other things I want to do instead of have to do.”
“What about the singing?”
“Tomorrow, that's taking off. What you don't know is I've got a truckload of things to do tomorrow.
The first thing is I've got to do is handle paying ninety three million dollars for Miami to buy out debts by En's Dad.
Then, after I've got the debts secured, I have to get him to sign a contract with me to play the Ginorocity. He'll do it, but in doing that, I've got to get him to release the contract he has with En. That's going to be tougher because he's fucked En out of nearly all the money he's made.”
“Really?”
“Tomorrow, I'll have the full accounting of what En made in his career thus far. I'll tell you what he has in a bank account and that's not much. He has an apartment in New York, but there's nothing else to show for it.”
“That's bad.”
“The way it works, hon, is I've got to put on mafia face which I hate. I can do it, but it's pure asshole which comes out of me when it happens.”
“I understand.”
“Then, what I've got to do is tell the man there's no one getting out of the room until I've got what I want. Then, I do a systematical run down of a dossier we have of investigations which are legal and illegal. He'd then told he has some options. He can sign the contracts in front of him, go for a long walk off the balcony, or I can release the information to ruin him financially, career wise, and reputation.
The last thing I can do is I can threaten family member's lives which I won't do because it's En's family. I could do it to a stranger, but I can't do it to someone I love.”
She nodded, “Ok, let's say it all goes according to plan. What happens?”
“What happens is we do a mega marketing blitz advertising everything's better at the Ginos and we advertise we signed him to a six hundred million dollar contract.”
“Jeez!”
“It's twenty million a year over thirty years. He'll be lucky if he sees the end of it, but we'll have an insurance policy on him which pays us for the remainder of the contract should he die.”
“That's understandable.”
“Then what happens is we have a little meeting with all the heads of the families which are involved and the head of the United States mafia congratulating ourselves on the deal. Then, I'm cooking Italian and we have that...because I'm one who cooks using the old world method.”
“What's that?”
“Tomorrow is an abbreviated version of it, but the way it goes normally is I start with tomatoes and make the sauce at five am and let it cook down. Then, I make the pasta and make the bread and have that all ready for supper time.
Tomorrow, I'm sort of cheating, but not much. I'm making brown sauce and using pre-made pasta.”
“Brown sauce?”
“You have red which is tomato based...everyone knows that. You have white which is Alfredo sauce. Everyone knows that. Then, you've got brown which most people over here know as a really good version of a sauce similar to the mushroom sauce used on hamburgers as mushroom and swiss.”
“Oh, brown gravy.”
“No, it's more like an Alfredo sauce with meat juices and stock in it.”
“Hmmm, I've never had it I don't think.”
“Few restaurants cook that way or cook it. Those who do are known as real old world.”
“I didn't know that.”
“Here's what we're having. I'm mixing shrimp, chicken diced real small, Kansas City strip cubed real small, and stir frying it in a pan with a pound of butter and garlic. When that's going really good, the vegetables of tomatoes, broccoli, cauliflower, peppers, bell peppers, jalapeno peppers, mushrooms and a lot of black olives get stirred in. When it's so the broc and cauli are starting to go tender, the onions go in and they get transparent and that's when I put the spices to it and get those stirred in and releasing. Then, right before it goes over, I shovel the grated parmesson to it and that melts. While it's melting, I put bread sticks around the edges to make a boat on top of the pasta and enough of the sauce goes on to make it really good. When it's served with a good cabernet, it's amazing.
What happens there is I learned to cook from Gino and Meemaw. I use spices which a lot of people don't. The old Italians know they're back home when that's served because the taste is fantastic.”
“It sounds like it.”
“What that does is we discuss business. It's a good sign when they eat because they don't eat when someone's dying that day.”
“Oh!”
“When no one eats, you sit around nervous because hell is in session and someone's fucked up bad enough to die over it.”
“Have you been in on any of those?”
“Yes, but no.”
“What's that mean?”
“In Kansas City, Gino went to a trial system. He hated it that people were dying and those who had something to gain from lying got to live. So, we went to a trial system where a person had to get caught in three lies in order to die.”
“Did you ever see that happen?”
“Oh yeah, I was involved.”
“You say that like you were doing the killing!”
“Yeah.”
“Oh man Rhette!”
“Hon, here's what happened. It's old old lore now, but it's a large reason I wear this ring.
What you don't know is Gino was fifty eight years my senior. When I was eighteen, he was seventy six.”
“And you were lovers?!”
“Yeah, I loved him for his mind. Yeah, he was sexy as hell, but the love we had was a wide kind of love as a father, mentor, lover, friend, companion, and all of it was great.”
“Ok, I understand.”
“He ran the city and he worked his way up from wars to where he was head and there weren't a bunch of feudal lords who were vying to stab him in the back and usurp his authority. He got them to peace and prosperity and the prosperous side came from a decision I made.”
“How?”
“Until that time, Gino was head of a family which had a lot of power, but no money. We had money, but it just wasn't easily gotten...do you know what I mean?”
“No.”
“Ok, you have extortion and you've got rackets. There's a window racket where you get ten percent of the cost of each window used in construction in a city and you've got nearly all the trades in some sort of racket all the way down to the excavators digging the soil out for basements and footings.”
“Ok, I've read about that.”
“It's nice if your city is growing, but it's not nice if you've got a city just sitting there. That's the way Kansas City was during the early 80's.”
“Most everyone was.”
“When you've got hands in the kitty and no money coming in, what money which usually comes in goes back out. He got rid of the bosses in 78, so he was sitting with not much in funds.
What funds he did have were being lent. One of them which kept coming was Bow Wing Aircraft. They were about tits up and in order to pay the bills, they kept coming and coming and coming and finally, he was like, “Hey, hang on a second, I'm not getting paid and all I get when I ask for money is a 'fuck you' attitude, so something's got to give. You can pay me, or I can whack you and any CEO who comes until I get paid, or we can make an arrangement.
Well, hearing that, the man is shittin' his pants because he's not needing to hear the word 'no', he's needing money.”
“I understand and getting it from that source says to me he had nowhere else to turn.”
“Nope because they had a new plane coming on, but it was costing them everything to keep the doors open in order to get it through testing and all that.”
“Ok. I'm understanding more.”
“Well, the guy is realizing he's got no outs. He's about out of business and he's got a man saying if he closes the company, he's going to die. What he did was offered stock.”
“Huh?”
“Yeah, he offered stock...which legitimizes the deals we've had under the table and suddenly has everyone wondering how they issued stock and only half of it hit the streets and asking where the other half went.”
“Oh man. The SEC is going to be all over that!”
“Yeah, but I sat there and I didn't understand it all, but you have doors which all lead out over shark tanks, the wisest decision is to get something for it, so take the damned stock and say we invested it and this deal happened so long ago everyone's forgot when it happened back in the twenties.”
She smiled. “Man!”
“Yeah, it was wise because the SEC wasn't formed until the thirties and what they did have was so crooked, a lot of the legitimate companies nowadays weren't established to where they could point in a clear direction how they were founded, so it fit in.”
“Ok”
“So we got half the company for the investment and then, Gino said he'd continue to lend for shares of stock. They agreed and by the time their Jumbo was released, Kansas City owned eighty seven percent of the company. We've now since gathered up nearly ninety seven or eight percent.”
“Oh!”
“What happened is they did that and when the business took off after the jumbo was released, the money got real good. Because the money got real good and our reputation with them was so good, it opened up other doors which had us investing in a lot and growing financially until we're a powerhouse.
BUT, what Gino did was he credited it all to that decision I made which had people seeing me as a wonder kid.
What happened then, was a faction developed. Not because of in fighting, but because another faction of another family wanted to come over and take over. The problem there was it was the Michaels family from here.”
“Oh man!”
“Yeah, me being a Michaels, it's designed to have everyone in Kansas City looking at me as the traiter in Gino's bed and my head on the block.
The advantage I had was Gino was with me twenty four seven and when we weren't together, I had his most trusted guarding me and multiples of those, so if it is a conspiracy, he'd be fucked.
What happened, is some little birdies started chirping about when things were happening and who was involved. Gino got there and a lot of torture got done in order to find out who was behind it. Names got mentioned and it's pointing to St. Louis.
Well, Gino went ballistic. He called up the heads of families and he's calling them in for trial. They came because they wanted to see the trial system in place and why it had advantages over their ways.
We went into trial and what I'll tell you now is some of those people lied and some of the big fish got away. Those who didn't get away got found in lies and it was a gory mess.
Now, for me to explain it to you, I need to tell you how it goes. Ok?”
“Sure, this is interesting.”
“When you're at trial, speed is necessary. You can't tattoo liar over someone's forehead, so you've got to come up with something which labels them and makes fast work of it.
What he came up with is a one, two, three strike system. If you get caught in a lie the first time, you get a sledgehammer taken and your hand is crushed. A crushed hand in the family means you're a liar, so you don't get trusted.”
“Ok”
“If you get found in the lie, the hand gets smacked, you get pain meds, and the trial goes on. More evidence gets brought up and you're asked if that's true. If you say yes, then all is well. If you say no, then three witnesses get called up and physical evidence can be used to testify against you.”
“Ok”
“If you're found in the lie, you have your hand whacked off with an axe. It's messy, but a tourniquet is applied because most times, there's evidence for the next, so when you lie again against the evidence, you're hit in the head with an axe and it's over. You lay there flopping and you bleed out on the floor and they drag you off to the dead pile.”
“That's gross.”
“It's not fun.
Well, this trial was so long and intense and there's so many conspirators and co-conspirators, it's lasting hours and hours.
Gino was up there and he's dead tired and he looks like he's going to stroke out any time. Besides, he was bloody as a butcher and I got worried about him.
So, when the next person came up, I knew the man was going to die because we had massive amounts of evidence against him. Gino read the charge and the man lied. I played the movie of him doing what he did and then went over and got the sledge and smacked him on the hand.
Well, what happened hon was gross, but it's the shit legends are made out of. I hit him just right and his finger tip shot over and went in the pitcher of water we were drinking out of.”
“Gross”
“Yeah, but I'm in now and I can't show weakness and because I stepped up to help him, what you saw was people looking at each other wide eyed because they just saw the power transfer and Gino's not killing me...so, it must mean he approves.”
“Oh man.”
“He was tired. I'll tell you he was tired and he was leaning in his chair, so I went over and stood by him and put my hip up against his arm and my hand on his shoulder. He revives a little and he reads the next charge and the guy lied, so I went and showed the evidence against him and went and chopped the guy's hand off.
Well, blood squirted like a geyser and it's shot me in the face and I'll tell you I was grossed, but then again, I can't show weakness, so I go over and Gino read the third. The guy lied and I went and got the evidence showing his signature was on the acceptance invoice, his fingerprints are on it, and he's got a film of him using the weapon, so it's clear he's about to die.
Well, I went up and propped Gino up and Gino passed judgement the guy was going to be executed. Now, here is where my time of transfer of power happened because I'm definitely dead if I kill a brother in the arms in front of all the families. But, I grab a handle and I go over and without batting an eye, I swing like I'm going to split a log and about the time I got it up above my head and I'm bringing it down, it dawned on me it was the sledge instead of the axe and when it hit, it just went on in the man's head.”
“Oh gross!”
“People looked shocked who had killed tons of people and they're looking at me like they just can't believe I did it and that's when I pull it back out and walked over and drank out of that damned water pitcher.”
“You gotta stop. That's gagging me.”
“Yeah, I'm done. That's why power transferred. He knew his son wasn't that loyal and he knew he loved me and he knew if he gave the power to Dave, Dave could kill me over that. So, he Willed me the ring and spent the last six months of his life with Dave letting him know he loved me and why he let me go.”
“Oh man.”
“So, I got the ring and Dave's my manager because I think he should've gotten it and he knows it's right where it belongs. Together we run it and I get a life out and he gets all the credits in, but those who know really know I wear the ring.”
“That's interesting.”
“What's ironic as hell is this...Only full blood is supposed to get the power. They made an exception because they all saw me get the power...it can't be contested. The next is they won't allow in gays, but I'm not a soldier and was never in, but I'm head of something without being an indoctrinated member, so they don't notice me being gay or half Italian and I don't hide either one.”
She laughed, “They're in a spot!”
“Yeah because I run one of the richest, if not THE richest family in the country and that's counting Miami with the drugs and all the others with all their manufacturing.
What's ironic is my biggest manufacturer is in Seattle and I've got a Port in San Diego and I'm located in the middle of the country!”
“What do they say about that?”
“Here's what they say. If you know anything about them, history is very thorough. They'll tell you how we helped all the way back to the stone ages and it's all there.
So, what happened is the docks out there were so corrupt and theft was so rampant, they weren't making money in San Diego at all. They got brought on the carpet for it and the guy sat there and whined like a bitch about how he couldn't get a handle on it.
What we did was we went out and studied it. I'll tell you we studied it because we couldn't believe they were that lax. What we found was people stealing shit in broad daylight and everyone watching them walk out with it and no one doing anything about it.
What we did was we went back and because they knew we were there, they called us and asked us to take it.”
“Oh man!”
“Yeah, that's like being given a supertanker of oil which is leaking oil like the Exxon Valdez and us being dumb enough to be thankful, so we took it.
What we did first was we went out and put up a fifty thousand volt kill fence on telephone poles. We put 'NO TRESPASSING' signs up and they laughed...and they continued to haul all the shit out the gates. THEN, we erected a billboard sign which had hooks on it and we shut the gates.
The thieves instantly were trapped. They decided to war, and we went in with force and slaughtered the shit out of them.
Then, when it got reduced to a trickle, we started hanging the thieves up on the hooks forty feet off the pavement and let them stay there all day while people drove by and honked and humiliated them. Then, at the end of the day, we'd put them out the gate with a death warrant telling them if they came back, they'd be killed on site.
They didn't come back and gradually, profits happened and the reputation got out there not to attempt taking shit because you'd be found and you'd be hung up there and embarrassed and if you thought you were capable of coming back to your job, you died.
Where it went, was we took theft down to a ridiculously low percentage and suddenly, the profits happened and with the profits, we went to Las Vegas and invested.”
“Weren't they already there?”
“Nope, we couldn't afford it and without successes, no one wants to admit they're from Kansas City. With successes, they're suddenly willing to go out and guard it and help us build it up.”
“Ok, so you say you own the Ginos, but you really own the hidden assets.”
“No, I've invested MY money on the front side so when I'm out there, I'm looked at as the largest stockholder in the company and Dave's seen as the one lurking in the shadows.
It works because they can't prove anything. We've built it up through the years with more and more portions, so it's not seen as not being there one day and the largest in the world the next. It's done smart and it's flown all this time when all the others are getting thrown out.
What's great is at a time when the economy is in the shitter, I know it's the best time for us to expand.”
“Why?”
“Economics. If times were good, all the construction crews and trades would have jobs lined up. We'd work crews and we'd pay a lot of overtime.
Because times are bad, all of the guys aren't working and need jobs, so they're thankful to work. The suppliers don't have orders, so they're thankful for what they've got and they do it cheaper and there's no waiting.”
“I never realized that, but you're right!”
“And here's the best part. Because we're growing in a down time, we're seen as more successful and profitable than all the rest who are hurting financially and going belly up.”
“That's shrewd, I'm happy for you!”
“Don't pat me on the back too hard because you're not hearing everything.”
“What am I not hearing?”
“I'm invested in a lot of others which aren't sound. I'm propping them up and tomorrow's meeting is going to have me announcing I'm pulling my investments out of them.”
“Why?”
“I need the money for the Ginos expansion and I don't like thinking I'm making someone else money and a reputation when I'm not seeing a return.”
“I understand.”
“What it's going to do is it's going to shake the foundations out there. I'm pulling out my money, and I'm the golden child, so I must know something they don't know when I'm pulling and they're suddenly looming in bankruptcy.
What you don't know is I'm playing hard ball because A: I don't really need the money for the project, and B: I'm an opportunist which knows if I slam them into bankruptcy, I can buy their assets and own it for what my investment was which propped it up.”
“Oh!”
“There are four huge ones out there which we've got on average of 40% of their ownership. I'll tell you now they're hurting out there and they're hurting bad. I can tell you that because I know our receipts are down to about a quarter of what they were two years ago.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, but what you don't know is these new places built with all sorts of financial projections and figures. I saw the numbers and the math didn't add up.
What I mean is twenty years ago, we were at thirty five hundred on the stock exchange. That to me was bad times...not 1996 numbers where they say it was bad.”
“How'd they come up with that?”
“Hon, the way it was explained to me is they viewed themselves at a kid in Denver climbing up a sliding board backwards. They figured if they'd slide down, they'd go back to where they began which is dumb. I'll tell you if I start at Miami and I climb up from sea level to the mile high city and I climb the sliding board, I'm figuring if I slide back down, I'm going back to sea level, not where they set that plateau.
What their problem is, is I've got the money and I'm invested. Yeah, I'm invested for personal reasons and not because of financial smarts, but even then, my personal reason I'm invested there can be hired and work for me when they go tits up if I'm not seeing a return. I mean, I'm not going to buy them out at a billion when I can buy them off a bankruptcy paper for what I've got in them.”
“I understand.”
“So, that's where I'm at. Part of my meeting tomorrow is to tell them to be prepared for avalanche if they've got money in so when it kicks off, we all pull out together and I'm not seen as a total bully.”
“Ok”
“The next item is the marital contract. Personally, I don't need them there, but I want them there because it gives credence to why I'm doing what I'm doing and lending more legitimacy of the shell game.
What I mean is if I'm showing you everything up front, then you know that's what you're seeing. You're not expecting me to pull out to suddenly increase my holdings when it collapses and I dive back in for it.
So, with me asking for their blessings and assuring them he's not in it for the ring, they sleep better.”
“Sure.”
“And with them having goodwill towards me, it's easier for me to swing the singing thing because I'm helping them save money and they know for me, it's about the fun because I don't need the money. It shows me going in as a victor from the beginning because if you know anything about that industry, it's a real vicious machine.”
“I know what you told me. Where is it different for you than someone else?”
“Ok, because I control the media, I'm profiting on the advertising. Because I'm knowing those numbers, I know how to seal the deal so I get a higher percentage of the cut...for me and En.
And, because I know how the game is played already, you're seeing me playing it with finesse so I'm promoting us and getting our faces out there beyond what others would if they were an upstart or what En would get if he were marrying a nobody.
What you'll also see is I'm not required to be a slave to the game by having to feel like I've got to go to every podunk town in between shows and interview with every little station to try to get a record sold.”
“Wouldn't it help?”
“No, and I'll tell you why....I grew up in the 80's when money wasn't around. All these people didn't. I'll tell you our radio stations up there were on tape long before the majors went over and began relying on their morning show djs to keep them listeners. I also know an ad on one of those shows about a concert got me interested more than hearing Kid Rock talking about his flat tire while delivering his kids to school with Pamela in the car.”
“Huh?”
“Think about it...and you don't see what was said.”
“Ok, because I just missed it.”
“First of all, is Pamela Anderson so dumb she climbs into bed with all these guys who are rock stars on purpose? And, is she so damned dumb they all manage to have hidden videos of her getting fucked?
I'd tell you if it were me and I'm with Tommy Lee and a video gets released, I'm pissed. I'm embarrassed and it's legitimate. Guess what I do? I sure as hell get away from the fire.
Instead, her sense of direction is so twisted, she gets in bed with a no dick and gets filmed again. Ok, I can see it, because she's dumb, but if I got in bed with someone who was a rocker and got filmed again, I'm sure as hell not getting in bed with a third, but low and behold, she does and she can't keep them thighs together.”
“Some girls go for that sort of guy.”
“Hon, you're not thinking about this in regards to the business.”
“Ok, tell me what I'm missing.”
“If I'm Pamela's manager, I'm dumping her when she's spreading easier than peanut butter because I sure didn't get a cut on those profits of that tape.
If I keep her, she's not going to a rocker, but she's going to a wrestler because we all know they're built and if dicks are going to be shown, I'm wanting my property to be lusted for by the millions of guys watching her with the wrestler, not a has been rocker who can only get pimply faced geeks on computers.”
She smiled, “Ok, I'm following.”
“What you've heard is we're in a marital contract. Straights have them too when they're stars and it's primarily because it's a publicity thing and it's more aimed at getting gay guys covers to be known as straights.”
“You think?”
“I not only think, I know. It's done time and time again and it's been done for ages. If I marry you for ten years, you pay me x amount per year or I pay you x amount per year and I've got a cover so my movies sell and that's why.
What you don't know is there are bonuses in the contracts. If you're the girl and I'm said gay guy who needs a cover, you get x amount for producing a kid.”
“I find that hard to believe.”
“Care to test the theory?”
“Tell me of one.”
“Dyan Cannon.”
“Huh?”
“Who'd she marry?”
“Oh!”
“Cary Grant. Gay guy, he got a boost and she got a kid.”
“Ok, name another.”
“Can I list one which was a dismal failure?”
“Don't say Clay Aiken.”
“Nope, but I like your thinking there.”
She smiled, “Ok, tell me the failure.”
“Lisa Marie and Michael Jackson. DO you actually believe because you saw them kiss on the MTV awards, they found a way to put his thingy in anything but a child? I mean, if he's so virile and manly, why the hell didn't they have a kid? And why did he go to the surrogate and get them? I mean, why not have the kid with Lisa Marie and give her the half a million?”
“Ok, I'm understanding.”
“It's a failure because he sure has everyone believing he's straight now, doesn't he!
But just the same, think about it because I'll tell you the most obvious man on the face of the Earth who admitted he had a marital contract and that's the Donald. He married whats'er name and admitted he had to decide if he was going to pay her more, or cut the loss and get someone else.”
“That was a pre-nupt hon.”
“And that's what I've got. It's a pre-nupt and it's a contract. It ties us together for business and it is me using what they've gotten by with and making something they won't legitimize into being legit.”
“Oh!”
“You following me now?”
She smiled and rolled her eyes downward. I nodded. She nodded and said, “I'm following.”
“Without the contract, you're left open. With one, you're protected.”
“You think on more levels than me.”
“It's me seeking the edge others don't think. In order to be the opportunist, you've got to find the opportunity.”
“Ok”
“What I'm doing here hon is I'm schooling you for a reason. I want you to know what it's about so when you hear people speaking, you know it's all a charade and that if El says such and such and so and so are coming, you might not realize the names because he's using their real names, but you'll figure it out when said hot female star shows up with her female lover instead of the man everyone sees her being married to in real life.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, and that if you see her husband show up with a dude, you know it's all trusted because it's behind the smoke and mirrors.”
“Interesting!”
“Let me tell you why I'm schooling you.”
“Ok”
“It's fake as hell and it's boring as all get out. What you don't know is it's all choreographed so no one trips on someone else's limelight and gets in the scene when the other stars are getting theirs...however, let me tell you there are 'happy accidents'.”
“What's that mean?”
“Here's a 'happy accident'. Let's say you're like on the d list, but you've got a chance at the movie you're filming this year being a huge hit next year. SO, you're a no one and you know and your people know you're not going to get noticed at this years gala...unless, there's a 'happy accident'.”
“I'm not following.”
“Think about it in dollars and sense as in sense meaning smarts, not pennies.”
“Ok”
“You're Glamor Queen on the silver screen and you're an A lister, but you don't have a movie this year. The cameras are still following you, but do you drop fifty grand on a gown and two on shoes and whatever on all that to not make money from no movie? Or, do you get filmed and have the hopefuls filmed in the background for a price for renting the back of your limelight.”
“What!”
“Yeah, all those shots you see of no ones in the background are well thought out so the A lister is getting rent and can afford the dress. It's not goodwill. That A lister might not get the movie next year and might need to rent her own behind that kid who was behind her last year.”
“Interesting!”
“I'll tell you now, everyone gets paid. I'll tell you now, if my news magazine puts you in the shot, it's because you paid rent. I'll also tell you you're damned selective with who rents your background because there are those who will steal your limelight and plot against you.”
“How?”
“Think about this because it's well known. Back in the late fifties or early sixties, Liz took Debbie's man. Did she? Or, did she buy the contract of the guy? And, how was it they were caught in the same shot at the Oscars if that's all bought and paid for?”
“Oh man, you've got me thinking now.”
“She paid someone else to buy it so she could upstage her in all ways. She was queen of more than the screen, she was queen of knowing how to get someone out and shrewd enough to play the cards to get it. I'll also tell you, that one move changed the business because it made a clause of non-transferral in the contracts.
But, look at all the gay stars back then you now know were gay. Did they suddenly vanish? Or, is it still going on?”
“Is it?”
“I'll tell you it's almost a given you'll see two there tomorrow who will blow you smooth up out of the water that they're lovers.”
“Give me a clue.”
“His most famous movie so far was the Love Boat where he starred with a girl.”
“Huh? The Love Boat?”
“Think about movies with boats and love stories...with your little song in it.”
“Oh man! Really?!”
“Now, was it a flub his lover said he'd get an award for best actress? or promotion?”
“Really?!”
“Hon, they've been in movies together and I'll tell you now, when I heard someone tell me they were together, I was like, “Uh huh, can't be, but I'll tell you the one is all powerful in the town and his wrath is worse than anything out there.
I'll tell you now, he's going to have them there because Dave's financed so damned many of his projects, it's like he calls Dave before anyone else.
“Really?”
“Yeah, and look at that group who acted in those movies and you see like the Who's Who of gay Hollywood in there. They've got marital contracts and they know how to publicize it and milk it for every ounce they can get.”
“You told me you knew the guy Brad was with.”
“Yeah and think about that contract because I'm reading it he's shrewd as hell.”
“Tell me why?”
“Do you really dump a girl who was making that much an episode? OR did the contract run out? And if you're a dairy farmer milking it, isn't it best to marry a milk maid who knows the system? And if you're known as the next Redford, isn't it best to look like the next Newman when you manage to stick with one for a long time?”
“Yeah.”
“So tell me something hon, do you think I'm really blind when I offer a ten year contract and he wanted a lifetime one?”
“What's that mean?”
“Honey, the information I'm using against his Dad are hidden secrets which are about the game.”
“I got lost.”
“Dad is obviously a sex addict. He's got a girl in every port, but when he's here, none are allowed to come here because he's got a boom boom buddy in the bedroom.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, you'll die when you see who that one is too.”
“Man, you're filling me full of so many things!”
“I need to. If I didn't, you'd be there with your mouth hanging open in shock and for a lesbian to be in shock at who's fucking who after what we worked with, you know it's shocking!”
“We saw some shit, didn't we?”
“Yeah, but I want you to know why I'm doing it and that's because we're perpetuating our own charade here and you'll be a part of it if you take that job.”
“Really?”
“Can we go outside for a moment?”
“Why?”
“Because when I tell you what I've got to tell you, I definitely don't want there to be a chance of him hearing.”
“Ok”
We went out and I said, “Hon, let me tell you something. There's something in this which I'm hearing really loud which I've not said because I don't know how to say it.”
“Just blurt it out.”
“He's got scars all over his arms.”
“From suicide attempts or drugs?”
“I'd not be with him if it were drugs.”
“Oh man!”
“He begged me not to send him away. That didn't strike chords until I saw his arms and I mean really saw them.”
“What's that mean?”
“Ok, Kevin has tats on his body all over the place. When a man has tats, you learn to look through them...it's just a part of learning to love them.”
“Ok”
“He's got tats and they're cover ups. I know what scars look like because I've got to hide them on my face...so I saw them and it's like a little alarm bell going off...but, I'm willing to give the benefit of the doubt.”
“Ok”
“So the next biggie is this. If I'm a star and I take off with you, do you think I'm going to be getting calls on my cell phone from people wondering where the hell I'm at?”
“Yeah.”
“Tell me when his cell phone rings because it'll be the first time in twenty four hours the damned thing's rang.”
“Oh man”
“Is that because he's isolated? Or, is it because no one really gives a fuck?”
“What do you think?”
“Honey, if we spent twenty four hours together, you'd hear the phone ringing from my family wondering where the hell I am. No one's called...and when he met my family, he instantly took to them.
I'll tell you he's being abused by his dad in a lot of ways. I'll also tell you he had someone old looking out for him in a lot of ways.”
“Like how?”
“With me, you see me thinking of the videos I'm going to have and scripting those fuckers like it's my name on the line...because it is. I'll tell you if you really look at his, you see someone older did it because it's full of stars which are big now, but weren't then.
And before you tell me that's a 'happy accident', I'll tell you if I were scripting a bad guy in a video, I'd not go with Mickey Roark. My reasons are because of the past there with substance abuse...but, what if I'd met Mickey in a rehab center and gotten to like him as a person?”
“Oh man!”
“Honey, the scars tell me why he was there. The clinging to me like a life preserver tells me it's going to work because that's what I need.”
“Really?”
“I'll tell you I've described myself as an independent co-dependent many times. What that means is I want to spend all my time with my partner, but I reserve the right to choose my own destiny.”
“I understand.”
“I can't be with an independent person who tells me to get the hell away from them. It fucks with my brain and it doesn't work.”
“I understand. I guess I never thought about it. What would you say I am?”
“The same as me, but you're hooked with a co-dependent co-dependent and it's killing you.”
“I feel that way all the time now.”
“You went for the body, I know.”
She smiled, “Yeah.”
“Can I tell you something? I know a guy who is straight. He's like us. He's got a co-dependent co -dependent and it's just drug him down until he was going under in quicksand.
What you don't know is I love him and if he were gay, it'd be on and there'd be no other, but he's straight and about the time he's set to go under, I swoop in on the vine and pull him free, but time and time again, he's went right back into it trying to find a different way out of the swamp.
What you don't know is if you're in the swamp, you're concentrating on the swamp so much you don't hear someone else telling you there's a civilization outside of the swamp. You're too busy thinking about what's going to drag you under or put coils around you and suffocate you to realize if you're saved by someone on a vine and he is able to get back out, you need to pay attention to how he got out...instead of what sucks you back in.”
“IS that for me, or for him?”
“For both. Now, let me tell you something. I know the fear. God knows I was there, but for me, it was a river. I was swimming and I was tired and I saw and heard the people trying to save me and they WERE trying to throw me life preservers, but I was so afraid to stop paddling that I didn't try to grab them.
What's bad is there was a bend in the river and I was so afraid there was a waterfall on the other side which would kill me, I didn't let me go around the bend.
What you don't know is the option was taken from me because the state said, 'you will go to prison' and it put me around the bend...but you know what? I went around and there was a sand bar. I'll tell you I washed up on shore and I was so fuckin' tired, I lay there and dried out.
While I lay there, I did what I knew best. I fucked with every hot dude I saw and I did it because inside, I knew I was worthy, but I didn't know what I was worthy of. So, I chose quantity over quality and got to be known as a tramp. I'm not proud of it, but they were ones I kissed trying to find the prince.
Then Kevin came along and he taught me how it was to be loved and love. Yeah, he was a professor and eventually, I learned all he had to teach, but without him, I would've died.
What you don't know is it's a part of my life now to save people and save them from themselves. With him, I know I've got a keeper. I'll tell you I know that and I'll tell you he knows that.
He's not told me about the scars, but he did tell me someone he loved once was taken from him and abandoned him. He also told me his Dad manipulated it and held it over his head so he'd sign the contract he did. Now I know, so his Dad saying that isn't going to shock me. It's not going to deter me and it's not going to sway me from being with him.
The reason I'm telling you this is because it might come out. I don't know, but vicious people have vicious ways. What I will tell you is the man might put it out there so those in the smoke and mirrors know, but with me controlling the media, it's not going out where I don't want it.”
“That's good.”
“I'm offering you to take the rope. I've put the money on your account to pay the bills. Pay them and let her have her swamp. I'll give her the boutique so she can make a living and feel good about herself, but please do the same...take what's offered and feel good about yourself.”
She hugged me, “I'm glad you're here.”
“I'm here, but I'll be greatly disappointed if we can't get you the little girl and you happy.
Yeah, it's a lot of time wasted, but look at the time I wasted with Kevin and realize I can't look at it as wasted time...that's looking back. If I look back, I stay in the swamp and it sucks me back in.
If I look at how much more life I have to live with someone who actually loves me and gives me things Kevin never gave, then I'm truly lucky and I'll consider the time with him a down payment on knowing what it feels like when it's actually real.”
“Do you think I'll find the real one?”
“Yeah. I know you will because I already know she's available”
“Really?”
“She's older, but her lover died. They were together forever and what I know about her is she is up there on the pedestals with you in the hall of fame I've got with lesbians in it.”
“Thank you!”
“I'll tell you to your face there aren't many of them I even respect. Why that is? I don't know, but I think it's because the way a lesbian thinks and I think are opposites.
What I mean is when I see someone who is being butch, I view it as a persona of fakeness. They're fake and being butch because they want people to see them as strong. I'll tell you true strength isn't in your actions, it's what's in your heart. You've got it, but I know you're real and not someone who is being fake to find acceptance. They are.”
She nodded, “I understand.”
“Now, let me clarify something else so you don't think it when I tell you something else”
“Ok”
“There are soft people who have the persona of softness too. They do it because they're afraid of being gruff, hateful, and not liked.
The reason I say that is because Monty is one of the true genuine soft people I know and I love that man for it...however, if someone else acted that way, it drives me nuts.”
She chuckled, “I know!”
“Up home, I've got one who does that and it really throws me over the edge because he has everyone thinking he's soft when he's one of the most cold calculating and evil bitches I know...unfortunately, it took some time before others around me saw it and what I mean is he was a lover of mine and I got him out of my life, but not before he sank those talons in and tried ripping me and my family apart.”
“Who's that?”
“His name is David. The man is now so hated by my Mom, she understands what I was telling her all along about the lies and detests him because he still makes those calls every now and then to quote, 'just check up on everyone'.
I'll tell you it's funny because I'll tell you a leopard doesn't change his spots.
What I mean is while we were together, I didn't think about doing a background investigation on him. I'll tell you the reason I didn't was because I thought I had bad shit in mine, so I should give everyone else the benefit of the doubt.
I will tell you afterwards, I did some real heavy investigation work and found in twenty years, that man had no trail except one thing.”
“What's that mean?”
“It means either the fucker was a confidential informant with a whole new identity, or he was military (which he wasn't), or he was just that cagey that he lived off people all those years.”
“Huh?”
“Here's what you'll find if you look under your name on the internet. You'll find everywhere you've got a car licensed. You'll find every utility address you've had. You'll find everywhere a credit card company sent a statement and you'll find everywhere you had a telephone.”
“Ok”
“It's all a trail. It's all hooked in to your social security number too, so you need to be careful, but what I'll tell you is through the FOIA or Freedom of Information Act, I could steal your identity if I wanted to.”
“I imagine.”
“But what would I do if I can't find anything on you?”
“You couldn't find anything on him?”
“Not a thing. I mean I went high and low looking. I looked for driver's license information shit and I looked for jobs, or anything, and nothing came up...except for the loan he had with me for the truck we bought together.
So, what I did was I got interested to see if the feds had put someone in on me and I started following leads he did drop on me like names of so-called friends and the one time he took me to a coffee clatch with some of those so-called friends in Quincy.”
“What'd you find out?”
“Here's what I found out. This manipulative motherfucker had it down to the point he got it off for years and years. What I mean is he learned how to have the state support him and be sick enough they put him in a home.”
“What?!”
“I'm sure they've got them around here, but let's say you're not retarded, but depressed. Let's say you get married and she's Jewish and you're Baptist, but you lie and tell her family you're from an old Jewish family back in Missouri so you can marry into a well-to-do New York family.”
“Why?”
“Ok, it's a well investigated path I followed, but here's what happened.
“First of all, he was born to people in their forties. They had three boys and raised them...and then, when Mom thinks she's went through the change, up pops David like a bad reminder she forgot to take the pill.”
She chuckled, “You're so fuckin' funny sometimes it's hilarious.'
“I try. Now, she has him and what happens is Dad has a farm he worked with the boys, but the boys were flower power and succeeded in growing a good cash crop, but they also sort of got the farm taken when the Sheriff busted in.
So Mom, Dad, and David were homeless out in the middle of nowhere and they ship him off to an aunt who was an old Vaudeville queen. I mean the history archives up there are full of her and I'll tell you there are stories about this woman still on a lot of insurance company files about how she did the drop and scream at many a store's aisles saying she fell on a slick floor.
What you don't know there is when they caught onto her, she used the one thing she had there and that's David. He starts doing it and the Sheriff there realizes what's up, so he sort of went over the edge of the law and fucked with David's head when he could've got by with less. He put the old coot in the loony bin and sent her young charge to a military academy.”
“Oh man”
“Yeah, drama queen in uniform...sounds like the shit horror movies are made of.”
She laughed, “Oh man!”
“Well, what happened there is David had no place to go, so he sort of got in with the boys who fuck boys there and got fucked. He was smart enough to know the ones who were there for delinquency and the ones there because their Daddy was a Senator from up Nawth. Guess who he latched onto?”
“Really?”
“Yeah, so what we've got here is this master of disguise going in and learning the names and all the society tweaks in the area and using those dropped names to get himself in further.
What you need to not forget is the drop and scream routine because it works well up there just as much as it did back home, only this time there's no Sheriff who knows it's a family trademark. And those who got scammed don't know the money they're paying out is financing the little dream he's got of going somewhere and finally being in the inner circle for real.
What I found out there is rich Nawthanuhs don't know when a snake tells you he's from a large farming family back in Missouri, they need to plant a foot and see it doesn't take root.
As I said, he had the game down. He'd go home with Joe and come back and Joe would dump him when he was dropping names like he belonged up at Joe's neck of the woods to Clyde. Clyde don't know the difference because he's as gullible as all the rest of us and allows him to sink in the hooks and take him home.
Anyways, it happened quite a bit. There are eleven different insurance fraud cases with him as a payee in six years...and yes, they do put payee's names on the list when they're underage.
It happened enough, he finally got to New York in amongst the Jewish girl's family and he'd perfected the chameleon personality, he could look and dress the parts he was playing.
I'll tell you he landed the Jewish girl and he fathered a child, so they had to get married. They were set to get married when the family took the ring in to get it reset. Low and behold, the precious family heirloom diamond shattered and that set about the demise of his little charade because not only did he knock up their darling, he had taken them all for a ride and had their name tied to another insurance fraud with a company who had lawyers.
The lawyers did some checking and they found out he liked to play act a lot, but they weren't near Broadway, so it all blew up in his face.
That is when he took the bow out his aunt did and worked it so he got put in a mental ward...but then again, maybe those he had schemed did him that favor.”
“I imagine.”
“What I do know is he spent twenty one years in there. I'll tell you he saved up some money and played the sympathies of a church in Quincy whose pastor took him in.
There, he worked and lived in the attic and helped restore the house. He started spinning the webs again and practiced on the coffee clatch while working it at the Y up there.
Somewhere along the way, he got a van and began sleeping in it. What I know is the license for it wasn't in his name, nor the insurance. That was in someone's name who died quite some time ago and whose social security number showed up on the death index.”
“What?”
“Honey, I don't know. I tried doing a search under the man's name to see if he lived for some time under the alias, but found nothing. I'll tell you I didn't look at all the dead's names up there and run checks because that's just too fuckin' beyond me.”
“That guy's a piece of work!”
“Honey, he lived at my house for seven months with absolutely no bills being paid by him. We did buy a truck together and he got a cell phone, so out of all those years, that's the only things on his name for bills.
What I do know is his parents are real whom he took me to see in a nursing home. I do know when I went back to see his mother, she gave me the full word on her boy and didn't mince them when she told me a lot of the lies she'd gotten told by him through the years.
I also know he prided himself on being able to pass an FBI clearance check.
What I'll tell you was shocking about that is what an FBI clearance check will tell you is the person's fingerprints don't register to any known felonies and their record is clear. It does NOT tell you they've been in any mental institutions.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, because what I'm going to tell you next is the equivalent of putting the fox in the hen house.
When he left me, it was to go to train for a cruise ship job. There, they house them on ship, pay them fourteen bucks an hour, work them for sixteen hours a day, and give them rank if they stay after the first tour of duty.
Where the fox part comes in, is think about it. He's got the crème of the crème there all in status and all primed if their maitre'd happened to drop names to see if they're related to the Brauns of the Hamptons. When they say No, but they do have some at the Cape, they've played right into his trap because suddenly, he's got Brauns from the Cape to use in his spiel and play some other poor blue haired sucker.
The thing there is a tour of duty on a ship means he's got three weekly groups before he gets off and gets to go to the library to do searches for those names.”
“Did he go back and play them?”
“Nope, he didn't need to. One of the other old schemes took shape. He had a boyfriend on board whose Daddy heads Boy Scouts of America and wanted to ship the son away...far away from what his work won't accept. Of course, bedmates talk and schemes developed and you know that went into action...he got paid. Unfortunately, the day he got paid was the day before I made my call to get information. I will say the man was pissed!”
“I bet!”
“Pissed enough to call the cruise line and get him fired. The problem there is he had enough hours and qualifications, other cruise lines jumped on it because he's American and not from the Philippines, and he's fluent in English which a lot of them aren't...so, he fits well with Holland America and he managed to find a sucker there who took him in as a lover in Denver where he's helping manage an apartment complex...once again, no bills and his phone is covered by the job.”
“My God!”
“Honey, let me tell you something. I've searched high and low and all around to the point if I were writing a biography on the fucker, I could do it. What I will say is I've learned a few tricks along the way and not even my investigators in Kansas City knew them.
One of them is you can flag a social security number and if there's any activity on it like a change of address, or credit card given, they sure let you know fast.”
“How'd you learn that?”
“The insurance industry does that for their fraud people. They want to know when someone moves so they know to alert their people in that area.”
“Oh ok!”
“What happened there was I was causing them heart attacks.”
“Why?”
“Think about it. I'm in Missouri and I do a search on the number and they're like, 'Man, the guy moved!' Then, I go home to South Carolina and flag it and they're putting him there. Then, I spoke with the Boy Scout dude and he flags it where he lives and by now, the insurance companies are thinking, 'What in the hell?!”, but they called and I told them exactly why I flagged it and they wholeheartedly understood. They also gave me some other tips.”
“What's that?”
“Only a few states will give you information on what you can find on a driver's license for someone. IF you do your search by sending off for information from that state, you get a dump of the records sent to you. It's helpful because you get pictures updated and a lot of things.”
“I didn't know that.”
“What I also learned from the insurance guy is if you ask the right questions in the right way, you get them sending information on what they've got on you.
What I mean is he had no account with them, so it's not confidential information if they send me something they found during investigations. In those records, I found out his health records and files...which got me that mental home information and I also found he'd lied when he said he'd been treated for non-Hodgkins lymphoma and for IBS Irritable Bowl Syndrome.
What I learned there was some people who are hypochondriacs and bulimic say they've got IBS so they're not viewed weird when they're puking someplace public.”
“Did he do that?”
“Yeah, and he also did some weird shit like eating brown sugar straight from the canister, eating bread dough raw, and eating massive amounts of mayonaise from the jar plain.”
“Ooh.”
“Hon, we went to the store because I knew I had Hellman's mayo in the house but suddenly had none. So, we went to the store and that night, I hear him up in the kitchen, so I go to find him with the refrigerator door wide open and nearly half the jar gone.”
“Gross.”
“I'd say he apparently loved the stuff...maybe he flavored it with brown sugar, I don't know, but what I am is thankful that dude is out of my life.
Hang on a second, I need to say one other thing.”
“Ok” She said smiling.
“He said he was with the special forces too. I find that funny because I weigh no more than a fly's fart and yet, I beat the hell out of him in bed one night. You'd think if he was in the special forces they'd taught him how to defend himself!”
“Yeah.”
“But, I know they don't have any special forces in military school except for how to not hear beds squeaking when someone's getting some.”
She chuckled, “Let's go back in.”
We went in and En said, “There you are!”
“Did you find some you liked?”
“Oh man! Did I!”
“Did you see about buying them?”
“She won't take any money.”
I asked, “Shelly, what will you take for them?”
“I won't sell to friends. They're free to you guys.”
“Ok, can I at least give you some money to replace the supplies used in them?”
She looked at Sherry and Sherry said, “You'll need supplies if you're going to sell them in a gallery.”
I asked, “How many did you get?”
“Seven.”
“Ok, how many are available to take to the gallery out there?”
He turned to Shelly and she said, “All those can be taken. They're not special.”
En nodded, “Ok, there's a lot of them.”
“We could take them on our plane. No one is riding with us. Would you allow us to do that Shelly?”
“Yeah”
“Have you figured a dollar amount you'd want to charge for them?”
She shrugged. I went over and sat on the edge of the sofa next to her.
“Shell, here's what I know. Your supplies are probably two hundred dollars, right?”
“No, maybe thirty.”
“For all the cutters, soldering irons, and everything?”
“Oh, well maybe five hundred dollars.”
“Ok, so throw that much into the price of each one. That way, there's plenty of money if you want to buy more. Now, how many hours do you figure you spend doing one?”
She looked at Sherry and Sherry said, “She goes down in the morning early and gets one done in time for supper.”
“Damn! That's fast!”
Shelly smiled, “It used to be slower, but now I know how to cut glass better.”
“Ok, let's figure a ten hour day. If you put five hundred on for materials, and five hundred and hour for working, that's fifty five hundred.”
She looked surprised and said, “That's too much!”
“No hon, it's supply and demand. You've got it and everyone else will want it. I'll tell you now if you put them up for sale at that price, you'll be sold out within a few hours. I'm thinking it'd probably be the same if you charged ten grand.”
“Why?”
“Because if I bought a car for ten grand today, in four years, it's going to be junk. With one of those pictures, people are going to be blown away years and years from now.
Look at the ones you all gave me and how long I've had them and yet, En walks in the door and he's instantly captured by them. That tells me it's timeless in appeal whereas other styles of painting go out of style and other kinds of mediums do too.
What I'm thinking is you need to figure twenty five hundred a year for the appreciation factor. If you have ten years for that, that's twenty five grand on that fifty five hundred, so thirty grand.”
She smiled, “You're crazy!”
“No honey, I buy art for hotels. I know quality and you make it. Other people know it and I'll tell you now there are going to be millionaires in our house in New York who are going to see those and instantly want one. I'll tell you if they'll pay fifty grand for a metal trash can lid, you're really underpricing yours.”
She smiled and leaned forward and hugged me. “You make me feel good.”
“You're welcome. Can we try them at thirty grand? If they don't sell, we'll take them to New York and I'll pull in a lot of wealthy people to a viewing and get them sold for that.”
“Do you think so?”
“Yeah, yeah I really do. Now, can I offer a suggestion?”
“Yeah.”
“I put LED lights behind mine. When I display them, I'd like to have permission to put them on lit easels in that manner so it looks like the light is shining through them.”
“En showed me pictures of yours. They're beautiful.”
“I love them. I'll tell you when I tell everyone my house is full of antiques, I don't even mention those as being modern.
En will tell you I don't mention them on purpose because it's like a treasure people stumble upon and suddenly, they're looking in the rooms for them.
He'll tell you 'Falling Leaves' is his favorite, but which one is my favorite En?”
“You've got two. 'The Roses' in the pink bedroom is awesome, but the frame in the stairwell is incredible.”
“I wasn't meaning that, but you're correct. It is awesome Which was the other one I sit and look at for hours and think about it?”
“That Little Boy Blue one. He's got it in the bathroom above the medical cabinets. With all the blue glass he's got on the shelves in there, it's pretty.”
“What kind of blue glass do you have in there?”
“I went on eBay and looked for blue glass. I found a hand blown blue glass vase which is amazing and I found a triangular ash tray which I use for potpourri oil, and there's blue marbles in a Mason jar, and my blue turtle which is hand blown.”
I opened up the pictures on the computer and said, “Here it is blown up and away from the picture so you see the entire wall.”
She leaned forward and Sherry leaned over to look.
“Oh, those medical cabinets! I was wondering what you meant.”
“They're antiques. I went to an auction selling out an old doctor's place. That table there is what he kept his shringes in and I remember crying every time he opened that drawer even to pull out a scope to look in my ears because I thought he was going to give me a shot. What you see is the clear glass cotton canisters and all that got put in the cabinet because I didn't want the feeling of the blue glass to be dissipated.”
I went through the pictures and showed them all the locations of he art glass and Sherry said, “Man, you've got a beautiful house.”
“I put a lot of work on it, but it's a house and not a home. When we build the new one, it'll be hard for me to call it a mansion when I'm feeling it's home.”
En chuckled, “We're calling it 'Down on the Farm'. Everyone will think it's a little place when it's big.”
I said, “Hon, are you ready to go home?”
“Yeah. I've enjoyed myself. It's been a great evening.”
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Welcome To Retta's Gay Romance Archinve!
Hi! If you made it this far, you're here!
I'd like to Thank You for coming. So, sit back, take a load off and rest yourself. You'll see a lot, read a lot, and enjoy yourself...I'm sure.
Here at Retta's Place, you'll get to see the latest stories I've written, see what's on my mind...because I'm very vocal... AND, you'll get to see what I'm doing on the web and in life.
If you joined us from RettaMichaels.com, Thank you for coming to us from there. It's something I've done which I'm happy to finally have gotten accomplished, so consider it a feather in my cap!
Hi! If you made it this far, you're here!
I'd like to Thank You for coming. So, sit back, take a load off and rest yourself. You'll see a lot, read a lot, and enjoy yourself...I'm sure.
Here at Retta's Place, you'll get to see the latest stories I've written, see what's on my mind...because I'm very vocal... AND, you'll get to see what I'm doing on the web and in life.
If you joined us from RettaMichaels.com, Thank you for coming to us from there. It's something I've done which I'm happy to finally have gotten accomplished, so consider it a feather in my cap!
